Jo sighed and tried not to roll her eyes as she walked into the office. She had expected that there would signs of what day it was. She hadn't expected it to look exactly like a normal day but she also hadn't expected it to be so obvious. The men were a mix of stunned deer-in-the-headlight looks (those who had only just realized what today was) and nervous activity (those that knew what day it was but had put off doing anything about it until this moment). The women were a mix of happy anticipation and satisfied smiles. Jo had hoped that she could have, for the most part, ignored what day it was but it appeared that would not be option.
It was Valentine's Day.
Jo had never liked Valentine's Day. It probably started after so many years of being single. She hadn't dated much in high school or even college for that matter. She had a very low tolerance for ridiculous behavior the kind of which men, or rather boys, of that age are typically fluent in. She was a very strong willed woman and most men couldn't handle her in return either. She was too headstrong to ever last long in a relationship in those young years. Years of singleness really hadn't bothered her especially when she saw the kinds of things that her friends put up with. So, it wasn't that Valentine's Day made her bemoan her single status. She just had found the whole idea of it ridiculous. Jo wasn't a romantic. She was practical. She was a realist. The cliché day offered the brand of 'romance' that she herself could never fall for. It was too obvious, too expected. The sentiment of it all just didn't feel real when everyone was pretty much guilted into celebrating it.
Even when she had met Sean she still hadn't cared for the day. She remembered telling him early on that she didn't expect anything from it and didn't need to celebrate it (and unlike most women who said that she actually meant it). But Sean was a romantic. He was always looking for ways to do something special for her. To her surprise, she found that she really liked being taken care of, to have someone focus their attention on like he did. As someone who had always prided herself on being able to take care of herself she hadn't expected to like such attention as much as she did. Even on Valentine's Day, which she had always hated, she found she just couldn't deny him the opportunity to spoil her and found didn't even want to. The holiday had always been impersonal and commercial but Sean had found a way to somehow make it special just like he did for so many things in her life.
She had tried not to dread this day too much but despite her efforts she couldn't help herself. This year she had more reason to hate this holiday than she ever had before. This day was just another reminder of what she had lost. It made it all too obvious what could have been. Valentine's Day wasn't special. It really was just another day. Sean was what had made it special. With him gone it was emptier than ever. Today could have been special because Sean would have made it special. He would have planned something really nice, something that would have been the perfect way to make her feel like she really was the most beautiful and wonderful woman in the world. He always knew just what to do to make her believe it.
Jo stopped a few feet away from her desk and groaned when she saw a box sitting on her desk. Great she thought and now she did roll her eyes. Just to add insult to injury someone had messed up a delivery and now she would have to try and track down the correct recipient. Her sorrow made her irritation grow so much that she was pretty sure she would just toss it in the trash than to have to face the happy reception of it by whomever it was intended for. She just didn't think she could handle that.
But as she got closer to her desk she started to recognize what the box was. It was a box of chocolates, though not a typical one. It wasn't the cliché kind they sold for the day, all shiny red and shaped like a heart with lace and ruffles. It hadn't been bought in a grocery or drug store. This box was small and square, brown and gold with a gold ribbon wrapped around one corner and the name of the shop embossed on the front of it. She recognized where they were from before she ever got to her desk and picked it up. This was actually a gift for her. And she knew exactly who they were from.
She'd only seen a fancy box of chocolates like this once before. They were from a very expensive chocolate shop in the upscale part of town. It was the kind of shop where they sold the chocolates piece by piece and not by the box. Her and Henry had passed by it once when they had just wrapped up a high profile case in that part of town. It was the kind of place she'd never set foot in and one that even Henry wouldn't frequent on a regular basis. She had made some kind of comment about it in passing and he had suggested they go in and try it out. She had tried to brush off the idea but he had gone on with all of that "life is too short" and "seize the day" kind of stuff he was always saying until she caved and agreed. They'd spent way too much money trying all the different types and ranking their personal favorites. She smiled now as she remembered that afternoon and she was so glad he'd convinced her. They'd had a lot of fun together that day.
She lowered herself down into her chair as she ran her hand over the box. She knew they were from Henry of course. Who else would even think to visit such a swanky shop? She smiled but she also felt a tug inside her chest. She had thought she wasn't affected by this ridiculous holiday but it must have been affecting her more than she gave it credit for. She found herself touched deeply by Henry's kind gesture. Soon, she was fighting off a rare wave of tears as she thought about the thought he must have put into it. Though the box was small she knew he must have spent a decent amount on it. But it wasn't just that she knew the gift hadn't been cheap or that he'd had to travel a good distance to go to that shop that moved her at the moment. It was also knowing that he had to have remembered that afternoon they'd spent together, that it must have meant something to him as well. It also meant that he'd thought ahead to today, that he'd wanted to do something special for her. It meant she wasn't as alone today as she thought she was.
The tears she had been battling started to make her eyes tingle as she opened the box and found that it was filled with only one kind of chocolate, the one that she said was her favorite. She recalled telling him she liked this one so much that she would get a whole box of just that one. And he had remembered and done just that for her.
She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. She was determined not to cry especially not here at her desk right in middle the bustling office. She was compelled to see Henry and thank him for the gift but before she did she opened a draw in her desk and slipped the box inside. It seemed too special to leave it out where someone else could see it. She knew that having to try and explain it if anyone if asked would only bring on the emotions she was now trying to calm.
When she arrived down in the morgue she found Henry and Lucas next to a body they were in the middle autopsying. Henry had stopped his work and was scribbling some notes on a clipboard beside the body. Lucas was next him, holding a clipboard of his own but he babbling a million miles instead of writing. There was a distinct crease in Henry's forehead, as he was overly focused on the paper in front of him and it seemed he was quite intent on ignoring Lucas. Lucas appeared just as determined to be heard. "You think she was right, Doc? I thought she was wrong but maybe I was the one in the wrong."
"I think I need those samples Lucas, that's what I think. The ones I asked for an hour ago."
"Sure thing, but really, what do you think? I-"
"Detective Martinez," Henry greeted her with a smile, when he noticed Jo approaching them. He spoke a bit too loudly, interrupting Lucas mid-sentence, obviously happy to see her. Or at least happy for distraction.
"Hi Henry," she said with a smile. She glanced over briefly at Lucas. "Lucas," she greeted
There was silence between the three after the initial greeting. Lucas and Henry looked at Jo expecting her to continue to speak about whatever reason had brought her here. When Henry realized that she wasn't going to be comfortable speaking with Lucas there he turned and gave Lucas a look that made it clear that they wanted privacy. Lucas pouted a little but he eventually turned and left them alone.
"He driving you a little crazy?" Jo asked with a smile.
Henry sighed. "It's this mad holiday. It's such a distraction," he said with some frustration and a wave of his hand. "It's left him feeling, how you say, quite 'reflective' over his past romantic blunders. All of them. He feels the need analyze them and chastise himself for them since he is sure he wouldn't still be single today if he hadn't made those mistakes."
"Aww," she said smiling at Henry's distress.
"It isn't that I'm unsympathetic, mind you," he added quickly. "It's just been my experience that sometimes reflecting too much over the past, particularly on your mistakes can be a detriment to yourself. And to those around you," he added with a smile.
Jo knew he was talking about Lucas but it almost seemed as if there was another meaning just under the surface of what he was saying, something personal he was thinking about, something that wasn't meant to be a joke. But instead of trying to follow on that inkling which would likely produce no result any way, she decided to focus instead on the matter at hand.
"Yeah, about that mad holiday," she said bringing the conversation back to what she had come here to say. "I got your gift."
Henry smiled, that charming half smile of his, though it looked a tad shy this time. "Ah, you found me out then? I would have left a note on it but they didn't have any cards that said 'from: the weirdest, creepiest person you've ever met'."
Jo laughed. She was pretty sure that she was never going to live down those words she'd said after her initial impression of Henry. Not that it really mattered. Henry had a good sense of humor about it. "Well, I'm sure there is a crying need for such cards," she said with mock seriousness. "But it's alright; of course, I knew it was from you. I can't think of a single soul who would ever think to visit that shop besides you."
"I hope I didn't overstep my bounds," he said a bit self-conscious as he studied her expression.
"No. Not at all. It was nice. I was surprised."
"Surprised I would do something nice?" he said with a smile. "Where have I gone wrong?"
"That isn't what I meant."
"I know," he reassured with a smile. "Just teasing you."
"I know of course that you are capable of kind acts. I just didn't expect to get a gift today."
"Well I'm glad it was a nice surprise for you. "
Jo glanced down, a little embarrassed herself. "What made you think to do it?" she asked quietly looking up at him again.
Henry looked down now, almost like he was embarrassed. It was not a sight she was accustomed to seeing. It took him a few moments to look up at her and answer and she was briefly afraid that she maybe she shouldn't have asked. Was there some unspoken message she should have seen?
"Well, you are my partner. And my friend," he said somewhat nervously. "While Valentine's Day is traditionally centered around romantic love it is also a day to celebrate familial relationships and friendships. And-"
"Henry," she said encouraging him out of his rant. She looked at him, telling him just to be honest.
"Additionally, I thought today might be a difficult day for you. And I just thought you might not feel very special today..."he paused looked at her seriously, his eyes firmly locked on her own, "and you should."
Jo looked down avoiding his stare suddenly on the brink of being undone by his rare unveiled declaration of feelings towards her. The body on the table in front of her, mid autopsy, was a gruesome sight but she focused on it rather than on Henry's face. If she saw the way he was looking at her right now she would cry. It wasn't pity she would find; she'd had more than her fair share of that in the past year and she hated having it directed at her. But Henry never looked at her with pity. Sympathy, maybe, but never pity. Right now though, she knew she would find something else instead; it would be love and care she saw there for her.
She had not been expecting all of this. How did Henry know exactly how she felt? She had expected to feel so alone today. But right now she didn't feel alone. She wasn't forgotten. She had been determined not to cry when she came down here but his kindness, especially when she was feeling so vulnerable, was making that really difficult.
"I've upset you," he stated, a hint of distress in his voice.
"No, no" she somehow managed to croak out quickly shaking her head but still not looking at him.
She knew he was unconvinced. She had meant to reassure him but it was obvious that was upset. "Was it...the wrong gesture?" he asked unsure. "I enjoyed that afternoon and thought it might be a good reminder of that day," he said and she knew he was talking about the one where they had visited the chocolate shop. "I'm glad you're my partner. And my friend. I'm sure I don't tell you that enough and I only meant to express my gratitude towards you today."
It wasn't often that Henry sounded unsure of himself. Most of the time it seemed he was an expert in everything. But he sounded unsure right now. Jo distantly wondered how long it might have been since he'd bought anyone a Valentine's Day gift. However long it had been had not left him out of practice. The gesture was just right. That's why she was so touched by it. She could tell that right now he felt he had made things worse for her instead of better which had been his goal.
"Henry," she still said looking down not trusting herself. "It was the perfect gesture. I...I..."
Jo quickly thought over her options. Leaving would be rude and Henry would probably only follow her anyway. He would know something was wrong. He already did. But it wasn't that he had done something wrong and she didn't want him to think it was. But she knew that she was going to lose this battle with herself. So, without another word she walked to the other side of the table and wrapped her arms around him. She knew she took him slightly by surprise because she felt him tense at first to her touch but then he relaxed his arms holding her in return.
Now that her face was hidden from him, she let it crumble. But as she started to allow her emotions to be felt they started to get ahead of her. She didn't trust herself not to let them get the best of her so she buried her face against his shoulder, hiding from any passerby. The morgue was mostly empty at the moment but she didn't want anyone to see the few tears that somehow found there way out of her eyes. She could smell his cologne mixed in the fabric under her face. Henry wore it nearly every day and she found that she was quite fond of it these days. For a moment she felt safe as she rested against Henry's touch.
Henry said nothing he just held her and understood. She felt him reach up a hand to the back of her head and bush her hair softly a couple of times before resting there. The gesture was so tender she had to bite her lip so she didn't let out a cry when he did. It felt like he could help hold her together. She so often felt like falling apart but she so seldom did. And even though she couldn't right here and right now, she let herself draw on his strength to help her combat the grief she felt.
"What am I supposed to do with you Henry?" she said slightly shaking her head against his shoulder, glad he couldn't see her though she knew she hid nothing from him. She had thought this day was meaningless but Henry had managed to give it meaning again. He had made her feel special in his own way. She had thought it would only be a reminder of all that she had lost and hollow for the absence of the husband she'd lost. She had never expected it to show her what she had gained: a real, true friend, possibly the best she'd ever had.
What she really meant was What would I do without you? Henry was weird and eccentric and sometimes he drove her kind of crazy. But more important than any of those other things was this: he was good for her. He understood her and he was just there for her. He could ramble on and on but he actually did know when to be quiet. Like now.
She thought back to that time, only a mere few months ago before she met him. She could scarcely believe how short their time together had been for all that had changed. Had it really only been a few months ago that she had nearly hit rock bottom? Had it really only been a few months ago that she had been so lonely and grief stricken that she spent her nights in bars and the beds of strangers rather go home and face her own problems? She was reluctant to think about that time. It had not been the finest act in her story thus far and she knew that it would have continued on had she not found the safety of Henry's friendship. How far would she have gone? How much of a hold would she have allowed her problems to take on her had she not met this crazy M.E. whose presence in her life gave her the strength she needed to keep fighting?
She didn't know what would have happened because Henry was here and he made her feel better. Not completely healed but better. She was still lonely. She still hurt a lot of the time. She still drank more than she knew she should and there were still nights she almost couldn't bear the thought of going back to her empty house alone. But she was sad less often. She wasn't as lonely anymore. She had someone to drink with her now. She had someone to notice her, to worry about her. She had someone who cared enough about her that he wanted her to feel special today. And that changed everything.
She wanted to tell him all of this. She wanted him to know all he was to her, all he had done for her. But she just couldn't find a way to say it. Not yet. Maybe someday when she wasn't so close to the pain. Henry knew her so well though. He seemed to understand what she was really saying, what she couldn't put to words but what she wanted him to know. She could hear the smile in his voice when he answered. "I suppose you could trade me in for another M.E. I have to admit it wouldn't be the first time."
"Not a chance," she said with unveiled fondness, smiling, her face still resting against his shoulder.
"Henry. I-uh,"
Both Henry and Jo's heads popped up at the sound of Lucas walking into the room. Jo pulled away and Henry let his arms fall away as she retreated.
"Sorry, guys...I...well I didn't-" Lucas stammered.
"What is it Lucas?" Henry sighed facing Lucas. Jo quickly turned away and made sure her face was clear of tears.
"Never mind," Lucas said nervously, retreating from the room and leaving them alone again. They glanced at each other and then both laughed slightly at Lucas' embarrassment.
Jo shook her head, a slight blush on her cheeks. She had gotten more emotional than she had intended to but even with Lucas' interruption she couldn't say she regretted it entirely. "I'm keeping you. I should really let you get back to work."
"There isn't anything more important that I could be doing than what I am doing now," he replied sincerely.
Jo felt the blush on her face deepen and spread to what felt like her whole body at Henry's words. She wasn't used to him saying such kind things to her, at least not this openly. While Henry was a man of many words he kept the really important ones to himself. Though she rubbed a nervous hand at the back of her neck she had to admit she could get used to hearing more words of the kind.
"Still, you were in the middle of something," she said gesturing to the body on the table.
He smiled, that mischievous side smile he was so good at. "I don't think he's going anywhere. Do you?"
She had thought she'd gotten used to Henry's, at times, morbid sense of humor. But she found herself laughing at his odd brand of hilarity. "No, I don't think so, but still, I'll leave you to it. I need to get back too. I just wanted to...you know, thank you."
"You're quite welcome Detective."
Jo turned to leave the morgue but she stopped and turned around. "Hey, you have any plans later?"
He smiled. "I have no romantic appointments if that's what you mean. And if you mean any plans otherwise, I think that Abraham has three romantic engagements planed for today," he said smiling when her eyebrows arched in surprise, "so I imagine I will be solo for the rest of the day. Why do ask?"
"How about when we're done for the day, you and I grab some coffee and split those fancy chocolates?"
He smiled. "That sounds good. It's a date."
"Good," she said with a nod leaving the morgue.
She had told Henry once that knowing him made dealing with guilt easier. But the truth was that knowing Henry made dealing with everything easier. He certainly had made this terrible day a lot easier. But it wasn't just that he had made it easier; he had actually made it special. He had made her feel special. He had used to remind her that she wasn't alone, that she had a pretty fantastic friend and partner. She had lost so much in the past year but that was something worth celebrating.
Maybe Valentine's Day wasn't so bad after all.