This is my first real CP fic, I really cannot say I like the show or hate it. Just watch it for Tim Curry, Gi and Blight... And this story makes no sense.
"Let our powers combine."
"Earth."
"Fire."
"Wind."
"Water."
"Heart."
"Wait, just one second." Wheeler said stopping the whole stock footage from repeating itself, the others were staring at him out of curiosity. "What kind of power is heart?"
Ma-ti moaned as he ran his hand down his face, why must he deal with this again? And in the middle of a major "emergency" of the "highest" proportion, there was a piece of litter near a trash can. "Please, now is not the time."
"You know, I wond'r dat myself," Linka joined in. "What does heart do?"
"Guys, litter. We have to call Captain Planet, now!" Kwame pointed at the trash.
"Can it burns stuff?" Wheeler pointed his ring at some bush and lit it on fire, which happen to be where some bum was sleeping that he thinks he is really Moses.
"Yes, I will deliver the twenty commandments," Moses said as he lifted the cardboard "tablets".
"Can it crush things?" Linka said as she used her wind power to lift a dumpster, which wound up landing on said Moses and scattering several pieces of debris all over the place which landed on the flaming bush and caught fire.
"Um, guys." Gi was tugging at the sleeves of Wheeler who was ignoring her.
"Wheeler, Linka. There is a fire over there." Ma-ti pointed over at the bond fire, which somehow attracted Greedly with a pack of marshmallows. "We have to summon Captain Planet or else the entire park will burn to the ground."
"Alright, we will summon him IF you stay out of it." Wheeler said, he was grinning like he always did. The others blinked as they stared at him for several minutes as the bond fire grew, they shrugged and tried it again. "Fire."
"Earth."
"Wind."
"Water."
As the five, er, four powers mingled in a montage of stock footage with a being taking form and a hero was reborn. He opened his mouth to speak his usual catch phrase but he jerk back, "Wuyg ta poowa kaaampayn wa un Captain Plootain." and he fell to the ground writhing and twitching wildly. The Planeteers were left looking at one another as the hero flopped around while the fire spread a bit.
"We are so screwed," Gi noted. By now the entire park was in flames with a legion of very angry animals looking for vengeance, and all their beady, blood lusting eyes were focused on them.
"He did, we had nothing to do with this," Kwame pointed at the still smiling American as he was flirting with the Russian. The creatures of the park immediate jumped on them all, chewing and biting whatever they can get their little, sharp claws on.
"Now that is some party animals, ow!" Wheeler said.
"Heart," Ma-ti manage to call away the animal. And placing them all onto Wheeler and Linka for the moment.
"Ata fhumur jas rouy." Captain Planet said as he return to the rings.
"What was that about?" Kwame brushed himself off, amazingly he and Gi manage to get out without only a few scratches.
"Maybe heart is not really an element of caring," Gi readjusted her bust a bit. "But one of very important vital organs."
"Attention, this is an eco-alert." Gaia appeared in the sky of the sky with skyness of important sky business, utterly ignoring the burning city behind her. "Dr. Blight is poisoning the Amazon with really deadly toxic poison."
"We are on it," Kwame turn to the chew toys of Planeteers and shooed away some of the animals before dragging them to the Geo Cruiser.
In the Amazon the Planeteers landed their Geo Cruiser in a very convenient clearing that was nearby Dr. Blight and got out to tread around looking at the "damage" of the surrounding environment, Wheeler and Linka were completely (and unexplainably) healed.
"My god, they bend that branch!" Linka pointed to a broken branch, "and left that poor animal skinless."
"Uh, Linka." Ma-ti interrupted, "that branch was broken from the looks of it, a very violent storm or an overweight creature and that animal had it's skin dissolved by that large spider over there. See him?" he waved to the 11 foot spider as it waved back.
"Yes, hello. We got to stop Blight from doing whatever she is doing?" Kwame lead the ground into the high tech base, "why do I feel this is a trap?" he stopped for a second as he found a large plastic cage waiting to catch him. Gi and Ma-ti stood by his side looking at it, "I think she is run out of ideas."
"Yep."
"Pretty much."
"Cheese," Wheeler wonder a head to a plate of cheese that was sitting under the trap unseen of this time. He picked it up to set off a large silver ball that began to roll down a large vine, which tipped a long poll that jabbed the ass of a diver high in the trees that jump into a large pool that set off said cage in a bad homage of Mouse Trap (TM). Wheeler and Linka were captured, leaving the remaining three to stand there in disbelief.
"Ha, I caught those planet-brats!" Blight showed up with her kick ass computer partner, Mel, who happen to be voiced by Tim Curry, who's credits are Spamalot, Gabriel Knight, Gargoyles. "Quick, get me something to poke them. I need to disable them."
"Yes, Dr. Blight," Mel reached for a wooden stick. "Pretty high tech torture device for a Ted Turner personal favorite, isn't it?"
"Ow, quick, stop that. Ouch, we have to call, AAAH! That's sharp!" Linka doubled over as she held her wound, she had began the stock footage. Captain Planet appeared, back to normal thanks to having his vital organs back.
"With your powers combined I am.. okay, what do you idiots want know?" he snapped as he descended to the earth, "and it better be good and none of that the team mates are in a stupid trap thing."
"It pretty much is," Ma-ti pointed over at the cowering duo. The captain looked over and raised a brow, "we suspect that they have been used in baby basketball. Only they were used as the ball."
"Why do you bother me all the time?" Planet snapped, "I mean look at these people. They could not find their own ass with their hands, a flash light and a road map. They should make excellent meat shields. Why don't you do things on your own?"
"Because I would rather settle the matter peacefully and wind up talking someone's ear off," Kwame said.
"I am actually a mystical ninja from the forgotten clan from Japan that came to South America," Ma-ti earned the stares of everyone on sight. "What? I am."
"I would try to seduce the female members of our enemies, and I would wind up showing my breast." she earned the most stares, with several creatures coming from the far reaches of the Amazon. "What, it is no big deal, I mean Linka touched them all the time." and suddenly creatures from all over the country appeared.
"Do you want to try that?" Captain Planet asked as every male (and a few females) nodded with him.
"I would mind really," Dr. Blight said causing everyone to have seizures at the very happy thought of it all.
"Attention Planeteers," Gaia appeared in her large head in a big way in the big sky of utter bigness. "This is an eco-emergency, Looten Plunder is up to something, hop to it."
Gaia sign off as everyone was crying and morning the lost chance she quickly empty a can of hair spray as she smiled smugly. It was good to be evil.
"Could you explain why are we riding with the hatch open?" Gi said as the wind cut through the cockpit of the Geo Cruiser, "it's really drafty."
"Hot, too hot." Kwame was still feeling the affects of the Gi-ga factor.
Ma-ti was slid halfway down in his seat and Linka was sitting up trying to get as much air as she can. "Well I am always hot," Wheeler quip. The Geo Cruiser tipped enough to launch the redhead out and left him hurdling several hundred feet to the earth. Once they made it to the base they found Plunder surveying the land for his new hotel, there were henchmen waiting for them to affront them. The remaining Planeteers climbed out of the Geo Cruiser, they found themselves short a member and enable to summon the hero.
"Okay, how can we handle this?" Ma-ti asked as the large and burly men picked up heavy and blunt metal beams.
"I have an idea," Kwame said as he raise his ring. "Let out powers combine."
"But we are short a member," Linka reminded him.
"Just do it," Kwame shot a glance at the Russian before they shrugged and decided to humor him.
"Earth."
"Wind."
"Water."
"Heart."
"With your powers combined, I am... Ultraman!"
Yes, the badass of the seventies (and eighties) has made a special guest appearance to kick the men's ass. Along with several other monsters laying about the area before the Planeteers went back to their ship and head home.
They shuffled themselves to the crystal hall to see a shocking revelation, Wheeler was perfectly fine and dandy.
"Gaia, what is the meaning of this," Ma-ti said.
"You have discovered my secret, for I am really an omnipotent jerk!" Gaia laughed. "That is why I will not share our clean energy sources and technology with the rest of the world, and I change the hours of the day from 38 hours to 24 just to make people rush."
"No, I mean this jumble. I cannot figure it out," Ma-ti held up a paper.
"Acres away."
"Ah, that is funny." Ma-ti laughed, he laughed long and hard but suddenly stopped. "Ninja, get them!" with little warning thousands of ninja from several corners emerge to kill Wheeler and Gaia before disappearing.
And everyone lived happily ever after.
Thus giving every this half assed ending.