All I saw was a flash of blonde hair and then the girl was gone, continuing to groove her hips in time with the music with some guy. At least I got a few minutes to dance with her. She had not even bid me farewell. Someone with dark hair and eyes asked me to dance, and I pretended to not hear him as I forced myself through the throng of writhing bodies.
As soon as I was free I spotted a free table and rushed toward it. I sat down in a hard wooden seat facing the dance floor, everyone now a blur in darkness and moving colorful lights. There was a glass bottle in front of me full of a red liquid. It was tempting. Just reach out and pluck it off the table. Gulp it down so quick that no one would even know…
Just as my hand twitched forward someone placed themselves into the seat next to mine. My hand collapsed into my lap, my mind and heart screaming in protest. I only wanted to muddle my mind a bit with the alcohol. Whoever had interrupted me, showed up at the wrong time.
It was only when the person in the chair scooted closer did I realize that I knew who occupied it. That was because it was only then that I broke eye contact with the red liquid. When I did, the steady gaze of a light-haired boy met mine.
At the sight of a familiar face I smiled. "Jake!" I leaned closer to him and gave him a hug and felt his hands on my back, holding me to him for longer than I intended. After pulling back, or faces were closer than was comfortable. I placed mysefflf back into my chair.
"What brings you here?" I asked, now a safe distance away. He however, seemed unable to hear me over the sound of the club. He cocked his head and motioned to his ear, scooting his chair and himself closer. He turned his head, obviously wanting me to speak louder and closer to where he could understand. So I repeated my question, once again in close proximity with him.
He turned to face me and smiled, our lips inches from each other while he yelled loud enough for me to barely hear him. "Couldn't miss Hannah's eighteenth birthday party."
I nodded and leaned back into my chair as he stood up, putting his crotch in my face. Then his hand was there, the intention obvious. But I shook my head and looked up at his face, his eyes gazing at mine with amusement. Maybe he would just turn and leave, so I would be able to test my theory with the mysterious red drink.
No such luck though, as he was still standing with his palm still up. No way to tell him 'no' (because he obviously was not getting the shake of head) I knew I had to give in. One song, then it was back to the alcohol.
So my hand was grasped into his as he led me to the mass of bodies. When I looked down, it seemed as if my hand had disappeared all the way inside of his. His hand was so large compared to mine.
Being focused on the hands, I did not notice when he stopped and I ran into his chest. But he just laughed and began moving with the beat. He held me to his chest as we moved together, and I somehow maneuvered out of his grip.
Casting a glance around though, I wished that I had stayed in the actor's arms. There she was in her floral mini-dress that I had helped her pick out earlier this week. Legs so tanned and lean, hands and toenails professionally put together. Her cute heart-shaped face covered in dark colors with it smearing as she sweats out on the dance floor. The beautiful curly locks she usually wore traded in for a blonde wig.
She was with a boy with large eyes now, grinding against him with her dress hiked up even farther by her arms. A beat in the song and she had bent down, coming back up with her butt rubbing hard against him.
At the sight I felt nauseous. I twisted around and bounded through the few people who had gathered to dance around Jake and me. The bathroom loomed near and then I was bursting through the door, a few girls checking themselves in a mirror turning only long enough to look started before I reached a stall. My head was in the bowl in an instant, the little dinner I had managed to consume being laid out before me in a swirling mess.
The maroon wig that I had been wearing slid off my head, down my back, and onto the floor as I heaved one last time and yanked it off. The image of my best friend rubbing against some guy's groin still fresh in my mind as I did so. The pungent odor not helping, I reached up with a trembling hand to flush the toilet.
Then I sat back onto my knees, the cold linoleum felt through my stockings soothing my rapid heart rate. I wished that I was at home where I could place my cheek against it. But now I had no idea how clean these floors were.
Instead I leaned my back against the stall door and waited until I knew there was nothing else coming up. Only then did I pick up my wig and stand up, brushing off my knee-length red and black swing dress. The girls who had been admiring their reflections earlier were gone, replaced by a sweet-looking girl in a white cotton dress. She was reapplying red lipstick when her eyes met mine in the mirror. I was almost to the door when she spoke.
"Here," she searched her handbag and handed me something; a stick of gum. Then she gave me a small smile and left the bathroom before me, holding open the door for me to grab onto. I followed her out, popping the gum into my mouth and tossing the wrapper on the ground.
I had every intention to leave right away. Borrow someone's phone and call a cab if I had to. But then I saw a sliding glass door. One that led to a balcony that overlooked the ocean. I had gone onto it with Miley when we were scoping out places to host her birthday party.
My direction changed and I found myself soon pushing open those doors and walking onto the wood. Though it was far too smooth to be real, unless some sort of polish was put on it. There were several other people outside as well. All of them in groups or there as couples.
A deep gulp of fresh air cleared my head. I slipped my shoes off as my toes begged for release. The cool wood under my blistered and burning feet was enough to make me sigh. But the pain in my chest stopped it from happening. Now with clean air filling my lungs I felt on the verge of tears. Instead, I picked up the heels and walked across the doors to the railing. Then I placed my wig and shoes onto the deck, laying my now free arms on top of it, looking out at the ocean.
The moon was nowhere near full, but it was still bright enough to reflect on the water. The club was perched on a hill, the downward slope led to a small cove with a sandy beach. As the sound of waves lapping against each other filled my ears, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Tears prickling behind my eyes were an all too familiar sensation.
I was going to let them run their course when I felt a hand on my shoulder. When I opened my eyes to see who had joined me, a tear fell from my eyes and I wiped it away with the back of my hand. Jake propped himself on the railing alongside me, looking at the sea long enough to prompt me to stare at it again. The silence was comfortable.
"How long have you known?" I turned my head to peek at him, but he was facing the ocean still. The only indication he gave that he had spoken being the small squint.
Taking a deep breath, my eyes went to the moon's reflection on the water. "You are unusually perceptive," I was surprised that I had gotten anything out without sobbing. But something about my friend's presence calmed me. Along with the view and muted music from inside.
He was still waiting for an answer, though, so I finally answered him. "I suppose I've always known."
"Is it just her? Or are you-"
"Jake Ryan you watch too much television. It's never like that," I gave a weak smile to the ocean. "At least not in real life."
"I'm in too much television," he corrected, then continued in a softer voice. "How do you know?"
"That I'm gay, or in love with Miley?"
"Both, I suppose," I was glad that he had not faltered. He seemed to be taking this all quite well.
In response I shrugged, unsure now that I could trust my voice. "How do you ever know when you're in love? You just know. As for liking girls…" I hesitated, never having told this to anyone. Yet it seemed like the perfect time. While staring in the distance I could pretend I was alone, telling all of this to myself. "I realized that guys did not turn me on," how I found that out was not something I was going to share. It was my mother's magazine full of naked guys verses my dad's with naked girls. "But girls did. They do."
Jake had stayed quiet, but spoke up about a minute after I had finished talking. "It must be hard. Breaking up with Oliver and then…" I looked over at him, and now he was watching me.
"Him falling for Miley," I finished his thought for him. It had been unexpected for everyone. They were the most surprised, but I was the only one who was hurt. Those two had been together over a year now, much longer than him and I could have ever lasted. But that was because I was with him when I realized that I was gay. It was also the cause for the split between us.
A breeze brushed some of my blonde hair into my face and I reached up to tuck it behind my ear. Jake beat me to it, however, and then he was smiling. It was the one that won the award for Most Heart melting Smile at an award she I had attended the previous year. It also would have worked on me if I was back in eighth grade, when I thought that I had fallen for him.
He was leaning forward suddenly, and I was about to move away when he pressed a kiss to my cheek. I chuckled despite myself. He did too and pulled back, finding his previous position on the railing. The silver of the moonlight poured over him, accentuating his features and making him appear to glow.
"While she is Hannah, though, she is single," it was one of the reasons I thought their relationship worked so well. They could practically cheat on each other anytime she was Hannah and he is Mike. It kept everything interesting, jealousy making things fresh and fun.
A sob broke through my chest and wet, hot tears began trailing down my face. My hand went to cover my mouth and part of my cheeks as I leaned over the railing, hoping it would somehow hide my distress. But then I was being pulled into strong, warm arms. I clutched at the chest before me with weak fingers while I sobbed into Jake's shoulder. It seemed to last forever, my sobs ebbing into something quieter, than stopping all together.
Tears continued to roll, even though it felt as if I had leaked a lake. When I pulled back the arms left me and I saw that I had bunched Jake's nice black suit and red tie. I also saw that he was looking at me with such pity that it was hard to not break down again.
"You don't know how hard it is loving someone who you know can never love you back," I confided in him before bending over to pick up my dropped shoes and wig. I slipped on the shoes and tucked the wig under my arm. I was sure that I could get a ride from Miley's limo driver. He would be able to drop me off and then be back to get 'Hannah' with plenty of time to spare.
I did not care who saw me as I slipped past people, no one noticing the girl who was Lilly in Lola's clothes and carrying her wig. There were all too busy engaged in each other.
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Epilogue
As soon as I saw my friend walk through the glass door, I rushed to his side.
"Did you tell her?"
Jake hesitated. "Uh, yeah."
"And?"
"She wasn't interested. Likes someone else."
I shook my head and patted Jake's back as he walked past me. "No worries. There are plenty of other girls out there Jake."
"Thanks Oliver," I watched him until he disappeared behind the crowd, knowing he was going toward the doors. Now I knew it was a mistake to invite him here.
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Thank you oh-so much for reading. [x
A hugelysuperduper thanks to the terrific DarkElements10, who was the most speedy Beta ever.
Reviews keep the rabid koala bears away at night, so please do it; for your own safety. :O
This is dedicated to Theresa (snickers3339) because she challenged herself with writing an angsty Liley.
(I was hoping the title would reflect easily on the story; "Tangled" for the relationships and "Rainbow" because it is the international symbol for gay.)