Author's note: This is just an experimental story, and a very long one-shot. I tried to write a little differently than I usually do, especially in the imagery department, which I'm not great at, but I gave it a shot and I think the somewhat mellow scenery is what it should be, scenery. And just as a note, I didn't title this piece on purpose...just couldn't find the words to describe it. Please enjoy and review I am also trying my best to finish the next few chapters of my other stories, so please, please, please bear with me...they will get posted, one day!!!
Untitled
by flying metal child
"It is most difficult always to remember that the increase of every creature is constantly being checked by unperceived hostile agencies; and that these same unperceived agencies are amply sufficient to cause rarity, and finally extinction."
-Charles Darwin Origin of Species
Dib types:
I never realized how fast time really was until my senior year in high school. Over the summer, the maintenance department finally replaced the old clocks in the classrooms with new ones. These clocks were very ordinary in appearance and seemingly just like their predecessors, but one difference set them apart. The second hand did not tick-tock; rather, it went around clockwise in a smooth, fluid motion--unstopping, unhesitating.
I watched the hand go around and around and was amazed that it went so fast, even though it was keeping the same measurement of time as the old clocks. Somehow the confident, red hand that went around and around was faster and faster each day, and when graduation finally came, I hoped that would be the last time I saw a clock with out the beautiful sounds of tick-tock-tick-tock.
Glancing back at the high school one last time, (although I was sure to see it often peripherally) I was filled with a sense of completion, or closure, as some would say. Life had been good, despite the hard times which now seemed marginal to the present. It didn't really matter that I had names thrown at me in middle school and junior high. In high school, all those things seemed to disappear.
My freshman year was distinctly good and my peers came back very different people, as if they had been changed suddenly when thrust into the new high school environment.
We all adjusted somehow. I adjusted somehow.
Now it was all over and I was the better for it. I can now look forward to college, a career, and later, when I'm ready, a family. I imagine in ten years, when the inevitable class reunion creeps up unexpectedly, I will be successful and happy, just like I am now.
But all this is speculation. That is not to say my happiness is in jeopardy. I believe that I will be happy as long as I keep a clear view of what is ahead of me, impossible as it is to divine the future. I am not sure if I will have a good career or a family. I can only hope; if I do not have these things, the only thing I can strive for is happiness in whatever pursuits or events that come to me as I grow older.
In the past, I would have not looked a year ahead to even attempt to visualize the future. Now that I know the future is assured, I'm not even sure I want to see what is ahead, and I feel fortunate that I will be an adult in an adult world, striving to make things work and blissfully ignorant to the future.
I know that sounds naïve or maybe just stupid. Ignorance is bliss, as they say, and for me, not knowing is better than knowing. It would be hard to explain my mindset when you, whoever you are, do not know the reason why. Why? Why do I believe it is better to not know when the sky will fall than to know the exact minute when it will? Can you stop the sky from falling? It's an impossible thing, but if you wanted to be in happy bliss those last moments, what would be the determining factor for you? I would want to be unaware, eating breakfast or watching TV when it happens, rather than be outside staring as the clouds sink over the horizon and the blackness of space envelopes the blue sky. BAM! The end comes swiftly.
I don't suppose it makes much sense that I don't care what the future holds when you consider that just yesterday, the day before my high school graduation, I saw the future for a moment. A moment in time, be it a second or a few years, is still a moment, and what I saw and felt made my heart sink to a place I could not begin to fathom now.
In that moment, I saw my future. I saw what kind of person I was to become and I saw the effects I had on the people around me--my friends, my family, my one and only enemy...
I can tell you that the person I was "fated" to become after I graduated is not a person I would like at all. Me, Dib, my future self, was a horrible person. He was ruthless in a way that chilled the bone. Regret was a thing he had forgotten. There was only the task ahead. The future was all that the future-me cared about. Sure, he had friends and family, but they were a distant appendage that he was somehow reluctantly attached.
I am not crazy. Just because I can tell you that in the future, Dib Membrane is a bad person, does not mean I am crazy! I was taunted in middle school for that, sadly, but I've moved on and so have other elements in my life.
Zim.
This whole deal with my future self centers around Zim, the alien from Irk who wanted more than nothing to conquer the earth and its creatures.
Sometimes I wonder why he stayed for so long without accomplishing anything. I watched Zim soberly accept his high school diploma. No pomp or circumstance. Just a worthless piece of paper thrust into his skinny hand. A shiver ran up my spine when I saw him after seeing my future self.
I suppose I should start explaining what actually happened to me and specifically what I saw in the future.
You see, it was the night before graduation and I was getting ready for bed. I brushed my teeth and threw on a day old pair of pajamas and slid into bed. I'm a very sound sleeper, well, I had become one in high school, so loud noises don't bother me, but this night something was different. It wasn't a noise, but rather a feeling that was somehow audible to me and my mind. Actually, this feeling was a little scary and I got out of bed with shivering like I had been dunked in ice water.
I followed the "noise" down the stairs and to the front door. It beckoned me outside and led me to the sidewalk. The feeling of the warm summer pavement beneath my feet was the only thing keeing me grounded in reality. Something was pulling me and I wanted to go, but at the same time, I didn't want to go. I kept focusing on the pavement and the rocks and cracks I felt on my soles.
I'm not really sure how long I walked, but I know exactly where I walked. Near my community is a park. It's not the city park so all it had was green grass, a few picnic tables, and a set of swings for the kids. Oh, and one of those things that goes around and around, kind of like a clock if you think about it. How dizzy can you get? I sat on a swing, but I did not swing.
A voice whispered all around me and its sex was indistinct, but very clear. The words were muddled and coherent at the same time, as if the voice was encrypted so that no one else could understand its mysterious message. My brain was the decoder and in my mind I deciphered the message that would ultimately change one decision. One decision.
Swirls of images formed in my head and I was very aware that my body was very light. I couldn't see, but I could hear hundreds of voices in conversation with me, and they were saying strange things that I didn't understand. I rooted out individual voices and listened to their words. Disgusting things they were saying and I nodded my head and approved them. This wasn't right though...I would never do these things.
"You can," the voice said.
"What?" I asked, "Who are you?" The voice, the noise that had led me here only said those two words. You can. I can...do these horrible things? I can? I did? I will...
"...Sir, do you want the files from the Security Department to be transfered to our...Sir?" The pretty secretary cocked her head and stared at her superior. He seemed to be in la-la land suddenly. His eyes widened and his pupils dialated enormously before returning to their normal size. He shook his head as if to rid himself of a horrible migrane, but when he regained his senses, he looked around confused.
Dib Membrane did not know where he was. He looked at the secretary and his surroundings. An office with a mahogany desk. Wow, she has huge boobs! Dib blushed and looked away.
"Ok...this is weird. I was in my bedroom, and then I was at the park and then those voices...Where the hell am I?!?" There was a curtained window behind Dib and a glimmer of sunlight piqued his curiosity. He stood and noticed the black suit he was wearing and he was distinctly aware that he was taller. He felt taller. The secretary continued to stare at him with a blank expression as he peered through the curtain to an unfamiliar landscape. Trees and more trees--a heavy fence was barely visible through the forest. It seemed to be a prison of some kind, but a prison for what? Dib turned on his heel and faced the secretary.
"What...what were you saying?" he asked timidly.
"Oh, yes Sir, the files from the Security Department...do you want to transfer them to the facility's main computer? The recent lab work has come back negative again and we just decided to store them there. Are your orders correct Sir?"
"Uh," Dib said stupidly, "yeah my orders. Sure do that transfer thingy." Thingy? The secretary accepted his strange answer with a flattering smile. She stood at the door and said, "And Sir, the specimen is still waiting in the morgue if you want to check it over again before Branson puts it in cryo again.." The woman smiled strangely. "We all know how you like to poke at it." With that she left the room, quietly closing the door to his office.
Specimen. Poke at it. We know you like it...
"What the hell is going on here?" Dib screamed mentally. Ok. This could be some kind of freakishly lucid dream brought on by anxiety. Yeah! I'm just anxious that I graduate tomorrow and I'm dreaming of something...something weird, but this is just a dream!
Only, I know this isn't a dream. Dib glanced back at the pretty white curtains and slumped back into his office chair. The Italian leather was crushed under him. He could smell its potent leathery smell and feel the sleekness under his fingers. The light the smell and the feel--it was all so real and Dib knew that it was real. He leaned back in the chair and ran his hands through his hair. The prominent scythe of black hair was missing.
His glasses were gone too.
A blank glossy computer screen was on his desk and it gave Dib the first glance of his face. The black mirror was an omnious thing in which to see his new visage. Aged some, Dib saw himself older, perhaps in his mid-thirties. For many people, seeing a familiar yet unfamiliar face would be too much to handle, but Dib was perfectly calm--instead, he was filled with a forgotten curiosity. He was in unknown territory, but the feeling of adventure was all around him.
What was behind his office door? What is the specimen that he, apparently, liked to poke?
Dib had many theories about the situation running through his mind, and one of those wild ideas lead to the conclusion that this place, his face, was the future. The voices he had heard came flooding back to him.
You can do these things. You will. I will do these horrible things. There was nothing more horrible than not remembering what horrible things he had done, but Dib remembered seeing something vile and the voices ran through him like hot blood. He felt sick suddenly and he panicked, realizing that he might be stuck here in this future place forever.
He jerked himself from the chair and opened the office door without any regard for the unknown place outside. It was simply an innocuous and spacious hall with carpeted floors and cream-colored walls. Generic paintings hung on the walls and right under the ugliest painting of a basket of flowers was his secretary's desk. She was busily typing on her computer. Her name was Jenny Simmons and she was very pretty. Dib wondered if she was just eye-candy or a competent secretary...probably both. Still, Dib thoughts wandered elsewhere as he approached her desk.
"Hi," he greeted. Jenny cocked an eyebrow.
"Can I help you Sir?" she said with marked amusement.
"Yes, I need you to show me where it is...the specimen." Jenny smiled and laughed.
"Sir, you've been there nearly every day for the past twelve years. You could get there blind," she smiled seductively and leaned forward giving Dib a good view of her cleavage. "I hope this isn't another try to get me into bed...although," she began to whisper, "all you have to do is ask." Dib swallowed the lump in his throat and tried not to look at Jenny's protruding breasts.
"Well, I'm asking you to take me to the specimen." Just play along a little Dib. "We can talk on the way..." Jenny seemed to accept the offer. She merely thought her boss and her sometime lover wanted to get away from the office and maybe do something naughtly along the way. The halls were constantly under camera surveillance, but Jenny liked being watched.
They came to an elevator and as it descended, Dib thought about the specimen. Not once did Zim come to mind until the machine stopped and the doors opened to reveal a hospital like corridor. A few doctors, or scientists, acknowleged their superior's presence. Jenny kept a lively conversation with herself and she stopped in front of a door labeled "LAB MORGUE 3" as she trailed off on something regarding her new expensive car.
Zim. Dib looked at Jenny and she smiled. "I need to go in alone." She nodded her head and sat in a nearby chair. He opened the door and was greeted by the smells of preserved death. Neatly preserved death and surgical stainless steel. A doctor was at a lab table and he turned at the intrustion.
"Dr. Membrane, I didn't expect you so soon. I thought that you might be going over the results. I was just about to put it in cryo." The doctor named Branson shook his head sadly. "We know that it's there, but somehow, we just can't get it right." Dib had no idea what he was talking about, he didn't care, and he shook off the unpleasant feeling of being out of the loop as he ordered the doctor to show him the specimen. By now Dib had figured that he was the boss and that these people would jump off a cliff if he willed it.
Dib watched the doctor walk along a series of small doors. He chose one particular door and threw the it open, letting some freezing air out into a puffy mist; following that was the table that supported the specimen, draped with a clean white sheet to preserve some sense of modesty for the people viewing the thing--never for the thing's sake, however. The doctor motioned Dib over, but Dib ordered him out of the room first.
"And tell my, uh, secretary, Simmons, to go back up." The doctor nodded his head and left the room.
Zim. The form under the sheet was cold dead. Dib was confronted with a past fear. It had been so innocent to think of Zim strapped to a lab table and cut open with a thousand knives. He could imagine the organs strewn on the floor in green bloody smears and the pictures he had drawn when he was a child were nothing more than childish obsession and naivety. The years had wisened his desires and the very idea of slicing Zim open sickened him and he knew that he could never do that, not even to Zim. But now, Dib knew something had changed drastically. The sheet could not cover what Dib knew was there.
This is what the voices had declared and the images of pain were all true. He had the capacity for such viciousness. The evidence was here! Dib didn't know if he wanted to see what was here, but the truth was all important. Slowly, Dib pulled the virgin white sheet away from the head to reveal barely green skin. Further more, Zim's face and neck, and there, Dib let the cloth fall from his hands. He was looking at a face more familiar than his own. Here was an unchanged person. A constant. He looked no older than Dib had imagined, though, Zim seemed taller in all his frozen glory.
Dib focused on the physical form of Zim to quell his sickened stomach. Zim's skin was nearly drained of color, as if his blood was years gone. Jenny had said twelve years. His eyes were closed, and they were sunk in a little. Eyes that had died a long time ago, taking a forgotten image into oblivion...what had been Zim's last sight? Did he see the face of his nemesis as he slipped away, or had he died deep in an unconscious state that was most likely the only respite he had from torturous surguries. Dib chanced a touch on Zim's cold cheek. So soft, even in death.
Dib pulled back the sheet a little further--then he ran to the nearest sink and vomited violently. He turned on the faucet with a shaky hand to rinse away the filth. He couldn't register the taste in his mouth, nor the feeling in his mind.
Zim was still behind him, mocking him in death with the cruellest joke. His one constant was gone. The chest that had once held his vital organs was caved from harvests, and the wicked thick scar, some unkind attempt to sew him up, was disgustingly visible. His heart, his strange squeedilly-spooch, that scar...still his face was unmarred. It was a cruel contrast to his destroyed body, and Dib approached the body once more to face his enemy.
Zim had been a threat, true. Dib felt that he had come close to loosing his battle a few times, only saving the world by the sliver of a hair. But as time had changed Dib, changes had come to Zim also, and the alien became sullen and distant, almost forgotten. Dib didn't know Zim the way he knew people. Zim was always there, a silent reminder of his childhood. Dib felt more aquainted with the Zim on paper. The photos and notes, videos and evidence piled high in his room that, as the years passed, became smaller and smaller, were the only things Dib really knew about Zim. Zim's attitude and personality had always been in the open, but in retrospect, Dib found that he really didn't know him at all.
He was always at school and Dib suddenly regretted never saying hello, not even a kind smile.
For Dib, not as he saw himself now in the future, only three years had passed since Zim became so irreversibly distant. This room...Zim's dead body...Dib knew that these things had not happened yet, and he didn't want suffering for someone he barely knew, but he didn't know how to change all of this. He wanted to get out. The smell of death and Zim's presence permeated the room to the point of insanity. The sheet quickly covered Zim.
As Dib started to leave, he looked back once, but he didn't have any profound thoughts about life or death.
Zim was dead here.
Zim wasn't dead there.
Like a computer erasing its memory, Dib saw the horrible images lift from his mind and soul. Dib knew that this promise, the promise not to do this bad thing, had already changed the future...
Dib opened the morgue's door and was greeted by Jenny.
"Sir, I didn't leave like you asked," she pouted and frowned, "you don't seem like yourself. Should you just take a sick day and head home?" She smiled and latched onto his arm as she guided him to the elevator. "I'll even escort you to your car?"
"Sure," Dib said. "Can I ask you a favor?" he added.
"Of course." She pushed the button for floor 8.
"Would you drive me home?" Jenny giggled.
"Sir, you are a bad boy!" Jenny threw herself at Dib and Dib, being terribly virgin, pushed her away gently.
"I'm...I'm actually feeling sick right now. Let's just get me home first." She smiled and Dib sighed nervously. The elevator opened to the familiar hall with Dib's office.
"You wait here," Jenny said. "I'll get your keys and lock up your office." She left Dib by the elevator, swinging her hips with every step.
The car trip was pleasant. Jenny was fairly quiet as Dib relaxed in his seat. Who would have imagined that Dib would be driving one of the most expensive cars in the world? Apparently Jenny liked to play chauffeur.
"Are you sure you're feeling well, Dib?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he said softly.
"You know," Jenny began, her voice laced with gossip, "your sister called the other day. Said she wants some more money for that brat of hers. Can you imagine? She has a good paying job and she wants more? What a bitch!" Dib straightened himself and turned angrily to his driver, completely ignoring the fact that she had just told him Gaz had a child.
"Take me to her." Dib said suddenly.
"But we're almost--"
"Just go...please." Dib offered her a sweet smile. "You know where she lives?"
"Yeah, unfortunately," she sneered. Dib focused on the road and thought of his little sister. Something had happened. Why did Jenny seem to hate Gaz? Why did Gaz want more money for--her brat? Her kid? Gaz had a baby?
Dib saw Jenny watching him from the corner of his eye. She frowned sadly. "Dib, I didn't mean to be rude, but everyone knows how you feel about her. I thought you hated her and the way she defended that--"
"Jenny, please. I'm not thinking clearly and I want to see her." Yeah, Dib thought, I'm not thinking clearly because I have no idea what's going on! Jenny nodded and focused back on the crowded freeway. Afternoon, rush hour traffic killed in this city. The skyline was a familiar sight to Dib. He saw the tall Northern Bank's office building and the other corporate towers that loomed like Titans over the people below. As Jenny exited the freeway, Dib became immersed in roads he had never seen. Trees lined immaculate suburban homes. White houses, shades of cream. Everything was so cookie-cutter, but at the same time, the cleanliness and placid environment made him feel very welcome.
"We're here," Jenny said, as if Dib didn't already know where his dreadful sister lived. Dib looked at the house adjacent to the driveway where Jenny parked.
667 Elm Lane. Dib smiled. So his sister had been off one...666 was her favorite number. He wondered if she still had demonic desires as a mother? He wondered what her child looked like, was it a boy or girl? What was it's name? Who was the father? Is she married? Will she have more kids? Does she hate me...
Dib thought these questions and was afraid to ring the doorbell for fear of his little sister's hatred. If he hated her here, she definitely felt the same. He tried not to think of Zim as he hesitantly pushed the button.
"I'M COMING! JUST HOLD ON!"
Gaz. Her voice was so different, but the same. "It's the same everywhere," Dib thought, "everything is familiar to the point of total and complete separateness." His gut twisted as the door opened. A beautiful and elegant face framed with silky deep purple hair greeted him. Her pupils were wide, but Dib could see the golden honey irises ringing the black space. Dib couldn't speak in the presence of his adult sister, and Gaz herself seemed stunned to see him and for a moment, she was at a loss for words.
But a low and dangerous voice erupted from her throat, "What do you want?" He could hear her anger crack into sadness, just from that one sentence.
"I want to say hi and to see you, Gaz." Dib smiled meekly and Gaz's features softened. She peeked out of the door and saw Jenny leaning on the car. Jenny waved awkwardly.
"Jenny, you can leave," Dib said.
"But your car--" Dib nodded and Jenny shrugged. Hell, she was happy to drive around in his stuff. Whatever.
Gaz had a hard eye on Dib, who shriveled under her glare.
"Gaz, whatever happened between us, I mean, I'm not even sure, but I know that whatever it is, we can fix it and...and I want...I want to know what's going on..." Dib trailed off and he couldn't stand to see his sister give him the most unusual stare. She straightened herself and looked Dib straight in the eye.
"Who are you?" she said simply. "You are not my brother."
"Oh. But, I am Gaz, I mean, I think I am...I'm lost." She seemed to approve his rather inane response and invited him inside. She had a very nice home in this suburban civilization, with her inviting blue walls and soft leather chairs and sofas just begging to be sat in. Her carpets were creamy and spotless. Imagine, she had a child and her carpets were still clean!
There was evidence of a child though. A little doll on the floor near the TV in the living room. Dib sat on the sofa and Gaz sat nearby.
"So, how is it that you seem to know that I'm not me?" Dib laughed nervously. Gaz smiled and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
"I know," she said, "because I know. I've always been able to know about these things, even when I was a kid. I could feel people, like, their souls or auras, and I know that you are my brother, but at the same time you're not. You feel like the Dib I knew as a kid."
"I didn't know you knew that kind of stuff," Dib said sadly. "I'm from the past you know." Gaz smiled and noticed her daughter's doll on the floor. She scooped it up quickly and gave it to Dib.
"I believe you. You can't believe how many times I wished I'd had you for a brother, my big, little brother, rather than the man I know today."
"Gaz, I've done something--"
"MOM! Can I go to--" Dib was interrupted by the bouncing teenage girl at the entrance to the room. Her black pigtails and liquid brown eyes shone with the radiance of childhood. She was beautiful because she was Gaz's child. He could see her face in the girl's. He also saw a trace of himself.
"Come here sweetie," Gaz called. The girl walked over warily, eying Dib with contempt he never imagined possible.
"Mom says you're a bad man," she said blatantly. She was a brash child, and she seemed to be about thirteen or fourteen.
"Samantha! That is not nice." Sam sat next to her mother and pouted.
"But Mom you said--"
"It doesn't matter what I said about your uncle...this is uh...your other uncle who looks exactly like the other." Sam gave her a questionable look. Her favorite doll was in this man's hands though.
"Can I have her back?" she asked, pointing to the toy. Dib handed it too her and she crushed it to her chest. It was a well worn doll, obviously a precious thing to her.
"Can I go to Katie's house now? You promised I could go."
"Sure baby, be back by dinner." Sam ran off.
"She's beautiful Gaz. Can I ask who the father is?" Gaz smiled sadly, Dib noticed, as they made themselves comfortable on the sofa.
"Do you want anything to drink?" she asked, ignoring his question.
"No thanks." Ok, no father questions. "I just want to know what's going on, Gaz. One minute I was in my room and it was the day before graduation and then the next I was walking to the park and then! I was in the future, sitting at a desk, and I even have a secretary! She seemed to think I hated you and that you wanted money." Gaz nodded.
"It takes a lot to keep up with Sam and her needs. So much was left undone Dib." She lowered her head and her beautiful hair covered her face, but it did not hide her tears. She tried to wipe them away, but they had already stained her face.
"Tell me why I hate you now. I don't hate you Gaz."
"I know, " her voice cracked, "but if you really haven't lived any of this, you'll know why, one day."
"No! That's the one thing I understand about this Gaz! I may not know how I got here but I do know why and that's because I came here to learn from my mistakes. I don't like what I've seen so far and in the beginning, I saw visions of even more horrible things! They disappeared though, but I know I saw them."
"I know what you saw Dib." She sniffed and reached for a convienient tissue box. She wiped her tears and pulled back her hair. Even red lined and sad eyes could not scar her beauty. "I know what you saw," she repeated.
"Do you really?" Dib asked. He thought of Zim in the morgue and his sunken eyes.
"Is he?"
Don't ask me this question Gaz...don't you already know? "Is he what Gaz? Who?" I know who and she knows too.
"Zim, you bastard, is he dead?" She caught her anger carefully and the poor wadded tissue between her fingers became smaller and smaller in her tight grip. Dib couldn't answer in words, maybe he couldn't speak or maybe if he said yes it would make it seem more real than it already was. He nodded and she nodded in return, as if accepting it all as calmly as she could.
"How long has he been gone?"
"I'm not sure, Gaz. That Jenny woman said something like twelve years, but I don't know. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, it won't make it better. God, twelve years. It's been twelve years. He died right off didn't he? It's been twelve years since they took him so he didn't last long."
"I don't understand Gaz. Tell me what happened here. Why is he dead? What did I do?" Dib seemed to be on the verge of tears too and Gaz took his hand gently. She really wanted to kill him, but this wasn't "the" Dib. The man she knew was dead to her.
"I guess I should start from the beginning. You don't know about anything past high school graduation?"
"No, I haven't even had it yet."
"Well," Gaz began, "I don't want to spoil too much, but after my graduation, you were already at the City University working on your science crap, no offense, but you were really absorbed in it for a few years until dad died."
"Dad died? How?"
"Massive heartattack. He died instantly at work. You were really crushed Dib and I never saw you sadder than that day, but we all moved on somehow. Anyway, after I graduated, I went to City U too. Zim, that idiot, wound up in two of my advanced computer classes. I don't even know why he was there because he already knew too much about computers and he was always criticizing everything I did, even though I was the best human student in the class! He picked on me and I picked on him and one thing led to another in the strangest way." Gaz paused for a moment to get another tissue. Her tears were returning a thousand fold and her next words were barely audible...
"I never expected to fall in love with him, but I got pregnant when I was twenty and we had been together secretly for almost two years. It seems like it was forever." Gaz faced Dib, who was so stunned that he could only listen. "I was so, so afraid to tell you who Sam's father was, but when she was born, Zim told me not to tell you and I didn't. I said her father was just some jerk who fooled around with me and left town, but that was harder than the truth because Zim wanted to see his baby, and he did, for awhile. He...he was a wonderful father, but you found out somehow. We took all the precautions and Sam looks human, I just don't know how you found out, I never did, Dib. God my hands are shaking." Gaz laughed through her tears. Dib took her shaking hands into his.
Dib said, "I can't imagine you and Zim. When I found out, is that when all this happened?"
"Yeah. You did everything possible to turn him in. He was just gone one day and you hated me ever since, but Sam was proof too, but you let me have her. God she was only two, Dib, and it was so hard with her because she had Irken needs. She has to take pills everyday so water doesn't hurt her and she has a special diet, and those few times she was sick were the scariest days of my life. I didn't know what to do with Zim gone. He knew how to take care of her, but I know how now.." Gaz stopped to look around her house. "His computer is framed within this house and a few bits of the lab are underground. You also let me have some of that, for Sam."
Gaz didn't want to talk anymore. She wanted a cigarette so bad it hurt. She wanted Zim so bad it hurt. She wanted everything back. This house was nothing. Sam was everything and the only good thing left in her life.
"I can't imagine I would react so badly Gaz. I mean, you and Zim! I just...it's so strange, Gaz, but to do what I did..."
"I think it was dad's death that really set you off. You weren't right anymore Dib and I think one reason was because you were never able to show dad that you weren't insane. You did your lab work but you still wanted to chase aliens and dad never wanted you to loose sight of what was here on earth. He never told you that but he told me a long time ago."
"I understand now," Dib said with a new sense of purpose, "I understand. I've seen all these things that I could've had but I lost them for something so stupid. I hope none of this happens."
"I do." Gaz smiled tenderly, her mind lost in thought. "I hope for the good things. I love Sam so much and I never regretted having her at a young age. I only wish you and Zim could have seen her together, like when she had her first words or her first steps. Zim only knew her for two years, and when he was gone, I basically accepted that he was gone and he would never come back. Sam didn't know him and that makes me sad too."
"Does she know who she is?"
"Who or what, an alien? She knows enough to know that she's different." The phone rang suddenly and jarred the two from their conversation. Gaz answered and talked as if there had never been sadness in her entire life. She said good-bye and hung up the phone.
"That was Sam. She and Katie are going to the little park a few blocks down, which means someone should supervise. Her mom's going, so do you want to come too and get away from here?"
Dib was more than happy to answer, "Sure."
The park came into Dib's view as Gaz and Katie's mother talked about various things. Sam and Katie ran ahead to the swings, so innocent. One swing was unoccupied. Dib sat as the girls swung higher and higher. Their laughter, as they floated up and down, was like the sound of bells ringing in the wind. Sam's smile was so bright and it pained him to think that Zim never saw his daughter grow up so beautifully..
It was all his fault. Dib looked at the pebbles under his feet, the only cushioning under the swings in case of a fall.
He had sat on this swing before.
Dib looked up suddenly and noticed the trees and his sister and her friend sitting on the unnamed mechanism that went around like a clock.
It was all the same, but older.
The voices had led him here and the visions of doom had sent him forward in time, simply to be here again.
A circle had been completed. He knew that even if all of the bad things had happened to Zim and Gaz, and he himself had been damned, there was still Sam's life unlived. She still had a chance!
"Hey Gaz!" Dib yelled across the playground. She looked up with a smile.
"What day did dad die?" he asked awkwardly. Gaz rolled her eyes and Katie's mother looked confused.
"May 27, exactly two years after you graduated from high school...why?"
"Just wanted to know!" Dib waved to his sister and she smirked, he could tell even from their distance. He looked at Sam once as she and her friend continued their aerial journey on the swings. He could hear the voices again and they were calm and they whispered. Dib knew they were telling him it was over.
Penance? Seeing the suffering of his sister was enough. Seeing Zim was enough.
His trial was over, abruptly and quickly enough.
Dib closed his eyes and just as quickly opened them. Daylight was replaced by early morning darkness, the sun was barely waking up to the world. The park was still and quiet. Dew was sparkling on the grass and a soft breeze disturbed the empty swings.
Sam would maybe be here one day.
The voices were gone. Dib wanted to cry. He hopped out of the swing and stumbled back home with a bruised soul. The suffering of his family and friends weighed heavy on his mind as he crawled into bed. His sister was in her room, right next to his, yet she seemed so far away. As her brother, it seemed strange (not to mention weird) to think of Sam being inside Gaz as a tiny cell, an unfertilized egg waiting for its mate.
Zim was right down the street, as far away as he had ever been. He was the other half of Sam.
Dib wanted everything to happen as it should happen. He wanted his father to live beyond May and he would make sure his father went to the doctor. He also wanted to see Sam again.
Patience would be the key.
Patience is still the key. I'm sitting here, standing there, walking somewhere...waiting. I'm waiting for things that haven't even happened to happen.
I saw Zim for the first time at graduation, not as an alien, but as someone who had freed me from ruining my life. He will never know what I could have done to him and I am grateful to whatever powers or beings gave me the opportunity to see the future. Some things will never change though. Zim probably found it really strange that I tried to talk to him after graduation, but as he had done for the past few years, he simply threw me an evil look and walked away.
Now I have forever to understand him. But I can be patient and let Gaz do her work first.
She's as sullen as ever and she still plays her GameSlave. I'm not sure if she knows what happened to me, especially after what she told me in the future. I imagine if she can sense something different, something better and changed in me, she's doing a great job keeping it to herself.
Dad. Well, he's busy...business as usual. I want him to live to see everything his family does, good and bad, but not as bad as he would expect when I force him to see the doctor every month of every year...just as a precaution. He won't be happy, but when I tell him that I'm going to college to study science, he won't mind one bit.
Time has slowed for me now. I don't fear the clocks in the high school anymore and I don't fear the future because I've seen it, and that future is doomed.
So, can I really say I've seen the future when it won't happen anymore? I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dib stopped typing.
-end