Shaun's POV

"This isn't what it looks like..." My now exgirlfriend slammed the door and walked away. "So what does that make me? Just another girl? Are you making a list? You're sick." My other now ex girlfriend spat at my feet and slammed the door as she left. I had fucked up really bad.

The events of the week before were much worse. My parents had both died, I'd lost most of my money, Andy and Bradie were in the crash too but they survived, why did I offer to drive? We were all in hospital when I got the news about my parents. I stopped eating for a week, when I was allowed home I couldn't contain my thoughts. I began writing down everything but i either ran out of paper or made myself more upset. I became violent. I punched in walls and doors, smashed all the cups and plates.

Two weeks later, when everyone was out of hospital. Andy and Bradie were my last resort.

"Shaun come to the clubs tonight, it might make you feel better." Andy said sympathetically. I was slumped in the couch at Andy and Bradie's house because I needed to talk to someone. "Bradie do you want to come?" I said to a hypnotized Bradie, he had a new video game. "Nah, I want to get to the next stage on this tonight." I rolled my eyes, as did Andy. "Ok, I'll come." I sighed, making it sound like a huge effort. "I'll pick you up around 7, kay?" Andy said then I nodded and walked out the front door.

Andy picked me up at 7, as he promised and we arrived at our usual club. It was in the center of Sydney. Even if Bradie did come he never drinks.

We hopped out of the car. Andy was wearing a himynameis singlet and his black skinnys with rips at the knees while I had a plain white top and skinnys. Casual. We walked up to the end of the line and waited for only a few minutes before being let in.

When we went in the heavy atmosphere was filled with the smells of various alcohols and cheap perfumes.

Andy, being the alcoholic that he is, went straight to the bar while I went and found an empty booth. The booth was about halfway between the dance floor and the bar. I sat down and watched as Andy, who was already slightly intoxicated, showed off to girls and did the 'Andy Dance' a few times when a song he knew came on.

A familiar girl walked up to the booth and sat down. I don't remember where I had seen her from, school maybe. "Hey, I'm Lara. You might have seen me around school." Yep, I knew her. I haven't dated her but I was going to change that."Hey, I'm Shaun. You have probably seen me on tv or in magazines." Real smooth considering I was still completely sober. She giggled and leant her chin on her hand. "So, what brings you out on such a fine night?" She spoke softly but quite flirty at the same time. "Not much, Andy just wants to refill on the drinks. It was a long week." She giggled again. "Hey, could I crash at your place tonight?" She asked. "I'd love you to but sorry. It's a little busy at home at the moment." She checked her phone then looked up again. "Hey, I got to go." "Then could I have your number?" Her smile grew. "Sure. My number is **********. See you round." She had a little spring in her step as she left.

It was about three hours into the night and Andy was passed out so I drove us home. Lucky I have my own house, Bradie has to put up with a hungover Andy in the morning.

I had never even given Lara my number, I didn't want another slut hating me at the moment but things happen. I'm just an ordinary guy so why was it so hard or me to keep girls? I'm glad I got rid of all the girlfriends and sluts, it's safer for me and them.

"Now it has been two weeks since the Diviney has had sex, lets watch as the wild Diviney slowly emerges from his sanctuary, his room." Andy said a documentary voice over tone.
"Andy, fucking shut up or piss off." I retorted. Bradie went into a fit of laughter as the fight went on.

"As expected the Diviney is lashing out at innocent bystanders. What a horrible creature." "I'LL SHOW YOU A FUCKING HORRIBLE CREATURE YOU FAGGOT!" "Oh, oh I'm so scared." Andy pulled a face. As I loomed closer Andy let out a small "Woah oh" then a scream as I chased him through the whole house and even down the street until I realized I only had boxers on. Bradie had the camera and was filming the whole chase scene. Bradie was laughing so much I don't think the footage was useable.

We eventually calmed down. Andy needs to stop doing stuff like this to me, Bradie needs to back me up and I need out. I have no clue why they were at my house so early but I wanted them to go. "Guys, im not really up for doing anything today. Do you think you could go? I need to do some paper work and clean this shithole of a house." "Sure, see you tomorrow maybe." "Mm" They left. They don't know what it is like, I can't do this. I went to my bathroom and opened the draw under the basin.

"Hey, Andy and Bradie. Just saying goodbye." I left a voicemail. The only time they don't pick up their phones is when I am killing myself. Typical.

I looked in the draw, razors, pills and in the back was a locked box containing the gun my dad had given me when I moved out. For burglars I think. Probably had sentimental value but I never cared much about things like that.

I pulled out the razors, pills and the box and sat them on the floor. I opened the gun box and pulled out the bullets. About 100 in total. I wrote as many names of girls that hate me with them. Each name meant a cut with the blade. When I started, it hurt like a bitch but as I went on the only thing that phased me was the actual amount of red liquid that had pooled next to me. It was a luscious crimson, to bright to be real. Though, the blood made me feel good. It was like a drug, making me want it more and more. This wasnt my first encounter with cutting but that was different, that was when i just broke up with a girl but now everything is gone. The gun was taunting me, wanting me, needing me to use it but i didn't, it would be too loud. The pills were pain killers, anti-depressants and iron supplements. I grabbed a hand full of each and swallowed, one by one, each time was as bad as the first. I was getting sleepy. I had one name left on the list. Shaun Diviney. I hate me. I wrote my name in the bullets on the floor then picked up the razor again. As I sliced I fell into unconsciousness making the razor cut deep, to the bone and I was out. Dead, like that. Never heard from, never needed, never wanted. The room ,filled with red from bursting veins, smelt like copper. That's the smell that I died to, I died for.

I don't know how everyone took it, I was dead but it was for you, all of you. The girlfriends, Andy, Bradie, everyone, this was for you. Every cut, every pill. It was for you.