The last time I remember my mother I was eight years old. I remember the night as vividly as I remember a few minutes ago. I remember the way my mother's hair smelled like lavender freshly cut and the purple dress with white daisies that she was wearing which she loved. I also remember the way her eyes shined with love when she looked at me and the welcoming smell of her perfume, which you can't buy because she made it herself with lavender and roses and felt like home when she hugged me.

We were cooking dinner and making dessert when I noticed my mother was very happy and excited about news that she had for my father and I. I asked my mother if it was a very special night or if it was someone's birthday as we didn't have dessert unless it was one of those occasions . My mom just stated she has the most wonderful news to tell us as a family. I was confused and was feeling excited about the news she had to share. Once dinner was completed ,father came home from work and put his uniform and gun away in a safe place as he did every night and came to join us for dinner. During dinner dad asked his normal questions about mom and I's day and how he could be so lucky to have us in his dinner was done dad suggested us go on a walk before dessert to enjoy the cool night, Mom and I agreed.I went to the hall way closet to get my shoes and spring coat, when I heard mom tell dad that I would be having a brother or sister soon. I was so excited to be a big sister and to show them the ropes of being a kids.

Slowly though my excitement went away as I heard my father start yelling at my mother. I couldn't understands my dad was so upset. My father turned and beat my mother and yelled and called her names until she cried. I started to run into the kitchen to tell my father he was wrong to treat my mother this way. My mother saw me coming and I saw in her eyes to not come in and to run. I will never forget my mother's eyes, it was almost like she was saying sorry and goodbye all at the same time. At the time only being eight years old I never thought that to be true though. As the last thing my mother asked of me I refused, I ran at my father and grabbed him from behind. I yelled at him for hitting my mother and told him to stop and that he was hurting her.

My father grabbed my frail body and threw me towards the wall and punched me saying he was my father and I will teach me a lesson for being disrespectful. I will learn to respect my alders. I will get punishment for what I have I done. The final words he stated was I will forever regret what I have just done. I will forever remember those words. They are imprinted into my brain forever haunting me. At that moment he grabbed my mother and dragged her outside towards the back yard, I was so scared of what was happening I followed to help my mother to try to save my mother. My father looked at me and grabbed his gun and said "You see what you have made me do? If you just acted like a good girl and respectful girl this wouldn't be happening. This is all your fault." My mother saw what to happen and she started to fight but she wasn't strong that instant at eight years old, I was the reason my mother was shot and bleeding to death in our backyard. I was the reason my mother was no longer alive. I am the reason my sister or brother are not alive and living a life they were not granted.

I at eight years old are the reason for two lives to be lost. I remember the way I held my mother as she passed and the way she looked at me with so much love and that way she felt so cold in my arms as she passed. I remember the way she tried to hold on and not leave. I remember the feeling of warmth and red spread into my clothes and on my body. I remember it was at the moment everything changed in my life at my father ripped me from my mother and brought me into the house and locked me into my bedroom and stated this is my fault and I will pay. As I heard his footsteps fade away all I could think is my mother is dead and I am the reason why she is dead as I collapse onto the floor crying until I fall asleep.

**** I will update with chapter 2 once it is completed. If you could please comment and let me know if you enjoyed reading it as much I enjoyed writing it. If you happen to not like it that is fine but please do not be cruel. As all ideas, plots and characters are my own ideas and work. Thank you from you fellow writer and reader****