The Cost of Eternity
Chapter 1:
Marco had thought that he was prepared for the worst to happen when they had sailed into Marineford. Oyaji had talked at length about all the possible outcomes of the approaching war, even the worst-case scenario, something Marco wondered if he was living at the moment they'd laid Oyaji and Ace to rest. Now, they had spent over a week camped out with Shank's crew no more than a couple islands away from the place they'd buried their dead, and temptation was nagging at Marco. It was the temptation to trample on the laws of god and life and it sang to Marco as sweetly as any siren could.
Marco dreamt constantly, not of their father, but rather of Ace alone, when he slept at all that was. Even though they'd been separated for some time before Ace's death, this separation was different entirely. When he would lay awake in bed he could no longer comfort himself with the notion that Ace was out there still alive, as that was no longer the truth. He felt cold now, whether because of loneliness or mourning it seemed as if Marco would never be warm again. His body was present with the rest of the crew, but his mind, heart, and soul were all left at the foot of Ace's grave.
He berated himself internally. You knew that this would be the outcome, he chided, even if you didn't think it would happen this soon, you always knew you would be the one left mourning. That was what it meant to be the phoenix. You can't do anything, he screamed in his mind, stop thinking about it. Ace wouldn't want to be brought back into a world that so openly despises him, he thought. Oyaji hadn't wanted that.
Her existence, her power; these are things he only ever told Oyaji about. At first, both of them had been relieved that there was someone else out there that had a similar affliction as Marco. However, as they approached Marineford, Oyaji had summoned Marco to his room specifically to talk about what Oyaji would want if he didn't make it back from the war alive. He'd be blunt when he'd told Marco that he didn't wish to be dragged back to the world of the living and Marco had accepted his wishes.
However, it was Ace that Marco now longed for and knowing that she existed was torture in and of itself. He could have Ace back in his arms again, alive, and warm and happy. He wanted that. He wanted it more than he'd ever wanted anything, but he knew it was wrong. Mortals shouldn't tamper with the balance of life and death, he told himself, and if Ace was truly at peace I'd only cause him more suffering if I brought him back to life.
He shifted in his bed, it was late in the night if not extremely early in the morning. It was hard for him to keep track of the hours anymore when all he could think about was Ace. It was eerily quiet, and Marco itched for the sound of Ace's heart beating to fill the room like it used to as his body would lay on the bed next to Marco. His heart doesn't beat anymore, he reminded himself, he's six feet beneath the ground and somewhere you can never follow.He felt as though he was being haunted, but he knew it was just that his mind was breaking at losing his beloved.
He wanted to see that cheesy smile on Ace's face again. His mind supplied the sound of the man's laugh and it almost seemed to chase away the darkness and gloom for a moment. Yet, once it was gone Marco was left more hollow and distraught than before. Perhaps it was that he craved that laugh so much his mind saw fit to torment him with it.
He wanted to lay on the deck of the Moby, another loss to the war, with the sun shining down on them as he and Ace laid side by side. He wanted to count the freckles on the younger man's face and kiss them one by one as Ace would try to fight him off in embarrassment. If he closed his eyes, Marco was sure that he would've been able to feel the heat of the sun and the other man's body. I'm losing my mind,he thought, I'll go insane if this keeps up.
Ace was gone; dead and buried, and yet Marco's mind couldn't accept that fact and it was tearing him apart. Was it because he knew that there was something he could do to change that, even if it was the greatest possible taboo to commit on the face of the planet. She could bring him back,he pleaded with himself, against all rationality that he desperately tried to cling to. She would do it, for me,he begged, if I asked her, if I told her I loved him, she would bring him back for me.
"The dead never come back whole," A whisper from long ago ghosted through the room, "There's always a cost to be paid and only horror to follow."
He heard her voice as if she was sitting on the bed right next to him. She'd never explained exactly what the cost was but had only stated that it was gruesome and an evil not lightly wished upon someone. Could he truly wish that upon someone he loved, simply because he didn't think he could live without the other's presence?
He was being selfish, he knew, to even consider what he was thinking of. His mind was fractured, however, it's parts arguing incessantly. Marco wrapped his arms around himself and tried to curl up as much as possible to fend off the cold and the despair; nothing he did helped. He could never feel warm again, not without Ace.
He would want to be here for his brother, for our family, for me. He'd want to be with me if he knew it was an option,one side of him argued clutching the fading feeling of being loved. You can't know that when you didn't talk to him about it and don't know the cost of bringing him back,his rational side argued back.
"I can't live without him," He whispered aloud as he started to cry, as he had been on and off for the last week.
Then you shouldn't have let him die, he thought harshly to himself. That thought had hurt but it was what he'd been thinking for a while now. You should've saved him, yoi. You should've been strong enough to protect him. It's your fault he's gone. You're just trying to escape the guilt by bringing him back.
"I love, I loved him, yoi."
You never told him that, and he never told you that either. For all you know, it was only you who felt that strongly.
"We were together, he felt something for me, even if he wasn't as enamored as I was. Even if he didn't love me as much as I loved him, that doesn't matter. I still love him more than anything else."
Then let him go, let him be at peace, yoi. Stop being selfish and only thinking of how much pain you're in. He's the one who died, not you. Stop acting like you're the only one in pain.
"Even if he wasn't in love with me, he would want me to be happy, and I can't be without him."
Even if it was at his own expense, when you clearly won't do the same for him by leaving him to lie? What if the cost is too great and will only cause him pain?
"I have to try." Marco muttered. "I can't live like this. I can't forgive myself for leaving him behind when I can do something to change his fate, even if it's just my own selfishness talking, yoi."
It is your own selfishness, his mind screamed. What were his last words? Remember them, yoi. He never said that he would regret leaving you behind, only his brother. You hadn't even been with him in months, his feelings could have changed for all you know. He didn't even give you a passing thought when his life was fading away. You didn't mean nearly as much to him as you're letting yourself believe. Just because you were in love with him, doesn't mean he had to love you in return. You're not only selfish but also full of yourself.
"That," Marco hesitates, as the thoughts hurt him severely. "That doesn't mean that he didn't love me. Ace was always protective of his little brother. He died to protect him, yoi. Of course, he'd be thinking of Luffy."
If he didn't love you enough to think of you when it mattered most, then he's not going to love you enough to live for you now. Leave him to be in peace.
"He still had things he wanted to do in this life." Marco argues.
Things that didn't involve you, yoi.
"Then I'll let him go, even if he hates me, even if he abandons me, as long as he's alive then I'm fine with anything he wants." Marco sobs. "I'm not the only one who loves him, everyone does. Everyone misses him, everyone loves him and wants him back, yoi."
You're just lying to yourself now. If you brought him back and he left you, then you would be even worse than you are now.
"Nothing can be worse than this." Marco growled. "I'm already going insane, yoi. If I keep going like this, without bringing him back, my own insanity is going to get even more of my family killed."
Now you're not even pretending to care about him. You're only thinking about yourself. You don't want to live without him. You don't want to get anyone else killed.
"I do care about him, yoi." Marco whispered harshly. "I care about him too much for my own good, or his, or anyone else's. I love him so much I'm thinking to do something that could only be described as evil, even by the person who has the power to do it. I can't live without him. If he lived to hate me, that would be better than this. That would be better than not trying, yoi."
You already know that this will end terribly.
"Maybe so, but I even if there's a tiny chance that he could be alive and happy again; that we could be happy again, then I must at least try, yoi."
Marco abruptly got up and started frantically getting dressed and gathering up his things, before his mind could try to convince him out of his actions again. He wouldn't allow himself to think anymore, not until his had Ace back in his embrace and breathing again. He wouldn't allow himself to think about what he was doing until he could hear Ace's heartbeat again. Even if there would be consequences to his actions, even if Ace hating him would most likely be one of them, he couldn't think about that now. Now, he was only focused on what he must do to bring Ace back to the world of the living.
He threw clothes into a knapsack that he normally took when he was away on missions and errands. He dressed in the same clothes he had worn the day before. He then went to the dresser and opened a small draw he kept his most prized possessions housed in. He took a second to glace over his collection of Vivre Cards; one for each member of his family, before his spotted the two that were destroyed. He hesitated slightly when he spotted Oyaji's but found himself reaffirmed in his actions when he spotted the collection of ashes that was once Ace's Card. Then he reached further into the drawer and grabbed out a small black box. From the box he withdrew another Vivre Card, but one that wasn't for a member of his family. It was hers, and as it twitched in a north-eastern direction he prayed silently that she would help him.
He put the Vivre Card back into the box and then into the knapsack and pulled the drawstring tight to close it. He bent down to pick up his elaborately strapped sandals as nervousness settle into his stomach. He quickly put on the sandals, hoping to quell his anxiety with speed. He would have to wake up Jozu, to tell him to watch over the crew while he was away and talk to Shanks as well. He didn't want to focus too much on what he'd have to do after that, but he knew he'd need a shovel, but a small one would have to suffice. He didn't want his family to know what he was going to do until it was already done. He would also need a length of rope. He grabbed the knapsack, threw it over his shoulder, and stepped out of the room.
…
Shanks had been drinking alone, as the rest of his crew was out cold, when Marco approached him nearly silently. Shanks was surprised and confused, as he'd known Marco had retired for the evening quite some time ago and now the man looked like he was leaving to go somewhere.
"I need to ask you for a favor, yoi." Marco said solemnly as Shanks noticed just how dark the circles beneath the man's eyes had gotten.
"That's weird coming from you." Shanks replied suspiciously. "What can I do for you Marco?"
"I need you and your crew to stay here for a little bit longer." Marco responded. "There's something I have to do, and I can't bring my crew with me, yoi. I'm leaving Jozu in charge, but I can't exactly leave them completely alone. The marines and everyone else will be after us now that Oyaji's gone, but I must leave for a little while. I know you wouldn't attack us while I'm away and would look out for them."
"That's a pretty hefty favor." Shanks mumbled. "Why should I do this? We're allies, and I'd never attack you, but I never agreed to protect you. Unless you've changed your mind about joining my crew?"
"You know as well as I do that I'm never going to do that, yoi." Marco replied.
"Then, why should I do as you've asked me." Shanks asked. "What do you have to offer me in exchange? If I tell my crew that we're watching over you while you're away they'll wonder why, and I'm not going to tell them I help you out of the goodness of my heart."
"So, we're arguing over the cost of your support then." Marco hypothesized.
"Exactly, we're pirates after all, and when it comes to an alliance, you only get what you give." Shanks replied with a smile. "So, Marco, what are you willing to give me?"
Marco sighed, "It's not like we have a whole lot to give right now, yoi."
Marco paused, knowing that there was only one thing that Shanks would really find useful, however he's not sure how his crew would react to him handing that over to Shanks. Would Shanks even be interested in that? After all Shanks had sailed with Roger, so Marco couldn't be sure Shanks would be interested in it, but it was all Marco had to offer at the moment.
"We know where one of the four Road Poneglyphs is, we keep others from finding it, yoi." Marco explaining. "I obviously can't give it to you, however I'd be willing to share its location with you. I'll tell you where it is and let you come and go as you please from there, but we maintain custody of it."
"Do you realize what you're offering right now?" Shanks asked incredulously. "Why would you offer something that important? What is it that you have to do that would ever equate to that?"
"I can't tell you that, yoi." Marco responded.
"Why not," Shanks questioned.
"You would try to stop me." Marco admitted.
Shanks tried to read Marco's expression, but all he found was pain and misery. What was it that Marco was going to do? Shanks understood just how much the phoenix had lost recently but what could he be planning to do that Shanks would try to stop him.
"You, you are going to come back right Marco?" Shanks asked hesitantly.
"Of course I am," Marco scoffed in surprise with an eyebrow arching.
"Then I don't understand why I would stop you," Shanks added. "What is so horrible that you're afraid that by saying it out loud I'll keep you from doing it other than that?"
"I can't say, yoi." Marco replied with a shrug. "I can only tell you that I'm going to meet up with an ally of mine who hides not only from the world government but most of society in general."
"What ally of yours wouldn't have fought with you all in the war?" Shanks asks. "Are you going to kill them for not helping you?"
"She isn't an ally of the Whitebeard Pirates, she's just an ally of mine, yoi." Marco explained. "She wasn't under any obligations to fight in our war."
"Wait," Shanks says suddenly, "You're offering to share one of the Road Poneglyphs with me so that you can go visit your girlfriend."
"She isn't anything like that, yoi." Marco exclaimed in irritation. "She's a very powerful devil's fruit user and I need her help."
"Fine," Shanks sighed, "My crew would kill me if I turned down an opportunity like this, but will yours be okay with you giving something this important away?"
"When I return they'll understand why I did what I did, yoi." Marco responded.
"I hope you're right about that Marco." Shanks grumbled. "Although if they don't accept it I guess you can just join my crew. I'll protect you even if it's from them if they decided not to follow your lead."
"If you don't want to lose another arm, you'll do no such thing, yoi." Marco threatened darkly.
"Fine, fine," Shanks shrugged. "So, where's the Poneglyph?"
"You'll know when I return." Marco answered.
"Aw, are you saying you don't trust me to keep my word?" Shanks complained.
"You said it yourself, we're pirates, and although I don't have any reason to distrust you, I refuse to pay upfront for any service, yoi." Marco said with his lips twitching into a ghost of a smirk, although it didn't reach his eyes.
"Then you have to come back." Shanks said sternly.
"That was always the plan, yoi."
"Good luck, Marco, I get the strange feeling that you'll need it."
…
As Marco approached the island where Oyaji and Ace were laid to rest, rain started to pelt down on him. He would have laughed at the appropriateness of the gloomy weather for the tasks he would have to complete, if he'd been in a better mood himself. When he landed the soft and pliable wet earth gave way beneath his talons creating large scratches in the ground. When he shifted back into his human form he was almost immediately soaked to the bone, causing him to feel even colder than he had beforehand.
It wasn't a long walk to the gravesite, but as he approached it, nerves stirred in his abdomen. He knew this was wrong; digging up his beloved's grave to recover his corpse in the pouring rain. As the graves came into view the ever-present pain in his heart grew more painful and almost staggering in intensity. Ace's possessions still hung on his grave where they'd left them, but the flowers surrounding the two graves seemed so morbid in the low light and heavy rain.
Perhaps it was only his fractured mind's conjuring, but he could almost feel his father's disapproval weighting him down. After all, Oyaji hadn't allowed him to ask her to bring back Thatch when they'd lost him. Surely, he would disapprove of what Marco was there to do as well. However, Marco just shook his head, knowing he'd be unable to listen to that order even if the older man was still alive to give it to him.
He turned his attention back to Ace's grave and approached it until he could reach out and gently caress the stone. He took a deep breath to settle his mind as much as he could with what he was about to do. He closed his eyes and really allowed himself to feel the rain and despair one last time. Then he opened them and started to gather the belongings of Ace's that were left on his head stone. One by one he placed them into the knapsack, finally intertwining the strings of Ace's hat with the strings of the bag until it was firmly attached.
He withdraws the small shovel, something like a hand tool used for gardening, from the bag. It would take longer to dig up his beloved's grave with something so small, but he hadn't wanted to give away his intentions to his family or Shanks. What would they think if they knew what he was going to do? He then set his bag with the attached hat to the side and out of the way of the still unsettled dirt that gave away where Ace's body lay encased in a simple pine coffin that they'd made to bury him in, far beneath the ground.
He looks to the graves once more before starting the grim task he set out to complete. He talked to them as if they were the two people that laid buried beneath the dirt. He had no reason for doing so other than to distract himself from what he was about to do, however talking made him feel more at peace.
"I'm sorry," Marco whispered while the tears started falling again although they were unable to be discerned from the raindrops. "If you can, please, forgive me. I'm not as strong as I thought I was, yoi. Forgive me for being too weak to go on without you."
Marco then got on his knees in the dirt on Ace's grave and dug the shovel into the dirt for the first time, starting the long and arduous process of digging up the man's body. The ground was wet and soft and easily gave way to the shovel. It made the process easier, but Marco was sure he looked like a madman. He felt like a madman, covered in the dirt and mud from a grave. He was sure that he was going to be covered in it by the end of the process, not matter how much the rain tried to wash it away from him.
Inch by inch, Marco dug into the earth wanting to recover the love that he had lost. He could only think of how it would feel to be able to hold Ace in his arms again, to hear that heartbeat, that laugh. He couldn't think about what he was doing, it was unbelievable to him, even if he was in the process of completing the task. He was crazed, plain and simple, he had almost convinced himself that Ace would be alive with open arms and a smile on his face when he opened that coffin, but he knew deep down that wasn't the case.
He was sure hours had passed before he finally struck the wood of the coffin and brushed off the last of the dirt from it. His breathing was heavy, whether from the labor of the task or the emotional fatigue he was experiencing. However, it was still dark as it had been when he arrived, possibly because of the continuous heavy downpour. He began to pry open the coffin using the shovel as a makeshift crowbar as well, and it worked well enough.
However, once it was open and he gazed again at Ace's dead body his illusion shattered again, and he knew his work wasn't finished. Ace lay there still, pale, silent; the smile that was on his face when he died was gone now and he looked simply peaceful. He was wrapped in red fleece blanket and the pillows on which his body lay were orange in color, although it wasn't as discernable in the dark and rain. They'd wrapped Ace's torso up in bandages before they had wrapped the blanket around him when they'd buried him. They were trying to hide the injury from the blow that had taken his life.
Marco did his best to wipe away the muck that was covering him before he dared to reach out and touch Ace. Once he was as clean as he was going to get, Marco reached out and caressed Ace's cheek, it was so cold although not much else had changed about Ace's body since they had buried him. The coffin hadn't allowed Ace's body to decay at all since it was such a short time since he'd been buried. That, at least, was a relief to Marco, not having to see Ace's body decayed or eaten away by insects.
Marco smiled, though he must have looked depraved and at a loss of all his senses and sensibilities. He rubbed his thumb against Ace's cheekbones his hands cupped his face. Marco leaned forward and pressed his lips to Ace's forehead. It was cold, even colder than Marco felt, and Marco faltered for a moment, although only briefly.
"It will be okay, Ace, I'll fix this, yoi." Marco promised.
Marco then began to remove Ace from his grave. He supported Ace's body with one arm under his shoulders and the other under his knees. However, he knew there was something else he'd have to do before he set out for there destination. He leaned Ace's body up against their father's grave, where Ace would sit while Marco filled back in the grave.
Marco closed the casket. Although it would no longer be nailed shut, as Marco hadn't thought about bring nails and a hammer with him. Then, he shoveled the dirt back into the grave, and although it looked fresher than it should be for when they'd buried Ace, it would still give the appearance of the person still being buried. He didn't want his family, or, god forbid, one of there enemies to know that Ace wasn't in his grave or dead, until he was prepared enough to deal with it. Once that was done, he covered his tracks even more by disheveling the dirt of their fathers grave as well, just enough to make it look as it should for two people buried at the same time.
Once everything looked as one would expect it to, Marco approached his knapsack which was completely drenched with rain. He opened it and withdrew the length of rope that he'd brought with them. He needed to secure Ace's body onto his back, seeing as otherwise he could fall off while they were flying, and Ace would be lost to the ocean then and truly beyond Marco help. Completing this task was awkward because Marco had to hold Ace's body in place while he wrapped the rope around them and knotted it tightly to keep Ace in place.
Once the task was completed Marco reached for his knapsack again and with drew the small box containing the Vivre Card. He used the top of the box to shield the card from the rain while he peeked at it to confirm the direction he needed to fly in. Assured of his path Marco put the Vivre Card away into the knapsack before slinging said knapsack over his and Ace's back.
Marco took one more look at their father's grave and felt like he was being watched by the man. Marco's lips pressed into a thin line like a reprimanded child's might. However, he just couldn't listen to that rational side of him anymore, no matter how loudly it was screaming that this was a horrendous idea. He turned on his heels away from the grave and bowed his head to calm himself for a brief moment. In a sudden burst of determination, he took to the sky changing forms, even though he felt weighted down in spirit. He rose up into the clouds eager to reach his destination.
…
He had flown all through the daylight and the sun was settle in a blissful comingling of bright reds and subtle ambers when he saw an island finally come into view. He prayed that this was their destination, although worms seem to stir in his abdomen with anticipation and worry. He flew to the most north eastern part of the island before landing to check if the Vivre Card was still pointing in the same direction. He carefully withdrew the box containing the card from the knapsack and check its contents. Thankfully, the card was now pointing in a different direction, slightly southwest, which meant that she was on this island. Marco breathed a small sigh of relief.
He started to gently untie and removed the knot from the rope holding Ace's body in place on his back from a crouched position. He then laid Ace's body beside him for a moment, so he could put away the rope before returning the knapsack to its place on his back. Afterwards he quickly and carefully took Ace into his arms once more while keeping the Vivre card in one hand so that he could tell where he was going.
After the sky had turned dark once more, and after having avoided a town from which someone could have recognized him or Ace in the Vivre card finally led Marco to a secluded cabin in a dense forest away from the rest of the islands inhabitants. He walked in a large circle around the house and the Vivre card continued to point inwards towards the house the whole time. Marco was relieved to have finally found her. However, he swallowed thickly, still not completely sure that she would help him given her own thoughts on what he was hoping to accomplish.
He approached the door to the cabin apprehensively. Behind that door was someone who could give Marco what he most wanted, or she could turn him down. He could only hope that she would listen to him. He knocked on the door and shifted on his feet as he heard footsteps from the inside approaching it.
Soon the door swung open to reveal a young woman with amber hair and hazel eyes. She looked over him and the body he was carrying with surprise and nervousness before her eyes moved to meet his. Her face seemed distraught and concerned; it was obvious that she knew exactly why he had sought her out.
"Marco," She said with a voice that wasn't overly pleasant but wasn't angry either. "I had a feeling, after I saw the news, that you would be coming here. Although I thought it would be with a different corpse."
"Banshee," Marco replied uncertainly. "I need your help."
"I know," Banshee sighed before moving aside to allow him inside. "Come in."
…
I'm sorry that this isn't the story you all want updated. I have terrible writer's block right now and just a bunch of other things going on. On a related note I no longer have a beta so I'm also sorry for any errors you guys find. My friend who was my beta pretty much stabbed me in the back and cost me $2,200 because she was lazy and incompetent so now I'm taking her to court. So, yeah I don't have a beta anymore. Anyway I'm been thinking about writing this fiction for a while and since I have no inspiration for the other two right now I thought I might as well start this one because I have 13 chapters already planned out for it at this point. Anyway this is your warning for some dark stuff in this fiction so you've been warned. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, please leave a review. Thank you and love ya'll as always.-LPC