Stupid Commercials!!

Please don't kill me. It's just an idea me and my brother came up with one day.

DISCLAMER (a.k.a. the disclaimer): One should not assume, or otherwise imply that the author of this "fan fiction" (hereafter to be referred to as the "Author") owns the Golden Sun series of video games. The companies Nintendo and Camelot Software Planning own the above-mentioned video games.

Stupid Commercials, Part One

Isaac's Hair Care Products (Shampoo, Conditioner, and Hair Gel)
Indulge your hair in the wonderfully soapy shampoo, formulated by yours truly! Follow with the conditioner for any hair type, and then give your hair some extra spike with the extra-extra-strength hair gel!

Mia's Secret Health Product!
The secret to a long and healthy life is in the pills! Consisting of all-natural sourced toluene, sodium laureth sulfate, deuterium oxide, petroleum jelly, glycerine, guar hydroxypropyltrimonium chloride and essence of hydrogen cyanide, you are guaranteed a ten-year increase in your lifespan!
Mia Software Products make no guarantees that your life will benefit in any way from the ingestion of these pills.
Garet and Jenna's Temper and Patience Reducer Formula
Tired of being Mister or Miss Level Head? Ever wish you could just throw a temper tantrum whenever you have to wait too long for anything? Well, then this formula may be just the ticket! Reduce the amount of patience you have and gain a shorter temper while you're at it! For use by Mars Adepts only.
Alex's "Grow Perfect Hair in Twenty Minutes" hair renewal product!
Ever envy someone else's perfect blue hair? Well, be prepared to be envied by him as you apply this patented formula onto your scalp! You'll lose all your imperfect, mundane hair in minutes and grow that perfect blue hair you've always desired!
(Product takes effect twenty years after application.)
Felix's "Go Off and Betray Your Home Town" Lip Balm!
Don't you just wish you could save the world by violating the sacred teachings of your home town? Well, as soon as you apply this special lip balm, the opportunity will fall straight into your lap! Does not include Saturos or Menardi.
The Trident of Ankohl Forges
Need any custom-made weapons or armor? Then come right over to The Trident of Ankohl Forges, and have a nice chat with the apprentice, Piers, while the masters, Obaba and Sunshine forge for you that item you've always desired.
Ivan's "I Made A Funny!" Theatre
Need to lighten up a little bit? Well, you have found the right place! Enter into the "I Made A Funny!" theatre and watch our master comedian, Ivan, at work! Laugh at his lame jokes and mundane antics! Discount for those in need of a morale boost.
Sheba's "Child of the Gods" Bungee Jumping!
Hike on over to Jupiter Lighthouse, where you can indulge in the latest craze to hit Weyard: Bungee Jumping! Ride up the elevator for the low, low cost of one hundred coins, or ascend the lighthouse by yourself for five free jumps! Now you can feel like a true child of the gods!
Menardi's Facial Cream
Want a pure white face? Well then what are you waiting for? Buy Menardi's Facial Cream today!
Kraden's Skin Care System
Do you want skin so clean they're crinkled and worn? Well then, you have reached the correct aisle! Scrub your whole body clean with the sodium lauryl sulfate-enriched double-exfoliating soap, then apply the patented collagen-removal body lotion!
Saturo's Fire Sauce
Want to add just that spicy edge to your cooking? Then add a drop of Saturo's Fire Sauce and watch your guests burn!
Kyle's "Fool Your Son Into Thinking You're Dead" mannequins
It's just so fun to fool your son into thinking you're dead! Get one of these amazing mannequins and start unleashing those boulders!
Agatio's Instant Coffee
Want to convince that pesky girlfriend to kill her sister's murderer? If so, then just give her a whig of Agatio's Instant Coffee that morning! It'll give her enough energy to fire the beacon on Mars Lighthouse, without the Elemental Star!
So, how did you like? I'll update if there's enough reviews supporting it (say around five or so).