Author's Note: It's been a while since I've been into the Tiva fandom, but I'm back. I do hope you give me constructive critism, because I'm a little rusty. I don't really know why I left, but I do miss it a lot. :/ I hope I can please everyone like I use to. Enjoy. (:
Ziva held her head in her hands as she sat against a wall inside the NCIS building. She wasn't sad, she wasn't really that upset, but she was numb. She hardly felt anything inside of her body, except the overwhelming feeling to reach out and choke the living daylights out of someone. And I don't even know if I got that idiom right. Ziva hadn't spoken to anyone since she received the call. Abby had been sent by Gibbs since she hadn't even so much as looked up at him. Abby tried to console her, but she didn't need consoling. Ziva didn't need anyone but herself until this feeling went away. McGee had been there, but she brushed him off with a shake of her head. Tony didn't even bother going by her, afraid she'd do some ninja trick on his ass and he wouldn't live it down.
No, Ziva wanted to be left alone for a reason. Her father had just been shot and killed, and she didn't know how to react about it. Ziva's father had probably one time been a father to her, many years ago that she couldn't remember. Ari probably remembered it a little better than her, or did remember it better. Tali would have been too young. Even then, she was the smallest, maybe she was a little closer to daddy than everyone thought. So. Ziva really didn't know how she felt. She hated her father at points. Eli always put her in danger. He took her into suicide missions, he sent her from NCIS back to Israel again, he sent her to Somalia and didn't even go looking for her. Ziva knew who her real family was, and that's in DC. Just where she belonged in this world.
She honestly didn't know how she was going to get home. It was the first time in ages she wouldn't be able to drive herself. Her Mini-Cooper would be total wrecked by the time that she got to her apartment. Ziva didn't want to ask anyone, knowing that they would think she's weak and no longer superhuman. She knew she was a normal, average girl, but that's not how other's see her. Ziva hides herself behind a wall, just to see who cares enough about her to climb over to see if she was alright. Tony had climbed that wall many of times, but she'd always build another as he got over. She couldn't let him see how broken or hurt she was on the inside. That's what keep her from having a relationship with him in the first place. Tony knew how she really was, she could sense he knew. But she didn't want him to see that. Ziva wanted him to see that she was okay and everything in her life was perfect, except for her father. She pretended to be superwoman, she pretended to be something she isn't. Ziva pretends to be someone she's not, maybe to have an excuse not to have a real relationship with anyone.
Ziva slowly helped herself up from the wall, after sitting there an hour by herself. She felt as if a contagious disease had entered her body and finally left. Ziva felt what Tony had felt when he had the plague. There you go, talking about him again. You promised yourself you wouldn't do this. But she did, with each step she made toward her desk. It felt like a year to get there, when it had only taken a few seconds. She couldn't stand the looks she received from her coleagues as she passed through.
"What? Do I have something in my teeth? Or do you all have nothing else better to do?" Ziva didn't mean to sound bitter, but she didn't know how she was feeling inside. She couldn't help what came out of her mouth. It had been the first time she'd spoke in three hours, but that's okay. Nobody had really said anything to her about it, maybe behind her back, but never to her face. "I'm going home early, Gibbs. I'll be back early in the morning to finish my paperwork."
"Don't worry about it, Ziva. I'll finish it for you." McGee spoke up before the rest. "I'm done with mine anyway and I'm not suppose to leave for another fourty-five minutes."
Ziva rolled her eyes to herself. "That's fine, McGee. I'll be back. I can do it on my own."
"Still, I'm offering to do it. I'll finish it. Just be here at eight o'clock, like every other day."
She offered a fake smile to him, "thanks."
"Take it easy, Ziva." Gibbs said while he finished typing whatever he was pretending to do. Ziva knew he wasn't all for paperwork, just as Tony, but he done it anyway. "I don't need you here tomorrow, you can stay home. There isn't anything in the field, we won't be doing anything."
She nodded, "do you think someone else could take me home? I don't think I can drive right now."
Nobody had spoken up for her, so she took that as her cue to leave. Ziva took her slow time getting to the elevator, hoping that Tony would offer to take her on home. She didn't want to be with him or for him to take her home, but it would be better than nothing. She juggled her keys and her bag in her hands, her hands shaking along the way. Ziva knew there wasn't anyway she could drive in her position, so she'd have to call someone else or take one of the few NCIS transportation cars. But just as she figured, she heard the familiar voice that she knew all too well.
"Boss, I'm going to take her home." Tony replied as he hurriedly grabbed his things. "Yes, paperwork's finished." Even though it wasn't.
"Rule #12, DiNozzo. Remember that."
He didn't remark anything, just finished his jog toward Ziva, a little out of breath. "Sorry, I need to work out more often."
Ziva sniffed the air, "and maybe even a little deodorant, too." She took her smile to the side. "Think you might want to buy some more?"
"I'm good, thanks."
She stepped inside of the elevator, leaving Tony stunned outside of it. "Aren't you going to get in?"
As he stepped inside, though, he saw what was really wrong with her. Tony knew better than give condolences, she'd definitely give him a good ass-kicking. It wasn't really awkward silence, but it wasn't one that was comfortable either. He honestly couldn't wait to get off the elevator, not that he didn't want to be with Ziva, it's just these elevators held so much for the two of them. Once they were off, everything would be okay and he'd know exactly what to take about. Instead, she hit the elevator's emergency stop button, surprising the both of them.
"I just need a minute, alright?" She really was trying to reassure herself that she only needed a minute. "I know it was my father and he done me wrong all these years," and by now she was turned away from Tony. "I know he tried to kill me, I know he tried to take me away from the people I love most, but he was still my father. No matter what he done to me, he'll always be my father."
"It's okay, Zee." Tony hated Ziva's father himself, everyone knew it. It wasn't the right time to place that, but it was the right time to say how he felt. "My father was broke and didn't even bother to tell me," he chuckled out a fake laugh. "I'm glad I make my own money and don't have to pawn off my father. He always wanted me to be the better person, to take up for myself and do it all on my own, I see why. Father's always seem to dissappoint their children. I don't think they mean to, but they do. We look up to them like their so special, but their only human. Just like us. We're going to love them no matter what kind of hell they put us through."
She nodded, "yeah. I guess you are right."
"Damn straight, I'm right."
Ziva laughed at him, while a tear spilled over her eye. She played it off as if it were nothing, but it was something. She hit the button again, Tony's hand brushing her's as they both reached out. Ziva instantly jerked her hand away from the feeling that went through her. It felt like a bolt of electricity that had hit her. She slowly looked at Tony's confused face, but brushed it off as the elevator dinged and they were in the parking structure. Tony let her go first, but after she filed out, she made slow steps behind it. Ziva didn't want to be so close to this man, not anymore.
"I'm sorry, Tony. I'll get a ride with someone else. You can just go on home, I'll tell Gibbs you took me anyway." Ziva shook her head as she leaned against his car, "you shouldn't have to do this anyway."
"Why not, Zee-Vah? I volenteered to do this. Don't I have a say?"
"Actually you don't. I was the one who asked, you know. I can go home as I please, I can stand here all night as well." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. "I'll be fine on my own."
"You don't look like you're going to be fine." Tony knew those were definitely the wrong choice of words to make to Ziva, especially when he knew how hurt she was. "I didn't mean that, Ziva. I'm just trying to help a partner out, alright? All I ask is for you to let me take you home. You really do need the rest. I'll even bring you back to get your car when your ready."
"No, I can get home myself. I've done it before, I'll do it now." Ziva couldn't be in the same car as him. As much as she didn't want to admit it to anyone, not even to herself, she actually had feelings for Tony. Not just as partners anymore, but the real thing. "There's no need for me to look weak in your eyes."
Tony rolled his eyes and made a 'pfft' sound. "Yeah, like you could ever look weak in my eyes, Ziva. You hold a power that is greater than most, you build walls, you break them down, you do it all over again. You're father done this to you. I don't feel sorry for you, I don't pity you. I know you don't want any of that to begin with. I give you sympathy because I've been there, not as bad as you, but I have. I want to be there for you, I want you to break down one of your many walls, just to let me see the real Ziva. There's nothing wrong with that. You've spilled your heart before, you can do it again."
"Not with you, Tony. You're my best friend, my partner. I can't let you see what a total mess I am, what I can be. If I break down these walls, there will be nothing left to hide myself for others. I can't do that just for you. No, I refuse." But she knew in her heart, she'd break them down for Tony. "I know it may sound rude and just like the old Ziva, but that's exactly who I am. This is who my father made me, alright? I don't know how to change something I've been for so long. Please, don't make me do this."
"I'm not making you do anything, I'm giving you the cold hard facts, Ziva. You need to put everything I said into your head, because that's who you really are. Who you are playing off now, I know that's not you. I've known you too long to know that. Get in the car, I'm taking you home."
Tony opened the door for her, not another word spoken. He waited for her to step in, but he saw the tears in her eyes. Tony honestly didn't mean to hurt her, he only wanted to tell her how he felt about her, but it didn't all come out of him. He knew one day, he'd have to. It would come time that if he didn't, he'd no longer have the team or anyone.
He slammed his door shut on his side as he got in. Tony saw Ziva jump, so he calmed himself down. He wasn't mad at her, anything but. He was mad at how her father had created this person inside of her that wasn't really her. Tony knew the real person she was, the person he had cared for and loved, he needed to get back inside to that person. Ziva seemed too far gone now to even think about something like that. Tony started to car and piled out of NCIS, heading toward her apartment. Of course he wouldn't let her stay alone, but it would be a hard time convincing her of letting him stay. Especially after his words had hurt her so much, or scared her.
Author's Note: I'm not trying to make anyone a monster here, I'm just letting Tony get through to Ziva. And as bad as I hate Eli, I'm not making him a monster, either. I'm only playing around with the characters for now. Since this never happened, OOC might be involved quite often, but we have seen Ziva break. So, don't be too hard on me. I will be continuing soon. R&R. Makes the chapters come faster. (: