Disclaimer: I don't own anything, Mondo Media does.
Brainy Days Are Here Again
Starring: Sniffles and Lumpy
Featuring: The Cat, Mime, and Giggles
A sign outside of a building read "Free I.Q. test today!" while inside several people were busy with their tests. A large sign read, "Quiet Please!" while Lumpy stepped into the room, walked up to the head desk, he loudly asked the person at the desk (Sniffles), "CAN I HAVE ONE?" Sniffles recoiled from the loud noise and several of the test takers expressed their anger at the intrusion. Sniffles angrily gave Lumpy a test who proceeded to sit down next to Giggles and Cro-Marmot, who were busy with their tests. Also taking tests were Pop, Mime, and Petunia.
Lumpy's first question was: What is the next in this set of numbers? 4, 12, 20, 28.....
A. 15 B. 36 C. 32 D. I like beans
"MMM" said the hungry Lumpy who ended up picking choice D. Lumpy answered the other questions in a very similar fashion, always picking the most obvious wrong answer.
Soon, the other test takers had departed apart from Lumpy and Mime. Finally, Mime finished and took his test to Sniffles, who happily took the test, but glanced at it questioning, "Hmm?" The test was blank. Sniffles then looked back at Mime who was busy sharpening his imaginary pencil in an imaginary pencil sharpener. Sniffles shrugged and threw the test away, went over to a marker board with the others results on it. Cro-Marmot received a 147, next was Giggles with 122, then Petunia with 111, then Pop with the average of 100. Sniffles then added a 0 for Mime, placing him as the lowest score. Mime saw this, and was taken aback. Angry, Mime broke his imaginary pencil in half, turned, and left.
As Mime left, Lumpy finished his test, and took it up to Sniffles. Sniffles took the completed test and inserted it into a computer to check the answers. Upon receiving the test however, the computer sparked and fizzed, before producing the corrected test, and then exploded. Sniffles took the paper, and gasped at the score. Lumpy's score ended up being -45, a score not even possible. Sniffles wrote the score down on the marker board, and Lumpy stared in disbelief.
He gasped, and sighed, "Aww," and he turned around to leave. Sniffles tapped Lumpy on the shoulder to regain his attention. With a "Huh?" Lumpy turned around, and received a pamphlet from Sniffles reading, "Brain Surgery and You"
"Hmm," pondered Lumpy as he thought what his life would be like if he were smarter. He imagined that he was like a superhero, adored by everyone, able to fly high into the sky, and having superpowers on top of that. "Uh huh!" yelled Lumpy who shook Sniffles' hand, he wanted brain surgery.
Days later, Lumpy was on a gurney inside Sniffles' workshop, whistling to himself as Sniffles prepared to operate. After putting on gloves, Sniffles gave Lumpy some anesthesia, and proceeded. However, instead of replacing Lumpy's brain, he instead gave it an burst from a defibrillator which was part of his latest invention, which was supposed to raise anyone's I.Q. periodically over time. Sniffles used the I.Q. test to find the perfect candidate to test his new invention out on.
Hours later, Lumpy uneasily awoke on the gurney, and groaned while rubbing his head. Sniffles was at his bedside, waiting to see if his invention worked.
"Thanks!" said Lumpy who stood up, and proceeded to leave. Thinking his invention a failure, Sniffles sighed heavily. However, while he was leaving, Lumpy noticed a chessboard, went over, and sat down. In lightning speed, Lumpy completed the already started game, winning seconds after sitting down. Sniffles gasped in awe, smiled, and proceeded to jump up and down with his arms in the air, jubilant that his machine was a success.
For the next few days, Sniffles continued to take results on Lumpy's increased intelligence. Lumpy could easily complete a rubik's cube in several seconds. Soon, he was helping Sniffles with various other inventions, such as a super suction device, to help rid Sniffles of those pesky ants that always were out of his reach.
Out in the park, Lumpy gave a thumbs-up to Sniffles who replied in the same way. Using the super suction, the ant family was sucked upwards out of their hole, into the awaiting Sniffles' mouth, who easily ate the ants. "Mmm!" Sniffles proclaimed at the tastiness. Finally free of the ant family which plagued him, Sniffles shook the smiling Lumpy's hand. However, inside Lumpy's head, his brain continued to gain knowledge, and grow in size.
To celebrate their success, Lumpy and Sniffles proceeded to go to the super market to purchase food. They both hummed happily, and gathered a few things to celebrate. However, as they were at the checkout counter, in walked The Cat, carrying an Uzi, who proceeded to fire at the ceiling. The other customers and Sniffles ducked for cover, while Lumpy still stood.
"Mow mow!" yelled The Cat, who gave Giggles, the frightened cashier, a bag to fill with money.
Lumpy, annoyed at the intrusion, only gave a "Hmph", and proceeded towards The Cat. Sniffles only shook his head and waved his arms to stop Lumpy, but this was to no avail. Lumpy proceed to walk up behind The Cat, and tapped him on the shoulder.
The Cat, confused, asked, "Huh?", and proceeded to turn around. All Lumpy did though, was place his index finger behind one of The Cat's ears, and press with all his might. The Cat howled in pain, and went to the floor as his pressure point was being pressed harder. Lumpy then took The Cat's right arm, and twisted it in a particular angle, shattering several bones in it. The Cat howled again as he now dropped to the ground, grasping his broken arm in pain. To add insult to injury, Giggles came over and kicked The Cat in the groin. All the other customers cheered for Lumpy including Sniffles.
Later, Sniffles and Lumpy began walking home as The Cat was placed in the back of a police car by Toothy. Lumpy's brain however, had now grown to the size of a basketball, and was now easily visible on Lumpy's scalp. Back at Sniffles's house, Sniffles noticed Lumpy's expanding brain and gasped, then decided for a few tests. While testing, Sniffles noted that Lumpy's intelligence and brain size would increase until Lumpy would explode! Sniffles gasped at this development and declared his machine a failure. As Sniffles prepared to stop Lumpy's brain growth, Lumpy shook his head and waved his hand, he wouldn't have his newfound intelligence lost. Lumpy then thought hard, and lifted up a scalpel from a nearby table with his mind. Sniffles gasped and ducked for cover as Lumpy flung the scalpel with his mind. Lumpy then quickly ran out of the room while Sniffles was distracted. Sniffles sighed, and decided to go after his friend before he hurt other people and himself.
Outside, Lumpy was using his newfound telekinesis to lift several cars, entertaining Cub on the ground, but frightening Flaky, Giggles, and Handy, who were inside the vehicles. Lumpy then concentrated to spin the cars in a circle like a ferris wheel, as Cub laughed and clapped. Then, a smell pierced Lumpy's nostrils that was so familiar. Lumpy sighed and lost his concentration, causing the vehicles to fall to the ground. Cub was still laughing and clapping when he asked, "Huh?" as he saw the shadow of a car beneath him. One of the falling cars then landed right on top of him, followed by the second, and then the third. Lumpy then spied a can of baked beans, and proceeded to eat them. While he ate them, his brain (now the size of a beachball), sent out a wave towards the car pile-up. Giggles, who had survived the car pile-up, was hit directly by the brain wave, and screamed as her skin was torn off, followed by her muscles, and her skeleton then collapsed.
Lumpy sighed in ecstacy as he happily ate the beans, which caused his intelligent brain to sent out several more brain waves out, sending them straight through nearby buildings and cars. Sniffles then popped out from his hiding place and tried to sneak up behind Lumpy. He was sent catapulting backwards; however, psychically and landed against a building. Lumpy then turned around, walked towards Sniffles, and touched his brain with his finger, signalling that he knew all along about Sniffles's plan. Lumpy smiled evilly and started to concentrate on making a brain wave to destroy Sniffles. Sniffles closed his eyes and grimaced as he awaited his destruction. Instead, he opened his eyes to see Lumpy screaming in pain, and punching himself in the head. Sniffles watched in horror as Lumpy's own arms pulled his head off his body. Lumpy's brain (now the size of a giant pumpkin), exploded out of Lumpy's decapitated head, and floated by itself. Lumpy's brain, now free of its stupid body, prepared to finish what Lumpy started: killing Sniffles. Sniffles gasped and closed his eyes again while the brain started to create a wave. However, a delivery truck zoomed by, plowing through the brain. Sniffles opened his eyes, sighed, and proceeded to head home after such a long day's work.
A day later, Sniffles was in his workshop with a new invention and a new subject on the gurney: Disco Bear. In Disco Bear's hand was a pamphlet which read, "Liposuction and You!" followed by an iris out.
Moral: Mind over Matter!
Author's Note: Will Sniffles ever learn? I'm surprised at myself that I got this one out so fast! I'm also surprised at how many people have read "On A Hot Tin Roof" already. Oh well, people surprise you everyday.