I've been inspired by tumblr boards and wonderful fanfiction out there, and the nickname is blatantly stolen/a nod to both FloraOne and UglyGreenJacket, not because I've actually said much to them, but because I love their works and all of a sudden I have AN IDEA.
3/27/2018 - Over the next few days I'm uploading edited versions. When this is done I will upload the final chapter.
Sailor Moon is not mine- this is fan fiction.
Many thanks to The Rising Phoenix for her contributions, beta-ing and general friendship.
SUMMARY
When Usagi and Mamoru find their past counterparts residing in their heads, how will they reconcile their relationship when it is in two very different places?
INTRO
The first time Usagi knew something was different was because she found herself face to face with a Tokyo Police Officer who was adamantly asking if she was okay.
It took her a second to get her bearings: her chest tight, tears still falling as she looked at the bewildered uniformed officer with kind eyes. She noticed she was wearing a tight fitting dress that was way too formal and she wasn't quite sure how she'd ended up sobbing on this park bench in the middle of the night. A quick mental check of her body declared her uninjured, but disoriented.
She wiped her tears away with her hands and took deep breaths to control her sobbing and quell the feeling something was terribly admiss.
"I'm okay." She choked out. "Just a bad breakup." That part was a lie, but she couldn't think of anything else to explain why she was loudly sobbing in the deserted park.
How did she end up in the park?
The man gently placed a hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture before speaking, "miss, I'm sorry to interrupt, but the park is closed. Do you need an escort out?"
Usagi shook her head, blonde ribbons of hair flowing behind her. She gave a gentle smile, "I'll manage on my own. I must have lost track of the time." Lost track was really an understatement as she wasn't sure when, why or how she gotten here, or even what park she was at.
She stood up, looking around scanning for landmarks in-between the trees. "Could you show me the entrance?"
The police officer pointed and she was on her way.
Once she reached the entrance she caught her reflection in the closed gift shop window, puffy red eyes staring back at her in contrast to the delicate ivory and gold ball gown with intricate lacing. It fit her perfectly, hugging at her hips, falling right to the edges of her golden flats. She rubbed her hands down the patterned lace, feeling it as if it would tell her where in the hell it came from.
She tried to detransform, maybe it was the disguise pen. The dress shimmered away into bunny pajamas.
When had she used it? Why has she used it?
She glanced towards the horizon, between the buildings of Tokyo, and she could see the dim orange glow of the sun peaking through. Regardless of what had transpired, she needed to get home quick before her mom tried to wake her for the day. Slipping into the nearest alley, she transformed into Sailor Moon to make the journey faster.
She made a note to ask her guardians what was happening at school today, but when she did no one had any answers.
The second time it happened, she was sure she was going insane, and not because she was standing in ruins on the goddamn moon.
She wasn't sure how she got there or why she was there. She first thing she did was clutch at her chest, hand landing on her brooch. She gave it a long squeeze, comforted by its presence. Then she scanned the area for monsters or other unsavory enemies. The ruins looked undisturbed of monsters or other intruders, just dust, and rubble. Then it registered she was alone.
She looked down at herself, watching her white dress float around her. She was dressed in something reminiscent of her time as Princess Serenity, layers of thin lace accented with golden embroidery. She took in the details of the rubble, fallen pillars, stone marble slabs strewn about, something like a streetlamp laying near her feet. In the corner of her eye, she saw white roses carefully placed on a fallen pillar.
She walked closer, carefully stepping over loose debris, unconsciously lifting the edge of the dress she was wearing
She took a sharp breath, this is where her past mother had died.
Someone had set up a small memorial. Dried flowers, a golden crescent moon marker and a neat folded letter.
She picked up the letter carefully unfolding it for clues.
'That is not for you,' a voice in her head said too her, not a thought, but specifically a steady, direct command.
"What?" Usagi asked aloud. She continued to unfold the letter, marvelling at the beautiful handwriting she immediately recognized as her past self, the handwriting painstakingly educated into her over years and years time.
'I said it is not for you.'
"I clearly wrote this," She stated into the stale motionless air. She was going crazy talking to herself.
'No, I wrote it.'
"That's Princess Serenity's handwriting, and I AM Princess Serenity, albeit a long time later."
She heard a mental sigh, 'Yes, and no.'
And that's when she realized her past self had somehow taken residence inside her head.
CHAPTER ONE
Usagi stood in front of her mirror, getting ready for her Sunday: a meeting at the Hikawa shrine to discuss her current mental predicament. School was off, homework was done and the world had been peaceful. But, in the back of her mind was a critical eye.
It had been startling the first time she'd looked in the mirror and felt distinctly that the person reflected wasn't quite her. It wasn't until the pieces started to come together, she understood that these thoughts were Serenity's. While Serenity and her looked very similar, actually the differences were rather minute, the princess part of her mind saw all of them and distinctly was dissatisfied with every single one.
Usagi was a bit shorter, with slightly darker skin. Her face was more expressive, and her eyes just a smidge too blue with less of the silvery tones. Princess Serenity would poke at her inhabited body, who hadn't quite finished filling out through puberty; her face a tad to round, her chest a tad to Serenity also had opinions that Usagi just simply did not hold her body in the same way. Usagi felt all of these thoughts and the clear implication she was a child.
Then there was the issue of clothes.
Serenity just didn't feel comfortable in anything other than a full length skirt or dress, preferably with some sort of lace. Usagi, on the other hand, felt floofy and modest in full length attire, and why wouldn't she want to run around in something comfortable and stylish especially in spring. Besides, the looks Mamoru gave her when she thought she wasn't looking were fantastic and made her heart race.
Usagi couldn't afford, must less explain a sudden affinity to ballroom dresses, so she'd settled on the disguise pen as the default choice for Serenity's clothing if it was an absolute must. (If they negotiated out something to wear at all. Serenity was really good at vocalizing displeasure and then doing absolutely nothing about it, which Usagi truthfully didn't mind).
After some consideration a pastel knee length blue skirt and white long sleeve silk white blouse were chosen as a compromise. Serenity insisted on adding a long gold necklace against the plain blouse. Usagi complied.
Usagi & Serenity were both fearful of the upcoming senshi meeting, albeit for different reasons. Usagi fear that herself would be usurped by Serenity, Luna and the Senshi pushing her into a role she wasn't ready for and didn't need. Serenity on the other hand felt like she was an alien in a world where nothing was quite right. Even the familiar reincarnated faces, they were just artistic impressions- not the friends and family she had known. They just weren't, just like Usagi was not her. Navigating the expectation of people who were her court, but clearly were no longer her court was heartbreaking and confusing. Add onto it overnight (when she had come into being she surmised) to go from one of the most well known people in the solar system to literally a world where the population didn't know her kingdom had ever existed. Compounded by not cooperating with her own/almost self, her body not her own.
Usagi discovered pretty quickly that Serenity had opinions about everything in her new unfamiliar world and it gave Usagi a hesitancy when moving about. She tried to obstinately ignore it while running the streets of Tokyo (late again!) which suddenly felt too crowded, without enough nature about. The buildings so tall (when had she ever thought that buildings were tall?) There was a new fascination with the skyline. A separate parallel thought process to her own that she could feel, that felt sort of like her own but absolutely distinct.
She was going to have headaches for the rest of her life.
Soon the temple came into view, and she rushed up the tan stone steps where everyone was waiting. Surprisingly even Setsuna had shown, engaged in a serious discussion with a preteen Hotaru.
Usagi caught Mamoru's sharp blue eyes, his body relaxed against an open door frame. He was classically handsome, tailored business casual clothes accenting his slender yet strong frame, looking slightly disinterested in the girls but Usagi knew he was paying attention. Mamoru, generally stoic, gave subtle smiles around Usagi reserved just for her and meant the world when she came near. She'd decided a long time ago that her antics and rushing to him to see that subtle joy was so worth it, so she launched herself at him into a huge hug just to witness his expressions. She was still clinging to his figure, all her weight being held up by his arms, when Rei interrupted by chiding her about being on time. Usagi twirled around, starting a animated argument with the raven priestess, anxieties forgotten. She was distracted from their routine beratement when Serenity told Usagi through internal commentary that Royalty was always on time as nothing could start without them. She proclaimed this aloud, which caused Rei to give a huge eye roll, with Makoto coming to placate Rei's fiery temper, so the meeting could actually get started.
Usagi watched as everyone settled into their routine spots on the top of the temple steps overlooking the carefully curated garden below. The sun was out and bright, each in comfortable spring clothes for a nice peaceful day . Haruka and Michiru sat affectionately close, the inner senshi in their own half circle. Mamoru remained standing against the wall.
"Well, you called the meeting so what's up?" Minako started bringing focus to the group . Everyone stopped their idle chit chat and turned towards her two cats included. Serenity silently observed from inside her head, for the first time of the day not offering her opinion.
Usagi sighed and went back to trying to figure out how to explain.
"It is difficult to explain… but Princess Serenity is inside my head."
"You have all your memories?" Luna asked first. Usagi looked down at the black cat who had settled into Minas lap right next to Artemis.
"Yes, and no. I don't. She does in my head."
"What do you mean she?"
"I don't know, she's just there. One day I woke up in a, different in place with no idea how I got there…"
"Like possession!" Michiru proclaimed and three outer senshi (Pluto hadn't moved) looked ready to transform.
"No, not like possession. I'm clearly here and clearly Usagi…or at least I feel that way..."
Mamoru interjected, "think of it as two personalities in the same body. Neither are dominate per say, though I can't say i've seen Princess Serenity running around as of late."
"That's because she hates Tokyo." Usagi answered simply.
Mamoru straightened a little bit and started speaking, "adjusting to Modern Day Tokyo can be difficult, I would know Ren."
Usagi felt herself almost yanked back an observer of her own actions as Serenity took over. Her own voice sounded unfamiliar, desperate, and almost pleading as she spoke, "please, tell me you are actually here like me."
Serenity moved too close to Mamoru peering into his dark blue eyes, looking for some sign of hope.
Mamoru paused, breaking the intimate searching gaze. He looked around the room, eight women attentively watching. "Let's talk somewhere more private?"
"Answer the question first or there is no need."
Mamoru let out a held breath, "yes, and to the gardens."
Mamoru led Usagi down the steps and under a tree, still in the sights of the Senshi bit far enough away they couldn't hear.
She held his warm hands, her thumbs tracing the inside of his palms, looking up at him. "Endymion… how long have you been here? Usagi had no idea as far as I can tell."
"Is Usagi listening?"
"Intently."
They were close enough to share breath, her heart beating wildly but she didn't move forward to kiss him. She needed to know.
"Probably clearly since Beryl's defeat, so I'm guessing a year and a half? I was around before then, but Mamoru and I weren't working together... so things are more sketchy. What about you?"
Serenity nodded, taking a step to lean against his chest. His arms wrapped around her as she spoke, "A few weeks at most, enough to know I hate it here. You have no idea how relieved I am to have you..." She turned her head up, looking up at his square chin and beautiful eyes. "Even if you're a little more… scrawny in this life." Serenity intimately ran a single finger down his chest, stopping just before his belly button, making a silly distasteful face that Endymion wanted dearly to laugh at.
Mamoru/Endymion took in a surprised breath at her forward touch, gently taking her hand in his own to stop the warmth invading his thoughts.
"Well, I hope the Princess can forgive me that this body didn't grow up wearing chainmail armor and carting broadswords. It does something special to the physique. Though, I should say, that you're also a little different."
She huffed, "I've noticed. "
Their faces had ended up inches apart, their voices dropping in volume the closer they were.
"I don't mind at all," he murmured closing the gap between the two of them.
The kiss was electrifying and desperate filling the space between times and reconnecting their souls. With the powerful feelings came the intense contrast of Serenity feelings of displacement, loss and grief . She found herself sobbing against his chest, her hands gripping his blazer.
Endymion simply enveloped her into a hug, and let her cry, "When I came to in this world the past didn't seem that long ago, is it the same for you?"
"It feels like just a few days ago in my head. Usagi is so certain it was so long ago… I just can't comprehend it. And the Senshi are all so different."
"They are also very similar even if you haven't seen it yet."
"Usagi is clearly not me."
Endymion shrugged, "not to me."
Serenity forced herself to regain some composure before adamantly stating, "I need to live with you."
"What?!" He stepped back shock clearly written across his face.
"I said, I need to live with you. I don't belong in Usagi's world." Mamoru could see the strong stance, the upright chin, the way she confidently made eye-contact that was like Usagi, but not.
He gave a firm nod, before gently countering, "Ren, Usagi is 15. She has a family."
"You're the only person I have left!"
"It isn't easy, but this isn't our lifetimes. Why we're here I have no idea, but they have to live their lives we can't just upend it."
Serenity paused. She could feel Usagi's… was that embarrassment?... feelings beneath the ocean of her own feelings. She still felt the warmth of Endymion's chest, the smell of pine and earth, the presence that made everything a little less bleak in this world. She needed that. Now. "I…"
"Okay, lovebirds!" A shout came from on top of the stairs, and each turned to see Minako's waving her hands to get their attention. "While it's great you are having a reunion, we'd like to know what is going on up here!"
Endymion sighed. Serenity asked, momentarily distracted, "is she always that energetic?"
"In her past life that energy just went into her determination to keep you out of too much trouble, while simultaneously egging you on."
"I miss them." Serenity took Endymion's hand and walked back up the steps. For the first time since her arrival she felt like there was a little piece of familiarity to cling too. Something familiar in this world, something that was hers.
Somewhere along the walk back up Usagi transitioned back to the forefront, in control . "Mamo-chan? Why didn't you tell me he was there… in your head?"
"I just didn't want to give you expectations that you weren't ready to have."
"I'm still not ready."
"Don't worry, I know you are still Usagi, and that is just as important as your past self."
"Do you really think so?"
"I really do."
For as many stairs as the temple had, the top came too soon for Usagi. She waved nervously as if greeting them for the first time today. "I really don't know what to say," she admitted, looking at Mamoru as if he could fill in some of the blanks for her.
That was when Serenity caught Setsuna's dark timeless eyes, as if seeing her for the first time. And Usagi felt unmoored, unabated rage.
Usagi swallowed, trying to focus on anything but the overwhelming urges in her head. But Serenity was not letting go, and suddenly Usagi found herself as an observer once again, her body moving uncharacteristically. It was almost as if watching a first person movie, hearing words after they were said, and then suddenly recognizing them as your own. But distinctly as a surprize as if there was no control at all, no planning, no forethought.
Serenity walked directly up to Setsuna, who looked like she was regretting not being transformed into Sailor Pluto in that moment. Serenity, blonde royalty in a tiny feminine frame, used steeled expression, squared shoulders and a confident stride to indicate she was in control and infuriated. Somehow Serenity's hands remained by her side, in tight balled fists. Usagi could feel her fingernails burrow into her skin.
"Why?!" Her voice thundered across the quiet temple grounds.
Setsuna, the stoic time guardian, took a surprised step back to increase distance, which Serenity quickly closed. Usagi wasn't sure if it was old habits, or her imposing figure, but Setsuna carefully replied "Why, what your highness?"
"Don't play coy with me. I want answers. You had to have known what was going to happen! Why?!"
Setsuna bowed her head, averting her gaze. "Who do you think started a whole forbidden love prophesy, Princess Serenity?"
Serenity froze. "Love doesn't destroy a kingdom. Secrets do. We needed to know! To stop it, to stop Metalia!"
"I scoured the timelines for alternatives. I spent so long looking for a way, any way!"
"You didn't look hard enough!"
"Time is of no consequence - I put as much effort as I could! This timeline is the best one I found."
"I don't believe you!"
Setsuna paused, before giving a brief but deep bow dropping her voice to a quiet serious tone. "Please, Serenity just take comfort in knowing whatever choices you made- they wouldn't have made a difference. The moon kingdom was going to fall. Be it Metalia, or another evil, it was going to fall. I could maybe get a few hundred years in one direction, but at the cost of the whole solar system, or the lineage, or the Silver Crystal. Long term it didn't matter. It was doomed. "
"Then why the prophecy in the first place?"
"Because I was naive enough to try!"
Serenity felt a strong hand on her shoulder. It could only be Mamoru's who she pivoted towards rage easily moving targets, "Don't…"
"Ren, stop. Leave Setsuna alone. It is a thousand years past. It doesn't feel that way to you today, but it is a thousand. years. ago."
"It is MY KINGDOM!"
The other senshi had been watching this exchange unfold not quite sure exactly if they should intervene or how. Setsuna wasn't the type to need defending, but none of them had actually seen anyone directly question her authority before.
Serenity paused enough to take a breath, eyes darting between Mamoru's and Setsuna's who was wise enough to stay still and not say a word. In the moment, Serenity read her silence as utter remorseless guilt. Endymion's attempt at emotional regulation was another type of betrayal in her mind, that he didn't understand her, and after all, they were standing on his planet. The only thing that had survived.
Her rage boiled into fierce helplessness, and she was overwhelmed. She knew her words were inadequate,too sudden and bound to cause more harm (her mother had taught that all words are to be chosen carefully).
"I need to go." Serenity said suddenly, she headed down the steps as quickly as she could without breaking into a sprint.
Usagi, watching this from inside herself, mentally clawed through feelings to not go too far away (not that Serenity had any idea where to go) an intimate personal observer trying to take back control. She directed her thoughts to communicate with her counterpart, 'please, just breathe!'
'Oh, like you're the bastion of self control!' Serenity bitterly replied.
'At this moment I'm way calmer than you are!'
'You should care about this! About all of it! You know what we lost!'
'And I do care, but whatever you are going through it isn't what is actually happening now.'
They found themselves in the nearest park, Serenity looking up through the trees towards a blue clear sky. Her eyes scanned for the moon, (though really she half expected the Earth) but neither were visible through the sunshine of the day. Her eyes began to blur with tears and she found herself sobbing against an old tree.
Usagi didn't know what to even think, just along for the ride. She reached out calming, peaceful thoughts but had no idea if Serenity could even perceive them among the waves of unadulterated sorrow.
It was a long time before Serenity was tired enough that Usagi could walk them home.