Isn't Fanfiction with Historical Figures Just Another Kind of Real Person Fic?

A Gintama thingamajig

By

EvilFuzzy9

One strange day, a ghost started haunting the Shinsengumi headquarters. It was a strange ghost, one which seemed to delight in plastering the walls with works of erotic social criticisms and graphic depictions of S&M play.

The ghost loved to scandalize the more prudish Shinsengumi members, leaving exceptionally explicit pieces of literature and painting for people like Yamazaki to find. And more than once it had replaced one of Hijikata's or Kondo's prewritten speeches with incredibly vulgar BDSM manuscripts.

Kondo, in particular, usually didn't seem to realize this until after he'd wrapped his speech up. And Hijikata usually went looking for the Kingdom of Mayo whenever he heard news of the ghost.

In fact, only one person in all of the Shinsengumi seemed completely unaffected by the haunting.

Though that may have been because they were the one who PROVOKED it.

"Heh... is that all you've got, sempai?" said Sougo Okita, panting a little as he looked the ghost in eye. He was strapped to a horizontal cross, hot candle wax dripping onto his bare chest. "I could do this with my eyes closed. Are you really de Sade?"

The ghost muttered indignantly in French, incomprehensible to Okita. The transparent figure of the elderly, powder-wigged, European nobleman looked decidedly flustered, pacing (or, levitating?) irritably back and forth across the floor.

Yawning, Okita yanked his arms out of the restraints, snapping them with a frightening ease.

"Boooring," he drawled blandly. "I coulda slept right through the whole thing." Standing up, the Shinsengumi captain lazily wiped the hot wax off his chest, seemingly unaffected by it. "Jeez, when I summoned you here, I expected more of a challenge than that. I thought you were supposed to be the father of sadism?"

The swordsman twisted his head this way and that, causing his neck to crack audibly.

"Honestly, I didn't even feel a thing," he said, rolling his shoulders a bit to loosen them up. "I'm a little stiff from being tied up, but that's about it. Were you even trying?"

The ghost of Donatien Alphonse François de Sade, the infamous Marquis de Sade, glowered balefully at Okita. The temperature in the room dropped by around a dozen degrees, causing the swordsman's breath to come out as a visible mist.

"I lay a curse upon yoouuuu!" the spectre hissed.

Okita shivered a little bit, but that was about it.

"Eh," he said boredly. "I'll give you a point for effort, but that's it."

He grinned wickedly, now.

"I wonder..." he said dangerously, eyes flashing. "...If I beat you, what will they call sadists then?"

The ghost promptly vanished.

Okita pouted.

"Ahh, no fair, sempai," he whined dryly. "We were just getting to the good part."

Marquis de Sade didn't hear him, though.

He was haunting the Yorozuya, now.

"DAMMIT GIN-SAN!" shouted Shinpachi, running away from the flying whips and chains. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS TIME?!"

"I DON'T KNOOOOOW!" wailed the silver-haired samurai girlishly, running alongside Shinpachi.

"MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP STEALING THE OFFERINGS FROM PEOPLES GRAVES, GIN-CHAN!" shouted Kagura, fleeing from a possessed, leather dominatrix suit.

"HEEEEEY, IT'S NOT LIKE THEY CAN EAT IT, GODDAMMIT...!" cried Gintoki, narrowly dodging a levitating ballgag.

And the three Odd Jobbers ran screaming into the night.

A/N: A setting like Gintama could totally do a lot of stuff with people from history... especially since it's already pretty anachronistic anyways. :P

Updated: 2-18-14

TTFN and R&R!

– — ❤