Warnings: OCC behavoir, AU and spoilers, though it's your own fault for being dense enough not to finish the show when it already ended like 4 years ago, and already has a second series.
DESCLAIMER AND LEGAL STUFF: We DO own Fullmetal Alchemist. We own FMA, Bones Studio, Aniplex, Vic, Edward Elric, a popsicle, and your mom. And there's NOTHING you can do about it....... No, seriously. What can you do about it? This isn't freakin YouTube who cranks down on CopyRight EVERY goddamn minute and slams users with video removals as if it's not only their delicous hobby, but they get paid for it. (Do they?) This is a simple Fanfic site. Go ahead, put that you own nothing. Do they even CARE?
This parody is not intended to insult or bash any character with the exception of Winry, Scar, and maybe Roy.
Roy I don't particullary care about, the other two CAN GO JUMP OFF A F-CKING CLIFF TO HELL!!!!!!!!
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-The Elric household in Rizenbool-
[We see Ed and Al in the lab as little kids attempting to bring back their mother]
Ed: Sugar, spice, and everything nice.
Al: What?
Ed: Nothing. LET'S PLAY GOD! YEAH!
[cuts to swirling vortex of death and horrible screams are heard]
[cuts to Aunt Pinako and Winry coming own from their own house]
Winry: What was that?
Aunt: It sounded like Ed and Al, but I'm not sure...
Winry: Good thing you made them sleep over at our house like a responsible guardian instead of letting them sleep over at their own house with NO guardian after their mom just died. Right?
Aunt: ......
Winry: What?
-[cuts to Roy standing in Rain]-
Roy: I'm a sexy, morally-bankrupt ass.
-[cuts back to Ed]-
Ed: Al! AAaal! AAAAUGH! MY LEG! Huh?....... Mom?
Hedious creature: boo
Ed: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhHHHhhh!!!
--[SUDDENLY cuts to Loir, in a random time shift]--
First timers: Um.. Why is Ed standing next to a talking.... robot?
Scriptwriter #1: Shouldn't we have added the whole Ed - blood seal - Al - armor scene in the introduction opening?
Scriptwriter #2: No! You craza! CRAZA!
Scriptwriter #1: .......
Scriptwriter #2: What?
Scriptwriter #1: We didn't think this through did we?
Scriptwriter #2: Silence!!
---
Ed: OHMYGOD! Water! No, wait. It's wine.
Al: You mean it's not blood?
Ed: (sarcasticly) Yes, Al. Cause blood actively flowing in a fountain makes waaay more sense then wine.
Bartender: Hey! No kids are allowed to drink from there!
Ed: Then why did you make this outside, unguarded, and in public so that anyone cunning enough can just sip and run?
Bartender:..... shutup.
--
Ed: Religion is stupid. There is no Sun God that can bring people to life. You guys are stupid for trying to push your beliefs on others. By the way, I think you should become Athiest, give up all hope in God, turn to science, and become an Angst ridden character like me.
Rose: I think-
Ed: QUIT PUSHING YOUR BELIEFS ON ME HOAR!!
Rose:.....
--
Cornello: It's the Fullmetal Alchemist and his brother. They're from the military.
Henchman: Are you sure?
Cornello: Yes. And being a loving priest who wants to peacefully protect his flock.... GO KILL THOSE TWO CHILDREN!
Henchmen: That sounds perfectly reasonable.
-[cuts to Ed and Rose, and Al at church]-
Ed: [actual quote] Science is the answer to everything, Rose. It's only a matter of time. Religon can NEVER bring people back to life. Get to close to the sun, and you get burned.
Rose: I think-
Ed: QUIT PUSHING YOUR BELIEFS ON ME!!
Rose: Well, even so. I'm sure Father Cornello and the church will welcome you and your brother with open arms. ^_^
BOOM!
[Al's head gets shot off]
Al: AHH! OH GOD! OH GOD MY HEAD! MY HEAD! AHHHUH!
Ed: Shut up, Al. You can't feel anything.
Cornello: Empty armor? Auto-mail arm and leg? I see... I know who you are. You're.... (dramatic zoom out) The Fullmetal Alchemist!
Ed: Um, didn't you already know I was the Fullmetal Alchemist? You said it yourself like, a few lines ago.
Cornello: Er-well, um.... DIE! [takes out machine gun and shoots]
[Ed makes a wall to protect him and Al]
Ed: You know Al, you could have easily stepped in front of me to deflect the bullets, seeing you're armor and all, and you would have actaully been 'useful' for once.
Al: What?
Ed: Nothing.
Henchmen: There they are!
Ed: Well, you know what they say. If you can't find a door, make one.
Al: Yeah... I hear that one all the time....
[Ed and Al escape, only to be cornered again by angry villagers much like the ones in Resident Evil 4, Ed is captured but Al (who fakes his death) escapes, because for a seemingly STRONG. INVINCEABLE armor (sarcasticly) he is SUCH a good body guard and protector.....]
Ed: (pulling at chains) What are you planning to do to me?
Cornello: (looks him over) What am I planning to do to you indeed?
Cornello/Ed fans: YAY!
Cornello: Bla bla bla bla evil stero typical bad guy plans bla bla bla
Ed: I was broadcasting that.
Cornello: NOOOOOOOES!
Ed: Give me the stone!
Cornello: NEVER!
[alchemy stone causes hideious back lash]
Cornello: AAAARGUH! MY ARM!!!! ARUGHGUGHU!
Ed:....... you can keep it.
Rose: You destroyed my sense of hope! What now? Huh? Huh?! HUH?!!
Ed: You've got a good, strong pair of legs Rose. You should get up and use them.
Rose: Is that supposed to be an innuenndo?
Ed: I don't know.......
Rose/Ed fans: YAY!
Ed: It's not gonna get much worse for you anyway, right?
ROSE - DOOMED!!!!!!!
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So ep 1 and 2 so far. So if you ever are going back to the series, and you notice something odd are that doesn't make sense, or something that was never really explained well. Basiclly, things you can make fun of, if you can point that out to me so I can add them. THANK YOU! ^_^
Original idea by fanfic - FMA in fifteen minutes - found in AdultFanfiction (dot) net