Data: ...sixteen minutes and thirty-eight seconds.
Corrine: Shut up, Data. I didn't really need a count down for how long it'll take me to finish this chapter. *resumes typing furiously, with cigarette burning in her lips*
Drizzt: *sips sarsaparilla bottle* You should really stop smoking. It's not even remotely healthy.
Corrine: *stops typing long enough to chuck a random soda can at him, missing horribly* And maybe you should take up something unhealthy. Like drinking actual beer. At least you're mildly amusing when you're drunk.
Data: It might be wise to find a better way to entertain yourself besides drinking, smoking and typing at your laptop. At the rate you are deterioating your internal system, you will expire in fifty years, two months- *stops as a full can of Mug root beer clangs into his head. Blinks a couple of times* thirteen days, five hours and-
Corrine: Data! I am on the verge of burning you!
Entreri: *smugly* Not that it'll do anything. Can't really disintegrate the bastard either.
Corrine: *turns her glare on him* You only know that cause you tried...thrice times.
Entreri: *leans back in chair and smirks* I'll figure out how to kill him sooner or later.
Drizzt: Like how you figured out how to kill me?
Entreri: *tries to melt him with his stare*
Drizzt: Cause we all know how well that went. *oblivious to the fact that he is moments away from death*
Entreri: *quietly grabs dagger from belt as the elf rambled on like a drunken yodeler*
Drizzt: Not that anyone can say you didn't try. I mean, *gets all dramatic* thousands of orcs, legions of the undead and wizards of renown could not dispose of me. There is no shame in defeat, Arty.
Corrine: *rolls eyes and takes a drag on cigarette*
Entreri: *leaps at Drizzt, sitting on the couch, knocking both the drow and the seat over* DIE, YOU DAMN SELF-RIGHTEOUS BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!
Drizzt: *recovers enough to bite Entreri on the neck* EEEEEEE!!!
Entreri: OW! YOU HOMOSEXUAL FAERIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *punches in stomach*
Corrine: *pulls up legs as they roll by, biting, kicking and ending up in questionable positions* Ooh, kinky!
Data: *circles curiously to sit on the arm of Corrine's big squishy chair* Is this really necessary to resolve a conflict?
Corrine: No. *shoves computer out of her lap and snags the android about the waist* But its hot and entertaining. *looks him up and down* Speaking of hot. *yanks him down into her lap* You have a really soft ass for a machine.
Data: *considers info and cocks head to the side. Suddenly yelps and tries desperately to escape* Rape! Rape! I need an adult! *blows whistle loudly for help*
Corrine: *shoves him off her lap to the floor, causing him to swallow whistle* Ah, shut up. You're no fun. Entreri didn't complain when I-
Entreri: *staggers away from a now unconscious Drizzt* Hey! Silence, woman!
Corrine: Never, male! You enjoyed it!
Entreri: *horrified look*
Corrine: *gets mad* Don't make me get Jaraxle!
Data: *unnoticed by everyone as he attempts to gag up whistle, making only a squeak instead*
Entreri: You hate him as much as I do though.
Corrine: *grins evilly* Yeah, but it's not a whole love-hate kind of thing as it is with you. Deny it, I dare you! DENY IT!
*silence*
Corrine: Good. Now be a nice bitch and get my lighter.
Entreri: *sulks off to find it*
Data: *finally coughs up the whistle* I sense that I have been forgotten.
Corrine: Aw, never, sweetie. You want me to give you my full attention, Data?
Data: No! No, no, no, no, that's quite alright. I feel the love now. *really friggin scared*
Corrine: You sure you're emotion chip is functioning fully? *gets up to lean over Data* Let me check it.
Data: Nuuuuu! *scrambles to get away. Finally manages to get up only to trip on the semi-conscious Drizzt* Damn.
Drizzt: Mmph. I wanna ride the pony! *passes out again*
Corrine: He sooo has brain damage.
Entreri: *enters in time to hear him* Heh, knew he was a fag.
Corrine: *gasp* Arty! Don't use that word! He is not a single cigarette. He's not even the right color for one.
Entreri: Data is.
Corrine: Data isn't even human.
Data: *gets up and brushes self off* I am working on that dilemma.
Corrine: *waves hand at them in disregard* Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be quiet now. I need to get back to work. *goes back to chair and plops down. Picks up laptop before promptly chucking it* VITH!
Entreri: I don't think that constitutes as working.
Corrine: *grumbles under her breath as she folds arms*
Data: What?
Corrine: *casts vile looks at them* I said I don't wanna balance the bills.
Entreri: So don't.
Corrine: You know what happens if I don't? All of you, you useless male slaves, end up without a place to live. You want to be vagabonds again? Huh? Huh? HUH?! No? Then shut up or get a job.
Entreri: Geez, who shit on your parade?
*doorbell rings, saving Entreri from castration. Gleefully, Corrine dances to the door*
Corrine: V! *squeals and leaps into the terrorists grasp* Oh....and Jaraxle.
Jaraxle: *bows with a big sweep of the hat* Don't sound so excited, my dear. I don't think my little black heart could handle it.
Corrine: Really? *begins plotting while playing with V's wig* Hmmm, well in any case, how is life, my vindictive villain?
V: *used to this scenario to the point its sad and ridiculous* Pleasant, my vivacious vixen.
Corrine: *squeals in happiness again* I love when you talk like that.
Entreri: *clears throat* Should we leave you two alone for a moment?
Corrine: No, you can stay. It'll cost you about a grand each but I don't mind.
V: *blushes madly behind mask*
Corrine: *twiddles fingers in his wig thoughtfully* Might take longer than a moment though.
Data: May we change the subject? This is highly uncomfortable.
Drizzt: *randomly kicks in his sleep and moans* Must...find....batteries!
Corrine: Dreaming of vibrators again. Sad, really. *shakes head* You feel any more comfortable now, Data?
Data: *considers* No, not really.
Corrine: Fine. *gets off V* Hmmm....mangoes.
Entreri: Mangoes?
Corrine: Mangoes...
V: Mangoes?
Corrine: Yes, mangoes. *getting agitated*
Data: Man-
Corrine: Yes, Data, MANGOES!!! *hyperventilates* Theyregoodandyummywithsweeteatablenessandwheee.... *stares wide eyed at the mass of males*
Entreri: Okay...
Data: I believe we have mulfunctioned her circuitry.
Corrine: *drools*
Entreri: *claps hands eagerly* Well, now that she is out of commission, lets watch some porn.
Corrine: *snaps out of mango-induced daze* Porn? I wanna watch porn!!
V: Is sex really all that's on your mind?
Corrine: *insulted* No. There's more than that.
Data: Such as?
Entreri: Sex, sex, mangoes, sex, sex, Lovecraft...it goes on.
Corrine: *gravely* I would totally do H.P. Lovecraft in a heart beat. He's beautifully morbid.
Data: *confused* 'Do'?
V: Never mind that, Data. But really, what about art? Music? Poetry?
Corrine: *devilish grin* I've discovered that all those can be accomplished while having sex.
Entreri: *curious* How?
Corrine: *grins maniacally*
Data: You might want to change the subject or else your readers will get bored and stop reading.
Corrine: Tis true. What happened to Jaraxle?
Entreri: Probably molesting Drizzt.
V: What makes you come to that verdict?
Entreri: He had a thing for his dad.
Corrine: *snidely* Like you have a thing for him?
Entreri: *eye twitch*
*scream echoes from the other side of the couch. Half naked Drizzt flies down the hall*
Drizzt: Gods help my innocence!!
*Jaraxle emerges, rubbing his bald head in confusion*
Jaraxle: *musingly* I was not aware that he was a virgin.
Corrine: *snickers* I was.
Entreri: *glowers in barely contained jealousy* Feel better, Jaraxle?
Jaraxle: *considers and shrugs* Little blue-balled.
V: I heard Arty is great at fixing that.
Entreri: *growls* Don't call me that.
Corrine: *tauntingly* Aaaaaaarrrrrttttyyyy....
Entreri: *eye twitches again. Slaps at it* I'm going to go psycho again if you don't quit it.
V: More so than you already are?
Entreri: *bristling* At least I'm not blowing up shit and killing with no reserve.
Corrine: Oh, I'm sure if you knew how, you'd blow up things too. And killing without reserve. Psh, you kill for money. It's no better.
Jaraxle: *consolingly* Friends, lets not bicker. Surely there are better things in life than fighting among our peers.
*silence*
Corrine: I could so kill you right now.
V: Dito.
Entreri: Bring it on, Fawksey! *puts up fists*
Data: *suddenly* Lets find Drizzt.
*all stare*
Data: What?
Corrine: We should go see what happened to the pansy. I don't want him finding my pornos. They'll burn the pretty purple eyeses out of his pretty innocent little head.
V: Again with the porn. *sighs in exasperation*
Corrine: *slight glare* If you weren't so sexy, I'd kick you.
*all progress down the hall, the males keeping Corrine ahead for their own safety*
Corrine: *evilly* Driiiiiiizzzztttt! Where are yoooou?
V: Now he'll never come out.
Entreri: We should gag her.
Data: She might enjoy it.
Corrine: *grumpily* Snide bastards.
*a small yelp and a loud bone-crunching, spleen-splitting wet thud echoes from Corrine's bedroom*
V: Well, this is no bueno. *peers out bedroom window at the ground where several thongs were knotted together into a rope*
Corrine: He esc-ap-ed! On my underwear, no less.
Entreri: *amused smirk* Wonder what possessed him to use thongs instead of sheets.
Data: *not trying to be dramatic but is so anyway* That is a mystery we shall never know.
Corrine: Despite your innocent sexiness, you are terribly melodramatic. Now I know why the Borg Queen raped and tried to corrupt you. *gets naughty ideas*
Data: *covers privates and shifts out of her range*
V: Ahem, not that you have succeeded in scarring Data for life...again, should we find Drizzt?
Corrine: Whaaaaa....? *still lost in rape dreams*
Jaraxle: *snaps fingers in front of her face* Wakey, WAKEY!!
Corrine: *yelps and smacks him cross the head* Touch-me-not-you-freak!!
Entreri: *snickers*
Jaraxle: *looks wounded*
Corrine: Hehe...ha.
V: Drizzt?
Data: Yes, Drizzt?
Corrine: Fine. Data, lean out the window and see if you can find tracks.
*others eye her warily as he does so. Corrine dashes up and shoves him out of the two story building*
Corrine: *maniacally* MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
V: What on earth did you do that for? *looks down out window at Data who stared up from where he landed on his back*
Corrine: *rolls eyes* Pshaw, like the fall could kill him, let alone hurt him.
Data: *calls from the floor* Corrine, I have detected heat traces indicating his direction.
Corrine: *leans out window* Good boy. Now I know why I made you one of my bitches. *turns to others* See? He isn't mad.
Entreri: *snorts* He doesn't have the ability to get mad.
Jaraxle: Hush, hush, babe. No need to be technical. *starts going back to front room*
Entreri: *fuming silently*
Corrine: I would mock you about the whole 'babe' comment but you look murderous.
Entreri: *glares murderously*
V: Ahem...onward then to find our slightly homosexual friend so he can be among his light-loafer kind. *bolts from the room, barely avoiding a dagger in the head*
*****INTERMISSION*****