So. I really haven't written on this site in FOREVER, and it's funny to see which pairings are trending right now. Is it so wrong that I just love the classic characters?

I write purely for my own enjoyment, and I hope that maybe you guys will find it amusing, as well. If you have any feedback, it would be greatly appreciated! Sit back, turn on your favorite feel-good music, and enjoy.

WRITTEN FROM PHOENIX'S POINT OF VIEW.

Ah, love.

It is often referred to as mysterious, simple, beautiful, and painful... sometimes all within the same sentence. It brings people together, sometimes while simultaneously tearing others apart. It has been the basis for countless awful films and paperback novels. And, as a classic song goes, "All you need is love."

My experience with the subject hasn't been what one would consider ideal. If anything, it has been wildly unsuccessful.

For example, I regularly find my female co-workers batting their eyelashes at my best friend: a seemingly stoic, pretentious man who dresses in more pink than any of them do. (His favorite suit is magenta.)

I thought I had found love once. Turns out the girl was pretending to be someone else throughout the course of our entire relationship. An added bonus: she was trying to murder me. One can see why I'd be at least a little disenchanted with love after that whole debacle.

It's not that I don't believe in love at all. I just have a hard time understanding how people can find love so quickly, and be so happy with the person they have chosen in little to no time at all. I have tried to love someone based off of first impressions, and, as I mentioned earlier, it ended almost fatally.

That is why I had to call my friend Larry Butz that afternoon to give him a piece of my mind regarding something of his that I had received in the mail:

You have been cordially invited

to the wedding of Larry & Niki

July Twelfth

Chios, Greece

Larry Butz cordially dumbfounded me.

Apparently, he took a trip to Europe to find himself. While doing so, he ended up finding the love of his life. Enter Greek supermodel Niki, who apparently loves the arts and long walks on the beach. He was enamored with her, and vice versa, and for some reason, they had to plan the wedding as soon as possible.

I couldn't help but feel cynical about it all. How could I not? This wasn't the first time Larry had tried and failed at love with foreign models. I thought that I would be able to plead my case with him over the phone.

"And you're telling me," I started rhetorically into the receiver, "That you love this girl after being with her for three months?"

Larry Butz does not know how to argue a case, even for someone without a lawyer's badge. To each question I ask, he simply answers, "Uh, yeah, that's what I'm telling you. Nick, why don't you believe me!"

"This is ridiculous, that's why. Larry..."

I had to pause for a moment, to reflect on the situation.

Marriage. It was the single most important milestone in Larry's life, and I had never even met the girl. I'd never even heard her name until I read it out loud from the wedding invitation.

I tried to be rational, but couldn't find anything to say. So I sputtered, "You're making us fly all the way out to GREECE for an on-the-spot wedding!"

Not hurt in the least by my rudeness, Larry pleaded, "Niki's parents are paying for the flight expenses! All you have to do is show up... and be my best man. I think you can do that much! Everybody else has said yes!"

"I don't know," I muttered.

"Niiiick," Larry wailed, "Why do you suddenly hate meee? You know I'd do the same for you, bro!"

That was true. But I would never spring an exotic wedding on my best friend three weeks before the date.

"You swear all I have to do is show up and be there for you?" I asked again.

"Swear."

...

And that is how Maya and I ended up on the next flight available to a tiny island off of the Grecian shore.

Larry had booked us the tickets. It was a tiny plane, not meant for more than ten passengers. Clearly, our destination was remote.

Maya was fumbling with the book in her hands (The Steel Samurai vs. the Jammin' Ninja, Volume 43), flipping pages even though I knew she hadn't read a single word. She was too busy staring out the window, ogling at other passengers, and bothering me.

... Although, as much as I pretend like it bothers me when Maya pesters me, asking me deep questions about life and teasing me, it really doesn't. In fact, her antics have, as of late, only left me in the best of moods. I could never let her catch on to that fact, though... she might let it get to her head.

"So, Nick, what's a wedding like?" she asked, pretending to read a page.

"Well, this isn't going to be your average wedding, so don't get too excited," I replied flatly. "It'll probably end in a bar fight between the bride and groom."

"Oh, Nick!" Maya scolded, "You know, this is Larry Butz we're talking about..."

"Exactly. Expect a bar fight."

"I meant that he's your best friend. You should support him, you know what I mean?"

"... When something smells," I sighed, not bothering to finish the overused phrase.

Maya faced forward again, folding her arms across her chest, "I think it's great that he found someone that could make him so happy. I think he knows what he's doing."

"I think he's going to come crying to me during the bachelor party, telling me he doesn't know what he's gotten himself into," I retorted. "There's no way this wedding is going to happen."

"Don't be so pessimistic, Nick," Maya insisted, "It will be an adventure, no matter what!"

"That's for sure."

The pilot's voice broadcast throughout the plane, telling us something about preparing for landing.

Maya couldn't sit silently for a moment. She laughed, "Like, maybe you'll find the love of your life while you're here! Wouldn't that be insane?"

"Yeah, I highly doubt that," I replied, cracking a smile for the first time the entire conversation. "The chances of that happening are slim to none. About as likely as this wedding going smoothly."

"Why wouldn't it, though? You're young! You've got a great career! And you're not dog-ugly, either..."

Um, thanks...? I didn't know whether to be offended or complimented at that last remark.

"Besides," Maya continued, "I think having a girl around would do you good. Maybe you wouldn't be so uptight all the time!"

"Hey, I'm only uptight because you force me to be the adult around here... Anyway, I'm not looking to get married."

"You're not?"

"Not just yet."

"Why not?"

"I have everything I need right here!" I grinned, gesturing toward Maya.

She was, after all, one of my best friends. Since the day we met, I've been drawn to her quirky personality and the fact that deep down, she is incredibly strong-willed. Since those days, she's grown up a little, but even so, she never fails to bring spunk to any situation.

"Don't be silly, Nick, you're making me blush!"

"I mean, I've got friends. You're my right hand man. And, I don't know if anyone has ever told you this before but... well, it's important to have solid friendships before you go around trying to find 'love'. Whatever that is, anyway."

"You'll find it eventually."

"Yeah. And you will too. Everything will happen for us in due time. So, until we do find it, let's just have a good time this weekend... and come out of it together, in one piece. Sound like a plan?"

"You bet!"

The plane stopped moving conveniently as our conversation came to a close. I looked out the window and noticed that we were not near any sort of airport. We were in the middle of a beach, just past the ocean.

I could see a crowd of people off in the distance. They were waving at us frantically, jumping up and down and migrating towards us. I already felt my heart rate going up due to the oncoming stress.

Maya and I exited the plane, as the mob headed even closer to us. Who else was leading the pack but the man of honor himself, Mr. Larry Butz.

His orange hair was artfully spiked just as it always was, and his goatee was neatly shaven. He was in a loosely fitting linen shirt, white pants (that were just a couple inches too short for his long legs, but that was nothing new), and boat shoes, as if he had just stepped off of his yacht to come greet us.

"Wow," Maya whispered to me as the crowd grew nearer. One person in particular stuck out from the rest of them: the bride-to-be.

Her loosely fitting knee length dress fluttered in the breeze in a way that made it seem like it was about to fly off of her tall, slender body. It did not. It did, however, make for a very suspenseful show as she ran towards us. It was all I could do not to cover my eyes, anticipating a wardrobe malfunction.

She was beautiful, though, with sun-kissed skin, seductive brown eyes, and dark, wavy hair that any man would want to run his fingers through. It wasn't too hard to imagine Larry falling in love with her instantly.

"Welcome to Greece!"

"You're finally here!"

"Can we take your bags?"

"Mr. Phoenix Wright! We've heard nothing but..."

"NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!"

I recognized that wail. Larry practically tackled me, disobeying every rule for male hugging as he embraced me like a long lost lover, blubbering my name.

"Nick! Nick, you're here! You're finally here! There's so much we have to discuss! So much to do!" He pulled away for a moment, eyeing me. "You look great!"

"Thanks," I smiled quietly, "As do you. For an islander, at least. You're becoming one of them."

"I know, isn't it great?" he beamed back at me, straightening the collar of his tourist-y shirt. "All right, so... I'd say it's about time you meet the family!"

All twenty or so people waved at me, smiling and talking and closing in on Maya and me as if we were prey.

"Nick and Maya, meet... George, Spiro, John, the other George, Pappou, Niko, Steve, Dean, Theo George, uhh, let's see... Thea Mary, umm... Alexandra, Tina, cousin Maria... oh, God, I'm horrible with all these names!"

"It's fine, love," the woman on Larry's arm interrupted, breaking away from him. She looked at me as she held out her hand, "Hi. I'm Niki!"

I feigned excitement, going in for a hug instead of a handshake. "Phoenix Wright. It's truly a pleasure to meet you. I've heard nothing but wonderful things!"

"Aw, really? That's too sweet! Larry has said such great things about you, too. Now, pardon me, but who is that pretty young woman you arrived with?"

Niki motioned to Maya, who seemed to be lost in the sea of new people. She was socializing with a few of the younger looking girls already.

"Ah, that's Maya," I clarified. "She's my assistant."

"Oh, I see," Niki replied in a half-flirtatious manner. "She must be a pretty important assistant if she followed you all the way to Greece!"

"Yeah," I explained, "She's a good friend."

"Well, it looks like the bridesmaids have already taken a liking to her. Perfect!"

"Mr. Phoenix Wright!" One of the girls crowding around Maya called for my attention. She had a bit of an accent. "Is it all right if we steal your girl away from you for a few hours? She didn't bring any suitable clothing for the weather, so can we take her out for some shopping...?"

I wonder what they would have said if I explained that Maya wore that channeling robe every day, regardless of the weather. When in Athens...

I shrugged and replied, "Sure, just keep in touch, Maya."

"Oh, I will, Nick!" she chirped, grinning happily. I don't know if she's ever even been shopping before...

There was no time to think about that, though. I was being bombarded by the men of the family before I could make a getaway.

"So, son, have you ever been to Greece before?" an older man asked, shaking my hand. He had also fallen into the trap of white linen pants, although his look seemed a little more authentic than Larry's. "I'm Theo George, by the way. Uncle of the bride."

I forgot his name before he finished saying it; "Ah, nice to meet you. No, I've never been."

"Would you like a tour of the place? It's pretty small, and I know a lot about the area..."

Larry cut in, saving me from a potentially unpleasant field tour. "Sorry, Theo, I gotta talk to Nick for a second. We have important man business to discuss!"

"Really?" I asked, not aware.

"Yes, really!" Larry grabbed my arm, pulling me away from the crowd.

"Hey, what about our luggage?"

"Don't worry, they've got it," Larry explained quickly.

I turned around to see if 'they' really 'had got' it, and I saw two little boys unzipping my new suitcase, which was now lying in the sand, and swinging around my array of red ties. "Larry, there are a bunch of kids going through my stuff!"

Without flinching, Larry said, "I have something important for you to know. Something that could change your whole outlook on this wedding..."

He was walking along a narrow path covered in sand that wound around the side of the mansion. I followed next to him begrudgingly, trying not to get sand in my shoes.

He continued, "See, there's someone here that will probably make you want to stay... if you know what I mean."

"What kind of someone? A female someone?" I questioned.

"What other kind of someone would there be? You know me, Nick!"

That was all too true.

We headed down the walkway, which finally opened up to the mansion's beautiful backyard... which happened to be a private beach. The ocean pushed at the shore calmly, and the sky was nothing short of blemish-free. The view was, as much as I hated to admit it, well worth the price of my sandy suitcase.

"I guess this is nice," I muttered, like a stubborn four year old.

"So," Larry began what I could tell was a planned speech, "I invited a lot of people that I met through you to this wedding... I figured this whole event is as much about you guys as it is about me. Since you flew all the way out and... everything. So... I wanted you to have a good time... So please DON'T GET MAD AT ME!"

"...Why would I get mad at you...?" I was suddenly terrified to find out the answer.

"I invited a few... how can I say this...? Lady friends for you."

"What the...!"

"What happens in Greece stays in Greece, my man. Start to pourin' the alcohol and you'd be surprised who starts looking like your dream woman," Larry threw an arm around my shoulder, which I shrugged off hastily.

"That actually just made me want to throw up a little," I announced.

"... But, really, if there was ever a time to remove the metaphorical stick out of your ass, it would be now. She's the perfect girl for the job!"

Leave it to Larry Butz to turn what was an already disastrous situation into a reality show filled with whores and drunken one night stands, not to mention the fact that his judgement on suitable females is terrible, even when he's picking for himself. Larry had the dirtiest look splayed across his face, and I just knew he was imagining some sort of... act of intimacy.

"I know what you're thinking, Larry," I revealed.

"... Oh. It was that obvious?"

"Yeah."

Silence.

I sputtered, finally losing my mask of 'coolness', "That's another reason why I can't play along with whatever scheme you're concocting! I'm not... e-exactly well-versed in the realm of..."

Refusing to hear my plea, he ordered, "Look at her. Now!"

I scanned the beach, and sure enough, there was a womanly figure sprawled out on a striped beach towel by the water. She had long, black hair, but other than that, I couldn't make out any other features. Her face was shadowed by a billowing hat. (Why do women wear those hideous things, anyway?)

"... Larry, I don't live the lifestyle that you do. I'm not going to do that to a woman," I argued. He continued walking down the beach, not hearing any of it. I followed him, yelling, "Listen, if I end up embarrassing myself in front of whoever you've dug up from my past, I swear..."

"Nick!" Larry exclaimed, practically pleading with me. "I would like to introduce you to someone. I know you like her already. And please be quiet because she's right over there!"

It was then that I noticed that Larry himself was speaking quite loudly. He had been the entire time, and I hadn't noticed. We were within earshot of the young woman on the beach towel, but she didn't seem to notice that we were even around.

"You remember Iris, don't you?" Larry smiled. "Turns out she's a second cousin of Niki's. I found that out and couldn't resist getting her out here for you! Did I do good, Nick?"

"I-Iris!" I choked. "You got Iris?"

Beautiful, sweet Iris... the girl that got away. Technically, the girl whose sister tried to kill me, but she meant a lot more to me than that. Or so I told myself, as I watched her from afar on the beach. I looked over at the girl again, at her black hair, which was red when I had known her. I reacquainted myself with her body, her long legs...

Somehow, Larry's terrible idea didn't turn out to sound so terrible. Surprised with the work Larry had done, I actually didn't hate the situation, after all. Rather, I was just starting to feel a little apprehensive about how I should approach it...

"It's really her," I concluded. "Larry... I still hate you."

Reading my mind, Larry winked, "I'll let you two get reacquainted."

And that is the beginning of my story. The very twisted (and misleading) beginning of the story of how I learned about dignity, respect, friendship, and (last, but certainly not least)... love.

As Larry began walking toward the front of the mansion, I took a deep breath and mentally prepared an opening statement.