Many Spoliers ahead! Like many! And also a bit of what could be considered AU.
He saw it from the sidelines, from where he was cowering against the wall with the ring on his finger, distorting the screams of the living and the dying, clouding the figures as they moved around him, he himself praying desperately that they wouldn't bump into him, find him at all and put an end to his life.
But he hadn't cared anymore when Thorin had fallen.
He didn't know if his scream could be heard over the racket, he didn't care. His feet had moved on their own accord, beginning to dart forward and weave between all the fighting and withering bodies, his eyes never leaving the sight of the King falling, his nephews crying out and darting to protect him with tooth and nail as Ori fell to his King's side in a desperate attempt to get ahead in the healing process.
Bilbo could already feel the tears beginning to build up, straining to fall from his eyes. He forced them back though. Thorin would be okay, there was no way he would die. He was the King, of all people the King would never die! He could almost hear Thorin's laughter as he told Bilbo that all hero's were mortal, that people can die no matter what and that he was an idiot to think otherwise.
And then the second scream followed shortly by a third echoed louder than the rest, and Bilbo watched as Fili fell, crashing to a heap as Kili leapt forward, crying out for his brother as he darted past Goblins and Wargs who threw themselves after him, cackling madly, and tears streamed down Bilbo's face as Kili fell too, crashing down on top of his brother. Instantly the rest of the Company where there, fending them all off and Bilbo slipped past their ranks to rip off the ring and fall by the brothers side.
He saw them, Kili lying on his brothers chest as they shakily joined hands, barely able to smile at each other as their fingers entwined. Bilbo reached out, his hand quivering madly and gently stroked their hands, watching as Kili looked at him for the barest of moment, his eyes warm and regretful before his head dropped into the crook of his brothers neck and his eyes dimmed. Bilbo shuffled forward, refusing to acknowledge he was gone before Fili touched his cheek once, his eyes searching Bilbo's.
"Heart… home…" he whispered, voice cracked and destroyed before he smiled and closed his eyes, his head dropping to rest on his brothers as their entwined hands fell to their sides.
Bilbo let out a small cry, refusing it to be true before the words flickered through his head and he was on his feet, sliding Kili's eyes closed before sprinting to Thorin, dropping to his knees beside the fallen man on the opposite side of Ori.
"T-Thorin?" he whispered, trembling hand touching the others cheek. The Dwarf King was shaking, blood everywhere and Ori was sobbing as he tried to stop it. Bilbo bit his lip, determined not to lose hope as he turned Thorin's head to face him and tried to hold eye contact.
"B-Bilbo?"
"God… I'm here Thorin," he replied, voice shaky and hitching slightly when Thorin lifted a blood soaked hand and pressed it to Bilbo's cheek. He didn't care though, not at all as he reached up and clutched the hand, drawing it to his chest when it fell limp from lack of strength.
"Bilbo? Bil-" he was cut off as he started convulsing, making Ori start sobbing uncontrollably and Bilbo's hands tighten around Thorin's as his own tears stung his eyes. He didn't pay attention to the dwindling down fight, nor the sudden presence of the Company as they all stood around in a circle, the bodies of Fili and Kili still entwined together in Dwalin's arms.
"Thorin? Thorin, its going to be okay," Bilbo started, leaning forward to press their foreheads together, clutching both his small hands around Thorin's larger one. "Just stay with me Thorin."
"G-Gandalf told me… more about the ring…" Thorin forced out, and Bilbo pulled away to look at him in shock. Thorin offered him a watery smile. "How it's enchanted… and how they can… have certain side effects."
"Thorin…"
"Don't let it get to you," Thorin interrupted, his other hand rising shakily to tap against Bilbo's chest. "Don't let it get your heart…"
"That'll always be yours," Bilbo instantly replied, a tear streaking down his face at the pained laugh that fell from Thorin's lips as he convulsed again, a small trail of blood leaking from his lips, and Bilbo reached forward to wipe it away before pressing their foreheads together again, breathing as lightly as he could. He could hear the others cries, their disbelief and pain almost a thick cloud in the air but he pushed it aside.
"Never thought this could happen right? The hero never dies?" Thorin chuckled, his voice sad and broken and Bilbo's heart broke more and more until it began to form naught but dust in his chest.
"Wait for me, wait for me Thorin. Until I come, wait for me until I come."
Thorin laughed again. "Silly Halfling, I do not believe we will end up in the same place."
"If I have to trudge through hell and fight through hordes of orcs, I will do so gladly to be by your side," Bilbo whispered, eyes shut tightly before opening and seeing watery eyes staring back at him.
"Do not make promises you cannot keep."
"I don't, I never do."
Thorin looked lost, he looked pale and lost and Bilbo wanted to sob uncontrollably and beg for him to stay alive, to stay with him.
"You know… I-I…" Thorin tired speaking again, freezing up and Bilbo couldn't tell if he was searching his eyes for something or if they were twitching uncontrollably. "I l-lo-love… you."
Instantly a sob ripped from Bilbo's throat, and he was surprised to see the tears slipping down his face landing to mix with Thorin's on his blood stained cheeks. He heard the soft laugh below him, the hand tightening in his grip before he finally forced out his answer through the shards of his broken heart clogging his throat.
"I love you too, god I love you."
Thorin was limp before he finished the sentence.
…
Despite Smaug's presence destroying some of the city, Bilbo couldn't deny the beauty of it as he sat on a bench, staring almost unseeingly at the beautifully crafted door in front of him. He knew what lay behind it, what he would see if he opened it and it scared him more than anything in the world.
"He wouldn't have wanted you to be sad, Bilbo."
"I don't think anyone knows what he would've wanted."
He knew he was being harsh, especially to the old wizard who was walking to sit beside him. But Bilbo's feelings were confusing. On one hand he wanted to hate the wizard, hate Gandalf for introducing him to this adventure, introducing him to Thorin, leaving the chance for him to fall in love with Thorin only to have heart ripped out and left to rot. But on the other hand he wanted to thank Gandalf, for the chance to have this adventure, to meet and love Thorin, to allow him to have at least some time to be happy and whole.
He couldn't decide.
"He loved you," Gandalf sighed, shaking Bilbo from his thoughts and the small hobbit bit his lip, his eyes sliding shut. "I think maybe even more than his desire to restore his kingdom."
"I don't think he loved anything more than the thought of his restored kingdom."
Gandalf smiled at him, "Your heart was his palace, and his was yours."
Bilbo's heart stopped, what was left of it, and he slowly took a deep breath before reopening his eyes and standing, trying not to flinch as he looked down at the old wizard.
"We were fools to think that something as pure as love could not be broken by a tainted sword."
It wasn't until he was a good few meters away did Gandalf speak again.
"Where will you go? Home to the Shire?"
Bilbo froze, turning slightly and his eyes ran over the door containing the room holding the bodies of Thorin, Fili and Kili, all being groomed and preserved to be stored away in the catacombs of the city, a great honor for the dwarves. His fingers itched with the urge to touch the King, his lips tingled with the need to kiss Thorin again, his whole body screamed with the desire to just look upon the other one last time before he was gone forever.
"My home is gone Gandalf."
…
The remaining Company offered to escort him home, none of them wanting him to go in the first place but accepting of him when he refused to budge on the decision to do so. Ori had cried, clinging to him tightly and even Bofur had shed a tear at his choice. The others had nodded, simply going to find horses before setting off with him.
They'd stuck to the road after the first day, traveled and stayed in towns after the first night. They'd almost lost the horses, all automatically thinking Fili and Kili would be there. They'd all been silent around the campfire, wondering when the brothers would burst out in song or when Thorin would tell a tale, retell the story of his past as he would brood. They all expected the King to be dark and silent, brightened up by a clumsy hobbit who would trip over and fall into his lap and make him laugh.
The decision to stay in inns had been unanimous.
And when they'd reached the Shire, all silent and in the middle of the dark, Bilbo didn't say a word when they tethered the horses in a nearby clearing they'd used so long ago at the beginning of the journey when they'd come to recruit him and followed him back to his house. He didn't say a word as the dwarfs moved the table, nor when they raided the pantry and he shed a tear with them when they all looked at the three extra set but empty spots around the table.
It wasn't until Gloin stood up with a toast to their fallen comrades did conversation finally happen, and soon, whilst laughter was still missing, tales of battle and valor piped up around the table. Creating a racket that Bilbo had missed so much, yet it still missed the presence of three valuable dwarfs.
And then later, when they all nursed mugs of mead and sat quietly, Ori, sweet Ori, got up and walked to Bilbo, slowly reaching a hand into his pocket and pulling out a package to hand to the hobbit.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save him."
"Ori… it wasn't-"
"I know. But it feels like it."
And then he sat down, leaving Bilbo to watch him with sad eyes before unwrapping the simply wrapped package. Only to gasp at seeing the perfectly clear diamond locket peeking back at him, a single lock of finely braided hair he knew as Thorin's perched and preserved inside it.
"It came from his family's vault. It was unfinished, but…" Nori left the sentence hanging, but Bilbo understood just fine, clutching the necklace like he had Thorin's hand, knowing it was all he had left of the man he loved.
The dwarfs had stayed that night, curling up all round his room. And Bilbo hadn't found it odd when they cried as he did.
And when they left before he woke, the house pristine and empty leaving him with a sense of deja vu, Bilbo had stood staring at the door for a long time before holding the necklace to his chest and breaking completely.
…
Bilbo didn't see any of them again. None of the dwarves he'd spent so long a time with, and developed such close bonds with. He was excluded from his fellow hobbits too, seen as a queer man who lived too long in his delusions of grandeur and moped about a long lost love who mightn't have existed.
He didn't mind. He had himself, he had Thorin, he had his nephew Frodo when he arrived a few years later with a chirpy smile and mischievous streak that reminded him of Fili and Kili. He had the remains of his heart and memories of a time filled with love and adventure. He never cared for more than that, and the words he scratched in his book later on became the last telling of his life, the last telling of a love so dear to him he never forgot.
And the ring?
The ring lay dormant in his room for years. Still hidden away in the backpack he never opened, never unpacked for fear of everything being truly finished. It never occurred to him to find it, too lost in his despair and longing. In fact, it wasn't until Gandalf turned up after two years, looking sorrowful and regretful. Bilbo had stared at him for a long time before letting him into his house and life again, still torn between anger and gratefulness. It was Gandalf who spoke of the ring, who made Bilbo return to his bag that night and look for it, frowning at the sensations he felt as the ring lay in his palm.
He felt it, oh he felt it. The almost cold addictive feeling as it worked its way through him, seeking to find his core. He gazed at it, his head cocked to the side and brow pinched before he sighed and pocketed it, refusing its touch as it tried to attack his heart, tried to sink its claws in.
Because what could a shiny gold ring measure up to a purely loved diamond?
I have never read the book (on my shelf waiting though :D) and have only watched the movie and gathered what information I could from the internet to write this without spoiling the whole book for me.
So most of it was guessed. I still don't know how Fili, Kili and Thorin died. Except Fili and Kili died protecting Thorin and Thorin dies after the final battle from wounds or something.
Anyway! Hope you enjoyed! My next one will be much much happier!
