For those not in the know, Dungeons: The Dragoning 40,000 7th Edition is a hilarious mishmash RPG (google search Dungeons The Dragoning and/or LawfulNice to know more), combining elements from major RPG and videogame settings into a single, unified universe, and surprisingly good game.
So far, this fanfic's planned crossovers include Mass Effect, Panty and Stocking, Dungeons and Dragons: Planescape, Warhammer 40K (all of which are actually present in the core rulebook), Warhammer Fantasy, Star Wars and Touhou, though more might come along should something spark in my mind. I'll assume you guys know what I'm talking about, but if there's something you need to know, say so in a review and I'll edit the chapter with an explanation.
"Doo dee dee da doo doo Ka-pa-net, get more than you pay for with Ka-pa-net~!"
The sounds of someone singing the popular farcaster jingle echoed through the Sigil alley, and the singer, a lowly servant girl at one of the Upper Ward mansions, would be the first to admit she wasn't doing a very good job of it. Even so, it cheered up an otherwise boring morning. She'd gone to the Lower Wards to visit an ill aunt, and was now taking the shortcut that had just opened up, the living streets of the City of Doors being what they were. According to a recent sign near the alleyway, the passage could be counted on to remain for a few days yet, and as such, she wanted to make full use of-
Wait, what's that?
A moment later, a piercing shriek echoed through the streets of Sigil.
"A Spelljammer ship can travel through the vastness of space under its own power, but without using a Portal Relay to enter the Warp, their effective range is extremely low - even travel between two very closely-spaced Crystal Spheres might take decades."
-Dora Columbus, professional explorer, The Warp: A Necessary Evil, Mountebank Press
Several Crystal Spheres away, on the planet Aman in the Sphere of New Elysium ...
A good hunter needs to be, and have, many things. She needs to be polite. She needs to be efficient. She needs to have a plan to f**k over anyone she meets. And tonight, it is obvious to all in the club that Kneesocks is doing her best to put all those elements to use- and failing miserably, if the stinging slap from the suited Eldarin was any indication. "I wear this suit to protect me from outside pathogens, because surprise surprise, spending a lifetime aboard a Craftworld tends to ruin our immune systems. I do not wear it so skeevy funts like you could 'unwrap it like a present'!" she snarled as she fingerquoted, before storming out.
"Wellp, that could've gone better," Kneesocks groaned as she rubbed her head and the horn that grew out of it, the skimpy leather outfit she was wearing managing to flatter her even as she rose from her ignominous position. "Come on, baby!" she she pleaded as she stood up. "Don't be like that!" When the Eldarin continued stomping to the exit, Kneesocks gave her own snarl in response. "Well, fine! Your loss!" she yelled, before sitting back down at the bar- only to find the Eldarin's seat already occupied.
"My gain," the newcomer, a blue skinned Tau with short-cropped hair and equally skimpy outfit, said as she gave Kneesocks a coy glance. "The name's Damaris. You said something about unwrapping presents?"
The evening only got better from there. Kneesocks and the Tau had a few drinks, a a nice-innocent-and-not-at-all-packed-with-innuendo chat, and spent a very enjoyable time dancing. Bathed in the club's lights, the tiefling and the Tau soon had the other patrons stunned with both desire and not a little envy. For her part, Kneesocks was surprised by how good Damaris was- Kneesocks at least had the excuse of her daemonic heritage and training for her own skills at seduction.
"Some moves you've got there," Kneesocks whispered into Damaris's ear when the two got especially close.
The Tau turned to face her with a hungry look in her eyes. "I could say the same thing about you," she grinned. "And if you're thinking what I'm thinking..."
"You want to see what else she's got," Kneesocks replied, mirroring Damaris's own visage. "Well then, what are we waiting for?"
And with that, they stepped out of the club, leaving behind a throng of somewhat disappointed patrons. Outside, the lights of Aman's single urban centre filled the horizon, but Damaris wasn't having any of it. "I've got a place way out back," she purred, leading Kneesocks outside. "My vehicle's the orange groundcar, over there," she said, pointing to it. "Think you can keep up?"
"No need," Kneesocks replied. "Took public transport here, because there was no way in the Hells was I going home alone," Kneesocks grinned, running her fingertip lightly against Damaris's exposed stomach.
"Someone's confident," Damaris grinned. "Okay then, shall we?" she asked, leading Kneesocks away.
As they proceeded into the night, neither of them paid any attention to the groundcar that made to follow them. Unlike Damaris's vehicle, this was a high-tech job, utilizing not wheels, but antigravity plates that kept it hovering a foot above the ground. The windshield was a technological marvel, a darklight projector that made the deepest night seem as bright as day, and a layer of optical camouflage made it next to impossible for anyone to make it out in the night, least of all a couple of inebriated clubbers. A pair of reptillian eyes narrowed, and their owner placed his semi-automatic sniper rifle aside as he grabbed the steering wheel.
He had been in this business a long, long time, and as he drove silently behind the two girls, he reflected a little on the irony of the situation- he had actually based his combat philosophy, his art on the principles of Kau'Yon, the Tau warrior philosophy of the Patient Hunter. Stalk and outmaneuver, bait and ambush. A suprisingly subtle art, especially for the hunter, but then again, he was never really one to fulfill expectations- except when it came to work.
And boy oh boy, did he enjoy his work.
The planet Dothion, within the industrialized Crystal Sphere of Bytopia...
The Mercykiller slammed through the door shoulder first, dropping into a roll and then bringing his shotgun up in a single agile maneuver- only to find himself faced with an empty room. "Caran here," the Eldarin whispered into his environment suit's inbuilt communicator, pointing his shotgun into the darkness as he proceeded carefully, "entry made, no initial contact, searching adjoining rooms."
"Be quick; our agents in the Harmonium can't delay them for much longer. We will not brook their interference in this matter."
"Understood. Caran out," the Eldarin said, proceeding with his room sweep. Even in the middle of the night, Bytopia never really slept, and the light of manufactories and distant arcologies illuminated the rundown slum with a dim, eerie glow. The optical filters of Caran's mask provided him with a little night sight, but even with this small advantage, he made out nothing in the darkness. "Caran, switching to weapon torch," he said. A small underslung torchlight turned on, and Caran tensed, waiting for whatever he thought might be waiting in the darkness to spring out- nothing. The apartment he was searching was empty.
Even so, it was disappointment rather than relief that tinted his voice as he relayed the situation. "Caran here- nothing sighted. Maybe this was a dead end?" he said, looking out the window. Several floors below, a nondescript vehicle carried the Mercykillers' mobile headquarters.
"Maybe," said the other voice, sounding just as disappointed as Caran was. "Nobody else has turned up anything either; I'll radio HQ, tell them to execute the civilian. Probably just a junkie having a bad trip- worthless son of a-"
Static cut off the rest of the transmission, and Caran reflexively ran behind the nearest piece of cover, a small, rundown couch, his back to the wall. "Control? Control, do you read?" Static. "Coates? You hear me? Morgok?" Static on all counts. For his part, Caran wasn't scared in the least; a soft Harmonium officer might have, but Caran was a Mercykiller, recruited after he was captured, and found murdering a fellow prisoner. Whoever thought to surprise them was about to be in for an unpleasant surprise of his-
A sharp pain in his chest caused Caran to look down, to see wicked claws piercing through him. He suddenly felt weak, and the shotgun clattered to the ground, its torch beam flickering off. How...? Caran's dying mind asked, bewildered. They'd have to be able to walk... through wa... lls...
As Caran died, the last thing he heard was the sounds of gunfire, the screams of the doomed from within the apartment complex, and the sound of an explosion from the outside.
"Nice place," Kneesocks said with genuine admiration as Damaris turned on the cabin's lights. The ironwood walls were lined with various painting, while sculptures and artifacts stood in plasteel cases mounted upon wooden plinths. "Didn't know you were a collector."
"Didn't I mention it on the way here? I love collecting works of art," Damaris said. "It gives me a rush like you wouldn't believe," she added huskily.
"And Let me guess, you want to add me to your collection?" Kneesocks said coyly.
"Maybe," Damaris grinned, walking seductively to Kneesocks. "A work of art can't just look good," she said. "I mean, good looks are important too," she said, delicately running her fingers over Kneesocks's body, before leaning in to whisper, "but that's not enough- they need to inspire me, make me feel. And when I saw you in the club, I saw something else that foolish Eldarin did not. I felt something she did not. And now... now I want you to prove me right."
"Any way you want, Damaris," Kneesocks breathed, not resisting as Damaris led her to a stairwell leading downwards. "The locals don't like towering buildings," she explained, "but there's nothing that says you can't build down. It's all for the best, really- down here, we can be as loud as we like," she grinned naughtily, her lascivious grin mirrored on Kneesocks's own face as she led the tiefling to a magnificent, opulently furnished room. It was only after Kneesocks stepped in herself that her lusty grin was replaced by a look of horror.
Because apart from the soft, frilly bed, the polished furnishings and the beastdown carpets were large cryogenic chambers, containing the lifeless corpses of beautiful women and handsome men. "I told you, I am a collector," Damaris said as Kneesocks spun around in shock. "And I can't wait to have to join my finest specimens- but not before we have a little fun," she said, her breaths growing faster as she saw Kneesocks's face slowly become blank. "All of these people," she breathed, stroking the blank Kneesocks's face, "gave all of themselves to me, mind, bodies- souls. I am a charitable vampire, fear not. I made sure their last nights were the finest of their lives, as I will do so with you."
She grinned as Kneesocks gave her a stupefied smile. "Wouldn't you like that, my beautiful, beautiful pet?"
"Fuck off," Kneesocks whispered tenderly.
"What?"
Damn, she's fast, Kneesocks noted as the Tau barely dodged the headbutt she aimed towards her. A strong swipe from a clawed fist sent Kneesocks backflipping and landing on the opposite wall. She swiftly took off her stockings as she leaped back off, and brought them down upon the vampire as they transformed into a pair of one-handed scythes in mid-air.
Well, that was the plan, at least. With supernatural agility, Damaris dodged once again, leaping to the side and onto the bed. "So, it seems that my little tiefling has a few tricks up her sleeve," she snarled, slamming a hand behind her, breaking the headboard to reveal a wicked looking blade. "Unfortunately for you, so do I."
"Lady, I'm a Blood War veteran- I think I can take on anything with a blade."
"What, this?" Damaris said, holding up her sword. "Oh, I'm not talking about that," she snarled, throwing her free hand forward- which, Kneesocks realized far too late, contained a ball of energy. Worse still, even as she tried to parry it, the ball split in two, and though she managed to strike one into nothingness, the other slammed into her left arm with a small explosion. Blood War discipline and experience stepped in, however, and Kneesocks's grip on her left scythe was as strong as ever.
As it did when Damaris launched herself at Kneesocks, her blade blazing with daemonic energies, contrails of purplish-pink Warp magics trailing behind it. Bringing her scythes up into an X-shape, Kneesocks barely managed to block the blow. "I will dedicate your death to the Prince of Excess!" the Tau screamed into Kneesocks's face as the tiefling was forced to bend back. "A thousand agonies await you, and a thousand pleasures my reward!"
"Save it for someone who hasn't heard it before, bitch!" Kneesocks growled, before pushing Damaris forward and roundhouse kicking the vampire in one fluid motion. This only seemed to infuriate the vampire, though, but Kneesocks was not going to let her press the advantage. She threw herself into the battle, her scythes a storm of blades that soon forced the Tau on the defensive. In the space of a few frenzied seconds, Kneesocks had forced Damaris into a corner. "Now I've got you-" she began, before the world went white and Kneesocks found herself being thrown back into the stairwell. Dazed and battered, she barely heard Damaris speak through the ringing in her ears.
"You fight well, even for a Khornate," the Tau said, as she staggered towards Kneesocks. "Pity your fool master never taught you to appreciate pain, as my Lady does, and his restriction on magic? Ridiculous!" she gasped triumphantly, holding up a free hand still crackling with magical energies. "That blast huirt you, didn't it? It hurt me too, but unlike you, I draw strength from it. It empowers me. It fuels me. I need the pain," Damaris said as she stood over Kneesocks. "How could you understand its beauty when-"
Kneesocks never found out what Damaris was about to say, because the vampire's chest exploded in a shower of blue gore. As the Tau was thrown back by the force of the explosion, Kneesocks looked up at the power-armoured giant gingerly coming down the stairs. "Took you long enough," she groaned.
"Yeah, well, you know me, I like to savour the last lasbolt before I pop my heat sink," the Dragonborn giant said, holstering his bolter as he helped Kneesocks up. "That, and I was trying to be silent while not stumbling down the stairs," he grimaced. "Seriously, with all the good work we're trying to do, you'd think the multiverse would be more Aasimar-friendly.."
"Aasimar?" Damaris gasped as she struggled to get up. "You work with Aasimar?" she spat at Kneesocks. "Whore of Malal!"
"Just so you know, Malal's still a Chaos God, and my Chapter would never work with a servant of Chaos," the Aasimar said as he fished around in his ammo belt. "Which brings us to point two," he added, giving a small amulet to Kneesocks, composed of a hammer flanked by two comet 'wings' just below the head. "Kneesocks is a faithful servant of the God-Emperor Sigmar, like me," he chirped. "Speaking of which- Garrus Vakarian of the Silver Flame chapter, at your service."
The Tau looked at Kneesocks incredulously, and began laughing raggedly, despite the hole in her chest. "Betrayed the Powers, and thrown in your lot with the Blessed Pantheon? As if they'd let you set foot on Mount Celestia."
"Good thing I'm not much of a tourist," Kneesocks replied, as Garrus moved to the Tau and handcuffed her. The sound of sirens started echoing in from the outside. "See? Told you I wasn't going home alone," Kneesocks grinned.
"Venerable Associated Guides of Underlying Egalitarianism, we bid thee welcome."
"We bid the speaker welcome."
"We bid the speaker welcome."
"We bid the speaker welcome."
"We bid the speaker welcome."
"We bid the speaker welcome."
"Read you loud and clear, Number One... Whaaat? Yeesh, all right. We bid the speaker welcome. There, happy?"
"Look, I don't like it much either, but our positions demand some kind of protocol."
"I just think it makes us sound like a bunch of stuffed-shirt berks- and I don't even wear a shirt! Or any clothes for that matter!"
"We've been through this! Considering all the schemes we have going on, we ARE a bunch of 'stuffed shirt berks', as you so colloquially put it!"
"Quit doing that! That's ableism!"
"Oh my, oh my, there's no need to act like that, boys. Especially with what Number Five has found out, isn't that right, Number Five?"
"Damn right, Number One! You hear that, Number Three? Pbbbbth!"
"That's enough, you two. For Number One to assemble the V.A.G.U.E. Council in person like this would indicate a matter of the gravest significance, and the sooner we hear of it, the sooner we can deal with it."
"Number Two is right; besides, this fighting serves no purpose, not even to strengthen us."
"Thank you, Number Six. Number Five, please tell us what your network has found out."
"Thanks Number One. See, the chant is that-"
"Whoa, whoa, Number Five. Hold off on the jive talkin', all right? Not all of us have lived in Sigil all our lives, dig?"
"Sorry, Four. Anyway, I'm sure you guys have heard about the murders in Sigil, right? All gruesome-like, people skinned and all that? Okay, keep that in mind. Now, there have also been a bunch of murders in Dothion, a planet in the Sphere of Bytopia, only that these aren't civilians being targeted, but the friggin' Mercykillers. Started off with a bunch of 'em being killed raiding an apartment- now Mercykillers all over the planet are turning up in the Dead Book. On Baator, the planets Maladomini, Minauros and Cania have broken out into all-out war. Following me so far?"
"Is there a point to all this?'
"I'm getting to it, Three! Yeesh! Now, here's the thing- I did a little digging, see, and it turns out that along with the killings in Sigil, there have also been cases of people disappearing near where the murders took place. Now, people disappearing in Sigil ain't something new- sometimes, people just make the wrong hand gestures walking through a door, next thing they know, they've stepped into a portal to Acheron, but these ain't those cases. See, the people who disappeared? Psychic nulls, every one of them, each part of a different faction. No murder took place near an unaligned null."
"Cunning... nulls would be a great resource for any faction, especially in negotiations, where their powers would negate any mind control others would bring in. It would also behoove a faction to keep their nulls secret, as ace cards; keep them hidden properly during a negotiation, and your opponent will never know who to look for once everything's done."
"Exactly, Seven! And as you can expect, only one of them was a Harmonium null- as far each faction knows, only one null's been lost in the serial killings, and the rest were unlucky civilians. Also, used to be there was one murder a week, but it's been two weeks, and everything's quiet. Sure, there have been murders, but no more nulls disappearing near 'em. I checked up, and it turns out all the factions have been tapped out- whoever's behind it all's either done, or laying low. The factions themselves are all riled up though- nulls are rare enough as it is, and well guarded. By the way, the guards? Not touched. Whoever's capable of stealing a null without anyone noticing's plenty dangerous, and all the factions are gearing up for a fight."
"Interesting. Go on, Five."
"Okay, about the Dothion Mercykillers- see, on Dothion, there's two kinds of law: the Harmonium, who're the 'official' lawmen, and the Mercykillers, who're the real law in the slums. When people are in trouble, they go to the Mercykillers, 'cos the Harmonium's got too much red tape. Harmony boys also put on trials for criminals- considering how many Dothionites are criminals themselves, they ain't exactly linin' up for court or jury duty. So, when they need a solution, they go to the Mercykillers. As long as they're not obviously bad, and have enough proof, the Mercykillers will take care of their enemy, and leave 'em."
"Disgraceful! Surely the Mercykillers can see that they're being used as assassins!"
"They don't care, chief. Way I hear it, they get to kill scum anyway, and more often than not, the tattletale gets tattled on in return, which gives the Mercykillers another excuse. The way they see it, it's a win-win."
"Despicable."
"Sorry, Number Two, but that's the way Dothion works- or used to. See, with the Mercykillers gone, there's no law on Dothion; sabotage and industrial terrorism's gone way, way up, and the corporate suits who rule Bytopia ain't happy. They're pouring the gelt into the Harmonium, make them take over, but like I said, the people there don't like the Harmonium, while the Harmonium boys there ain't used to venturing into the hive slums. Crimes are going up, and production's going down. Already, some of the more isolated Crystal Spheres are beginning to experience shortages. Now, here's where it starts to get freaky- those murdered Mercykillers? Their wounds match those of the murder victims in Sigil."
"One agency, two crimes- I suppose that there's a connection to the Baatorian war as well?"
"You got that right, chief, but this time, it's nothing as personal as murder. See, Baator's been a pretty stable place, but that all changed when the lords of Maladomini, Minauros and Cania found themselves with a bunch of new toys. The way I hear it, they've all realized they've been played for fools, but by the time they did, it was too late- shots had been fired, and they were committed."
"How do you connect that to the Sigil and Dothion murders?"
"Well... see, before I went to Number One, I decided to do a little research. I was a mage when I was alive, a pretty good one too, and some of this sounded kinda familiar. Looked it up, got scared, looked it up in Sigil's library, got really scared, then I called in a few favours with Number One to access both the Black Library and the Halls of Tzeentch. After that, we pissed ourselves- figuratively, of course- and called this meeting. You see... if our research is correct, and by all the Powers, I hope it's not... you see..."
"Spit it out, man!"
"I'm trying, Number Three! But... hells, I'm scared! My gut's twisting and turning, and I ddon't even have a gut! Number One, help me out here!"
"Of course, Number Five, don't worry. Gentlemen, give me a second to open this portal... ah, there we go. See this? These records are millennia old. And compare them to these current records of the crimes Number Five just mentioned."
"God-Emperor Sigmar..."
"Ruinous Powers save us..."
"Spirits preserve us..."
"By the Force..."
"Holy SHIT!"
"Now do you see why I'm funting scared?"
"...Gentlemen, do you remember why I chose you all for this organization?"
"...Because despite our differences, we all want to preserve the Great Wheel, Number One."
"Exactly, Number Six. Before this, we all did our part subtly, through wide-ranging schemes started off with a small nudge here, a word there, maybe a change in position there. And for now, that will continue-"
"Forgive me for interrupting, Number One, but are you sure this is the time to stay subtle? With the entire Wheel at stake?"
"We have no choice, Number Three. Revealing ourselves now will cause too much chaos. The time for more direct action will come soon enough, but for now, we must keep our hand hidden. The enemy is acting subtly as well, which means that they are wary, which in turn, means that the Wheel has a chance of defeating them."
"It's a small hope, to be sure."
"Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment, Number Six- but I concur with Number One. What will you have us do, mistress?"
"Well, Number Two, I'm glad you asked..."
"Thanks for your help, you two," the Eldarin police officer said, as Damaris was led into an armoured transport. "We'll see her on trial soon enough, you can bet on that."
"A fair trial, I hope?" Garrus asked, sitting on his hovercar's hood, Kneesocks beside him.
"Of course- I want to see the bitxh hang, after all," the officer said, scowling darkly as the cryo chambers were brought up, a few of them bearing scorch marks on their armourcrys casings from Damaris's blast. "And so will the families of those poor people. You say she was Slaaneshi?"
"One of the crazy ones, yeah," Kneesocks said. "Not much of a fighter, but one hell of a sorceress."
"Slaanesh, pfah! Crazy's a given!" the officer said. "Now me, I'm more of a Nurgle kinda girl."
"Nurgle? Eldarin?"
"Hey, don't knock it! The Grandfather loves us, and his power means I don't have to worry about ripping my suit so much. And when I do- eh, not that big a deal, most of the time. You're a tiefling, you ought to understand."
"Sorry, Sigmarite here," Kneesocks replied, holding up her pendant. "And before I converted, I was a Tzeentchite."
"Damn! That's a double whammy where I'm concerned! You're not going to go crazy on me, are you?" the officer joked.
"Well..." Kneesocks gave the Eldarin a speculative look. "That depends on what you mean by 'crazy', I guess," she grinned.
"God-Emperor, Kneesocks!" Garrus laughed. "You do realize you don't have to seduce anyone anymore, right?"
"Come on, Garrus! I had to chase off a really hot Eldarin to snare that Tau! Who, let me say, was pretty damn hot before she tried to turn me into an exhibit!"
"Sorry, ma'am, not into girls- though if your friend's free..."
"Sorry, Aasimar vows," Garrus said apologetically. "Sigmarites or bust."
"Damn, looks like nobody's getting lucky tonight- least of all her," the officer said as the transport drove off. "Well, thanks again for your help, we really appreciate you guys answering our call."
"It's what we do, officer," Garrus said, saluting along with Kneesocks before they and the police officer went in their respective directions. On the way back to the city, a blinking light on the hovercar's comm systems drew the two operatives' attention, and Scanty turned it on. The holographic head of a bearded man wearing a wind-brimmed hat appeared between them.
"Inquisitor Clouseau? An honour, sir," Garrus said. "Anything you need?"
"In a moment, Acolyte Vakarian. May I assume the Aman matter has been resolved?"
"Just been, actually, thanks to the aid of Acolyte Kneesocks," Garrus said, while Kneesocks bowed her head respectfully. "She handled most of the legwork, I was just the dumb muscle."
"Garrus is exaggerating, Inquisitor," Kneesocks grinned. "If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here to talk to you, and the murderess would still be on the loose."
"Come now, you two- there is no harm in claiming credit for a job well done. In any case, I have another task for you, one that cannot wait. There have been a spate of murders taking place among the Mercykillers of the planet Dothion, and I want you to investigate. These murders are disrupting Bytopia's production quotas, and as such, disrupt supplies through the greater Wheel."
"Wow, that's quick," Garrus said. "And here I thought I'd have time for a short vacation."
"You'll have time enough to rest on your way to your next location," Inquisitor Clouseau said. "Especially since a few civic-minded Imperial citizens have graciously diverted a transport to Aman." The hologram changed to show what seemed to be a regular Imperial transport. "It may not look like much, but the Celeritas Maxima is much more sturdy than it seems, and is equipped with adequate, if not luxurious accomodations." The hologram switched back to the Inquisitor. "More pertinent to your interests should be the fact that it contains a bar, casino, even a shooting range- and a fellow Acolyte whom I'm assigning to your group."
"How does this Acolyte look like?" Kneesocks asked.
"Oh, you'll know her when you see her- or not. Trust me, it will all make sense when you meet her, or if she meets you."
Garrus and Kneesocks glanced at each other, then back at the Inquisitor with quzzical looks on their faces. "All right," Kneesocks said uncertainly, "if you say so."
"I do. Don't worry, she's prefectly trustworthy, perfectly reliable, or my name isn't Obiwan Sherlock Clouseau!" he laughed. "In any case, Acolytes, as I always remind you, what you do is always of the greatest importance. Even if you do not directly see the consquences. May the God-Emperor protect you both, and grant you success."
"Amen," Garrus and Kneesocks said in unison. Inquisitor Clouseau nodded, and the hologram flickered off.
"Looks like it's directly off to the spaceport then," Kneesocks said. "Wonder how crazy this is going to get?"
Note: There aren't any actual Turians in the game, but an Aasimar with Dragonborn origins (download the game if you don't know what I'm talking about, download the game- don't worry, it's free!) is a good enough match.