'Not a Mouse Stirring' by Wittyheroine
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own any of it. I just like messing with the characters. Some chapters loosely based on an Gilmore Girls.
Summary: Formally James Potter Must Die. In 1970s England, the Magical Monarchy might be coming undone with the rise of Voldemort who threatens currently ruling Potter line. A chance prank gone awry and a rumor taken too seriously ends with the engagement of one muggleborn Lily Evans to Prince James Potter. If the two can make people believe they're actually in love they could stop a war…if they aren't destroyed first.
Chapter One
What dignity?
The day Lily Evans decided that James Potter needed to die started off normally. She had gotten up early, had a pleasant breakfast with her friends Dorcas Meadows and Marlene McKinnon, and then had made it to her first class. Then as she was innocently taking notes during the history of magic lecture on the Goblin Rebellion there was suddenly a rather loud bang.
The door burst open and with it came a very tired, panicked looking Sirius Black, whose hair was a mess, shirt was undone, and was wearing boxers instead of pants to the delight of many of the female students.
"Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" Sirius said as he walked into the middle of the class room. Professor Binns, the teacher who just happened to be a ghost, blinked at the young man standing in front of him in a state of undress.
"Mr. Black, I'm in the middle of class in case you haven't noticed. What are you doing?" he asked.
"I know! I'm sorry, I just-"Sirius stopped then as if something had caught his attention and to Lily's complete and utter surprise he walked over to her. "Lily! You can't just walk out like that! Not after everything we've been through! You just left, I was still in bed! I mean what is that all about?"
That was the point at which the class let out a collective gasp of surprise and Lily could feel all eyes on her. She very nearly slid in underneath her desk table to hide but was too much in shock to even move. What the hell was going on?
"Mr. Black, if you and Miss Evans are having a lovers' quarrel please discuss it later and not during my class," Professor Binns said, looking rather irritated.
"I CAN'T DO THIS LATER!" Sirius shouted, causing the class to collectively jump in surprise. Then he looked back at Lily. "Lily! I love you! I love you damn it! How many times do I have to tell you? God just talk to me!"
"BLACK!" Professor Binns shouted. The teacher no longer looked irritated. He looked like he was going to blow a gasket.
Lily on the other hand looked like a strange cross between being pissed off, confused, and wanting to die of embarrassment which really just meant her face was sort of contorted in pain. Then to top it all off her face became pale as the door burst open again and James Potter strode in looking beyond livid.
"SIRUS!" James Potter roared. "What are you doing man?"
To everyone's surprise Sirius Black turned and looked at James Potter, his best friend, and shot him a death glare. "GET THE HELL OUT HERE!" he practically screamed.
"I told you! She's with me now. Let it go!" James shouted back at his supposed best friend, much to the shock and dismay of the students who were also secretly delighted by the quarrel as well.
"I will not let it go," Sirius returned.
"She doesn't love you!" James Potter said, and then he turned to Lily and added, "Lily, tell him you don't love him!" Lily could only stare, gob smacked, like the rest of the class who was watching in fascination.
"Everything was fine until you came along!" Sirius shouted at James, pointing an accusatory finger.
"Ah, don't blame me 'cause you couldn't keep her!"
"I swear to Merlin I'm gonna kill you!"
"Oh I'd love to see you try!"
That was the point that Sirius lost it. He lunged on James and in turn James tossed him to the ground. Professor Binns attempted to get the boys to stop shouting "Boys! Potter! Black! Stop it right now!" Only the boys ignored him and continued fighting. He tried to break them apart using his hands but being that Professor Binns was a ghost it was useless since his hands went right through them.
Finally Professor Binns called, "Someone, get Professor McGonagall!"
James fell to the floor after being hexed by Sirius and it was at exactly that moment that the class room door burst open for the third time, a whistle sounded, and Remus Lupin was standing there dressed in a muggle policeman uniform blowing it.
"Alright, that's enough! Break it up you two!" Remus shouted, and he strode over in between the two young men and grabbed them both by their collars. He dragged the two boys, both red faced, angry, panting (but suspiciously not bruised) to the front of the class. "Lily Evans, you should be ashamed of yourself, toying with these boys like this! They used to have pride! They used to have dignity! They used to have balls!"
Then, much to the relief of Lily, Remus marched James and Sirius out of the class room as the students erupted in applause. Unfortunately the little scene was not over as the three boys came back in only seconds later and Remus shouted, "Damn it Evans! Give 'em back their balls!"
The three of them then burst into brilliant smiles, and bowed while the class hollered and clapped enthusiastically in encouragement. No one seemed to notice Lily as she sank down in her seat in embarrassment. They also didn't notice the rather venomous look on her face and they had no idea that at that particular moment she had started plotting James Potter's death.
A/N: I've thought about writing this for a while and only just got around to it. I'm a huge Gilmore Girls fan and I always thought Logan and The Life and Death Brigade were a little bit like the Marauders so I decided to write a fanfic loosely based on that story line in the Harry Potter world with Lily and James. Reviews much appreciated. Chapter two possibly to come soon.