Disclaimer: All rights belong to Disney, Marvel, and all the men and women that created Avengers: Infinity War. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made.

Rating: K+

Author's Note: This fic is based five years after the Snap. Follows the lives of those who survived and how they are coping with their losses. Basically a series of one-shots.

Chapter 1: Voicemails

"Hey, Mr. Stark! Just wanted to give you a little update on today's adventure. I didn't do that much work, but I think what I did do was huge.

First I did some basic things - helped a couple old ladies cross the street, fed the stray cat in the alley by my apartment, helped someone who had locked themselves out of their car - just your everyday tasks. Then I saw this kid, probably eight or nine years old, big glasses, lots of textbooks - who gives kids that old homework, I mean, really? - bad haircut, frayed T-shirt, get totally bullied. And I don't mean made fun of kid of bullied. I'm talking destruction of property, assault, stolen-money kind of bullied. So of course I swooped down right behind him and told off the other kids. I said that I was personal friends with him and that they shouldn't mess with my number one. They scattered, of course, and I helped the kid pick up his homework and gave him back his money.

I was going to leave, but then he asked me if I could walk him the rest of the way home. 'There's another group of kids waiting at the next alley,' he said. 'They're there every day.'

I just felt so bad. This kid seems like a nice guy, maybe a little on the weird side, but there's nothing wrong with being unique. So I was walking with him and asked him why the other boys don't like him.

'I'm different,' he says, 'and different is bad.'

'Well, I'm different, too,' I told him. 'Different isn't bad. Different is good.'

Then he said something that just totally broke my heart. He said, 'Your different is good because you're cool. My different is bad because I'm weird.'

So I asked him what makes him different. He pulled out a sketchbook and showed me what he draws. 'I want to be a designer,' he said. 'I want to make cool superhero costumes, like Captain America and Hawkeye.'

So of course I told him that I designed my first costume. He got wide-eyed and started asking me a bunch of questions about my suit capabilities and what fabric I used so I took him out to the ice cream shop that I once saved from a robbery - so I get free ice cream now - and sat down with him and answered everything I could. He showed me more of his designs and honestly I've never seen anyone so excited about something. When I finally took him home, he looked about to burst.

'I can't believe Spiderman designs, too!' he exclaimed. Then he told me that if I hadn't shown up today and rescued him from the bullies, he was going to shred his notebook and try to get into something more 'boyish'.

I can't stop thinking about him. In some ways, he reminded me of myself. I've always been the weird kid, the outcast, the one strangely passionate about what I love. I've been bullied for it, too. What if I had taken up your offer to join the Avengers and had moved out of Queens to upstate New York? If I hadn't been there for that kid today, looking out for him, he would have given up on his dream. Saving the world is important, but saving the little people even more so.

That being said, if there is an alien invasion or anything you know I'm here. I've seen a lot of alien movies and I'm not opposed to some large-scale hero work.

Oh, shoot. Aunt May is calling me for dinner. That's it's for today, I guess. Until tomorrow, Mr. Stark."

Tony lets his hand drop. He leans forward until his forehead is pressed against the cool glass. He pretends the stinging in his eyes is the only pain he feels.

There are dozens of those voicemails on his phone. Every single day, like clockwork, Peter had left a report. Every single day, like clockwork, Tony had sent the call straight to voicemail. Every single day, like clockwork, Tony had missed a chance to talk to the kid.

"I want you to be better." Tony had said that Peter once. Tony's own father had said it to him a million times. And, just like his father, Tony failed.

All his life growing up Tony had hated his father for not taking time to talk to him, to just have a casual chat about how life is going on. Way to repeat the cycle. All he had to do was swipe the screen and take five minutes out of his life to talk to the kid. Instead the only time he talked to him was to chew him out for being irresponsible.

"Tony?" Pepper's voice rings out from the doorway. She takes a few steps closer. "Jeez, Tony, you need to stop doing this to yourself."

She comes up behind him and gently takes the phone out of his hand. "There was nothing you could do. There was no rhyme or reason to the ones Thanos killed. You couldn't have protected him."

Tony struggles to swallow past the lump in his throat. "I could have called Steve. All of us together could have defeated him. Instead I let our petty rivalry destroy the world."

"Honey -"

"I could have destroyed the stone in Vision's forehead before it was ever used to create him. Or I could have destroyed the stone in Loki's scepter instead of letting SHIELD use it to create enhanced weapons."

"Tony." Pepper's voice is hard. "Stop blaming yourself. None of us could have foreseen how things would have turned out. We didn't even know Thanos existed until he showed up."

"Loki knew. He knew Thanos's plan from the very beginning. We could have questioned him."

"That's not on you." Pepper rubs his back gently. "You're tearing yourself apart. You've been doing it for the past five years. You need to learn to let go."

"I can't!" Tony slams his fist onto the window. "How can I when I see him every time I look at Maria? When every time she hugs me I feel him dying in my arms? When she tells me about her day and all I can think about is how I ignored him when he tried talking to me?"

Pepper is silent for a long time. Tony knows why. They've had this exact same conversation countless times since the Snap. As much as he loves Pepper, it frustrates him that she doesn't understand. How can she? She didn't grow up with the daddy issues he did. She didn't grow up and make the exact same mistakes that she hated her father for. She didn't watch everyone she loved dying in front of her, in her arms.

Finally she speaks. "You have been nothing but an amazing father to Maria. You made mistakes, but you learned from them. Now you just need to stop destroying yourself."

Tony laughs bitterly. "You're talking to the same person who almost killed a man for an incident that happened twenty years prior. Letting go isn't my forte."

"And unfortunately carrying heavy burdens is." Pepper sighs and leans her head against his shoulder. "I can't help you, Tony. I've tried my best, but I can't help you with this."

"Neither can my therapist, apparently," he half-jokes, but it falls flat.

"Maria wants to show you what she made in preschool today. Go see her. We'll talk about this later." She leans up and kisses him. "I'm serious, Tony. You can't keep carrying this guilt."

Tony finds his four year old daughter coloring on the floor of his workshop. It's her favorite room. Whenever Tony tries to hole himself up to work on some new version of his suits or a new eco-friendly energy source, she always breaks his solitude by toddling in with a handful of paper and a packet of crayons. She never talks; just colors quietly. Tony wonders if she can sense when he's feeling more depressed than normal.

He walks over and scoops her up in her arms. She lets the crayon in her hand fall to the ground as she giggles in excitement.

"Daddy!"

Tony holds her up in the air and pretends to inspect her. "And what do we have here? A new prototype A1? A killer robot?"

Maria laughs uncontrollably. "No, Daddy, no! It's me!"

"It talks!" he exclaims, faking shock. She laughs harder. He shakes her lightly. "And it is surprisingly resilient!"

She claps her hands together. "Do the thing! Do the thing!" she begs.

Keeping up his fake scientist voice, he says, "And now on to the next test - can it fly?"

He lowers his arms and then tosses her in the air a few inches. She shrieks with joy and then squeals in delight when he catches her and swings her around. Tony can't help the smile on his face as he watches her. She has his dark hair and his mother's loose curls - the ones he always thought were elegant, but she always tried to straighten. Maria has Pepper's stunningly beautiful blue eyes - and her stubbornness. Tony wonders how he ever gets to make decisions between the two of them.

He sets her down on the floor gently. "Mom said you made something in class today."

"Come see!" Maria tugs on his hand and drags him to the mini workbench Tony had made for her in the shop. A neon green folder sits on the table. She opens it with her tiny fingers and pulls out a piece of copier paper with an image on it. Tony takes it in his hands and begins to narrate what he sees.

"Wow! Look at these vibrant reds! They seem to outline a humanoid shape with expert skill! But they aren't to be outdone by those rich blues that add detailed designs! And look at those black orb eyes! What a sinister figure this artwork is turning out to depict!" He shoots a glance over at her, pleased to see her smiling broadly. Then he turns back to the picture. "And what are these sticking out? They look like giant straws - "

It's in that moment he realizes what he's looking at. His voice fails him and he stares in shock.

"Keep going, Daddy!"

Tony manages to swallow. "Honey, where did you see this?"

Maria pushes open her work bench and pulls out a file folder. Inside it are printed versions of all the Iron Spiderman suits Tony had designed. Different notes pointing to different parts of the suit are written in the margins in his own handwriting.

"What is it?" she asks.

"It's, uh, it's a suit I made for a friend," he explains.

"What friend? Uncle Banner?" She looks up at him with big, innocent blue eyes. Tony feels his eyes sting again, and he forces himself to will the pain away.

"No, not for Uncle Banner. For a different friend. But he doesn't need them anymore." Tony gently takes the file from her. "Thank you for finding this." He leans down and kisses her on the forehead. "Your artwork is absolutely stunning, just like it always is. Do you mind if I borrow it?"

Maria takes it from him and lays it out on the desk before picking up a crayon and writing to: Daddy from: maria 3 on it.

"Thank you, sweetie. I love you."

"Love you too," she says, already picking up a blank piece of paper to start drawing on. Tony watches her for a moment before heading out of the workshop.

"Look what Maria drew." He sets it on the table in front of her. Pepper briefly looks away from her tablet to glance at it.

"Okay," she says, turning right back to her work.

"Look at it," Tony insists. Pepper does. Then she looks up at Tony blankly. "What is it?"

"It's Peter. The Iron Spider suit. She found my old files, probably under a stack of tools or something."

Pepper sighs and leans back in her chair, looking up at him. "She has no idea. She just saw a picture and copied it. She's four."

"But what happens in five years when she's old enough to understand? What am I supposed to tell her?"

"Tony, he wasn't your son. He wasn't your responsibility. He made his own choice."

"He was seventeen, Pepper. Seventeen! And when he was fifteen, I dragged him into a battle against Captain America and Wanda Maximoff and he got a semi truck dropped on him. And then he fought a guy with Chitauri weaponry who dropped him in a river from a hundred feet and later dropped an entire building on him. Then I let him tag along with me to space in a foreign spaceship to fight the most powerful being in the universe!" Tony takes a deep breath and levels his tone. "He was my responsibility. I took him under my wing, I gave him the means and the motivation to fight, and I led him straight to his death."

"The day of the Snap, you told me you dreamed about having a kid." Pepper looks at him with her stern eyes. "You were talking about him, weren't you?"

Tony looks away. "Maybe," he admits quietly. "I just - I wanted to be there for him, you know? My father wasn't there for me, and I wanted the chance to prove I was better."

"And you are." Pepper takes his hand. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you this before you believe me."

"I'm just afraid I won't be there for Maria when she really needs me." Tony releases a pent-up breath. "What if something bad happens and I can't save her?"

Pepper swivels her chair around and wraps and arm around his waist, pulling him closer. "You always try your best. No one is perfect."

"I want to be better than my best, Pep. My best idea to save the world ended up turning into a rogue murder bot that literally destroyed an entire country and almost the planet. My best idea to prevent that from happening against ended up pitting all my friends against me. My best idea to defeat Thanos led to half the world disappearing." Tony shakes his head. "My best always ends up in pain and suffering."

Pepper watches him sadly. She interlaces her fingers with his. "I think you need to visit him," she suggests.

Tony instantly shakes his head. "Nope. Can't do that. Not after I - "

"Tony." Her voice is stern. He listens. "You need some closure. You can't carry this weight around with you forever. Take Maria if you have to. Tell her about him. Just try. For me. Please?"

He takes a deep breath. "Okay," he finally acquiesces. "I'll try."

Pepper stands up and kisses him. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

He watches her walk out, going to find Maria probably. He doesn't share her optimism that a trip to an empty grave will rid him of his guilt, but he owes it to her to at least try. Pepper has always been here for him. When he's in public and feels and panic attack coming, she's the one who deflects the press or excuses him from his peers. When he wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, she's the one who rubs his arm and tells him it's okay, he's not in Afghanistan anymore and he's safe. When he needs his alone time in the workshop, she makes sure he's unbothered. The least he can do in return is try to cope.

Clouds cover the sky, turning the atmosphere a blank gray. Tony walks through the cemetery holding Maria in one arm, a bouquet of flowers in the other. Maria stays quiet, resting her head against his neck. Although she can be chatty when she wants to be, she also has Pepper's gift of comfortable silence. Tony thinks she's extremely intuitive about other people's emotions for her age. She never says anything, but she always seems to know when to talk and when to simply be with someone.

Tony has rehearsed what he's going to say a million times in his mind. He's not sure if he's going to have the courage to say the words aloud when he actually gets there.

He hasn't been to the grave since the funeral service, but he knows the route by heart. It's burned into his memory. When he sees the figure cleaning up the grave, he almost turns around and leaves. But in the second he hesitates, the figure turns around and looks at him.

"Tony?"

He prepares himself before forging forward. "Hi, May," he says, trying to sound like he's not on the edge of a panic attack. If Maria's comforting warmth and weight wasn't in his arms, he'd probably already be hyperventilating. Even so, his heart races and his left arm shakes.

May Parker stands. She's wearing mom jeans with rolled up cuffs, an eighties windbreaker, and converse. Her big, round glasses frame her face. "What are you doing here?" she asks.

Tony half-heartedly motions with the flowers. "I was in the neighborhood and decided to drop these off. Peter made the best coffee out of all the interns. I haven't had a good cup of joe in five years."

May smiles sadly. "That wasn't all he did for the internship, was it?"

Tony sets the flowers down on the newly cleaned grave, avoiding the question that really didn't sound like a question at all. "He was a bright kid. I liked him."

"I never really thanked you for that." May crosses her arms around her waist. "Peter really looked up to you. That internship - whatever it entailed - really brought the best out of him. He was never busier, but he was also never happier. I hadn't seen him smile as much as he did since his uncle died."

Tony Stark waves his hand. "It was my pleasure. Smart kids deserve an outlet for their...creativity."

"Who is this?" May asks, leaning down a little bit to look at Maria. "Hi," she says in baby voice.

"This is my daughter." Tony repositions Maria so that she's facing May. "Can you tell her your name?"

"Maria," the girl says, smiling. "Maria Stark."

May grins. "I bet you take after your dad, huh? Or are you more like Mom?"

Maria smiles shyly. Then she reaches her hand into her jacket pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper. "For you," she says, handing it to May.

The older woman seems surprised, but she accepts the gift. Tony, too, is surprised. He has no idea what Maria just gave her. May unfolds the paper to reveal another drawing of Spiderman. Her eyes tear up as she glances at Tony first, then at Maria.

"Did you draw this yourself?" she asks.

Maria nods. "Friend of Daddy," she says seriously.

Tony swallows. He had not been expecting this to happen. He tries to do damage control.

"She found Youtube on Mommy's tablet lately. Been watching a lot of videos. Her favorite are superhero ones. Wonder why."

May stares at the drawing. "Tony, I know." She looks up at him with raw eyes. "I saw the suit. I know Peter was the Spiderman."

Crap. Tony feels that panic clawing back up his throat. He doesn't know what to say. The truth? A lie? Make an excuse and walk away?

He remembers promising Pepper he'd try. He can't just give up now.

"I saw the early videos. Tracked him down, offered him a suit and gave him some advice. I put my head of security, Happy, on his case, made him check in every day. I told him to start small, stay local, help out the little people. I didn't want him hurt, but I couldn't talk him out of helping people. He had such a big heart."

May wipes a tear from under her eye. "I know. I couldn't stop him, either. I tried talking him out of it, but it would have made him so unhappy. When he saw something bad happening, he just had to help. He couldn't look away."

"I'm sorry," Tony confesses. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect him. Thanos was just too strong."

She nods. "Just tell me - did he go out fighting? Was he brave?"

Tony replies without hesitation. "Bravest man I've ever met. I even tried to send him back down to Earth and he still found a way to stow away."

"And did he - did he feel any pain?"

The moment is burned into Tony's mind forever. "Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good." Peter staggering towards him. Throwing his arms around him, clinging to him as if he's a life preserver in stormy seas. "I'm scared, I don't know what's happening. I don't want to go. Mr. Stark, I'm sorry…"

"No," Tony lies. "I was with him when he passed."

May covers her mouth with a hand. "What were his last words?"

Another lie. "He said to tell you that he loves you and not to worry."

Tears spill out over her cheeks. She wipes them away, trying to regain her composure. Watching her reaction, Tony knows he made the right decision to not tell her how scared Peter was. It would only make things worse for her.

"Thank you," she says, sniffling. "And thank you for coming by. I know that Peter would appreciate it if he knew." She looks at Maria. "And thank you for the lovely drawing."

Maria reaches out and touches May's face. "Don't be sad," she says.

May attempts a brave smile. She bades them farewell and walks back up the path towards the parking lot. Tony watches for a moment before turning back to the grave.

He sets Maria down on the grass and kneels in front of the grave. She takes a seat, staring at the letters she is just starting to learn how to read and write.

"Peter Parker," Tony reads aloud. "His name was Peter."

"Peter," Maria repeats.

"He was an extremely intelligent young man. More importantly, he had a big heart. That means he was very kind and helpful."

Maria nods wordlessly. Tony continues, "He had a rare gift, and he wanted to use it for good. He wanted to use it to help others. And he did. He died fighting the bad guys."

She reaches out and touches the stone. "Friend," she says.

"Yes. He was a dear friend." Tony stays for a minute more, debating over whether to say anything more. Then he scoops up Maria and hoists her back on his hip. "Ready to go back home now, princess?"

She smiles brightly. "Shoulders!" she demands. Tony swings her up on his shoulders, holding her ankles firmly but gently.

"And where would your highness like to go now?" he asks.

She points, her tiny hand shooting right past the side of his face. "To mom."

Tony can't help the smile that spreads on his face. "Of course. To the queen's palace I shall take you."

Pepper greets them at the door. She takes Maria from Tony's arms, kisses her on the cheek, then turns to him. "How did it go?"

"We ran into May Parker at the cemetery." He slides his shoes off. "It went better than I expected."

"That's good." Pepper takes his arm and gives him a kiss on the cheek too. "Feel any better?"

Tony thinks on the encounter. "A little bit, yeah," he admits.

"Even a little bit is a huge progress." Pepper smiles. "Baby steps, Tony."

He messes with the band on his watch, unable to look her in the eyes. "People, emotions - those are are hard. Give me a suit to fix any day."

"Well, I can't promise you a suit, but the washing machine was making weird noises this morning." She smirks at him. "I'm going to get princess ready for her dance lesson."

"Hey Mr. Stark! I'm calling to let you know that it was me who stopped the robbery on third and fifth. I mean, I figured you'd find out, but I might as well tell it to you firsthand. It was a bit of a close call for a few minutes, not gonna lie. The robbers had gotten their hands on alien tech and I wasn't prepared for it. But then I used a tactic I learned from an old movie…"

Tony stands at his window, listening to the voicemail play out. Today, though, he doesn't feel as sad. Today he smiles, listening to the boy prattle on about his latest adventures.

Last night, Tony had woken up in the middle of the night. He finally had put his finger on just why he felt so guilty and why he can't seem to shake those feelings. Identifying the problem is half of the solution.

Dr. Strange had said there was only one solution where they won. Then the sorcerer had contradicted his earlier statements about protecting the Time Stone with his life by saving Tony Stark. When Tony had asked why, Strange had said "We're in the endgame now."

Five years and Tony finally understands what the man was trying to say: Tony had to survive. Maybe they were never destined to defeat Thanos on that day. Maybe there's another way to reverse what happened. And according to Strange, Tony is the one who finds a way. That's why he had to survive.

When the voicemail ends, Tony dials another number. The person picks up on the third ring.

"Tony? What is it? Has something happened?"

"Bruce, what do you know about manipulating time?"

Tony may not have been able to protect Peter, but he's not ready to give up hope on bringing him back. And until Tony has Peter back in his arms, he has voicemails to remind him what he's fighting for.