Little one shot that helped me out with some of my writers block. Its written in present third person free indirect discourse (well, as much as is possible, seeing as I'm still getting used to writing these characters), so as always, enjoy, and please let me know what you think.
Aaron knows what he's doing, there's no point in denying it. But it's a mutually beneficial situation he's got going on with Joe, and the lad isn't half bad in bed, can hold a decent conversation, and understood fully that it wasn't an emotional thing. Just what Aaron's been needing lately to be honest; a good, healthy, no-strings-attached, affectionate fuck buddy. Bonus points because the guy is a sound mate as well.
He's not usually too big on the whole PDA thing, but what he's going for right now, is to make a bit of a noise among the village gossip shops, make sure it spreads to every corner of the community and reaches the person he wants it to reach. As luck would have it, he doesn't even really need to do much other than see Joe out the front of the pub three nights into their new thing.
As soon as they step out into the spray of rain on the front steps, Joe turns, slides his arms around his waist, pulls him in close, and gives him a smirky, satisfied, open mouthed kiss. Aaron returns the smile sleepily, before he laughs slightly, shaking his head, rolling his eyes, and gently nudging Joe away from him, grinning widely as he watches the rounded ass walk away from him to catch the taxi that's waiting.
He shoves his hands in the pickets of his hoodie which he's thrown on over his pyjama t-shirt and loose cotton bottoms, his eyes straying from the departing taxi, to where Robert is stood outside the café across the road, mouth open, eyes wide. Aaron nods and waves briefly at what the village assumes is still only his business partner, before padding barefoot back inside to help his mother replace the barrels for the day, and have his morning coffee.
"That's bullshit, Zack Rance is gay as the fourth of July," the new guy exclaims, shaking his head and drinking his pint. Aaron rolls his eyes and makes a face of absurdity.
"Nah, mate, he's straight as they come," Aaron replies, nudging the new guy's tummy with his hand, laughter glittering in his eyes.
Robert tries his hardest to focus on the pint beside his knuckles on the table, and the paperwork he's supposed to be doing over the bacon sandwich Marlon's cooked for him, but it's to no avail, and it's driving him up the fucking wall. There's a stretching feeling in his chest, and a part of him, the part he can usually shut up by fucking Chrissie into the mattress, longs for the time when he could make Aaron laugh like that.
He's ninety percent sure that Aaron knows exactly what he's doing, and that he's doing it very well, and is also probably aware that it's having the desired effect, which of course, is only making Robert even more tense and irritated.
The new guy cracks a joke, and Aaron rolls his eyes, smiling and shaking his head, leaning in playfully and pressing a short, soft kiss to the new guy's lips. Robert wants to stab him in the face with his fork, the new guy that is. He knows he has no right to have any sort of opinion or hold over who gets to touch Aaron Livesy, but fuck if this isn't the most worked up and possessive he's ever felt. It's making his skin crawl, and he has no idea why he thought it would be a good idea to have lunch in the pub.
He resists the urge to take his phone out and send Aaron an angry text, but he thinks that even doing that will be akin to letting him win. Actually, making any sort of move at all to stop whatever this new guy is doing in Aaron's life, will only result in Aaron very smugly claiming victory with whatever sort of fucked up game he's playing. For the first time in his involvement with Aaron, he's almost completely powerless.
It's so well-orchestrated, that Robert is kind of offended that he didn't think of it. Aaron hasn't even made proper eye contact with him in weeks, has barely said a word to him, and mostly appears aloof and uninterested by Robert's presence. He's a bloody good actor, and Robert doesn't know if he wants to punch the cocky little smile off of his ex-lover's mouth, or kiss it away. Most likely the latter, with their track record.
What's even worse, is that there's a part of him, a part he usually keeps buried deep enough to be almost non-existent, that is ever so slightly happy for Aaron, and grateful that he has a healthy relationship with somebody that isn't keeping him as a bit on the side or shrouding him with secrets and lies. It's this part of him that keeps him from texting or calling or pestering Aaron. It's this part of him that keeps him sat firmly in the booth, trying and failing to read through documents that look important but are incredibly boring and long winded. It is this part of him, that forces him to leave well alone. Because whilst it aches that he isn't the one making Aaron laugh like that, it's so much worse watching Aaron be sad and tired all the time.
"So, about this Joe," Adam teases, and Aaron tuts, smiling and shaking his head as he takes his coffee and guides his friend to sit on the sofas, as near to Robert as possible. As usual, Aaron completely blanks his ex-lover, acting indifferent to him, and focusing most of his attention on his best friend, who is now waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
"It's just a friends-with-benefits thing, mate, I swear," Aaron insists, sitting back in the arm chair and taking a bite out of the toast he's just ordered, shrugging.
"So he's the new guy on the scene then," Adam says, still smiling "what about the guy a couple of weeks back, the one who made you walk around with a face like a slapped ass?"
"S'over now," Aaron says, fighting to keep the life in his features at the mention of Robert, swallowing tightly and shrugging again "Joe is sound," he says "I reckon he's good for me; at least for a while"
"Aye, you might have a point there, mate," Adam replies with a knowing look "haven't seen you this relaxed in ages"
"Yeah well, he's a good shag and he makes me laugh, so s'alright for the minute"
"I'm glad, mate," Adam grins "just cut it loose if it gets to be anything more than what you've both agreed on, yeah?"
"Yeah, yeah," Aaron waves him off, trying to keep a straight face where he can feel Rob's eyes burning into the back of his skull "s'okay, like I said, just sex"
"Tell Vic that, then; she's been nagging me to talk to you about it, wants to know if you're coping alright and everything. I told her you were doing fine, but you know what she's like"
"She's a good lass," Aaron tells him, a hint of sternness creeping into his voice.
"Not denying that," Adam chuckles "reckon I've got a keeper with her. She's my best friend"
"'scuse me," Aaron remarks, feigning offence, lightly kicking Adam under the coffee table between them "thought I was your best mate"
"Apart from you," Adam reiterates "I mean she makes me happy, you know? She isn't afraid to knock me down a peg or two, and she gets it. She's a little dramatic sometimes, but that just means she can look after herself. And she loves you as much as I do, which is like, number one girlfriend requirement"
"Gaaaaaaay," Aaron teases and Adam throws a piece of toast at his face, rolling his eyes and laughing some more. Sometime in the following ten minutes, Rob gets up, silently gathering his things, and leaves wordlessly with a nod at Adam, blanking Aaron in return. Aaron smirks to himself as they leave a moment later after thanking Bob for their drinks. He lights a fag, grins as Joe comes jogging towards them from the bus stop for their scheduled chat/making out session, and thinks about how much he fucking adores shifting the power scales.
"Woah, woah, woah," Aaron says, swooping in as Rob moves to square up to Joe, who, courteous as ever, backs up respectively and holds his hands up in surrender. Aaron places a hand on Rob's chest, his other gripping his arm, tugging him back slightly "c'mon tough guy, find your chill"
"Az, you've got some hot head mates," Joe remarks, causing Rob to lurch again against Aaron's hold.
"Back it up! For fuck sake Rob, behave yourself!" Aaron hisses, pulling him further away "what the fuck are you doing, he hasn't said anything to piss you off!"
"Seriously," Joe continues "guy's a douchebag"
"Joe, shut the fuck up. Go away. I'll call you later"
"But he's the one kicking off-"
"Yeah, and I'll sort him out, but you're egging him on and making it worse now. Please fuck off. I'll talk to you tonight"
"Fine," Joe breathes out incredulously, dropping his hands in exasperation "fine" he says again, walking backward a few steps before heading back up towards the bus stop. Robert relaxes slightly as Joe leaves, but not by much and Aaron has to physically tap the side of his face with his hand to get his attention.
"Rob, what the fuck?" he says, stepping back out of Robert's personal space when their eyes meet properly. It's been a couple of months since he's been this close to him, and Aaron thinks, with how lightheaded and hot under the collar he's feeling already, he's suffering some sort of ridiculous withdrawal symptoms. Like someone waving cocaine under the nose of a drug addict.
"Rob?" he repeats, but he gets little else from Robert, who shakes his head, breaks the eye contact, and lets his arms flop slightly, mouth open, breathless, the look of a helpless kicked puppy on his face, blue eyes glazed with adrenaline, anger, and something Aaron has never really seen before, something that makes him want to draw the rich douchebag in his arms and reassure him. But he can't. There's nothing he can say that will make this easier, nothing to comfort Robert or make him see. There's nothing but the retreating form of his ex-lover, the dark streets of Emmerdale village, and the remaining heat lingering on his skin from its contact with Robert's.
It's not until a week later that he sees Robert properly, and Aaron does have to say, it's ridiculously funny when the idiot comes bursting into the porta cabin at the scrapyard whilst Aaron's on site doing paper work, and starts full out ranting about Joe.
He catches something about cockiness and smugness and how much Rob wants to bury Joe in his back garden, but he's mostly just watching the shining of Robert's eyes and his frustrated, dramatic hand gestures and the angry red flush in his high cheekbones. It's one of the most entertaining things he's ever seen, and as Robert gets into his stride, Aaron simply leans against the desk, crosses one leg over the other in front of him, and folds his arms over his chest, watching with one single raised eyebrow and a small smirk.
Eventually, Robert tires himself out, and drops off of the subject of Joe, finally looking defeated, confused, lost, and most prominently, desperate.
"I know – I know what you're doing, and it's not funny anymore, Aaron," he says breathlessly, looking away for a moment "if you wanted me to crack and freak out – if that's what you were going for, than there, you've won whatever fucked up, childish little game you were playing. I fucking hate it, okay?" he says, and abruptly, some of the amusement leaks away from Aaron and suddenly leaves him feeling cold and disjointed. He sighs heavily, dropping his arms from his chest and placing them on the desk either side of his body to steady himself. He shrugs.
"I don't know what you want from me Rob," he says, shaking his head a couple of times and chewing on his bottom lip "I made it clear what was going to happen between us now, and I thought you were okay with it"
"Okay with it?" Robert scoffs bitterly "what kind of absolute Neanderthal are you? What part of having to watch somebody else with their hands all over you every day did you think I would be okay with?"
"You don't have any right to-"
"I know," Robert cuts across him, moving forward "I know. That's what's driving me up the fucking wall. Because I'm arse over tit in love with you, and it's the most inconvenient motherfucker of a situation I could have ended up in"
Aaron is so shocked by that last sentence that he almost loses his balance. He feels lightheaded, and broken. His heart is pounding in his chest, and he's furious and sad and unbelievably happy all at the same time because what the fuck Robert? He couldn't have said that like two months ago when he was about to marry another fucking woman.
"Fuck you," Aaron shakes his head and moves backward, trying to blink away the sting of tears welling involuntarily in his eyes, suddenly terrified and way out of his depth "you don't get to say that to me, not now"
"I know that as well," Robert says, just as angry and scared "I know. But I feel like I'm going to explode if this carries on, and I-"
"I dumped Joe," Aaron cuts across him again "I binned him yesterday. He's my mate still though, so you're going to have to get used to seeing him in the village. But – fuck it just didn't feel right anymore. Because of you and your stupid face and your stupid hair and your stupid love. Why can't you just take it all and fuck off out of my life?"
"I tried that," Rob sighed again, stepping closer once more "it's been even worse than before. I – I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here, Aaron. I'm shitting myself"
He's really close now, and he's not looking Aaron in the eyes but his head is hung and he has the look of a kicked, starving puppy again, and his hand slides warmly into Aaron's to the left of them, and it's like some sort of button has been pressed. Immediately, Aaron moves up and catches Rob's mouth with his own.
It's both desperate, and slow, and all he can do is breath in, as though he's inhaling Robert all over again, committing it to his lungs, his blood, his DNA. It's like there's been this separate part of him walking around detached from his body for two months, and now it's reaffirming itself with him. And he sees now what he's been missing with Joe; what he's been missing with all of his relationships with everyone but Robert. None of them have ever made him feel as though he's starving in between kisses; none of them have ever lit his veins on fire like this, none of them have ever made him hold his breath quite so deeply or wonderfully. None of them have ever tasted like home as much as Robert does.
He doesn't know how he finds the strength to pull away, but he does, eventually, and instead of stepping back, he keeps his eyes closed and their foreheads pressed together, their laboured breaths mingling between them, Robert's hand still holding his face.
"Okay," Robert says a moment later, swallowing heavily and opening his eyes "give – give me a couple of hours. I'll be back, I promise. Just – I have to – there's a few things I have to do, but I'll be back, okay? I will be back"
Aaron barely has time to nod against him before Robert kisses him briefly again, and leaves. Aaron thinks he might be cursed.
As Aaron suspects, it's a lot more than a few hours. But Robert texts him, says he's just dealing with a couple of things, and that he'll come and see him as soon as he can. Aaron feels bloody awful. He feels like the light of the past couple of months has drained from him, and he feels cheap and he feels tired again. He's forgotten how much being in love with Robert Sugden takes out of him, how much it hurts.
Adam's holding the fort up at the porta cabins today, Aaron's told him that he's got a stomach bug, and can't make it past the toilet seat to get any work done. The truth is, Aaron feels like a puppet that's had its strings cut; loose and disoriented and fed up. He kind of wants to see Joe now, to laugh at one of his jokes and take the piss out of his Claire Balding haircut.
But who he really needs to see, is Robert; and he's frustratingly but predictably AWOL again right now, leaving Aaron to deal with the headfuck by himself again.
Sometime later, there's a knock at his bedroom door, and he draws in a deep sigh, sitting up against the headboard and crossing his arms over his chest, legs stretched out in front of him. Robert lets himself in a moment later, and shoots him an apologetic smile.
Aaron sits up further almost immediately when he sees the black eye sporting the left side of Robert's face, and the dark lines under his eyes where he's obviously been awake most of the night. There's a beaten, small look about him, and Aaron sits up on his knees, moving to the bottom of the bed and dragging Rob down to sit so that he can get a better look at the injury.
"Its fine," he says "I deserved it"
"You nearly always deserve a smack in the face," Aaron sighs, frowning as he thumbs it slightly, drawing a hiss from Robert "doesn't make it any better"
"It was Chrissie," he says, resigned. Aaron feels like he's missing something, sitting back on his feet and searching his expression for a clue as to what the fuck has been going on "I told her everything"
"Everything-"
"Not about Katie," he says "but about you. About us"
"Shit," Aaron says, raising his eyebrows, looking away, staring at the wall, shocked again by Rob's choices. It's… it's something he never thought the young blonde would do. He's never expected Robert to give up his apple pie life for a relationship with him, its just something that has always been out of the question. But now… well he's done it. He's actually done it.
And all Aaron can think about is how heartbroken Chrissie must be. How angry she's probably feeling; how confused.
"She's leaving Emmerdale in the morning. She was going to take Lachlan on vacation anyway, get him out of the fireing line with Alicia. Lawrence booked them the first flights they could get. She's putting the house up for sale, and someone – someone is going to bring my bags over here later on. I just – I just thought you should know," he says, blinking. Tears drip down his cheeks, and Aaron sighs again, shuffling in closer and dropping his forehead to Rob's slumped shoulder "also I was going to ask if I can stay here. I'm homeless now"
Despite himself, Aaron can't help chuckling at Robert's abrupt, blunt tone, and Robert also accidentally breaks out in dry, tired laughter along with him, shaking his head and breathing out deeply, sniffing and wiping at his face.
"Course you can, you numpty," Aaron replies, his voice croaky and exhausted with emotion "but you do realise that we're both literal pieces of human trash, don't you? We did just wreck an entire family unit"
"I know that I love you," he says, utterly spent and stripped of his social status and drained of energy. Somehow, that gives a deeper, truer meaning to those words "whatever and whoever that makes me; I really fucking love you"
"Took you long enough," Aaron nudges him softly, smiling, his eyes half-lidded "you look like death warmed up"
He gets Robert to kick of his shoes and shrug out of his jacket, before he drags him softly up the bed, curling around him and nuzzling his neck.
"Thank you," he murmurs as they start to fall asleep.
"I was going to do it eventually," Robert murmurs in reply "like I said," he breathes, and Aaron can see the curve of his mouth "arse over tit"