Title: Hair
Author: perfectioninmypride
Summary: Hidan and Deidara butted heads from the moment they met. They had nothing in common… or so they thought… Rated for Hidan's swearing. ONESHOT
AN: A total crackfic that struck me in the middle of the night! My first fic featuring those darling Akatsuki XD Reviews = Love!
DISCLAIMER: If I owned it, Deidara wouldn't be dead :(
Hair
They had butted heads as soon as they'd met.
It didn't help that their first encounter had really been one big misunderstanding.
Pain had introduced Hidan to the rest of the Akatsuki in the usual way. Everything had gone smoothly, until he was introduced to Deidara.
The moment Hidan laid eyes on the blonde artist, he'd hit on him.
"Now you are one fucking gorgeous girl! I mean, your hair looks almost as good as mine!" he had said, leering at Deidara with what would have been a heart melting smile, if Deidara had in fact, been female. "How'd you like to get to know a true priest of Jashin?"
"I'm not a girl, un!" Deidara had immediately taken offense. Why did every single person in the world seem to think he was a girl? He was a man damn it! An incredibly masculine, not at all girly looking, man, who just happened to take very, very good care of his hair!
"You gotta be fucking kidding me!" Hidan had replied with a wide grin. "You sure you're not a really hot chick?"
To this, Deidara had only one thing to say:
"UUUGHHHHHH!"
After this most elegant speech, he'd promptly attempted to blow Hidan up. Lucky that the Jashin priest was immortal.
It had taken the rest of the Akatsuki a week to convince Hidan that yes, Deidara was a boy, no, they were not joking, and yes again, they were completely sure.
It was the start of a beautiful friendship… if beautiful friendship meant something completely different.
From then on, Pain had attempted to keep the two separate, as Hidan had this nasty habit of being blown up whenever him and his big mouth got too close to Deidara. Pain was getting a headache from Kakazu's constant complaining about medical equipment being too expensive.
Suffice to say, Hidan and Deidara did not get along. The two had absolutely nothing in common (besides some incredibly obvious similarities like both being male).
That is to say, until the day Hidan snapped.
It was beautiful, bright sunshiny morning at the Akatsuki base. Everything was calm, and all the Akatsuki members were taking a nice relaxing break.
Everyone except the silver haired man who was tearing through the base in a fury.
"Where the fuck is it?" he yelled. "Who the fuck took it?"
Pain, who had been enjoying a quiet cup of coffee with Konan, sighed. What on earth was Hidan looking for? He glanced over at Konan, who mouthed something at him.
Pain rolled his eyes. So that was what Hidan was looking for. He sighed. How someone could get so worked up over such a small thing was beyond him.
Hidan continued rampaging, hollering at everyone.
"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FUCKING SHAMPOO?"
Everyone looked up at him from whatever they'd been doing.
Itachi, who'd been staring out the window, rose one eyebrow, and turned away again. The man was having a fit over a missing bottle of shampoo. How mature.
Sasori, who'd been fixing one of his puppets, and Kisame, who'd been reading, turned to look at Hidan, and like Itachi, deemed the Jashinist's predicament too unimportant to focus on.
Deidara watched quietly, paused in the middle of sculpting a scorpion out of clay.
Zetsu and Tobi, thankfully, were outside enjoying the sunshine.
Kakazu glared at his partner.
"Shampoo?" he said, voice dripping with sarcasm."I'm sure it's absolutely vital you go into a fit and disrupt everyone because you can't find your precious shampoo."
Hidan returned Kakazu's glare.
"That shampoo is fucking amazing! It keeps my hair in perfect condition! I only use the best on my hair! How else do you think I keep it looking so fucking sexy and perfect all the time? Do you know how fucking hard it is to find? It's made by this little company in the Land of Iron out of the best-"
"It's $24 a bottle. You need cheaper shampoo." Kakazu interrupted, before returning to the tax statements he had been filing.
"Ah! You cheap bastard! It's not the price that matters, it's the fucking quality!" Hidan continued to rant about shampoo, without noticing Deidara quietly leave the room.
One by one, the Akatsuki members followed Deidara's example, slowly filing out. Hidan was oblivious, too concentrated on his shampoo rant.
"And another thing! That fucking shampoo is like my-Hey that fucking hurt?" Hidan was outraged. Someone had thrown an object at his head.
He looked up to see that the only other person in the room was Deidara.
"You bastard! I'm gonna kill you blondie!" he fumed. Deidara crossed his arms and indicated for Hidan to look down.
Hidan did and picked up whatever object had been chucked so accurately at his head. He held it and inspected it.
"This.. this is…" he said, surprisingly lost for words. In his hands was a small grey bottle with a picture of three wolves on it. He popped the cap and took a sniff, before looking at Deidara.
"Triple-Wolf-Mountain Lotus and Yuzu Scented Silk-Touch Conditioning Shampoo with Nashi extracts?" said the silver haired man in confusion.
"It's my last bottle. Take it and shut up un." said Deidara, before huffing and storming out of the room, leaving a speechless Hidan holding a bottle of $24 shampoo in his hand.
Hidan must have stood there in shock for 5 minutes or so, before snapping out of it. He looked down at the shampoo in his hand and smirked. No wonder Deidara's hair looked as good as his did.
He walked out of the room and headed towards the bathroom. It was time for some quality hair care.
Later, as he was rinsing the scented shampoo out of his gorgeous hair, Hidan wondered what brand of hair spray Deidara used.
His ponytail always did look utterly perfect.
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