Author: Hoping2improve
Fandom: InuYasha
Rating: T+
Pairings: Canon with one exception
Disclaimer: Clearly, I own none of the property of Viz, Shogakukan, or Ms. Takahashi. I make no money off of this (clearly), and I claim no intellectual property or copyright (even of my characters).
Author's Note: This is something of an experiment for me, writing as the characters, instead of as a third-person narrator. These are meant to be minature character stuides, and context is not meant to be necessarily required. If you want context, I'm happy to provide it. Feedback on how I've done and what I can change/improve is greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.
The first character is one of mine, Akiko. She is Kouga's wife in my currently-in-reboot InuYasha fanfiction, One-Track Mind. Following will be my five other viewpoint characters in the work: InuYasha, Sesshomaru, Kouga, Inagi (another OC), and Mikami (again, an OC).
Again, thank you for reading, and for any reviews left.
I'm not sure what to think about being here. It's not what I wanted, this...arrangement, but it's all I have.
I feel so alone here; no one is really speaking to me. The other women act like I'm dangerous or something, and the men just stare at me. Oh, there's small talk - "How am I feeling?" "What's Kouga really like?" "Is the baby moving?" and so on - but no conversation. I can't really answer them anyway; what the hell would I say? That I hate it here? That Kouga can't so much as look at me without finding something to criticize? That, yes, it's moving, but part of me is hoping for a miscarriage? No... I can't say those things. Not even anything close.
Kouga and I aren't even on speaking terms. He doesn't come to bed until late, and he makes it clear he doesn't want me... Ha. Good. I want him just as little. I'm too damn tired and huge for sex anyway. ...But I do wish he'd try. He's so cold - if I put my arms around him, he just pushes me away... Can't I even have that? Can't I pretend that things might be okay? He won't touch me... I...I want to be touched. Even if he doesn't love me, can't he at least touch me? I feel so cold at night here. So. Very. Cold. It's so lonely...
Sometimes I almost miss the brothel... Almost. Here, at least, I can eat. Don't always have to worry about starving. I still go hungry. For other things. But there, with clients keeping me at night, I could dream after my work was done. Dream about the life I'd have after I got out of that place. This isn't it. At all. Fuck, what've I gotten myself into?
Even Sesshomaru, bastard that he is, would be a welcome sight. I could just bury my face in his chest and let go for awhile - not that he'd let me do anything of the sort, of course. But even that warmth, tenderness, anything would do me good. Mikami...How I wish I could see her...
I...can't show anyone how I feel - it'd just earn me more scorn than I've already got. There's so much that everyone expects of me; I'll...I'll never measure up. I can't even read their damn laws... Why did Papa never teach me? I'll fail, I just know it! I can't be the two steps ahead of this thing - hell, I'm not even one! I can't keep guessing what Kouga or anyone else wants - I just get it wrong. Constantly. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong! Leader and slave weren't meant to mix...were they? I can't keep doing this - it's eating me alive... I'm just too tired.
I'm exhausted all the time, and I hate the way my body's changed. I feel just...disgusting. Ugly and disgusting. I'm like a godsdamned boat! I can't move right, and my back hurts like hell all the time. I'm slower - that makes Inagi even angrier and the bastard clouts me - and my feet are so sore... Ugh, they've swollen like rotten fruit. Feel like I spend half my fucking day soaking the abberations. I don't think they're gonna go back to normal, either... That would figure. I can't just wait to get this... this thing out of me!
But...I don't know how to do that. Shit, I'm completely in the dark with this kid. I've got no fucking clue what to do, how to be a parent. They all expect me to do it by myself... I ask questions of the other mothers here, and they just pat me on the shoulder and tell me that I've "got a great partner so I'll do fine." Pff...please, spare me!
Thank the gods for Natsumi. The girl's the only one who'll talk to me without looking funny. Her little one is sweet - always wants to play with me. Poor thing, she's younger than Kouga - practically a child herself... Wonder how that happened? Her mate seems like he's never around, or when he is, he's buried in his cup. He's a good bit older than her, too. Ugh, creep.
At least she answers me. I might have a friend here after all. That'd be nice... I hope she can be there when the day arrives.
I'm scared; I don't wanna do this alone... What if I screw up the kid somehow 'cause Ma died so early? I'm not cut out to raise kids! Me, a one-time whore, with kids? Gods help me and the whelp! Please help me... I'm not ready for this - I don't want to become "Mother"... But I'm stuck, and this little bugger's my meal ticket.
I'm stuck. I'm stuck, and I'm gonna die here, I know I am. I might as well be put in the underworld now, save those creepy little fuckers the trouble.
What...What have I done...?