Author's Note: Honestly, I have no idea what the heck this story is. I thought of it randomly, and it has no real plot behind it whatsoever. I meant to write this as some oneshot joke fic, but then I kind of got a little into it...

Erm. Anyway, this is to help me get back into the writing groove. Updates will be sporadic; I might update tomorrow, or I might not update for two years. We'll see. Enjoy this...crap.

One thousand students were watching her as she rose to the stage. Valedictorian, the principal had announced; valedictorian, followed by her name.

There was something positively euphoric about the moment. She sent a smirk to one of the boys as she walked down the aisle – Dick 'n' Dicks (real name: Richard Dickson; Arceus, his parents must have hated the kid to name him that) –, who just rolled his eyes. Yes, it wasn't being the best out of everyone in the school that made this so great; it was being better than everyone in the school that made this oh so worth her efforts.

She stepped up the stairs slowly, trying to be as graceful and as poised as possible. For once, nobody snickered. Nobody laughed. Probably all felt sick to their stomachs that they had lost out on this competition, as they should.

She addressed the principal, whose lips were pulled in the faintest smile. The old man's head twitched, and if she hadn't seen the old man's wrinkled old face at least once a week for "another case of bullying," she was sure she wouldn't have even noticed. The geezer never seemed to so much as breathe or blink, let alone show emotion. But he had definitely nodded.

You did it, he seemed to say. He held out an open hand to her, and she shook it, taking the diploma he handed to her with the other hand. He glanced at the crowd of seated students, and for a second, she thought she saw a smile.

"Beatrice Stacks, as valedictorian of the class of 2015, you may now declare your starting Pokémon."

She wiped her hands as surreptitiously as she could on her graduation gown and tried to swallow down the lump in her throat. She cleared her throat, and as he handed the mic to her, she took it shakily, facing the crowd of students.

Beatrice closed her eyes and took a breath. Relax, B, relax. She had worked so hard for this. The proof was in her hands – literally. Scars etched her hands, and she was glad that her studying days were over.

She could practically hear the crowd roll their eyes. A couple of grumbles sounded through the audience, and she heard a distinct "Arceus, who thought we'd lose the Eevee to that?" A couple snickers voiced their agreement, though a teacher shushed them.

Nothing new. She opened her eyes and smiled. With the mic to her lips, she spoke clearly. Each. Word. Emphatic. "I choose...Bidoof."

Silence.

"Bidoof," she repeated, turning to the principal. She dropped the mic into his open hands, grinning. Principal Owen's face was as calm as ever, but his eyes were frozen on her. "That's my choice."

Another couple of seconds passed. Her voice echoed in the hall.

Then the laughter started.

She ignored the roars and guffaws, seating herself back in her spot. She looked straight on ahead to Principal Owen, but she could see Dick 'n' Dicks glancing back at her from a couple rows in front. The students around her did nothing to hide their sniggers.

"Damn, even she knows what she deserves!"

"What an idiot!"

"Looks like family comes first, huh?"

It was all just ambiance at this point. She watched Principal Owen call up the second pick – Dick 'n' Dicks himself. He chose the obvious choice, Eevee, earning him many groans from the crowd. Then the third pick (Charmander), the fourth (Snivy), the fifth (Piplup), all the way to the tenth-highest ranking student, who chose Chikorita.

Principal Owen then proceeded to call up the other graduates, though these were much quicker: applause, handshake, diploma, and then the next student by alphabetical order. Only the top ten got to choose their starters in Red Maple Academy; the rest got to have their luck tested in a lottery. Nobody in the lottery ever got a Pokemon like an Eevee. Those were practically reserved for the valedictorian – they were called the "teacher's pet." Some would be lucky and get the remaining prized "classic starters" (the elemental trios of each region); others would cry themselves to sleep when they have to start with a "tears starter." Then there was everything in between.

Beatrice got a number of glances throughout the rest of the ceremony, though most of these were curious ones rather than abusive. Why would she have chosen a Bidoof? What valedictorian would subject themselves to such torture? She swore she heard the word "masochist" thrown in somewhere, and she couldn't help but chuckle to herself a little.

Masochist, huh. That was the public opinion of a Bidoof – that it was painful. That it was torture to even have one. She'd been called Bidoof enough to know the connotation. But as she took the Poké Ball from the principal at the end of the ceremony (who gave her a rather concerned look, as if he were about to call an ambulance), she gave him a wide smile and held the Poké Ball gingerly in her hands, as one would a baby.

"Are you sure about this?" Owen asked her.

She just nodded in response and hugged the old man goodbye.

Her parents saw her off. Maybe it was because of her choice of starter, or maybe it was just because they were worried and wanted her to be safe, but her parents had bought her half a dozen Ultra Balls rather than the customary regular kind. She thanked them graciously, enduring her mother's last (twenty) kisses and her father's unconvincing "it's-not-like-I'll-miss-you-or-anything! B-but-you-better-visit-often, you-hear!?" farewells.

And with that, Beatrice finally was free of Jubilife City.

...Well, until Dick 'n' Dicks sprinted past her, anyway.

"Heh, too fat to catch up, Chubby Stacks?" he sneered.

She rolled her eyes. "Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you at graduation."

He stopped in his tracks at that one, then turned to her. Dick 'n' Dicks was the kind of human that you either fell in love with or wanted to beat the ever-loving hell out of. For Beatrice, it was the latter; he was the dirty blond, rather slender, pretty tall, casually dressed stereotypical "ignorant white teenage boy" who didn't know jack shit about anything and just wanted to run his mouth.

Said mouth curled back into an angry scowl. It was a little arch of death. She wondered if there was a pot of gold in the corner of his mouth, like there was at the end of rainbows.

"What, you got beef with me?" Beatrice snapped, glaring at the boy.

His blue eyes narrowed. "Trust me, you've got enough beef as is, Stacks."

"Yeah, it's amazing how well my family wanted to feed me after being valedictorian. It's funny; I always thought that the position was for number one." She smirked. "Right, Mr. Number-Two?"

"You asking for a fight?"

"Perhaps. After all, Mr. Number-Two, you're just so damn full of shi—"

A white flash blinded her momentarily. When her vision returned, she was not at all surprised to see the Eevee baring its fangs at her. She smiled at it.

"Aw, how cute. She's about as ferocious as you, Mr. Number-Two."

Dick 'n' Dicks laughed shortly. "And she'll kick your ass, just like I did. Let out your damn brother, Chubby Stacks – oops, my bad, your partner."

Beatrice rolled her eyes and pulled the Poké Ball from her belt. She felt the metal capsule slip slightly as she threw it, her fingers slick with a nervous sweat. She clenched her hand into a fist as if to hide it, glaring up at Dick 'n' Dicks.

In front of her was the majestic Bidoof. From his button eyes to his tiny circles for ears, his oddly curly fur and cozy brown coloring, his cotton ball tail and webbed feet, his teeth the size of one of his feet (or more), and, best of all, his adorable red nose that even Santa couldn't resist...

...Wow, she had made a huge mistake, hadn't she?

"Giselle, Quick Attack!"

The Eevee purred her approval, and a white aura whipping around her body like a cloak in the wind. She flashed forward, and Beatrice was sad to say that her little guy stood no chance of dodging. He was floored, and Dick 'n' Dicks' next command was quick to follow:

"Bite!"

"Justin, get up and Tackle!"

The Bidoof made some vague grunt of a response, only to have the Eevee's sharp teeth sink into his flesh. Beatrice winced and closed her eyes at the squeal.

"Finish 'em off with another Quick Attack!"

Beatrice had no time to react. It was safe to say that, despite her best intentions, Justin had been Ogre Lord Shrek'd.

She returned the defeated Pokémon to his capsule, biting the inside of her cheek. Dick 'n' Dicks picked up his Eevee, who licked his cheek affectionately, and he gave her a proud rubbing. He looked up at Beatrice with a smirk.

"So, regretting your decision?" he asked. He hoisted Giselle up a little closer to his chest.

Beatrice shrugged and looked away. "Only decision I regret is giving you an excuse to brag to me about it."

The boy snorted, then returned his Pokémon. He turned away and walked in the direction of Route 203. Beatrice walked him walk away before wiping the frustrated tears from her eyes.

Once a Bidoof, always a Bidoof, she thought to herself bitterly.