Just A Friend
"Um, Akihisa?" I mumbled embarrassedly as I stood in front of the errand boy. "I... I have something to give you..." I continued, shifting my weight from foot to foot and fidgeting.
"Yeah Himeji?" He replied, yawning and stretching. "Damn... The Iron Man really got me good today. So many boxes! I'm so hungry..." He complained, sighing when a crack echoed in his back.
"Um... I..." I murmured, unable to form a complete sentence. Stupid! I cursed myself inwardly. Why is it that whenever you talk to him you turn into a pile of mush? You can't even speak properly! My sub-conscious yelled at me, scolding me while the romantic part of me blushed profusely and sighed.
A light blush coated my face. I twirled a strand of hair around my finger, something I did whenever I got nervous. The blush got deeper. Shaking my head, I steeled myself. I would tell him.
"Akihisa... I... um... I baked some cookies for you..." I managed to force out, blushing even harder when his eyes widened. I hoped he liked the cookies, I had spent the whole of yesterday baking them. For some reason, the recipe I followed said nothing about the healthiness of the cookie, nor the nutrition level, and the amount of sweetness added was astounding! But this was after all, my first time baking cookies according to a recipe, and I wanted Akihisa to try them first.
"Uh... I'm kinda full right now Himeji," He stammered, grinning sheepishly and scratching his hair. "Sorry... Another time maybe?" He said, giving me an apologetic smile.
His words cut through me like a knife. I know that my cooking wasn't very good... Oh, who was I kidding. It was atrocious. I never bothered about the flavor or taste of the food I made, everything I cooked was based on the nutrition level and the presentation. As long as it was healthy and looked good, I didn't mind. But I know how much Akihisa and the others hated it.
I knew, of course I did. My level of IQ was -to be honest- higher than all of theirs put together, save for Sakamoto. I knew that they hated it, whenever I cooked something for them, they would play a "life-or-death" game of rock, scissors, paper to decide who would be forced to eat my cooking so as not to hurt my feelings. I played dumb, but I knew. Because of their bad reactions to my cooking, I gradually stopped cooking all together. This was the first time in a long time that I actually started cooking.
But the fact that he would just deny it and pretend that he wasn't hungry when he just stated so a moment ago... My heart cracked. A thin, hairline crack streaked through my heart. He really hated my cooking then, to deny it so openly.
"Oh... I... Tha... That's ok. Next time then," I ended, giving him a hopeful smile. His sheepish grin turned into a grimace, before turning back into an encouraging smile.
"Yeah," He said, shooting me a heartbreaking smile. "Next time."
He probably thought I didn't catch that grimace. But I did. A sad smile creeped up on my face. Shaking my head, I backed away. Suddenly, a thought streaked through my mind, like a ray of light shooting through the darkness that plagued me. Maybe there was another way for me to pass my feelings on to him!
The cookies were just a front. I DID want to cook for him, to cook food that he enjoyed for once, but there was an underlying, deeper meaning. With me, there was something I had kept for a long time. A confession. I had written it weeks ago, but for some reason, I couldn't muster up the courage to give it to him. I read in a book that I could hide my confession amidst a gift to the boy in question, and I had planned on hiding the confession in the basket holding the cookies. What I didn't expect was him denying the cookies altogether.
"Um.. Akihisa!" I called out, stopping him in his tracks. He turned, a questioning look on his face.
"Here!" I cried out, thrusting the basket of cookies in his direction. He could at least rummage through and find the letter, right? "Please at least take this!"
"Huh oh I er..." He trailed off, stuck in a dilemma.
"Hey Akihisa!" A shout rang out, distracting both of us. Minami ran up, pulling Akihisa into a hug. Suddenly taking notice of me, she spun around to face me, while still hugging Akihisa. Akihisa had a slightly startled expression, but it soon turned into a soft smile. Giving her a one armed hug, he smiled at me.
"We're dating."
Those two words broke me. The hairline crack exploded, shattering my heart into fragments. My eyes widened, and my mouth opened in an unspoken cry. Dating... ? No... Was I too late?
"Aren't you happy for us Himeji?" Minami squealed excitedly, clinging to Akihisa.
That was it. It was like she was rubbing salt into my wounds, the fragments of my broken heart were just trampled on all over again by the two of them. I jerked back on instinct.
"Yea... Yeah." I managed to get out, forcing my small grimace into a smile. The edges of my lips wobbled, and tears leaked slightly into my eyes. "I'm happy for the two of you." Turning, I speed-walked all the way to the rooftop, leaving the happy couple.
Reaching the rooftop, I opened the door. The wind blew the strands of my hair into my eyes, and I pushed them away. The tears started to blur my vision, and I slid down the wall next to the door. Legs stretched out in front of me, I sat on the ground, the basket of cookies by my side. Dating... The word echoed in my mind, circling around my sub-conscious and romantic, causing them to back into a corner, surrounding them. Tears leaked from my eyes, dripping onto my skirt. I pushed my knees to my chest, hugging them. My head fell onto my knees, and I sobbed. The way they stated it so casually... The happy expression on their faces... Didn't they know I was breaking inside? Probably not.
I force myself to get up. Every movement now seems to be programmed into me. My movements are robotic and stiff. Stand up. Dry tears. Walk to door. Open door. I take a deep breath. I need to be happy for them. I won't be sad. I won't drag their happiness down with my sadness. I won't. I can't.
Within my mind, I try to stick the broken fragments of my heart together, but they keep falling apart... There's a part of it that I just can't seem to fill. It's as though when I left, somehow, a few of the fragments fell into Akihisa's pocket for him to keep forever. I'll never be whole again.
Gripping onto the railing by the stairs to support me, I inch my way downwards, breathing shakily. I blink the remaining tears away from my eyes. It's for the best. It was never me. It was Minami. Always her. I have to be happy for them. It's my duty as a friend. That's what I'll be forever - a friend, nothing more, nothing less. That broke me more than anything else.
The basket of cookies and the confession was left on the rooftop. I sealed it away from my now fragile heart, filing it deep inside the folders of my memory, never to see again. I have to forget about my feelings. I have to. I will.