So, this is my first fic in a while and I'm not quite sure how this is going to work out, but I hope you like it. I'm feeling in the writing mood and I really want to continue this story, so there will probably be more chapters released today. I do not own Avatar the Last Airbender, nor have I ever claimed to. All credit goes to the creators and this will be the disclaimer that stands for the rest of the story. Please be kind to me.
That day in Ba Sing Se, in the catacombs, trapped with the disgraced prince, who was remorseful for his actions, was the day she first felt feelings for a boy. She felt pity, trust, and, above all, understanding. She understood why he did what he did. He was a kid, looking for his father's approval, she wasn't much younger than him, and she still wasn't always sure if some of the things she did were right. He had been brainwashed by his father and the people pulling the strings of the fire nation since he was born. She realized, then, that Zuko was not a bad person, like she, and the group, had always thought. He was not evil, he was not malicious, he was just a confused kid. She forgave him.
However he betrayed them all, siding with Azula in the end. Katara felt something inside her break, and she was terribly angry. After saving Aang, Katara felt a little empty. She should be happy. They had failed, but the world's last hope was still alive, even though everyone believed him to be dead. She realized the lack of morale in the people that that would cause, but they all agreed it was for the better. If Ozai thought Aang was dead, it would be all the easier to attack. He was powerful and, as much as everyone hated to admit it, they would need every advantage they could take.
Zuko, coming home to praise, being welcomed with open arms. His sister was proud of him, well, as proud as Azula gets. His father had restored his honor, though was still cold to him. He was Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation once again. He should have been bursting with joy, and he was, for a very short time, but something opened inside of him, a pit in his stomach that never seemed to fill, but he ignored it. Deciding to throw his energy into something, in order to avoid examining that feeling, knowing what he would find.
So he turned to Mai. One of Azula's friends. She was quiet and of noble lineage. He knew of her crush, Azula having teased her about it relentlessly. She was pretty, calm, a decent fighter and would earn the approval of his father. There was really no reason not to like her. So he threw his energy into her, telling her he shared her feelings. He tried to win her over, make her think his feelings weren't as shallow as they really were. He had the servants decorate a room lavishly, had them make some of the most expensive food he could think of, and invited her to spend the day with him. He thought it would impress her, win over her skepticism.
When she saw the room, rose petals and a fine velvet couch, servants everywhere, she paled. Mai was not a normal girl, she preferred black and simplicity. She saw the lavish lifestyle of her parents as wasteful and really wanted no part of it, but upon seeing that room, she knew Zuko didn't really like her. He didn't even know her well enough to know she hated the sight, she hated the color pink, she hated that the servants' eyes would be on them the entire time, she hated the expensive food laid out on a table to the side. She hated everything about that, but servants were watching, so she plastered a small smile on. It was fake as ever, she never smiled, but she had to try. She did not want the whispers through the palace to be of how she embarrassed the prince. She walked over and sat down beside him, looking very uncomfortable and keeping her distance.
"What's wrong?" Zuko asked. "Are you hungry?" then to the servants, "Bring over the tarts." It was not a demand, he was being kind enough to them, even though he didn't have to be. They appreciated it. Though he still made them uncomfortable they preferred him over Azula any day. They carried over the tray, laden with all manor of colorful deserts. Mai made a face, but quickly covered it with the same strained smile. She hated sweets.
"No, I'm not hungry, but thank you." The servant bowed and started to back away, but Zuko halted him, holding up his hand.
"Are you sure? There's..." and he began naming off different sweets that sounded disgusting to Mai. He wasn't trying to pressure her, he was only trying to be polite, make her happy. The only problem was that none of this made her happy. Her smile faltered into a half-grimace as the thought of all that sugar turned her stomach and made her face turn just a little green. Zuko didn't notice.
"No, really, I'm not hungry, I just ate before I came here." She nodded her head to reassure him, and the look of confusion and slight concern dissipated slightly, but he was still a little fearful. He could tell. Mai was starting to figure it out. She moved her head closer to him, embarrassed by the presence of so many people and careful to keep her body away from him, and her lips a safe distance, but where she could still whisper to him. "Do you mind dismissing everyone?" She cast her eyes around the room to indicate who "everyone" was.
"Sure..." Zuko said uncomfortably, still holding the fake smile in place, though it was faltering. He gave the order, even though he knew what was coming as soon as they closed the door.
The door closed with a soft "click". She turned her body to face him, still keeping distance between them on the couch. "Zuko," she started hesitantly. "Can I ask you a question?" She knew what the answer would be, and she was scared of it, but she knew she had to ask, had to hear him say it. He nodded. He felt uncomfortable. He, too, knew what was coming next.
"Do you really like me?" She blurted out. She had to rip the bandage off or she would never get it out. Zuko saw glittering blue eyes flash through his memory.
"Mai..." He had planned on lying to her, of keeping up the ruse, but he knew he could not. Pretending to love her was exhausting and she was a good person. She deserved the chance to be with someone who could love her back. He knew he would be disappointing his father, but he knew, at that moment, where his inner struggle was heading. He knew what he would have to do. After all the nights of sneaking around to see his uncle, of their talks, of his disappointment in him, he knew what he had to do. He wanted to look the other way, like he had been doing, but he could no longer.
"No." He finally said, after a pause. She deflated, all the tension leaving her body. She was sad and it showed in her eyes, but she also felt an inner relief. She had built Zuko up into this impossible person, and she knew the real him was not her image.
"You have someone else you love." It was not a question, though it was phrased as one. That gave him pause once more. Was that what he felt? Did he truly love the little water bender who had offered to heal his scar of shame? The girl who had forgiven him, shown him true strength? The girl he betrayed? The inner turmoil grew once more. He knew it was truth, but he wanted to reject it. He knew she would never feel the same.
"Go to her." Mai said simply. It hurt, but she knew that that was where he belonged. He belonged with the one he loved, not cooped in this palace, pretending to have feelings for her. Zuko's face was shocked. She was releasing him, hoping for his happiness. She was sad, but she still wanted him to follow his heart, even if it was away from her.
"Thank you." He bowed and left the room, resisting looking back at her. He didn't want to see the tears, so he left her in that room, to mourn the crush she had harbored since childhood and he went to his room.
He shed his robes, pulling more comfortable, travel clothes out of his drawer. He slipped them off and shed his top knot, letting his hair fall into his eyes once more. He pack a small bag, some clothes, some food, essentials for travel and, at the last minute, he grabbed his swords, strapping them to his back. He was ready.
He got into the prison, walked to his uncle's cell and knelt down before the bars. He was encased in the darkness as the moon shone down on the old man in the cage. "I'm sorry, uncle." He bent his head down to touch the floor. The ultimate form of respect. Then he raised his head and his eyes met with the silent, former-general. "I know my course, now, and I am sorry that I brought you down while trying to find it. I'm sorry that it took me this long." He sighed, fully hating himself. His uncle's eye-brows raised. He was shocked.
Then Iroh smiled. A genuine smile, his first one in a long time. Then he laughed from his belly, shocking the young prince and making him jump. "I'm glad, but what are you doing here? Go to her." With his nephew's shocked expression, Iroh chuckled once more. "I mean, 'them'" he said, ammending himself with a bemused smile. He knew he meant what he said the first time, but the boy, no, man before him seemed to recover from his shock, nodding and getting to his feet. Zuko bowed once more.
"Thank you," he said. "For everything." Then Zuko turned and walked away, feeling a weight lifted off him. He had a purpose, now. A truly honorable one. He thought of something the water bender had once said to him. Your honor is not something that can be given to you. You must find it for yourself.