((Amela is a made up character. Please don't think of it as a canon x oc. I didn't want any of the hetalia girls playing her character, so I just made Adela. TW depression, cutting, and relationship abuse.))
"If anyone asks, you accidentally fell down the stairs. Right?" Adela scolded, as she shuffled around for her bra. Emil nodded, reaching for their underwear and shorts. Awkwardly pulling on their clothes, Emil stood up from the bed. Silence fell between the couple.
"Oh god…" She breathed, standing up from the bed as well. She walked closer to Emil, and said slowly, "Emil… I-I shouldn't have…" She glided her fingers along Emil's bruised cheek. Emil was completely silent- they didn't want to speak a word. They couldn't. They knew if they did, they would say the wrong thing, and cause more shit. Emil gave Adela a quick nod. Their heart was drumming, and their body was sweaty from earlier.
"I'm going to go." Emil said softly. "I don't want the others to worry."
"Can I drive you home?" Adela offered, bringing her bare body close to Emil's.
"Your breath smells of alcohol. I wouldn't want you to get hurt." Emil said, with a smile. They put their hands on Amela's waist. "Plus my house isn't too far away." Emil pressed his body against hers. The two kissed passionately. Emil parted from her slowly. "Goodnight, Adela." Emil said.
"Goodnight babe."
The sky was ink blue, and small stars were scattered along the sky. It was a warm, summer night. The only thing Emil heard was the sound of their footsteps, and the wind gently brushing against the bushes. Emil lowered their head. They let out a sad sigh. They fell down the stairs, obviously.
It was around 1:30 AM by the time Emil came home. Mathias was lying on the couch, watching TV. He jerked his head to the front entrance.
"Emil I've been wai- woah, what happened?" Mathias's voice softened. He got up from the couch almost instantly, and walked closer to Emil. The TV was so quiet, yet felt so loud.
"I fell down the stairs when I was leaving Amela's house!" Emil said, a bit too loudly. They forced a smile.
"Can I help?" Mathias offered, as he walked towards the kitchen. Emil followed him in. They leaned against the doorway before Mathias told them to sit down. Emil dragged their feet to the nearest chair, and sat down.
"Some stairs…" Mathias said quietly, as he brought a bag of frozen peas to Emil. Emil felt a turn in their stomach- they hated the idea of lying to Mathias. "Say," Mathias continued, handing the bag to Emil. "We haven't met your girlfriend yet? Is she cool at all?"
Emil scrambled for their phone, soon showing a photo of the two. Amela had curly long blonde hair, and beautiful brown eyes. She had fair skin and was as light as a feather. On the other hand, Emil looked sickly in the photo, as they addressed. Their flat white hair looked terrible in the lighting, and the bags under their eyes were dark. Mathias reassured them that they looked cute.
"Dang, she's actually pretty hot." Mathias said. He soon noticed a small hickey on Emil's neck. His blue eyes lit up, and he playfully punched Emil on the shoulder. "Nice going dude!" I totally noticed that." He laughed.
Emil let out a short, embarrassing laugh. He punched Mathias back.
"Shut up." They joked.
It was around 10:30 AM when Emil heard Tino "sneak" into their room. Tino did a terrible job at trying to keep quiet.
Emil decided not to pretend to sleep. Their eyes slowly peeled open, and they groaned, "What the hell do you want, Tino?"
"O-Oh! You're awake! I just wanted to give you this…" Tino said worryingly. Emil sat up from their bed. In front of them, as a large red mug of hot chocolate with frosting and chocolate drizzle.
Emil rubbed their eyes and smile. They thanked Tino heavily, and asked, "What's this for?"
"Well… When Mathias told me you fell down the stairs, I felt terrible. I knew I had to give you something!" Tino said, sitting besides Emil.
Emil felt another turn- they hated lying to their best friends.
Emil sipped at the hot chocolate. They said after a long pause, "Can I talk to you?" Emil knew how trustworthy Tino was. If they told Tino to keep it a secret, he would keep it a secret forever.
"Yeah," Tino slowly stood up to close the door. He walked back to Emil's bed and sat down. "What's up?" Tino's voice was gentle and concerned. He was an ideal therapist-like idol. Emil knew he had to take this slow. They knew they weren't going to spill everything out. They were going to take it slow.
"Amela doesn't use my pronouns…" Emil said gently. Their voice was shaky and quiet. This was not how this morning was supposed to go. Emil just wanted to wake up, visit Amela, and go back to sleep.
"Wait, what? Did you tell her about them?" Tino said, wide eyed.
"Yeah… A lot actually… She doesn't believe them, and she said I have to get over it… I don't know what to do…" Emil already began to tear up. This was obviously a touchy topic for them.
"Emil," Tino breathed. He brought his hands to Emil's shoulders. "You gotta address this to her. This can be taking a large toll on why you're suddenly so stressed and distant from us. Don't think we don't know it. And it's okay… I understand what it feels like to just be misgendered and want to be distant and run away… I know… But this is your girlfriend. It's one of those things where it's really important for her and you to know."
"I… I don't want to…" Emil whispered, leaning against Tino gently. They shook their head slowly. "I don't want to put more pressure on her… She's already so sad, and-"
"Emil, you wont be. Sure, you got to give her time to get used to it, but this is making you so sad. Amela should know how you feel about this. Maybe I can talk to her about it?" Tino's voice was fragile, knowing that Emil could break any moment now. He wrapped his arm around Tino's shoulder, gently rubbing behind their neck gently. "I'm so sorry…" After a pause, he said, "I remember when I was beginning my transition, actually. No one knew. It felt terrible each time someone used 'she' or 'her.' Of course, it wasn't their faults. They didn't know. But when I told Berwald, he held me in his arms before telling me he still loved me," As Tino spoke; he stared off at the wall, just remembering the memories. "He told me he was still there for me, and we could go shopping for more masculine clothing. He held my hand softly, and told me I was the best boyfriend he's ever had, and that everything was going to be okay." Tino looked down at his lap. He was smiling. "He messed up a bit, of course. Sometimes he'd say the wrong name or pronoun. But it wasn't a problem, because I knew he was trying, and I knew he cared. He was trying, and that was all that mattered." He looked at Emil. "And that's why you gotta tell her."
Emil paused. Their eyes stung with tears. Slowly, they said, "Yeah… But we don't get along." They sniffed. "But I really, really like her…"
Tino frowned. He barely knew anything about Amela, because Emil haven't talked about her much. In fact, this is the most they talked about her. And when Emil did hang out with her, they looked drained after.
"Emil, I'm going to ask you this. And you're going to respond very clearly. Do you really love her?"
"Yes." Emil said, without a pause. They felt like they were suffocating. They felt like they got punched. They had a migraine. They wanted to go back to bed. They wanted to be gone.
Tino nodded. He stood up. He smiled at Emil. "I'll bring that in for you," He took the empty mug and left.
Emil went to Adela's house soon after. Before going there, they picked up a bouquet of flowers. They parked their car out front, and walked inside without knocking. Adela was in her room. Emil walked upstairs, after greeting her parents politely. She was on her bed, wearing a short nightgown. Her golden hair was spread along her pillow, and her knee's were brought up. She was texting on her phone.
"Hey hun," Emil said, with a smile.
"Hey!" Adela said, sitting up. She looked flustered, as she shoved her phone deep in the covers. "I wasn't expecting you!" She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around them.
"Yeah, well I went to the store and saw these," Emil showed her the bouquet. They couldn't stop smiling.
"Oh my gosh!" Adela gasped, accepting the flowers. "Thank you so much! You're such a good boyfriend!" She said, kissing Emil passionately. Emil nodded.
"It was no problem!"
"Unfortunately, I'm about to get ready to go to Sidney's house…" Adela said sadly.
"Oh! It's okay, I-I understand. I just wanted to give those to you…" Emil stood up from the bed, after kissing her once more. Even they could admit she kissed amazingly.
"I love you so much, and thank you a lot. Your cheek is getting better…" Adela said gently, looking down uncomfortably.
"Yeah… Mathias helped me out a bit. Bye Adela!" Emil said, before shutting the door. Who was she texting that made her so flustered?
Emil bought a pack of cigarettes. They were of age, and they never actually smoked before. It was around 4 PM. They were at the park. It was a blazing hot day, but Emil still wore a black long sleeve shirt and jeans. The amount of clothes was from a few nights ago from Adela.
Emil swung on the swing gently. Music played from their phone out loud. No one was there.
So, Emil smoked. They coughed a lot the first time, but after the second cigarette, they were okay. It wasn't the worst, Emil had to admit; but it certainly wasn't the best. Emil didn't know if it was from amount of preventions and causes of death from these sticks of diseases, or if it was just them. Emil still smoked. They just did it. And that was that.
After around five cigarettes, Emil drove home. They wished they didn't smell like smoke, for Berwald was very against cigarettes. But it was what it was. Emil opened the door to silence. Well, the TV was on, and Mathias was watching it- but other than that nothing really. Emil tucked the cigarettes in their deep pocket, and went to their room.
Emil understood as to why cigarettes were addicting. Emil wouldn't mind another, but they just chose not to. They sat in their bed in silence.
Their phone buzzed. It was Adela! Emil saw the text.
To Emil's surprise, it was a whole body nude. After the photo, Adela wrote, "Adrian, just wait until I'm there! Here, just have this for now."
Emil's jaw dropped. Their violet eyes were wide, and they felt like throwing up once again. Their body was shaking, and they began to sweat. They let out small wheezing noises, before lashing out in a cry.
All they wrote was, "First hitting, now cheating? Nice."
Emil chucked their phone against the wall, only hearing a smash and a crack. Tino instantly ran over from the room besides them.
"What the heck was tha— Emil?" Tino gasped, running to them. Emil was sobbing. Fat tears ran down their red cheeks, as they clutched onto a pillow tightly. Tino raced for their phone, checking the message. First hitting, now cheating? Nice. was all Tino had to read. Tino took a deep breath, and walked towards Emil. Tino sat on Emil's bed. Emil wrapped their arms around him, as they continued to sob and sob. Emil felt like they couldn't breathe, and they were trapped in all this pain. They were finally letting it out. After all the pain that was going on for almost a year, Emil squeezed Tino's sweater and just cried.
Tino didn't know what to do. He slowly felt tears running down his cheeks, from the pain of Emil. Emil backed up, and pulled off their shirt. Bruises and cuts and dark hickeys overlapped their bare skin. Shaking, Emil moved closer to Tino.
"How long?" Tino whispered.
"S-s-since five m-months ag-ago." Emil barely could speak, and Tino barely got that. Tino nodded slowly.
"I'm so sorry…" He whispered. That's all they really could say.
"I w-w-want to b-be g-gone…" Emil vented. Their shivering body was cold against Tino's warm sweater. "I-I shouldn't b-be here…"
"No… You should be here… Want to know why?" Tino said. He gently lifted Emil's chin.
Before Emil got a chance to speak, Tino said, "We're going to break this guy's fucking car."
"So this bastard is the most popular person in your grade?" Tino said, gripping onto a bad. It was late at night. The moon was large, and the stars weren't visible.
"Yeah. Hey, can you not say anything?" Emil asked.
"Yeah, but the others should kn—" Tino looked over. Emil was bouncing a cigarette between their lips. They had a sly smirk.
"Emil!" Tino shouted. He couldn't resist smiling, and neither could Emil. "To think you would be smoking." Tino gently patted Emil's back. "I'll give you a fresh warning. Next time won't be the hottest."
Emil broke out in laughter, as they held onto their bat. "Right, right." They said. Tino was shaking his head until he saw the car.
It wasn't the prettiest car. It was black and old looking. Dirt sprayed around the wheels of the car. Nevertheless, it was his, and they were going to break it.
Emil shattered the front car window. They rammed their bat into the car, until suddenly it started to go off. BEEP BEEP BEEP!
Tino gasped. He jerked his body over, and saw a large rock. He picked it up and chucked it at the house window, before grabbing Emil's wrist and running. Damn, could Tino run.
The two ran to the park, which wasn't too far. The two were laughing and smiling.
"You gonna do anything with that nude?" Tino asked, sitting on the swings.
"Nah. The worst I'd do is cry."
"Good, because that wasn't the Emil I knew." Tino said, with a nod. "You gonna tell the others?"
"Nah, not now at least. I like this." Emil said, directing them to Tino. "I feel like I don't talk to you as much as I should. Tell me a secret." Emil said. "Anything. Something you wouldn't even tell Berwald."
Tino smiled. "Fine, then you." He said. "Okay… Let's see… Before I transitioned, and I was a girl, I was really… I was really radical. Like for instance I tried to get an A in my math teacher's class by offering a blowjob. And… And also I tried to get a tattoo, but I ran out of some ink or whatever." Tino said, bouncing a smile on his face. "You cannot say that to anyone!" He said.
"Oh my god, you offered a blowjob to one of your teachers?" Emil gasped, with a laugh. They lit another cigarette.
"Shut up! Okay, what about you?" Tino asked.
"Okay, let's see…" Tino thought long and hard. "One time I tried to summon the Devil to try to get revenge on Lukas. Like legit, I had an Ouija board out and everything. Then I learned that I needed to do some other crap to summon him, so I just laid low for a bit." Emil laughed, along with Tino.
"You're fucking sick, Emil." Tino joked.
"Excuse me, what was that? I couldn't hear you over that blowjob you were giving." Emil roared. They stood up on the swing. "Push me." They ordered. Tino shook his head, before getting up and pushing Emil's lower back. The warm air breezed through Emil's hair and clothes. It felt nice. Really nice.
It was around 1 AM until the two got back to the house. Lukas was awake, but he was slowly drifting off to sleep. He was on the couch, and he waved to the two. He was video chatting someone, so he didn't bother on talking to them.
Tino and Emil went upstairs. Emil dropped the box of cigarettes on their, and plopped on their bed.
"Are you feeling better at all?" Tino asked sadly.
"Sorta. It's all just hitting at me." Emil breathed. They looked at Tino. "I'm sorry."
"Please don't apologize. I never knew… I never knew you were in this much pain." Tino sighed. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"How much did she beat you?"
Emil's heart was racing. Their palms were sweaty, and they felt like they were going to throw up. "A lot." Was all they had to say.
Tino bit his lower lip. He hugged Emil. A tight hug that lingered. Emil didn't want to part. They haven't really hugged someone in a long, long time.
"Please leave her. Tell her to fuck off, and just leave. You're better than this. You are so good, Emil," Tino said quietly, closing their eyes in the hug. "You got to."
"I'm scared." Emil breathed. They were practically shaking in Tino's arms.
"I know. We're all scared. But sometimes the scariest things are the most meaningful." He parted. Tears were forming in his violet eyes. They shut the light off, and left the room.
Emil stared at the bed for a while, just thinking. The scariest things are the most meaningful. Emil got changed, and fell asleep.
"Adela, we have to break up." Emil said sternly. The two were at the local park. It was 7 pm. The sky was a mix of purple and pink, and the clouds were dark. It was warm, with little to no breeze.
"Emil, please," Adela choked with tears. "I'll give you anything I w-want. You can't leave m-me here." She gripped Emil's longsleeve shirt. "I love you,"
"Adela, this is hard for me too," Emil said, looking down at their lap, then at Adela. She was so beautiful. "But you hit me. You didn't just hit me, but you cheated on me."
"I didn't cheat! He wanted me to send him those photos!"
"Adela, you could have said no!" Emil raised their voice, and pounded their fist on the bench the two were sitting on. "You never sent me those photos. You never got me things for any holiday but your fucking destroyed body. You never held me truly and said I love you, without glancing at your phone every fifteen minutes. You never told me I was beautiful. You never fucking used my pronouns!" Tears were rolling down Emil's face. "And yes, you abused me. You hit my rips so hard I couldn't walk. You punched my arms so much that they were black and purple. You constantly laughed at me. You didn't say the wrong things, but you laughed. You- you fucking laughed…" They kept crying. Crying, crying, crying. "And th-that's not all! While we're here, I might as well address that you never said they. You never used my pronouns. You th-thought they were a fucking joke," Emil stood up. "You're the fucking joke. Don't throw your depression excuses at me—I'm fucking so sorry you're suffering. I'm so sorry you can't look at the mirror without wanted to break it. I'm so sorry you put a blade against your skin, hoping the demons will come out with the blood pounding out of your veins. I'm so sorry. But I can't do anything about that. I can't be with you all the time. I can't. So don't use those fu-fucking excuses. I'm in pain too."
Adela stood up. She fought back. "Emil—I can't control my actions. I can't buy you fucking flowers, or chocolate, or any of that. I have an illness. I can't be yelled at by the things I do. I cut myself. Does that give you an idea on what's it like? I sit here, crying and crying, hoping you'll show up at my doorstep with love. I sit here wanting to chug bottles of alcohol, just so the pain goes away. I hate doing all these things—just as much as I hate hitting you. But it's just a thing that happens." Adela cried.
"You're telling me it's just a thing? You're telling me that punching me in the face is just a thing? You're telling me that laughing at my insecurities, kicking me, not introducing me to your parents—all that. You think that's just a thing between us? Like our relationship is healthy—besides the pounding and crying and pain?" Emil shot back. It was getting darker. Colder. Sadder.
"I'm done. Fuck you Emil! Fuck you." Adela grabbed her bag. "Adrian loved me more than you ever did." Adela shouted. She stormed off.
Emil sat on the bench. They were breathing heavily, and their body was still shaking. They closed their eyes. Sometimes the scariest things are the most meaningful.
Tino was looking everywhere for Emil. It was around 10, when he found them. They were sitting at the same spot. They were crying. Not a heavy cry. Just crying. They were smoking a cigarette too.
"Let's go home." Tino said. He took out his wallet, and pulled Emil up. Tino didn't say anything else. He let Emil cry and smoke. The two held hands as they walked to the store. They picked up ice cream and cake mix. They both walked home in silence.
When the two got home, there was music playing. Happy music. Berwald was making snacks. Lukas was in charge of the music—he sat behind the computer with the large speakers. Mathias was wearing a dress and dancing around jokingly. There was no cigarettes. No alcohol. They were all sober. They were just being happy.
"We got ice cream and cake mix. Wanna help put it together?" Tino asked Emil. Emil felt sick, but happy. They nodded. The house was spritely. Mathias shouted silly jokes and puns across the room to Emil. They were playing Emil's favorite songs.
They all sung while baking. They all talked. Nothing serious, just talked. Emil knew they all knew, but no one said a word about it. It was happy.
Tino was right. It was so meaningful. Just being here and doing these things made Emil happier than any time they were with Adela. They were broken up. They were happy.