Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel, yadda yadda yadda and if you think I do then could I interest you in some beachfront property in Munich?

A/N: Now Shay may decide to decline all knowledge about how this little one-shot came about, but it is TOTALLY her fault. There is little me, suffering through fasting before Easter, when she decides that what she really wants to do is torture me with mental images of Jensen covered in nothing but chocolate. Bad girl! It did however lead to this absolutely demented little DA one-shot, which involves you guessed it chocolate and of course the limitless powers of "the forces of fiction causality"! Duhn duhn duuuuhn. Whatever those are anyway, but it sounds cool. And the story is called Noir cause that is my favourite flavour of chocolate, 83 cocoa, totally yummy, especially when melted and poured over strawberries, or you know just eaten with a spoon.

Noir

Alec felt he made for a pitiful sight as he trudged up the last few stairs to his apartment. His clothes were clinging to him and the stuff, whatever it was, was slowly dripping out of his hair and down his face.
Muttering to himself, he pushed open his door and walked in, only to freeze when he saw that Max was inside waiting for him, lounging on the arm of his sofa, one leg already jiggling in impatience. He was in so much trouble.
"Aw, jeez, Max, I totally forgot about you." Oops, wrong thing to say. He cringed where he stood as he waited for typhoon Max to hit the shores of Alec-land and obliterate everything in sight.
When Max did nothing but stare at him for an interminable moment, Alec decided that maybe he should get his excuse out before she decided to go postal on his ass. His instinctive move to drag a hand through his hair, was aborted when that resulted in the sticky whatever it was to coat said hand and mire it in the strands of his hair.
"Man, the stuff's everywhere. You're never gonna believe it, Max. This totally demented chick just threw a bucket of it at me. Bounced right up to me in the street and WHAM! In your face. And I tried to blur out of the way, but it was like she knew where I was gonna be before I did, cause it hit me everywhere."
A quick glance at Max, showed a complete lack of response apart from sitting up and staring at him with a slightly intense expression so Alec continued to try and finish his explanation.
"And then she muttered something about loving the forces of fiction causality and she was looking at me like I was steak or something, and sort of drooling. And then this other chick pops up out of nowhere and drags her back by her ear! An ear, Max! She pats me on the shoulder, without getting any of the stuff on her I might add and tells me that I have to excuse Feebo cause she gets kinda crazy when lent is over. Kinda crazy? Try a lot crazy. I don't even know what this stuff is."
Alec stuttered to a halt, when he realised that Max had still failed to respond in any way, although her nose had started twitching as if she was trying not to laugh. At least she wasn't having a go at him for not being on time.
"Just give me a moment, Max, to get changed. I'll go and grab a shower and then-"
"NO!" Max was up ad by his side in a flash as Alec stopped in his tracks at her shout. It was with trepidation that he watched her come closer, eyes slightly glazed, gaze fixed on his neck.
"Uh, Max?" He swallowed heavily. "Are you in heat or something?" God, he hoped she wasn't, she would kick his ass to hell and back after.
"Mmmmm?" Max hummed, still staring at his neck, where Alec could now feel a glob of the stuff sliding into his collar. It was cold and sticky and just plain gloopy, so, despite of a strong suspicion that this might be a bad idea, he shrugged off his jacket and then pulled his shirt over his shoulders and head, taking a lot of the stuff with it as he went. Max's eyes were following his every move, still slightly glazed and doing nothing to allay Alec's suspicion that she might be in the first stages of hear, despite the fact that he couldn't smell anything. He was so lost in plans on where to stash Max securely so she could ride out her heat safely, that he almost jumped out of his skin when her hand ghosted over his neck.
"Uh, Max, are you okay? Feeling a little warm maybe? Dazed? Confused? Hot and bothered?"
Max continued to ignore him, instead bringing her gloop-covered hand to her mouth and delicately licking one finger. Alec stared at her in shock and no little revulsion.
"Ugh, Max, how can you even think -… That is disgusting, you don't even know what it-"
"Mmmm, chocolate." Max looked completely blessed out as she moved on to her other fingers.
"Chocolate?" Alec, repeated, stunned. The stuff smelt nothing like chocolate and anyway, chocolate was a solid and not a liquid and surely he would have know if somebody chose to dump chocolate on him. His train of thought derailed and went over the hedge and into the river, when Max chose to use his distraction by moving closer and going straight for the source, licking his chin free of a streak of chocolate stuck there.
He had to clear his throat twice, before he could speak without squeaking. "Max, what are you doing?" The infernal woman was still licking his neck, dainty little licks that Alec felt straight down to his toes. Honestly, she was trying his self-control, and only the respect he had for her held him back from taking what she was obviously unknowingly offering.
"Waste not, want not, Alec. You should try this, best chocolate sauce ever."
"Bit difficult, Maxie, seeing as you seem to be trying to get it all yourself."
Max took a step back, absently licking her fingers clean.
"Hmm, that's true. Well, we'll just have to share."
Scooping up a drizzle that had dripped on his shoulder, she lapped it up and then kissed him, tongue sliding across his tongue, sharing the bounty.
Alec almost went cross-eyed with delight as a million flavours exploded across his palate at once, of cream ad vanilla and cocoa. It was rich and smooth and just wow. And all this underscored by the taste of Max, always Max.
They were both more than a little dazed, chocolate long gone from their mouths, when they separated, unsure where to go from there.
Alec broke the silence first: "I should really go shower, get this stuff off me."
Max looked like she would protest a second time and then obviously thought better of the impulse, simply nodding, fiddling with her shirt. He could see that there were smudges of the sauce on her face, where his fingers had caressed her cheek and on her t-shirt from when he had pulled her closer into his body.
"Yeah, you should do that. Such a shame though, what a waste of chocolate."
She fidgeted some more and Alec entertained the idea that maybe, just maybe, she wanted to stay as much as he didn't want her to leave.
Suddenly he remembered the other thing. "Listen the blonde chick, the one that saved me from the demented one, she gave me something else, to make up for it she said. Didn't know what the first one was god for, but now –" He walked to his jacket and pulled out the two bottles he had been given, which he now knew held chocolate sauce in the one and spray cream in the other.
"Maybe you can help me find a use for it." His cocky smile was back, even as he tensely awaited her verdict. "Wanna share?"
Max's answering smile was blinding. "Now there's an offer I can't refuse. Why don't I help you get clean and then we can see what we can do with that gift."
The rest was laughter, sighs and chocolate.

The End

A/N2: You know originally I was gonna write on with some smut, but I am not very good at that, so I thought I would just leave it where it is, and let your imagination do the rest.