Rating: R
Archiving: Beka Valentine Fanfic Archive
Feedback: It's better than chocolate! Deanie@lisacaps.com
Author's note: This takes place after "Immaculate Perception." It's also a sequel to my previous Andromeda stories, "Uncertainties," "Fantasies," "Possibilities," and "Priorities," about the growing relationship between Beka and Tyr. Most stories can't be archived on fanfiction.net because of their adult nature, but they can be found at my website, http://www.creative-insanity.net/voice.
Author's note, Part II: Thank you to my friends and beta-readers, Val and Shaz for all their assistance and support. And to Valerie (Lockett) for looking over parts of the story.
Alone at last. Beka sagged against the door of the Maru as it closed behind her. She didn't know if she could have spent another moment pretending that the news of Tyr's marriage hadn't destroyed her inside. She'd tried to feign mere surprise, when in reality she'd nearly fainted from disbelief, barely recovering in time to catch the necessary slipstream portal.
His wife. Slowly, Beka slid to the ground, holding her head in her hands. Tyr risked everything to save his wife. She hadn't even known he married anyone during his previous stay with the Orca. He'd told the crew how much he'd hated Orca Pride for betraying his people, then turned around and married one of them.
She could almost comprehend why he'd married Freya. After all, it was definitely a fringe benefit to his undercover mission. What devastated Beka was that he hadn't told her.
She could understand why he first kept his silence. They'd been suspicious crewmates, then cautious friends, but still hadn't been close enough for her to know his secret. Their relationship had so much changed lately. Since they'd first made love, Beka had spent nearly every night in Tyr's arms. They spent hours, wrapped in each other talking, sharing their innermost thoughts. She thought he trusted her, thought she knew him better than anyone else. He'd called her his mate, had held her in his arms and taken her to previously unimagined heights of passion. All the while neglecting to tell her he already had a wife.
Beka had been hurt when her first love had abandoned her after she'd given him her virginity after the salvage guild debutante ball. She'd been devastated when Bobby had lied to her after promising not to, claiming it was necessary to save the Mugani. But this was different.
She truly loved Tyr. In his arms she'd realized what love was supposed to feel like, and it wasn't the cautious pleasure she'd felt all those times before. With Tyr, she'd given up waiting for the other shoe to drop. She'd finally felt safe and whole.
She'd been played for a fool, because it was only a deception. He was just like the others, using her, lying to her, all for his own devices. She'd confided her most private thoughts, told him about her mother's abandonment, her father's drug addiction, her own checkered past. In turn, he'd told her about his life with Kodiak pride, the slaughter of his family, his struggle to survive. All those nights sharing their most intimate secrets, and he never mentioned anything about a wife. Had anything that he'd told her been the truth, or had it all been lies designed to manipulate her into doing what he wanted? Beka shook her head. She shouldn't have trusted him, and certainly should have known better than to trust her own heart. When would she learn?
She didn't even know if she were glad he was still alive. Despite his duplicity, his supposed death had nearly destroyed her. Alive, there was hope that somehow he could say something to explain, to make her understand why he'd never told her about his wife. Dead, all hope for explanations and reparations was gone.
Tyr was indeed alive, but despite that, she couldn't feel any more hope.
He'd never loved her. If he had, he couldn't have kept such a monumental secret. She sighed. Maybe it was no big deal to him. After all, Nietzschean males were polygamous. Maybe he'd thought she'd be grateful to be his second wife. He was a very impressive specimen, and most Nietzschean women probably would be.
But she wasn't Nietzschean. She didn't believe in polygamy. She'd thought she was his one and only love, but it was all a lie. Their love was all a lie.
Holding her head in her hands, Beka began sobbing. Her heart ripped in a million pieces, her soul shattered. She didn't know if she could stand the pain. She curled up in a fetal ball as her tears stained the cold floor of the Maru.
Beka was so caught up in her own misery she almost didn't hear the door open. She tried to push herself up, to get to her quarters so she could be alone. She wasn't up to explaining herself to the rest of the crew, and certainly not ready to face Tyr.
Through the door came the last person she would have expected - Rommie. The android didn't say a word, simply sat down and pulled Beka's head into her lap. With Rommie stroking her hair like she was a child, Beka sobbed out her pain.
****
Beka cried until all her tears were spent. Worn out and emotionally depleted, she'd lost track of how much time had passed as she'd cried. Pushing herself up to a sitting position, she faced her friend. "Thank you," she said softly.
"I thought you might need a friend," Rommie shrugged. "One who knows..."
Beka looked up, startled.
"You and Tyr have forgotten to engage privacy mode during your...time together."
"You were watching us?" Beka asked, suddenly very self-conscious.
"I wasn't spying on you. As part of my job running the ship I keep an eye on the crew, making sure everyone's all right. I monitor vital signs, things like that, checking for things outside of normal parameters. And lately you and Tyr..."
"Have been way outside normal parameters."
"Yeah."
Though she'd wanted to be alone, in a way, she was glad Rommie knew. She really needed a friend to talk to now.
"I loved him," she began quietly. "I even trusted him. I mean, I knew that he had secrets; deception is a way of life for Tyr. I never thought he was keeping anything that important from me. I thought he trusted me. I thought he loved me. But it was all a lie." With each word, her voice gained volume, as the exhaustion in her soul was replaced by a deep well of agitation.
"Beka..."
"He's married! How can he be married?" Beka stood up and began pacing the length of the Maru's hallway, unable to stop her body from expending the nervous energy produced by her racing mind. "How could he have not told me he had a wife?"
Rommie sat silently, just watching, waiting for the moment when Beka would be rational enough to talk. Considering what she had observed the nights Beka and Tyr had been too caught up in each other to activate privacy mode, Beka had every right to be upset.
Beka stopped pacing and seemed to deflate. She sat next to Rommie and rested her head on her folded arms. "He's my lover, Rommie. In Nietzschean society, with our relationship, I'd be considered his wife. I love him, and he didn't even tell me that I wasn't the only one -- he already had a wife."
"Nietzschean relationships aren't like human ones. Marrying Freya was advantageous when Tyr was trying to convince Orca Pride of his loyalty. He may not care about his 'wife' at all." Rommie pointed out. "He did abandon her and destroy her pride."
"And then risked his life to go back and rescue her from the Genites. Even before he knew he had a son, he risked everything to save her. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't care." Beka fought back the tears welling up in her eyes.
The android remained silent, unable to think of anything to say that could make Beka feel better.
"I'm so angry with him I could kill him. I feel betrayed and cheated. He treated me like I wasn't important enough to know intimate details about his life while at the same time he was telling me how much he cared about me. I'm mad, and frustrated, and hurt..." Beka stopped, her anguish apparent in her eyes. "But I can't say anything. I can't tell him how much he hurt me because I can't bear to hurt him when he's already hurting so much now." She brushed away the few tears that escaped her best efforts to suppress them. "How can I talk to him about how I feel when he's just lost his wife and son? No one I loved died. My pain is practically insignificant when compared to his." She groaned. "God, Rommie, what am I going to do?"
"You have every right to feel angry. He hurt you, and lied to you, even if it was by omission."
"But he lost his son. His *son*. The greatest goal of any Nietzschean male. The most important thing in the world to Tyr, and now he's gone. Even knowing how he deceived me, I want to go to him and comfort him. I'm just so damn mad. And I feel selfish for feeling angry, which is ridiculous, because he lied to me."
"You're human, not selfish. You're feelings are just as important as his are."
"I love him, and I can't stand to see him in pain." She stood up and began pacing again. "Apparently he doesn't feel the same way because if he did, he would have told me he was married."
"Maybe he didn't tell you because he didn't want to hurt you. Let him explain, Beka. I've seen the two of you together. Tyr's not faking how he feels."
"How do I know? He's so secretive. I really trusted him, believed in how he felt about us. For all I know he has a dozen wives scattered across the known universe." She stopped, looking directly at Rommie. "I don't know what to believe anymore."
"Believe in your heart. Let it show you the way."
****
Tyr lay on his bed in his quarters. He'd never felt so alone, his arms so empty. A few days ago, he was more content than ever before. With Beka lying by his side, anything was possible. He'd begun to plan out a future for the two of them. Then, in an instant his life changed, bringing pleasure in an entirely different way. For one brief, shining moment he held paradise. He had what he had been dreaming about for so long - a wife and child. A child who proved to be the genetic reincarnation of Drago Museveni, the one who was prophesied to unite all Nietzschean prides under one banner.
True, given a choice of eligible females, Freya would not have been the wife he would have chosen. His assent to her offer as wife had been a deception necessitated by his infiltration into Orca pride. He had been accepted as her husband, enabling his access to the technology with which he destroyed their home.
He had only contempt for Orca Pride as a whole; their betrayal of the Kodiak had sealed their fate in his eyes. However, he would be dishonest with himself if he failed to admit that he had been tempted, albeit briefly, by the promise of home and family Freya offered.
After he betrayed her people, Tyr no longer considered himself Freya's husband. He was certain she would no longer call herself his wife. He had failed her in every way a husband could fail his wife. He had used and deceived her, then violated her people's trust.
He had been alone for so long, a Kodiak in a world where his pride was nonexistent. A man without a home, without a family. He had always thought he would one day find a worthy Nietzschean woman with whom he could rebuild the Kodiak from his own DNA. Only then he would have the family he had longed for. He could take his rightful place as Alpha in a new Nietzschean society, his wives and children at his side.
Despite his reservations about Orca pride's quality, Freya might have been that woman if she'd been given a chance. She was bold, having passed over the brother of an alpha for an outcast from a decimated pride. She was beautiful, as she had lain with her hair spread out over the silky sheets after they had mated. Her arms were warm and welcoming, as she paid homage to him with her body. He had been without a Nietzschean female for so long...
In the end, she proved her worthiness. She had trusted him, believed in their marriage when he had all but forgotten about her. And she died willingly, a testament to her courage and her love for her son. He had failed her again, but this time, his miscalculation had cost Freya her life.
Freya wasn't the only one he had failed. By remaining silent about his marriage, had he betrayed Beka in a way he feared she would find unforgivable?
Why had he not told her about his marriage? In the dark of the night, holding Beka in his arms, he had shared more with her than he'd ever shared with anyone before. With Beka, he felt whole, no longer lonely. Still, he'd been cautious about the information he imparted. Perhaps it was simply his Nietzschean nature, but he'd revealed few personal insecurities, admitted to few mistakes.
He'd presented himself as an impressive specimen, worthy of a female such as Rebecca. He'd skimped on the details of his mercenary life, knowing she'd feel uncomfortable hearing of his exploits as a high-priced assassin. Though he'd be loath to admit it, deep inside he'd feared she could no longer accept him as her mate if she knew all that he had done. Even knowing Beka as he did, he was unsure how she would have perceived his marriage to the Orca female. If she'd known, could she have understood his treatment of Freya? Besides, he'd thought never to see his 'wife' again, so what did it matter... The last thing he'd wanted was for Beka to be disappointed in him, and in doing so had done the very thing he'd tried to avoid.
Tyr was lost in thought when he heard the familiar beep. He lay unmoving. He didn't want to have another confrontation with Dylan, who had already guessed the truth about Tamerlane's "death." He didn't want to talk to Harper, Trance, or the ship. The one person whose presence he would welcome, Beka, would quite possibly never speak to him again. He ignored the door, turning over to face away from the continued beeping.
The beeping came again, followed by the whoosh as his door opened. His breath caught as he instantly realized the identity of his visitor. Unless the ship had authorized an override, only one person has his access codes -- Beka.
"Andromeda, engage privacy mode. Authorization Beka Valentine." Her words echoed in the dark room.
"Privacy mode engaged," came the disembodied voice of the AI.
Tyr lay still, unable to fathom why she had come to him after he'd kept his wife's existence a secret from her.
The bed dipped beneath her weight as Beka slid in behind him. Tyr felt her gentle touch as she slipped an arm around his waist and snuggled against his body. Startled, he turned over to lie on his back. He stared up into her blue eyes, wet with unshed tears. "Beka?"
"Shh." She put one finger against his lips. "Please, don't say anything. I know you're hurting horribly after losing your son, and I'm here because I can't stand knowing that you're in that kind of pain and not doing anything." Her tone hardened as she continued. "But if you start talking to me, it's just going to remind me of how hurt I am and how furious I am at you for not telling me about your wife. So please, just shut up and let me comfort you."
His eyes widened at her unselfish declaration. She would willingly put her hurt aside, make her pain secondary to his. He reached up and stroked her cheek. "Such generosity of spirit."
Tyr realized that they were at a turning point. He'd kept much from Beka - his marriage to Freya was merely the beginning. His son's continued existence was a secret he had vowed to never reveal to anyone, not even his friends. He had lied to Dylan twice, never letting on that Tamerlane still lived even when he had been confronted with the truth of his deception. But Beka... how could he lie here and accept her comfort when he knew his son's death was a fraud? He loved Beka and trusted her with his life. He knew she'd never willingly reveal his confidence, but what if...
Tyr lightly pushed her away and climbed out of bed. Walking across he room, he stood with his hands against the wall, unable to face her.
Beka's eyes narrowed. He wasn't even able to accept her friendship and consolation? Had he really loved Freya so much he couldn't accept another woman's touch? Or was there something else going on that she didn't know about?
"Beka, I realize you may not believe me, considering all that has passed these last few days," he began. "Know this. I love you." If he truly loved her, and intended a future with her one day, he only had one option. He had to tell her the truth about everything.
Beka closed her eyes, unable to believe him.
Tyr explained, "I am Nietzschean. I do not trust easily, but I trust you, even with my life. But this... I am now relying upon you to do more than save my life. I'm trusting you with the life of my son."
Life of his... He head shot up, eyes widening as she realized. "He's alive? Your son is alive?"
Tyr turned, meeting her shocked gaze, and nodded.
"But if he's alive, why are you telling everyone he's dead? Telling *us* he's dead? We're your friends, Tyr, the closest thing you have to family. And again, you're lying to us about the most significant thing in your life." She shook her head in disgust, getting to her feet. "What could possibly be so important that it justifies lying to your friends?"
Tyr slouched against the wall, silent, unable to discern how to tell Beka.
"Can you please not lie to me? For once, tell it like it is." With his continued silence, Beka turned and headed for his door.
"Tamerlane, my son, is the genetic reincarnation of Drago Museveni."
Beka stopped. Turning around, she asked, "What exactly do you mean by 'genetic reincarnation?'"
"The DNA structure of my son, Tamerlane, is identical to that of Drago Museveni."
"The Nietzschean progenitor."
Though her comment was more statement than question, Tyr answered. "Yes. Much has been claimed about the power such a child could possess."
"You mean all that stuff that Genite guy was saying? About the Nietzschean Messiah? It's true? Your son is the Nietzschean Messiah?" She stared at him skeptically. "How can you even know he's the genetic reincarnation of Drago Museveni?"
"Olma, the Orca matriarch, sent a copy of Tamerlane's DNA to be compared the best known specimen of Drago's DNA. The report indicated a high probability of a match."
"But it's not definite?"
"No. However, I was able to verify their conclusions by comparing my son's DNA to Drago's myself."
"Yourself? How do you have the DNA of the Nietzschean progenitor?" Suddenly, she realized where it came from. "The crate from Midden, the one you wouldn't tell anyone about. The one you said had belonged to you for a very long time."
"Yes. It is rightfully mine. I am the last of the Kodiak. My Pride was entrusted with the remains of Drago Museveni, and we protected them with our lives."
"Until the Drago-Kazov destroyed the Kodiak to get to the body."
"They have slaughtered my family once. I couldn't chance them taking my son." He paused, trying to impart the importance of his son's existence. "The genetic reincarnation of Drago Museveni is prophesied to have the ability to unite all of the Nietzschean prides in Drago's name."
"So the person who controls him can control all of the Nietzschean people."
Tyr nodded. She had quickly grasped the significance of the situation. "Tamerlane's fate is of paramount importance. Imagine, all of the Nietzscheans in the known worlds united under Drago-Kazov rule."
Beka gulped at the image. The Dragans ruling the universe was a truly frightening thought. "But to lie to your friends..."
"This very rumor brought the Genites out of hiding. They have already tried to slay him once. They would try again if they knew he were still alive. His life would be in constant danger if everyone did not believe him to already be dead. Not to mention what the Drago-Kazov, or any of the other larger Nietzschean prides would do to get possession of my son. While they would not kill the child himself, they would slaughter anyone in their way of controlling him."
"So you lied about his death to save his life. And, as a consequence, your own." She understood. Tyr's son's life would be of paramount importance to him under normal circumstances - and these were far from normal. And she knew from past experience how important his own survival was to Tyr.
"Yes."
All right. He had a good reason for lying to the world. But they were his friends. He wasn't trusting by nature, but after all this time he had to know that no one on the Andromeda would ever betray him. "Even after all this time, you don't trust us. That's why you're lying."
"I shouldn't trust anyone with this secret, not even you."
"We're your friends, Tyr. We're not going to betray you."
No longer still, Tyr now moved closer with each word. "Not willingly, no. But mere knowledge of this places you in danger." He cut off her protest. "The Genites would kill you if you stood in the way of the destruction of the 'Nietzschean Messiah.' Genites aside, do you understand what the Drago-Kazov would do to possess the reincarnation of the progenitor? To gain control of all the Nietzschean people? They would stop at nothing to control him. They would destroy you all."
Beka held her silence, unable to come up with a rebuttal to his words.
"If they suspected anyone here know Tamerlane's whereabouts..." His voice trailed off, leaving her contemplating the consequences. "Do you know what they would do to you? Dylan? The golden girl? How would Harper hold up under Drago-Kazov torture? They would all suffer before giving in, but eventually, no matter what they said or did, the Dragans would destroy them."
"You're lying to us for our own good? See, I don't buy this warm fuzzy concern for your fellow man. Especially when we're not really *your* fellow man."
"I love you, Beka, and I honestly care about the welfare of this crew. But Tamerlane is my son. I would give everything I have, everything I am to keep him safe."
Though she didn't trust him, she was finding it difficult to doubt his sincerity; however, one question remained. "Then why tell me? If total secrecy is essential, why tell me?"
"Too many lies are between us already. I could not simply stay in my bed and accept your comfort, knowing that it was all a lie."
"Guilt, Tyr?" she snapped. "I thought guilt was a 'wasted emotion'?"
"Perhaps I am prone to 'wasted emotions' after all."
Beka felt victorious as her barb hit home. Guilt followed a moment later; she was here to comfort, not attack. Sniping at him wasn't helping anything. She needed to make her choice - begin to forgive him or start to walk away. Unfortunately, she couldn't seem to bring herself to do either.
"I confided in you because I know that you will protect his secret." While he was talking, he had begun stroking her arms gently, all the while mesmerizing her with his penetrating gaze.
"With my life." As Beka stared into his eyes, she knew he was finally telling being honest with her. Now only inches away, she could feel the heat emanating from his body, smell his musky scent. Mesmerized by the fathomless depths of his deep brown eyes, Beka's eyelids drifted closed. Being near him always made her crazy. She swayed closer. She wanted...she wanted...
Suddenly, she pushed away from him and strode across the room. Keeping her back to him, she took several deep breaths, trying to calm herself. She wanted him. She loved him. Being so close to him almost made her forget how furious she was with him.
Beka heard his footsteps as Tyr came up behind her and placed one hand on her shoulder. She whirled around, dislodging his hand. "No. You are not doing this to me. I was willing to put aside my hurt and anger because I thought you'd lost your son. But since he's really alive, then I have no reason not to tell you how completely pissed I am. Married? You're married? Call me crazy, Tyr, but that's the kind of thing a woman wants to know about her lover."
"I..."
"You what? Forgot you had a wife?" She stared at him in disbelief. No explanation that he came up with could possibly good enough to convince her to forgive him. Beka's stopped as a horrible thought occurred to her, suddenly terrified of the answer to her next question. If Tamerlane was alive, was Freya as well? "Do you still have a wife, Tyr? Is the story of her death as false as the story of your son's?"
Tyr grimaced, grief crossing over his face. "Freya is dead. I saw her body fall," he replied softly. "Orca pride intended to evacuate their rock, but they would never make it alive -- the 'Knights of Genetic Purity' would see to that. So I took Freya and my son and headed for my slip fighter, using the pride's evacuation as a shield for our escape."
Beka nodded. Now she realized why he had broken radio silence.
"Olma, the Orca matriarch was with us, carrying Tamerlane. She tried to stop us from taking him, but in the end chose her duty to Tamerlane over her duty to the rest of her pride. While we were leaving, the Genites appeared out of nowhere. Their approach was flawless, I was unable to even get to my gun - though their body armor would have likely deflected any of our weapons." He shook his head, as if to dispel his disbelief of his enemies' victory. "They captured Freya, held a gun to her head and gave me a choice -- my wife or my child. I looked at her, and I knew...she was so sure...everything we did was for our child. She never wavered, never questioned. And she died so I could get our son to safety."
Beka was startled by the intensity in his voice. Though she had feared his affection for his Orca wife, she'd been more inclined to believe that the woman was a mere convenience to Tyr. Apparently, though, he truly cared for Freya.
"Freya was strong, courageous, and deserved much more than that which was her fate. I never truly loved her. I used her interest in me to ingratiate myself into Orca pride, then betrayed and abandoned her. Still, she remained loyal to me, despite my treason. She chose to bear our child, though her pride hated her for her choice. She should have rejected me as husband when I destroyed her pride's home, but she did not. She loved me, and she believed in me, even when she had no rational basis for her belief. She loved me as her husband, and suffered for her love as I lived here, with you, in peace and happiness." Overcome by guilt and regret, Tyr paused, seemingly unable to catch his breath.
"Tyr..."
"I didn't love Freya. I cared about her, but far less than she deserved. I treated her so horribly...and I will regret that until the day I die."
To hear those words from Tyr, who had never seemed to feel guilt before... Unsteadily Beka sat down, her feet unable to hold her weight. Just a few days before, everything had seemed perfect Now, all was chaos. She didn't know how she felt about anything anymore.
She wanted to hate Tyr for lying to her. She'd told him how valuable honesty was to her, and just like everyone else, he'd lie anyway. She hated liars, but somehow, still loved Tyr. Even though Tamerlane was still alive, he was hurting so much...as furious as she was, she still wanted to ease his pain. If only...
But she couldn't turn back time. She looked up at Tyr, unshed tears shining in his eyes. She wanted to be angry, but she didn't know how to hold onto her anger in the midst of all the pain.
They stayed in awkward silence for several minutes, neither sure what needed to be said next.
Finally, Beka could no longer stand the quiet. "I don't know what to say, Tyr. I honestly don't. I'm just trying to work through this." She took a deep breath. "I understand more why you didn't tell me about Freya, but I'm still angry. I don't know if I can forgive you for keeping this from me. I'm sorry you're hurting because of what happened to her and Tamerlane. I'm honored that you'd trust me with the secret of his life, but I'm afraid it may be too little, too late."
He merely stared at her, not knowing what to say.
She continued. "I still love you, but I don't I trust you anymore, and I don't know how to go on without trust." Her tears began welling deep in her eyes. "I don't know how to fix us, but at the same time I don't know how to go on without you. You're that important to me." Beka felt the tears course down her face, but was unable to summon the energy to brush them away. She hadn't realized that she'd had any tears left to cry. "Tell me how to fix this, because I just don't know how."
Tyr lifted her out of the chair and sat down himself, settling her in his lap and gathering her into his arms as she cried. His own tears were falling as he thought about the past few days. His wife dead, his son in hiding, and his relationship with his lover in shambles. He had made such a mess of his life. Tyr felt bereft as Beka dislodged herself from his lap. He needed her, in a way he'd never imagined he could need anyone.
She slowly took two steps away from him, holding up a hand to keep him away from her when he would have followed. "Don't," she warned. "I love you, but I don't know how to be with you right now."
"Beka..." He rose, intending to follow her.
"It's going to take time. You have to give it time." She stepped towards him, and tilted her face up to meet his lips. She intended a quick, comforting kiss, but they both quickly lost control. His mouth opened, tongue probing hers as he settled his hands on her waist to steady them both. Beka's arms came up around his neck as the kiss deepened, trying to express physically what she could find no words to say. Tyr pulled her closer, pouring his love, grief, and yearning into the kiss.
Slowly, the kiss ended. Beka untangled herself from his arms, and with a last, longing glance, left the room.
Alone, Tyr sank down into the chair. If he'd kept lying to Beka instead of sharing the secret of his son's life, he'd be lying in her arms right now. He never thought he'd accept a woman's pity, but now, he'd almost be willing to accept anything she offered, as long as she didn't leave him.
"The truth shall set you free," he muttered, hanging his head in his hands. Free to be alone. He almost regretted telling her, as he'd risked the safety of his son by entrusting it to anyone, even her. The thought of what could happen to her if others were to suspect she had knowledge of his son's continued existence made Tyr's blood run cold. He could not lament his honesty, however, as the lasting secrets between them would have made his fault too much to bear.
Still, he loved her, and believed they would have the ability to make their relationship whole again. Faith. As Beka had spoken of during the Vedran's visit, and again during the Cetus ingestion... he had no proof their love was not finished, though in fact, Beka's words indicated that their relationship may be in a turmoil they could not overcome. Still, he had faith that a favorable outcome was possible, that she would be in his arms once again.
He had faith in his son, in the possibility of a Nietzschean unity that had once been only in myth. One day, he would return to claim Tamerlane, and proclaim him the Nietzschean Messiah -- the genetic reincarnation of Drago Museveni -- and take the fate of the Nietzschean people in hand. One day he could acknowledge the child who must remain hidden for his own protection.
Until that day came, Tyr Anasazi would bide his time.
And have faith.
Archiving: Beka Valentine Fanfic Archive
Feedback: It's better than chocolate! Deanie@lisacaps.com
Author's note: This takes place after "Immaculate Perception." It's also a sequel to my previous Andromeda stories, "Uncertainties," "Fantasies," "Possibilities," and "Priorities," about the growing relationship between Beka and Tyr. Most stories can't be archived on fanfiction.net because of their adult nature, but they can be found at my website, http://www.creative-insanity.net/voice.
Author's note, Part II: Thank you to my friends and beta-readers, Val and Shaz for all their assistance and support. And to Valerie (Lockett) for looking over parts of the story.
Alone at last. Beka sagged against the door of the Maru as it closed behind her. She didn't know if she could have spent another moment pretending that the news of Tyr's marriage hadn't destroyed her inside. She'd tried to feign mere surprise, when in reality she'd nearly fainted from disbelief, barely recovering in time to catch the necessary slipstream portal.
His wife. Slowly, Beka slid to the ground, holding her head in her hands. Tyr risked everything to save his wife. She hadn't even known he married anyone during his previous stay with the Orca. He'd told the crew how much he'd hated Orca Pride for betraying his people, then turned around and married one of them.
She could almost comprehend why he'd married Freya. After all, it was definitely a fringe benefit to his undercover mission. What devastated Beka was that he hadn't told her.
She could understand why he first kept his silence. They'd been suspicious crewmates, then cautious friends, but still hadn't been close enough for her to know his secret. Their relationship had so much changed lately. Since they'd first made love, Beka had spent nearly every night in Tyr's arms. They spent hours, wrapped in each other talking, sharing their innermost thoughts. She thought he trusted her, thought she knew him better than anyone else. He'd called her his mate, had held her in his arms and taken her to previously unimagined heights of passion. All the while neglecting to tell her he already had a wife.
Beka had been hurt when her first love had abandoned her after she'd given him her virginity after the salvage guild debutante ball. She'd been devastated when Bobby had lied to her after promising not to, claiming it was necessary to save the Mugani. But this was different.
She truly loved Tyr. In his arms she'd realized what love was supposed to feel like, and it wasn't the cautious pleasure she'd felt all those times before. With Tyr, she'd given up waiting for the other shoe to drop. She'd finally felt safe and whole.
She'd been played for a fool, because it was only a deception. He was just like the others, using her, lying to her, all for his own devices. She'd confided her most private thoughts, told him about her mother's abandonment, her father's drug addiction, her own checkered past. In turn, he'd told her about his life with Kodiak pride, the slaughter of his family, his struggle to survive. All those nights sharing their most intimate secrets, and he never mentioned anything about a wife. Had anything that he'd told her been the truth, or had it all been lies designed to manipulate her into doing what he wanted? Beka shook her head. She shouldn't have trusted him, and certainly should have known better than to trust her own heart. When would she learn?
She didn't even know if she were glad he was still alive. Despite his duplicity, his supposed death had nearly destroyed her. Alive, there was hope that somehow he could say something to explain, to make her understand why he'd never told her about his wife. Dead, all hope for explanations and reparations was gone.
Tyr was indeed alive, but despite that, she couldn't feel any more hope.
He'd never loved her. If he had, he couldn't have kept such a monumental secret. She sighed. Maybe it was no big deal to him. After all, Nietzschean males were polygamous. Maybe he'd thought she'd be grateful to be his second wife. He was a very impressive specimen, and most Nietzschean women probably would be.
But she wasn't Nietzschean. She didn't believe in polygamy. She'd thought she was his one and only love, but it was all a lie. Their love was all a lie.
Holding her head in her hands, Beka began sobbing. Her heart ripped in a million pieces, her soul shattered. She didn't know if she could stand the pain. She curled up in a fetal ball as her tears stained the cold floor of the Maru.
Beka was so caught up in her own misery she almost didn't hear the door open. She tried to push herself up, to get to her quarters so she could be alone. She wasn't up to explaining herself to the rest of the crew, and certainly not ready to face Tyr.
Through the door came the last person she would have expected - Rommie. The android didn't say a word, simply sat down and pulled Beka's head into her lap. With Rommie stroking her hair like she was a child, Beka sobbed out her pain.
****
Beka cried until all her tears were spent. Worn out and emotionally depleted, she'd lost track of how much time had passed as she'd cried. Pushing herself up to a sitting position, she faced her friend. "Thank you," she said softly.
"I thought you might need a friend," Rommie shrugged. "One who knows..."
Beka looked up, startled.
"You and Tyr have forgotten to engage privacy mode during your...time together."
"You were watching us?" Beka asked, suddenly very self-conscious.
"I wasn't spying on you. As part of my job running the ship I keep an eye on the crew, making sure everyone's all right. I monitor vital signs, things like that, checking for things outside of normal parameters. And lately you and Tyr..."
"Have been way outside normal parameters."
"Yeah."
Though she'd wanted to be alone, in a way, she was glad Rommie knew. She really needed a friend to talk to now.
"I loved him," she began quietly. "I even trusted him. I mean, I knew that he had secrets; deception is a way of life for Tyr. I never thought he was keeping anything that important from me. I thought he trusted me. I thought he loved me. But it was all a lie." With each word, her voice gained volume, as the exhaustion in her soul was replaced by a deep well of agitation.
"Beka..."
"He's married! How can he be married?" Beka stood up and began pacing the length of the Maru's hallway, unable to stop her body from expending the nervous energy produced by her racing mind. "How could he have not told me he had a wife?"
Rommie sat silently, just watching, waiting for the moment when Beka would be rational enough to talk. Considering what she had observed the nights Beka and Tyr had been too caught up in each other to activate privacy mode, Beka had every right to be upset.
Beka stopped pacing and seemed to deflate. She sat next to Rommie and rested her head on her folded arms. "He's my lover, Rommie. In Nietzschean society, with our relationship, I'd be considered his wife. I love him, and he didn't even tell me that I wasn't the only one -- he already had a wife."
"Nietzschean relationships aren't like human ones. Marrying Freya was advantageous when Tyr was trying to convince Orca Pride of his loyalty. He may not care about his 'wife' at all." Rommie pointed out. "He did abandon her and destroy her pride."
"And then risked his life to go back and rescue her from the Genites. Even before he knew he had a son, he risked everything to save her. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't care." Beka fought back the tears welling up in her eyes.
The android remained silent, unable to think of anything to say that could make Beka feel better.
"I'm so angry with him I could kill him. I feel betrayed and cheated. He treated me like I wasn't important enough to know intimate details about his life while at the same time he was telling me how much he cared about me. I'm mad, and frustrated, and hurt..." Beka stopped, her anguish apparent in her eyes. "But I can't say anything. I can't tell him how much he hurt me because I can't bear to hurt him when he's already hurting so much now." She brushed away the few tears that escaped her best efforts to suppress them. "How can I talk to him about how I feel when he's just lost his wife and son? No one I loved died. My pain is practically insignificant when compared to his." She groaned. "God, Rommie, what am I going to do?"
"You have every right to feel angry. He hurt you, and lied to you, even if it was by omission."
"But he lost his son. His *son*. The greatest goal of any Nietzschean male. The most important thing in the world to Tyr, and now he's gone. Even knowing how he deceived me, I want to go to him and comfort him. I'm just so damn mad. And I feel selfish for feeling angry, which is ridiculous, because he lied to me."
"You're human, not selfish. You're feelings are just as important as his are."
"I love him, and I can't stand to see him in pain." She stood up and began pacing again. "Apparently he doesn't feel the same way because if he did, he would have told me he was married."
"Maybe he didn't tell you because he didn't want to hurt you. Let him explain, Beka. I've seen the two of you together. Tyr's not faking how he feels."
"How do I know? He's so secretive. I really trusted him, believed in how he felt about us. For all I know he has a dozen wives scattered across the known universe." She stopped, looking directly at Rommie. "I don't know what to believe anymore."
"Believe in your heart. Let it show you the way."
****
Tyr lay on his bed in his quarters. He'd never felt so alone, his arms so empty. A few days ago, he was more content than ever before. With Beka lying by his side, anything was possible. He'd begun to plan out a future for the two of them. Then, in an instant his life changed, bringing pleasure in an entirely different way. For one brief, shining moment he held paradise. He had what he had been dreaming about for so long - a wife and child. A child who proved to be the genetic reincarnation of Drago Museveni, the one who was prophesied to unite all Nietzschean prides under one banner.
True, given a choice of eligible females, Freya would not have been the wife he would have chosen. His assent to her offer as wife had been a deception necessitated by his infiltration into Orca pride. He had been accepted as her husband, enabling his access to the technology with which he destroyed their home.
He had only contempt for Orca Pride as a whole; their betrayal of the Kodiak had sealed their fate in his eyes. However, he would be dishonest with himself if he failed to admit that he had been tempted, albeit briefly, by the promise of home and family Freya offered.
After he betrayed her people, Tyr no longer considered himself Freya's husband. He was certain she would no longer call herself his wife. He had failed her in every way a husband could fail his wife. He had used and deceived her, then violated her people's trust.
He had been alone for so long, a Kodiak in a world where his pride was nonexistent. A man without a home, without a family. He had always thought he would one day find a worthy Nietzschean woman with whom he could rebuild the Kodiak from his own DNA. Only then he would have the family he had longed for. He could take his rightful place as Alpha in a new Nietzschean society, his wives and children at his side.
Despite his reservations about Orca pride's quality, Freya might have been that woman if she'd been given a chance. She was bold, having passed over the brother of an alpha for an outcast from a decimated pride. She was beautiful, as she had lain with her hair spread out over the silky sheets after they had mated. Her arms were warm and welcoming, as she paid homage to him with her body. He had been without a Nietzschean female for so long...
In the end, she proved her worthiness. She had trusted him, believed in their marriage when he had all but forgotten about her. And she died willingly, a testament to her courage and her love for her son. He had failed her again, but this time, his miscalculation had cost Freya her life.
Freya wasn't the only one he had failed. By remaining silent about his marriage, had he betrayed Beka in a way he feared she would find unforgivable?
Why had he not told her about his marriage? In the dark of the night, holding Beka in his arms, he had shared more with her than he'd ever shared with anyone before. With Beka, he felt whole, no longer lonely. Still, he'd been cautious about the information he imparted. Perhaps it was simply his Nietzschean nature, but he'd revealed few personal insecurities, admitted to few mistakes.
He'd presented himself as an impressive specimen, worthy of a female such as Rebecca. He'd skimped on the details of his mercenary life, knowing she'd feel uncomfortable hearing of his exploits as a high-priced assassin. Though he'd be loath to admit it, deep inside he'd feared she could no longer accept him as her mate if she knew all that he had done. Even knowing Beka as he did, he was unsure how she would have perceived his marriage to the Orca female. If she'd known, could she have understood his treatment of Freya? Besides, he'd thought never to see his 'wife' again, so what did it matter... The last thing he'd wanted was for Beka to be disappointed in him, and in doing so had done the very thing he'd tried to avoid.
Tyr was lost in thought when he heard the familiar beep. He lay unmoving. He didn't want to have another confrontation with Dylan, who had already guessed the truth about Tamerlane's "death." He didn't want to talk to Harper, Trance, or the ship. The one person whose presence he would welcome, Beka, would quite possibly never speak to him again. He ignored the door, turning over to face away from the continued beeping.
The beeping came again, followed by the whoosh as his door opened. His breath caught as he instantly realized the identity of his visitor. Unless the ship had authorized an override, only one person has his access codes -- Beka.
"Andromeda, engage privacy mode. Authorization Beka Valentine." Her words echoed in the dark room.
"Privacy mode engaged," came the disembodied voice of the AI.
Tyr lay still, unable to fathom why she had come to him after he'd kept his wife's existence a secret from her.
The bed dipped beneath her weight as Beka slid in behind him. Tyr felt her gentle touch as she slipped an arm around his waist and snuggled against his body. Startled, he turned over to lie on his back. He stared up into her blue eyes, wet with unshed tears. "Beka?"
"Shh." She put one finger against his lips. "Please, don't say anything. I know you're hurting horribly after losing your son, and I'm here because I can't stand knowing that you're in that kind of pain and not doing anything." Her tone hardened as she continued. "But if you start talking to me, it's just going to remind me of how hurt I am and how furious I am at you for not telling me about your wife. So please, just shut up and let me comfort you."
His eyes widened at her unselfish declaration. She would willingly put her hurt aside, make her pain secondary to his. He reached up and stroked her cheek. "Such generosity of spirit."
Tyr realized that they were at a turning point. He'd kept much from Beka - his marriage to Freya was merely the beginning. His son's continued existence was a secret he had vowed to never reveal to anyone, not even his friends. He had lied to Dylan twice, never letting on that Tamerlane still lived even when he had been confronted with the truth of his deception. But Beka... how could he lie here and accept her comfort when he knew his son's death was a fraud? He loved Beka and trusted her with his life. He knew she'd never willingly reveal his confidence, but what if...
Tyr lightly pushed her away and climbed out of bed. Walking across he room, he stood with his hands against the wall, unable to face her.
Beka's eyes narrowed. He wasn't even able to accept her friendship and consolation? Had he really loved Freya so much he couldn't accept another woman's touch? Or was there something else going on that she didn't know about?
"Beka, I realize you may not believe me, considering all that has passed these last few days," he began. "Know this. I love you." If he truly loved her, and intended a future with her one day, he only had one option. He had to tell her the truth about everything.
Beka closed her eyes, unable to believe him.
Tyr explained, "I am Nietzschean. I do not trust easily, but I trust you, even with my life. But this... I am now relying upon you to do more than save my life. I'm trusting you with the life of my son."
Life of his... He head shot up, eyes widening as she realized. "He's alive? Your son is alive?"
Tyr turned, meeting her shocked gaze, and nodded.
"But if he's alive, why are you telling everyone he's dead? Telling *us* he's dead? We're your friends, Tyr, the closest thing you have to family. And again, you're lying to us about the most significant thing in your life." She shook her head in disgust, getting to her feet. "What could possibly be so important that it justifies lying to your friends?"
Tyr slouched against the wall, silent, unable to discern how to tell Beka.
"Can you please not lie to me? For once, tell it like it is." With his continued silence, Beka turned and headed for his door.
"Tamerlane, my son, is the genetic reincarnation of Drago Museveni."
Beka stopped. Turning around, she asked, "What exactly do you mean by 'genetic reincarnation?'"
"The DNA structure of my son, Tamerlane, is identical to that of Drago Museveni."
"The Nietzschean progenitor."
Though her comment was more statement than question, Tyr answered. "Yes. Much has been claimed about the power such a child could possess."
"You mean all that stuff that Genite guy was saying? About the Nietzschean Messiah? It's true? Your son is the Nietzschean Messiah?" She stared at him skeptically. "How can you even know he's the genetic reincarnation of Drago Museveni?"
"Olma, the Orca matriarch, sent a copy of Tamerlane's DNA to be compared the best known specimen of Drago's DNA. The report indicated a high probability of a match."
"But it's not definite?"
"No. However, I was able to verify their conclusions by comparing my son's DNA to Drago's myself."
"Yourself? How do you have the DNA of the Nietzschean progenitor?" Suddenly, she realized where it came from. "The crate from Midden, the one you wouldn't tell anyone about. The one you said had belonged to you for a very long time."
"Yes. It is rightfully mine. I am the last of the Kodiak. My Pride was entrusted with the remains of Drago Museveni, and we protected them with our lives."
"Until the Drago-Kazov destroyed the Kodiak to get to the body."
"They have slaughtered my family once. I couldn't chance them taking my son." He paused, trying to impart the importance of his son's existence. "The genetic reincarnation of Drago Museveni is prophesied to have the ability to unite all of the Nietzschean prides in Drago's name."
"So the person who controls him can control all of the Nietzschean people."
Tyr nodded. She had quickly grasped the significance of the situation. "Tamerlane's fate is of paramount importance. Imagine, all of the Nietzscheans in the known worlds united under Drago-Kazov rule."
Beka gulped at the image. The Dragans ruling the universe was a truly frightening thought. "But to lie to your friends..."
"This very rumor brought the Genites out of hiding. They have already tried to slay him once. They would try again if they knew he were still alive. His life would be in constant danger if everyone did not believe him to already be dead. Not to mention what the Drago-Kazov, or any of the other larger Nietzschean prides would do to get possession of my son. While they would not kill the child himself, they would slaughter anyone in their way of controlling him."
"So you lied about his death to save his life. And, as a consequence, your own." She understood. Tyr's son's life would be of paramount importance to him under normal circumstances - and these were far from normal. And she knew from past experience how important his own survival was to Tyr.
"Yes."
All right. He had a good reason for lying to the world. But they were his friends. He wasn't trusting by nature, but after all this time he had to know that no one on the Andromeda would ever betray him. "Even after all this time, you don't trust us. That's why you're lying."
"I shouldn't trust anyone with this secret, not even you."
"We're your friends, Tyr. We're not going to betray you."
No longer still, Tyr now moved closer with each word. "Not willingly, no. But mere knowledge of this places you in danger." He cut off her protest. "The Genites would kill you if you stood in the way of the destruction of the 'Nietzschean Messiah.' Genites aside, do you understand what the Drago-Kazov would do to possess the reincarnation of the progenitor? To gain control of all the Nietzschean people? They would stop at nothing to control him. They would destroy you all."
Beka held her silence, unable to come up with a rebuttal to his words.
"If they suspected anyone here know Tamerlane's whereabouts..." His voice trailed off, leaving her contemplating the consequences. "Do you know what they would do to you? Dylan? The golden girl? How would Harper hold up under Drago-Kazov torture? They would all suffer before giving in, but eventually, no matter what they said or did, the Dragans would destroy them."
"You're lying to us for our own good? See, I don't buy this warm fuzzy concern for your fellow man. Especially when we're not really *your* fellow man."
"I love you, Beka, and I honestly care about the welfare of this crew. But Tamerlane is my son. I would give everything I have, everything I am to keep him safe."
Though she didn't trust him, she was finding it difficult to doubt his sincerity; however, one question remained. "Then why tell me? If total secrecy is essential, why tell me?"
"Too many lies are between us already. I could not simply stay in my bed and accept your comfort, knowing that it was all a lie."
"Guilt, Tyr?" she snapped. "I thought guilt was a 'wasted emotion'?"
"Perhaps I am prone to 'wasted emotions' after all."
Beka felt victorious as her barb hit home. Guilt followed a moment later; she was here to comfort, not attack. Sniping at him wasn't helping anything. She needed to make her choice - begin to forgive him or start to walk away. Unfortunately, she couldn't seem to bring herself to do either.
"I confided in you because I know that you will protect his secret." While he was talking, he had begun stroking her arms gently, all the while mesmerizing her with his penetrating gaze.
"With my life." As Beka stared into his eyes, she knew he was finally telling being honest with her. Now only inches away, she could feel the heat emanating from his body, smell his musky scent. Mesmerized by the fathomless depths of his deep brown eyes, Beka's eyelids drifted closed. Being near him always made her crazy. She swayed closer. She wanted...she wanted...
Suddenly, she pushed away from him and strode across the room. Keeping her back to him, she took several deep breaths, trying to calm herself. She wanted him. She loved him. Being so close to him almost made her forget how furious she was with him.
Beka heard his footsteps as Tyr came up behind her and placed one hand on her shoulder. She whirled around, dislodging his hand. "No. You are not doing this to me. I was willing to put aside my hurt and anger because I thought you'd lost your son. But since he's really alive, then I have no reason not to tell you how completely pissed I am. Married? You're married? Call me crazy, Tyr, but that's the kind of thing a woman wants to know about her lover."
"I..."
"You what? Forgot you had a wife?" She stared at him in disbelief. No explanation that he came up with could possibly good enough to convince her to forgive him. Beka's stopped as a horrible thought occurred to her, suddenly terrified of the answer to her next question. If Tamerlane was alive, was Freya as well? "Do you still have a wife, Tyr? Is the story of her death as false as the story of your son's?"
Tyr grimaced, grief crossing over his face. "Freya is dead. I saw her body fall," he replied softly. "Orca pride intended to evacuate their rock, but they would never make it alive -- the 'Knights of Genetic Purity' would see to that. So I took Freya and my son and headed for my slip fighter, using the pride's evacuation as a shield for our escape."
Beka nodded. Now she realized why he had broken radio silence.
"Olma, the Orca matriarch was with us, carrying Tamerlane. She tried to stop us from taking him, but in the end chose her duty to Tamerlane over her duty to the rest of her pride. While we were leaving, the Genites appeared out of nowhere. Their approach was flawless, I was unable to even get to my gun - though their body armor would have likely deflected any of our weapons." He shook his head, as if to dispel his disbelief of his enemies' victory. "They captured Freya, held a gun to her head and gave me a choice -- my wife or my child. I looked at her, and I knew...she was so sure...everything we did was for our child. She never wavered, never questioned. And she died so I could get our son to safety."
Beka was startled by the intensity in his voice. Though she had feared his affection for his Orca wife, she'd been more inclined to believe that the woman was a mere convenience to Tyr. Apparently, though, he truly cared for Freya.
"Freya was strong, courageous, and deserved much more than that which was her fate. I never truly loved her. I used her interest in me to ingratiate myself into Orca pride, then betrayed and abandoned her. Still, she remained loyal to me, despite my treason. She chose to bear our child, though her pride hated her for her choice. She should have rejected me as husband when I destroyed her pride's home, but she did not. She loved me, and she believed in me, even when she had no rational basis for her belief. She loved me as her husband, and suffered for her love as I lived here, with you, in peace and happiness." Overcome by guilt and regret, Tyr paused, seemingly unable to catch his breath.
"Tyr..."
"I didn't love Freya. I cared about her, but far less than she deserved. I treated her so horribly...and I will regret that until the day I die."
To hear those words from Tyr, who had never seemed to feel guilt before... Unsteadily Beka sat down, her feet unable to hold her weight. Just a few days before, everything had seemed perfect Now, all was chaos. She didn't know how she felt about anything anymore.
She wanted to hate Tyr for lying to her. She'd told him how valuable honesty was to her, and just like everyone else, he'd lie anyway. She hated liars, but somehow, still loved Tyr. Even though Tamerlane was still alive, he was hurting so much...as furious as she was, she still wanted to ease his pain. If only...
But she couldn't turn back time. She looked up at Tyr, unshed tears shining in his eyes. She wanted to be angry, but she didn't know how to hold onto her anger in the midst of all the pain.
They stayed in awkward silence for several minutes, neither sure what needed to be said next.
Finally, Beka could no longer stand the quiet. "I don't know what to say, Tyr. I honestly don't. I'm just trying to work through this." She took a deep breath. "I understand more why you didn't tell me about Freya, but I'm still angry. I don't know if I can forgive you for keeping this from me. I'm sorry you're hurting because of what happened to her and Tamerlane. I'm honored that you'd trust me with the secret of his life, but I'm afraid it may be too little, too late."
He merely stared at her, not knowing what to say.
She continued. "I still love you, but I don't I trust you anymore, and I don't know how to go on without trust." Her tears began welling deep in her eyes. "I don't know how to fix us, but at the same time I don't know how to go on without you. You're that important to me." Beka felt the tears course down her face, but was unable to summon the energy to brush them away. She hadn't realized that she'd had any tears left to cry. "Tell me how to fix this, because I just don't know how."
Tyr lifted her out of the chair and sat down himself, settling her in his lap and gathering her into his arms as she cried. His own tears were falling as he thought about the past few days. His wife dead, his son in hiding, and his relationship with his lover in shambles. He had made such a mess of his life. Tyr felt bereft as Beka dislodged herself from his lap. He needed her, in a way he'd never imagined he could need anyone.
She slowly took two steps away from him, holding up a hand to keep him away from her when he would have followed. "Don't," she warned. "I love you, but I don't know how to be with you right now."
"Beka..." He rose, intending to follow her.
"It's going to take time. You have to give it time." She stepped towards him, and tilted her face up to meet his lips. She intended a quick, comforting kiss, but they both quickly lost control. His mouth opened, tongue probing hers as he settled his hands on her waist to steady them both. Beka's arms came up around his neck as the kiss deepened, trying to express physically what she could find no words to say. Tyr pulled her closer, pouring his love, grief, and yearning into the kiss.
Slowly, the kiss ended. Beka untangled herself from his arms, and with a last, longing glance, left the room.
Alone, Tyr sank down into the chair. If he'd kept lying to Beka instead of sharing the secret of his son's life, he'd be lying in her arms right now. He never thought he'd accept a woman's pity, but now, he'd almost be willing to accept anything she offered, as long as she didn't leave him.
"The truth shall set you free," he muttered, hanging his head in his hands. Free to be alone. He almost regretted telling her, as he'd risked the safety of his son by entrusting it to anyone, even her. The thought of what could happen to her if others were to suspect she had knowledge of his son's continued existence made Tyr's blood run cold. He could not lament his honesty, however, as the lasting secrets between them would have made his fault too much to bear.
Still, he loved her, and believed they would have the ability to make their relationship whole again. Faith. As Beka had spoken of during the Vedran's visit, and again during the Cetus ingestion... he had no proof their love was not finished, though in fact, Beka's words indicated that their relationship may be in a turmoil they could not overcome. Still, he had faith that a favorable outcome was possible, that she would be in his arms once again.
He had faith in his son, in the possibility of a Nietzschean unity that had once been only in myth. One day, he would return to claim Tamerlane, and proclaim him the Nietzschean Messiah -- the genetic reincarnation of Drago Museveni -- and take the fate of the Nietzschean people in hand. One day he could acknowledge the child who must remain hidden for his own protection.
Until that day came, Tyr Anasazi would bide his time.
And have faith.