Chapter One
Wall Maria: Year 845
Eleanor Schultz resided at the table at her family's home, a book in her right hand and a fork in the other. Her glasses were perched on the bridge of her nose as she read through one of the anatomy books provided to her by her father.
It was peaceful with just her and her parents at the dinner table. This was the only time that both of them were off work, and Eleanor was excited to express the knowledge she had gained about different blood types.
But the sounds of a horn call resonated throughout the room. Her ears perked, confused by the loud noise that she was never taught about by her parents, whom both seemed to forget to instill their knowledge of the warning signal to their daughter.
"What was that?" She questioned, quicker than usual when she noticed the disturbed faces of her parents. The atmosphere had changed, and it wasn't in their favor.
"We need to go," her mother frantically pushed her chair back, sweat embedding on her forehead. Eleanor watched with heightened senses as the perspiration trailed down both of their aged faces. "The wall has been breached."
'Emotionally induced shock' Eleanor subconsciously spluttered as her heart rate increased at the news. 'clammy skin shallow, rapid breathing, dry mouth, nausea. Heart rate is well above 120 bpm.'
"We have to go!" Her father clasped his daughter's hands tightly, pulling her up from the table. Her legs felt heavy and light at the same time, though she allowed herself to be pulled away from the kitchen table.
There was no time to pack a bag. Even if there was, Eleanor would not have been able to probably function or pack the essentials. Instead, the anatomy book remains tightly in her clutch.
News of the breach took longer to spread to the northern regions of Wall Maria. Despite this, the Schultz family were ordered with the rest of their town to flee to Wall Rose, through Utopia District. An ironic name. The process would take hours, but the fear that citizens experienced were far less than those in the southern regions of the wall, where the Colossal and Armored titan destroyed humanity's safety. They were all located the farthest from the breach, but terror still struck the population.
One woman fell to her knees about twenty yards from the Schultz family. She cried out, reaching her hands into the air to pray to the Gods.
'Sense of terror, or impending doom or death. Feeling a loss of control.' The woman clutched her chest, gasping for breath. 'Breathing difficulties. Possibly feeling faint. She's having a panic attack.'
These people feared death, and with good reasoning. This could be the end of humanity. It was cruel and unfair.
'After all I went through. All the hard work and dedication. Will I even be able to survive to help these people?'
Eleanor felt the world dim, her vision becoming impaired. The last sight she had seen before fainting were the grim faces of her parents.
Little to her knowledge, that would be the last time she saw her parents.
This world is cruel and unfair.
Survey Corps Headquarters: Year 850
Two Months before the Battle of Trost
Eleanor grazes her delicate fingers across the refined parchment, her eyes intent as her other hand adjusts the reading glasses threatening to slip down the bridge of her nose. When absorbed in any sort of textual book, the outside world fades to a blur. She hadn't even noticed how she moved to Hanji's desk, setting on top of it with her legs crossed beneath her.
Hanji at this point couldn't care less at the behaviors Eleanor displays in her office, as she herself holds certain quirks that others find annoying or bizarre. Now that the young woman has been a part of her life for the past month, the squad leader really enjoys the company, even if the girl is fairly shy.
Eleanor has been a part of the Survey Corps for a short time, and though she has undergone the same three years of training that everyone else has, she still doesn't consider herself a soldier. The government required her to endure the invasive training, but she never used any of what she has learned except for in the classroom. After all, she is a nurse.
The fall of Wall Maria brought many hardships within the Walls. Not only were the people residing in Maria eaten alive, but many of the doctors and nurses were as well. While there are still many qualified medics established in Wall Rose and Sina, much of the population lived in Maria, so the loss was exponential.
Eleanor had just received her nursing license and was studying to be a doctor before the Armored and Colossal titan destroyed everything. Her family's wealth was taken away when they died, given to the government for aid. She had nowhere to go, but the government knew of her talents with knowledge of herbal and medicinal remedies, given that her father was a scholar and her mother owned an apothecary. Bestowed with this information, Eleanor was faced with a choice.
Become a nurse for the military or have her license suspended.
Before the failed attempt to reclaim the Wall by sending 20% of the population to their death, Eleanor tended to the refugees. Her first time in the field consisted of aiding with amputations, surgery, mending broken bones, and ailing to every type of disease exposed to the injured. This occurred for weeks after the fall. It was gruesome, but it set her up for what was to come.
Of course, the only ones that truly needed aid once everything calmed down were those in the Survey Corps. She was placed to live in the Survey Corps Headquarters, but with a price. While Eleanor wasn't required to go on expeditions, she had to have proper training in case there was another breach, or if a worst case scenario occurred that forced her outside the Walls.
She needed to be skilled, though the term may be an understatement. Eleanor is an average soldier, not even coming close to competing in the top ten of her graduating class. Despite this, she's content with who she is.
Hanji sort of took Eleanor under her wing when she arrived. Anyone with an interest in science, whether it be biology, anatomy, or chemistry, was a companion in her book.
"What are you reading this time, El?" Hanji calls the young woman by her popularizing nickname. She smiles when there's no reaction to her words. To get her attention, Hanji drops the large stack of books and paperwork on the desk Eleanor resides on, causing a violent jolt.
"Ayya!" Eleanor shrieks from the tremor, dropping the book straight into her lap. Hearing the stifled laugh from Hanji, she turns her head and glares at the older woman. "Why do you insist on doing these types of things all the time?"
"You always tune me out," Hanji chuckles, patting her head. "I asked what you were so invested in, but I can see that you're looking at a poppy flower."
Eleanor's eyes twinkle with excitement behind her lenses, seemingly forgetful of the scare that had just occurred. She gestures to the book now in her hands. "Did you know that a type of poppy produces opium, which if processed chemically, can produce alkaloids that can relax the body? Even produce euphoria."
"I only know that because you told me about it before," Hanji smiles, adjusting her own glasses.
"Right," Eleanor blushes softly. "I forgot… I guess I get excited. If you secrete the substance and manage to get it into a needle, it can be used during amputations and surgeries. Perhaps even to subdue pain from broken bones."
"That's only if we can manage to figure out the correct dosage," Hanji clarifies. "Residents in Sina discovered the effects of alkaloids and ended up having an overdose epidemic at one point."
"It's addictive, yes," Eleanor agrees but sits up straighter to speak up. "But the residents of Sina used up nearly all the wild poppy flowers. Then there was that drought, so the plants they tried to grow died out."
Before Hanji could give her two cents, the door to her cramped office was kicked open. Eleanor flinches as stacks of pages spew about the room, one of them nearly flying in her face. When Levi is the figure who appears, she instinctively hides her herself in the parchment of her book, smelling the petrichor and aged scent as a way of calming her nerves. There stands the man that radiates dominance and assertiveness, masked behind a stoic, deceivingly youthful face.
"When was the last time you cleaned this shit reeking room?" The words glide out of his mouth effortlessly, the low, huskiness of voice smooth yet threatening. His eyes glance over to Eleanor momentarily, but the woman has no idea what runs through his mind.
"Since the last time you did," Hanji grins, unfazed from his harsh tone. She places her palms flat against her desk, leaning forward. "What can I do for you this fine afternoon?"
"For one, clean this hellhole," his nose twitches in disgust. "And two, we have a meeting with Erwin to discuss which members will be placed in the Forward Scouts and support teams for the formation."
"I can do one of those things!" Hanji replies, making Eleanor chuckle softly behind the book. Levi turns his attention back to the woman, his eyes glowering softly. Bad mistake.
"You," he utters his words directly at her for the first time since she has arrived, making her blush deeper. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-one." She quips quickly, resisting the urge to look away from his daunting gaze.
"You're old enough to know when childish actions aren't needed. Giggling like a schoolgirl will get you nothing except lack of respect," he says bluntly.
Taking several strides towards her, he grabs her wrists tightly. Her bright eyes contrast with his in both color and the amount of nervousness that they hold. Before she can question his choice of action, he pulls her away from the desk, forcing her feet to the floor where she stands with a shaky stance. Being this close to him was unnerving, especially since she is one of the few that is a couple of inches shorter than him.
"It's utterly rude and disgusting to sit on furniture not meant for your ass," he mutters lowly at Eleanor, nearly causing her to shake in her boots. "You don't get any special treatment for being a nurse. You're still a soldier."
"I-I"
"Oh, leave the poor girl alone!" Hanji chimes as if she's ignorant to Eleanor nearly about to pee her pants. "She was required to go through training, ya know."
"As if that would go unnoticed past me." He looks back at the short blonde woman, his gaze unwavering. In reality, they're about two feet apart, but in Eleanor's mind, he's far inside her personal space. She can smell the woods and tea scents radiating off of his clothes.
Suddenly, as fast as Humanity's Strongest had entered the room and stirred up more than he had intended, he disappeared to where Eleanor could assume was Erwin's office. By now, her calm demeanor was taken over by her intrusive thoughts of her encounter with Captain Levi.
"Oh, don't worry too much about him and his antics," Hanji waves her off, but Eleanor won't implement the advice. "He may seem scary at first, but he's really just a man that requires organization and cleanliness."
"I've gathered that from the list of chores we're assigned," Eleanor mutters quietly, rubbing her slightly sore wrists. "I just never really spoke to him until now, if you counted that as a conversation…"
"That's usually how conversations go with him!" Hanji lets out a loud laugh. "But it's kinda endearing."
Eleanor gives her an incredulous look. "If that's endearing, then I don't want to know what happens when you get on his bad side… I didn't just do that, did I?"
"You're too cute to be mad at," she smiles, patting the younger woman's head. Eleanor pouts at the action, hating being treated like a child. "If anything, he feels as though you should venture outside of the walls with us. He wants all soldiers to be treated equally."
Eleanor looks down at her feet while taking in the information bestowed to her. She's a nurse before a soldier no matter what. There's no way she went through years of school and field work to just turn into titan fodder. She knows she's weak, and she hasn't given much effort into training to improve. She was too absorbed in her lessons.
While the government requires that she train partially with the corps, Erwin seems to hold a soft spot to Eleanor. Seeing her dedication to the wounded soldiers, staying awake days at a time to aid the limited doctors and nurses provided, he allows her to spend training time either studying or analyzing the body.
But now, Eleanor questions if she really has been selfish all of this time. Exhorting such physical effort seemed off-putting to the young woman, but now? She feels a bit of stubbornness when the captain's words get to her, especially with that kind of confrontation, yet she still knows that she has it easy, at least physically, compared to the others.
It really shows, too. Many women in this line of servitude have years of exercise and bodybuilding experience, and anatomically, Eleanor knew that it took a toll on the body. Women here usually lose their fat, which is located mostly near the hips, buttocks, and breasts. Eleanor experienced this during the training corps as well, though she never gained the six-pack body that the others had, blaming it on her lack of skill.
With her lack of training here, she has gained some of the fat back on her body, giving her more curves than what is expected in headquarters. Eleanor is short, so the proportions are more compact and thicker, and it's rather noticeable in the uniform.
One thing that makes her extremely self-conscious is her breasts, which felt like they were in the way of everything. The shirts never fit right, as the buttons fail to hide the open seams, making unwanted, exposed skin appear. So she binds her chest, hiding them from the world. The only ones that have seen her boobs are the ones she showers with, which they all stare in jealousy or judgment.
"She's a nurse, alright," One girl had said as she scrubbed her body clean from the hours of manual labor. "Nursing those men and their sexual urges."
"I've heard them talking," Another scoffed, throwing a towel around her tall, lanky body. "They always talk about the cute new nurse and how they try and fake injuries just to have her cater their needs like a housewife. They're used to old ladies."
"She probably sleeps with the Commander just so she doesn't have to train. I see the way he looks at her."
"Picking pretty flowers and herbs in the woods while she should be out there with us fighting those damn titans."
"Please, she wouldn't last out there. I trained with her, and she didn't even come close to the top ten. She'd die from a pulled muscle or something."
"It's unfair. She gets the special treatment because she's pretty and can mend a few bones. It's not that hard. I could do it."
And Eleanor would just stand there, washing her hair while hugging her soft and puny body. She used to cry. But now, she just seethes with anger. How dare they say those things about it being 'easy' to be a nurse. It makes her feel weak getting worked up about it, but being ridiculed and degraded really takes a toll mentally.
She's too soft-spoken and shy to really speak up about it, beating herself up about it all the time, but she doesn't strive to change her communication skills, having no reason to. The only people she speaks to are Hanji, Moblit, Petra, and her patients. Hanji discusses intellectual books, theories, and so forth, while Moblit makes small time and Petra discusses men in the Survey Corps.
"Alright, El." Hanji lets out a low sigh and gives her a brittle smile. "It's time to meet with Mister Tall and Mister Small."
"Good luck," Eleanor shudders, grabbing her books from the desk. Begrudgingly the two make their way through the corridors of ranked officers quarters. Jealousy doesn't come close to how the young woman feels when it comes to the stratification of the regime and their assigned locations within HQ.
The section commanders, squad leaders, Captain, and the commanders get the larger rooms, usually with ensuite bathrooms and their own personal office attached. Eleanor is in the unit of HQ that holds the nurses and doctors, but the rooms equate to those of the rest of the Survey Corps members that are unranked. The only difference is that she gets her own room, as there are a limited number of medics these days.
As Eleanor trudges towards her room, where the majority of her academic books reside, she can't help but absentmindedly wander in the direction of the infirmary. Having it in the same unit as her sleeping quarters is both a blessing and a curse. She can sneak out past curfew most of the time to mess around, whether it be by sorting through the different medication or create her own concoctions with herbs and plants via the Mortar and Pestle. Most of the time she reads the medical books usually restricted for nurses, as they're reserved for doctors, the position strictly for men.
Once she's there, she takes note of the lack of people within the building. Usually, there are one or two stragglers that come in to ask for some pain medication or ointment, but it's prevailingly calm for once. Perhaps now could be the perfect time to…
"Time to get to work," She mumbles softly to herself, her feet carrying herself faster than her mind.
Her hands get to work, opening the upper left cabinet via standing on her tiptoes. She had begged the head nurse of the division to allow this cupboard to be specifically reserved for her, which really didn't take much begging from her part. The nurses and doctors here are often time depressed and void of many emotions most of the time, so having Elenor's shy yet exciting personality acts as a pick-me-up to their dreary encounters with the wounded soldiers.
The small woman pulls out multiple jars of dried plants and herbs, alongside a jar filled with alcohol she found within the cupboards of the kitchen.
'Chamomile,' she recites in her head as she throws the dried flora into the mortar. 'Contains apigenin, an antioxidant that binds to certain receptors in the brain to promote sleepiness and reduce insomnia'
'Valerian Root,' she places the pungent, unpleasant things into the mix as she crinkles her nose. 'The strong odor is due to the volatile oils and other compounds responsible for its sedative effects.'
'Hops flowers, passionflower, lemon balm, peppermint…' She continues at a rapid pace, mixing together the dried items until she feels like she has all the ingredients she needs. Taking out the empty jar, she fills a third of it with her herbal mixture, filling it to the top with her alcohol. The process itself is very simple, but the final product will not work until the herbs have steeped for four weeks, shaking daily to mix.
With a small smile, Eleanor places her sleeping tincture on one of the window seals of the infirmary. Her moment of excitement soon vanishes, however, and her upturned lips falter.
I've been fairly content since being hired on as one of the nurses for the Survey Corps... Given the fact that I was forced to, I'm still able to do what I love.
So why do I feel so guilty?
Why do I feel so lonely?
Eleanor glares at the glass jar, crossing her arms jadedly. The empty noises in the infirmary make her heart pound, as she only has her thoughts to focus on.
She has to do it. She has to talk to Commander Erwin as soon as possible.