Thin Skinned - Bianca Blackwell
[Episode 10]
Just because you can't sing doesn't mean you get to drag me down with you.
I'm sorry your mom picked me and not you...
Bianca stormed out of the classroom in a hurry. Her mind was racing and she felt the tension rising in her body as she held back tears. How could she say that to me? Bianca finally reached the washroom; it was empty. She slammed herself into a stall and slid down the wall.
She couldn't decide what was worse: Alya accusing her of vandalizing a poster (so not her style) in front of the whole class, Alya uncovering her weakness, or her breaking down and letting everyone know that she had a weakness. She knew she wasn't the greatest singer. She knew that her mom didn't think she was the most talented kid in the world. She knew, she already knew. Why did Alya have to embarrass her in front of everybody? Bianca prided herself on her thick skin but this... it just really hurt. She wiped her tears away with her hand but they kept flowing. The proverbial flood gates had been opened and she now had to withstand the emotional beatdown from her darkest demons.
Everyone knows the truth about you. They all laugh behind your back. You really su-
She needed to get out of there before she had a complete breakdown. She wiped her tears again and took out her phone to text for a lifeline.
Mom, can I have a ride home?
Bianca, I'm really busy right now
Please
As if her confidence needed another blow. She hated begging.
Fine
Bianca breathed a sigh of relief. At least someone was on her side. She blinked back the remaining tears and wiped her eyes with some toilet paper. All she had to do now was leave the school without anyone seeing her blood shot eyes.
"Everyone thinks she's little miss perfect, but she's not! She's a wolf in sheep's clothing," Bianca ranted as her mother drove.
"Mhmm" her mother replied absentmindedly. If you were Alya, you'd have her full attention. Bianca felt the sting of rejection flow through her body. She was used to her mother being preoccupied, being a casting director and all, but she just wished that her mother would treat her like a daughter, not some understudy. If you want her attention, you need to actually impress her. Like Alya does. Alya's comment about her singing rang in her ears once again. She quieted herself and gazed out of the car window. Bianca waited for her mom to make her feel better; the comfort never came. Her mother dropped her at the front gates of their condo and quickly sped off to where ever she needed to be. Bianca trudged her way into the elevator and to their unit without even taking a glance around her. It was bad enough that she felt so down; for once, she wanted to be invisible.
She locked her bedroom door behind her. Bianca stood in front of her mirror and analyzed her face. Same shiny brown hair; same icy blue eyes. But something was different. She just looked so worn out, as if she had just lost a battle.
"To Perfect Alya," she sneered.
Or maybe to herself.
Bianca sighed. She felt so ordinary at Keaton. Her confidence normally helped her beat out the competition, but it wasn't enough anymore. She wasn't enough. Without her ice queen exterior, Bianca wasn't sure if she could make it through the semester, let alone the next few years of high school. Could she even face anyone again? All of this doubt made her feel like she wasn't The Bianca Blackwell anymore. Blackwells weren't supposed to be mediocre. Despite this, she couldn't deny it anymore: she was really struggling to keep up with her classmates.
You're not good enough to be at Keaton. Save yourself the embarrassment and just drop o-
Bianca shook her head to temporarily stop the thoughts.
"You just have to block out the noise and own it," she said to her reflection, but she wasn't so sure anymore. What happens when fake it 'till you make it doesn't work anymore? Or the affirmations that have carried you through life no longer hold the same weight? Bianca glanced at the photos of herself on her wall and started to resent everything.
Tension began to build in her body again. She wasn't in the mood to question her entire existence. And because of what? Because one person got a big head and tried to bring her down? Because her mom didn't pick her for one small part in one play? She was supposed to be tougher than this. She's a professional. Professionals deal with setbacks all the time. And they come back stronger.
"Tomorrow, you'll go to school and just be better than everyone else," Bianca told her reflection confidently. And she almost believed it.
She glanced at herself once more in the mirror, then turned off the light.