The evening was going so well for Megumi Takani. She had a certain redhaired swordsman linking arms with her when they walked. Helping her down the steps. Sharing tea with her. All right under the eyes of a certain idiot rooster head.
She had gotten angry, she knew it was foolish. Their banter over the past year became a daily ritual. So comfortable, so...near domestic. Sanosuke would hurt himself drinking, or gambling, or training, and each afternoon he would amble on over to the clinic. Complaining of aches and pains, bandaging scrapes and bruises. He would never come out and admit it to her, and she was too big a coward to ever ask, but surely after a month or so he knew enough first aid that he could take care of his own injuries. Surely there was another reason behind his daily visits...
And then they stopped. Two weeks had gone by and no sight of him! No explaination, no note, nothing! Why? Who was treating him now?
Well, her teeth gritted, if he could easily replace her then so could she. She smiled thankfully. Kenshin was always so easy to talk to, so understanding. She explained to him what happened and her quest for revenge and he readily agreed. After she had come to him... bore her secret fears to him...he looked up at her with a warm and genuine smile and said "Megumi-dono, this one has no problems helping a friend, that I dont. Sano is stubborn, this one has known from our very first meeting. Let me know how I can be of assistance."
It was going so well, she smiled. She could feel his gaze on her throughout the evening, burning into her skin.
It was clear he felt it. Felt the same...whatever this feeling was...as she did. He knew her past, knew the damage that had been done. She would be damned if she made herself vulnerable, if she made the first move. Was this just a game to him? Over a year, all this time...did it mean enough to get jealous but not enough to do anything about it?
She walked to the gate of the dojo with Kenshin, her anger making her eyes well up with unshed tears.
If that's the way things were going to be, then fine! If he didnt care, neither did she! And she had just the way to prove it!
"Kenshin?" She murmured sweetly.
He turned his hed and offered her a faint upturn of his lips, preparing to part ways.
Gently she reached over and hugged him, gently whispering in his ear "Im sorry about this in advance, Ken-san."
He pulled apart from her confused, a shocked "Oro!" barely escaping his lips before she yanked the front of his kimono and covered his mouth with hers.
Kenshin stood in utter shock for a moment, barely registering what had happened, before he felt a boiling spike of anger approach him. The kiss went on and on for what seemed to be several minutes, but in reality it was much shorter before he gently but forcefully pushed Megumi away. He turned and prepared for the anger of his best friend, whom he was sure was the reason behind Megumi's charade. He was about to speak, to explain, when an overwhelming rush of emotion came over him.
A ki so enflamed in the woods behind him, despite its abrupt and speedy movement in the opposite direction that it overwhelmed his senses. He reached for the hilt of his sword, but as he did, he realized whom it was. Blinking rapidly in confusion at the force of her emotions before he realized they werent of fear, happiness or anger, but over such an overwhelming anguish that all of the air in his lungs constricted.
What had happened to his Kaoru?
It was about that time that Sano's shouting finally registered.
"I cant believe this! After all...after we-!..UGH!" He punched a nearby tree, making a large portion of it splinter.
His voice got low and dangerous. "It was one thing to tease, or joke to make me jealous, Megumi." "That would have been fine, maybe even deserved." he chuckled darkly.
"But you! BOTH of you. How could you do this? I don't even know who you are Megumi Takani. Do you have no heart at all. I THOUGHT YOU WERE HER FRIEND!"
He cussed and started to walk away quickly.
Kenshin started to follow, knowing Sano could feel that ki as well, albeit maybe not as strongly as he could sense it. "And you Kenshin, I am ashamed of you. I know you feel her pain too, don't you?"
Kenshin's eyes widened and he was about to ask Sano what he meant when Sanosuke held up his hand, silencing him.
"You are the biggest idiot I have ever met. I am not going to bother telling you what her actions have been screaming at you since the day you ran away from us! If youre too fucking blind to know whats hurting her now then you don't deserve to know, Kenshin."
Kenshin stared at the trail Sano left behind as he ran, his emotions churning inside him with a sickening viciousness he could scarcely remeber ever having felt. The last time he could recall this tightness in his chest was when he thought he lost her, when he thought she had left this world at the hands of his enemy.
As he blankly watched Megumi run on shaky legs back to town, lost in his own thoughts, he had a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach that despite the fact that his Kaoru-dono was here, and safe from physical harm...maybe he was closer to losing her in ways he never dared even hope for.
'Kaoru..." Sanosuke whispered soothingly, reaching out to rub comforting circles between her shoulder blades as she violently shook from the sobs she was forcibly suppressing.
She took two deep, shaky breaths, exhaling slowly. The back of her hand running over her eyes to catch the tears pooled below them and the drops still collected on her eyelashes. She glaces at him contritely, and he was shocked to see that despite the visibly earth shattering pain the girl was in, her face was not nearly as drenched in tears as he thought it would be. At every turn, Kaoru Kamiya surprised him and everyone with how quietly strong she was. Her happiness and anger she was so quick to unleash explosively. If she was upset or frustrated it rolled off of her in waves, but how on earth she managed to quell this deep heartbroken dispair without the same unleash of emotions was unfathomable to him.
In a somber but calm voice she said "I am glad he wont be alone anymore...Megumi...she is just so beautiful, isnt she?" With a heavy sigh of envy she curled her arms around her knees and stared up at the sky.
Her reaction was alarming. She was normally so expressive...and that was when Sanosuke realized that this was not a new phenomenon to her. This was no new ache of longing inside her heart as Megumi's lack of affection was to him. This was years worth of longing, hope and disappointment from the man she loved. He was briefly angrier with Kenshin than he could ever recall being. That idiot loved her too and let her live like this-he let her go on believing that she was unwanted and unworthy of him.
"Kaoru, its not-" Sanosuke began...only for her to gently reach out and pat his arm soothingly.
"Sano...no really...its okay." She shuddered against a sob as she exhaled another slow breath. "I..." she began staring at him. "I know how you feel about her too. I'm sorry that things didn't turn out in your favor...I really thought you two would be good together too. But...I guess you just dont know who is inside someones heart sometimes, despite your best hopes." She sighed sadly..."I guess I should have known how much more loveable someone like her is...than a messy, ugly child like me." She laughed and the sound was so painful and grating to his ears...
"Hey, thats not!..." She chuckled sadly dismissing him and shook her head.
"I appreciate the thought Sano, youre very sweet for caring. I really do view you like a brother...but I know how people think of me, its the reason I havent said anything before now. It was a silly dream, nothing more..."
He could barely believe his ears. His confident, proud sister, Kaoru Kamiya...who had a spine of steel, thinking this way about herself! She assaulted the Battousai on their very first encounter even! Followed him into sure death with all the power and confidence, all the hope of someone with the strength most men could not muster.
He thought back to all the times at the dojo...all the silly jokes about her cooking ability, her lack of feminine charm. Him and yahiko teasingly calling her an ugly tanuki whenever she was harsh against them for not doing the chores. He winced at the thought that...maybe she didnt take all those comments in stride the way they thought she did. Maybe beneath it all she heard a grain of truth in their words and despite her show of anger...had started to actually believe that nobody would want her...?
"Sano...if you wouldnt mind...Id like to be alone for a while. I promise to return before it gets too dark...I just...I just want to be by myself for a while..." He stared at her for a moment and watched as she shook her head and let the long curtain of her black hair shield her face as she leaned her head against her knees. Her hands were clasped together tightly in front of her calves...so tightly her knuckles were turning white.
He knew that it was not his job to comfort her, that it was out of line for him to even consider it. This was the job of a lover or a spouse. He watched as she did everything she could to hold herself together and he sighed. He was doing more harm than good. She was doing everything she could to hold herself together until he left...was only willing to fall apart completely when no one could bear witness.
He got up and dusted himself off, and with a smile he said "if you need me you can call me. And if it makes you feel any better to know...I think Kenshin is a fool for leaving you alone. You look beautiful tonight, Kaoru-dono."
He mocked Kenshins formal speech, hoping to earn a small smile. She gave it her best effort, he could tell, but coming from him the words held no meaning to her.
Walking back to the dojo, he decided to spend the evening cleaning the floors. His regret at the burdens Kaoru was shouldering gave him motivation to do all the chores she rightfully lectured him about. He knew if he went home he would dwell upon Megumi. That stupid fox...he growled interally. Yes, going home was a foolish idea.
He stomped his way back to the gate when he saw two soft violet eyes staring at him. Kenshin was the last person he wanted to see, but the pain in his eyes was oddly satisfying. It didnt lesson his desire to hit the man for an instant though...his fist clenched in anger at the idiocy of his best friend.
"Kaoru...ah...K-Kaoru-dono...is she...is she in pain?" Kenshin began softly. "Would gensai sensei help at all...?"
Kenshin could feel the roiling emotions coming off of Sano, but his insides were tearing him apart. Distantly, he could still feel it. His Kaoru...it was like all the joy and light had fled her body. His stomach hurt from the distant dispair he could feel from the faint traces of her ki. She was far enough away that it wasn't the sucker punch to his gut that it had been as she ran away...but it didnt seem to be getting better. The opposite was the case. A heart wrenching sadness so consuming that he was worried someone had died.
His words came out in a growl "Leave her alone. Of course shes in pain you idiot. What did you think would happen when you-"...he stopped himself from continuing and turned sharply away, walking more quickly than before.
"Doctor Gensai," Kenshin began in desperation
"DOCTOR GENSAI CAN'T HELP KAORU WITH THIS! YOU IDIOT! God, just leave her alone. I cant believe you, I just cant. How can any man be so completely oblivious?"
Kenshin reached out and grabbed a sleve to his jacket to stop him from continuing forward and so Sano unwillingly turned to face him, mildly shocked to see Kenshin kneeling in the dirt, staining his hakama and bowing his head to Sano, as a beggar might.
"This one is unsure of who did this or what has been done, but...but Kaoru...this pain of hers is something this one is unable to accept. Surely there is something this one can do...however small it may be...this one will do all that he can to help return her smile."
He glanced into Sano's eyes and he was shocked to see a hint of amber swirling in his irises.
"This one knows he has greatly upset you with his actions, that he does, and is willing to do whatever he must to amend things with you, his closest friend...but please..." he whispered "Her suffering...it feels as if my heart is being crushed under a heavy weight, how is she even able to breathe? Tell me what this one must do and he will do it." Determination worked his way into his gaze. "This one does not care about what the cost will be, that he does not."
"You really are something else arent you? Jou-chan follows you into countless battles...risks everything and travels to Tokyo for you! Nearly gets killed for you and you still dont see it, do you? Do you even know who she is at all? What she holds dear, what is in her heart, her soul?...Kenshin...when you look at her, do you even see her at all?"
Kenshin took a deep, shuddering breath. "Sanosuke, you're making it sound as though she..." he shook his head. "She knows who this one is Sano...it im just not possible that she..." He inhaled sharply, recalling the exact moment he felt the painful ripple in her ki. "You mean this evening, she...with Megumi-dono..."
"She had her first kiss this evening Kenshin. At the Akabeko, one if the guests had drank too much sake...he cornered her. By the time Tae and I pulled them apart, it was too late."
"Do you know what she said to Tae, Kenshin?"
He shook his head, his eyes a full amber in his rage. Worry for her was in the forefront of his mind but another thought followed swiftly on its heels: how dare someone touch his Kaoru! He knew it was wrong. He had no right to be so jealous, so possessive. She was all that was good and light in this world. He was tainted, and bloodstained and unworthy, and yet...he wanted...
He shook his head again.
"She told Tae that it probably didnt matter anyway. That her first kiss wasnt that big of a deal anymore. She had given up hope of being courted by now and was content with what happiness she had for now. That she was thankful for what she already had and wasn't so arrogant as to hope for any more."
"Thats just...that's not.." ...possible. How could she not have a single suitor by now? And then he realized that he was to blame. Everyone in town knew by now that she boarded the hitokiri battousai. He closed his eyes in pain as regret washed over him in waves.
"To keep everyone close, to keep everyone else happy...shes content to live like this Kenshin. To never marry, never have children of her own to carry on the Kamiya line."
His eyes were hurt and bitter when they met Kenshins for a final time, before walking to the dojo and leaving him there, kneeling in the dust.
"You are not the only one that thinks they are unworthy of love, Kenshin Himura."