Preface

No internet for a couple of days and my Muse struck me again. It is not much, but I wanted to do something else to deal with my Twilight obsession. Right this moment, I do not even know whether this is in the book, but the movie has this little passage when Edward explains all the Cullens' special talents to Bella and she says to him: "I bet Alice saw me coming." He responds with: "Something like that." That made me think. How did her gift work in this instant?
Her visions are not absolute and obviously she didn't see Bella's face. If she had, she could have told Edward that first day in school that she was the one. It also appears that she didn't foresee that little "obstacle" of Bella being human. But she must have seen something. How exactly did that play out? That's what I wanted to explore. - Edward writes this letter the day Bella decides to move to Forks. I'm a little out of practice and I'm not sure that I captured everything exactly the way I wanted it. Hopefully, though, I was able to capture Edward's personality. Rob Pattinson's portrayal inspired this piece, as well as my own penchant for journal entries and love letters. - (Oh... and I haven't read the partial draft of Midnight Sun.) Enjoy!

My Love!

A little more than 17 years ago Alice pulled me aside to tell me that I would, indeed, have a mate one day. You know the saying that there is a lid to every pot? Alice has always believed that there is that special someone for everybody. A soulmate, that missing piece to the puzzle of your life to make it complete. I was 17 when I was changed. I didn't really know much about love and I was too young and carefree to have wasted any thought on that part of my future yet. Of course, I had a little bit of time since then to contemplate the concept of a soulmate. I had read all the great love stories in literature and I had studied spiritual writings. Last but not least I had some "living" examples in my own family. But despite all my research, I just could - and still cannot wrap my head around it. It just seems to me statistically speaking I am destined to remain alone. I mean, here I am - I have existed longer than the average human lifespan, but I have not found my "counterpart" yet. It's just not feasible.

What I had learned is that you cannot force it. Sure, Carlisle got lucky with Esme and Alice found Jasper, but when Carlisle tried to fill that void for me and changed Rosalie, it was soon evident to us that we did not have that special bond. Of course, Rosalie went on to find Emmett and thus changed the odds against me even more. Three perfect couples in one family seemed like much more than the average amount. On the other hand - who in their right mind would bet against Alice?

You see, Alice can "see" the future. Once somebody makes up their mind to do something, it becomes clear to Alice. It's a little bit more complicated than that, but that's the gist of it. I had to believe that there was something to Alice's vision. For seventeen years I have been on the lookout, because one thing I was
certain of: I would not change anybody just to maybe complete my unfinished puzzle. If there was indeed a mate for me, she would be wandering into my life complete. I have been working very hard on trying to redeem myself for all the horrors I have committed. For the most part, I loathe my existence and I certainly would not wish my life of condemnation on anybody. I am a monster. My soul, if I indeed have one, is lost. Whatever - however many - good things I do while I'm still in this world, if I were ever to leave it, I would certainly end up in purgatory. How could I wish this life on anybody?

You can see how Alice's vision confused me. She didn't know much more. She didn't know where you would come from or how and when you would enter my life. But today - seventeen years after that first vision, she saw you again. Well, she didn't really "see" you - her visions are hard to explain. Sometimes she sees actual pictures, other times it is just a "feeling" she gets. Only, feeling is not strong enough a word. She will just "know" something to be true. It is somewhat like a memory - only it hasn't happened yet - but in her mind it has. Does that make sense?

So today she told me that the time had come. Somehow your arrival seems imminent, because she saw me happy, happier than I've ever been. She said I had found what I'm looking for and that it would change my outlook on life as I know it completely. But she also saw me struggling and in great agony, physical as well as emotional. Once again, Alice's vision leaves me confused and in a state of turmoil.

Why am I writing you this letter, you ask? I suppose it's more like a journal entry, to help me process the information I was given. I find it is the only thing that helps me clear my mind and figure things out. But I wanted to put it into the form of a letter, so that one day I could show you how long I've waited for you. Because if Alice is right - and she always is - I need there to be no doubt in your mind that I am violently devoted to you. Whatever struggle will be going on around us, whatever the turmoil is Alice foresees, I want you to know that I will fight to get through it and to make our union as strong as the others in my family - or even stronger. I need you to know, that those statements will not be something that I "cooked up" in the moment, but that they truly come from the heart and precede any problems we may face. Who knows, maybe showing you this letter will even help prevent some of the struggle.

Alice's visions are subjective and they change, but I would never bet against her. Love, please hurry up and get here, because I have been longing for you for a very long time.

Until we finally meet I remain
Yours Faithfully
Edward