Faded and weary
Tears streamed down my cheeks making me feel weaker. I didnt want to use the drug but the shakes and shivers wouldnt go away, everything hurt so bad and the craving so strong. I needed the drug it turned everything right side up when my world was tilting. I was weak and the drug made me strong enough to live through another day. A sob broke through my throat when i realized i was going to use the drug, because i never really had a chose. I wasnt strong enough to defeat it. It was a monster. A monster that swam through my viens and brought pleasure to my life of pain. I grabbed my belt and sat on the couch deciding to take hold of the monster and let it win.
I tightened my belt on my upper arm and looked for a vein through my light skin moving in urgency and need the craving growing as i scrambled for the bottle of dilud and syringe. The needle cool against my skin. It peirced the through causing a slight sting then an anticipation of pleasure and calm. I pushed the liquid through the syringe until it was swimming in my blood stream. A numbness wrapped around me causing everything to stop and just be, all the bad, and all the pain to dissappear. I was tired but the drug, my saver for the moment kept me going for a little while longer. My eyelids drooped, my head tilted back savoring the feeling, and my body went limp as i sat on my couch. My thoughts stopped and everything faded into the backround. It fet nice to just be able to get everything to stop and not be attacked by your own thoughts or memories, but in the end a later, a tomorrow always came around and the weariness always came back leaving me more tired then the last time.
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