Have you ever feel that your life was so perfect that you just know that nothing could go wrong, but then something did happened and everything changes in a bad way? Do you know how it feels like to live such a lonely life?

I think that my life was pretty great. And again, was. Everything changes when the love of my life left me for no apparent reason, even though I love her and I'm pretty sure she loves me and we did promised each other that we'd never leave, yet she did.

When I was with her, I kept telling myself that I'm never going to be good enough for her and that she needs someone who is, but she always told me otherwise. Every day for the past year, she's always told me how beautiful I look that day and how lucky she is that I belong to her, and I kept telling her that I was the lucky one. Then we would end up smiling at each other with huge smiles on our faces and eyes full of love and adoration, like we were each other's most important person in the whole wide world. She was, my most important person, in fact I think that she still is. Because no matter how hard I try to forget about her and move on, I just couldn't.

Now her on the other hand, she seems to be just fine. She's pregnant now, with her boyfriend. I should be happy for her, I should, because I kept telling myself; if she's happy, I should be happy for her, but my mantra doesn't seem to be working.

Even though, my heart seems to hurt every time I'm awake, I ignore the feeling of someone squeezing my heart and just try to continue with my day. Key word: try. Like I've said before, she's the most important person in my life and I just hate myself even more everyday for letting her go.

I've tried talking to her, asking why she left me when she told me she'd never do that. Asking her if I was not good enough or did she fell out of love with me and in love with someone else instead. She never answered those questions, though. She ignored me most of the time, and although it just adds to my pain, I tried to brush it off and told myself that she was just busy at that time. She never even told me she was pregnant, I had to found out from Dianna. It was such an unpleasant feeling, to know your soulmate, your other half, had moved on with another man, starting a family and doing all those things we promised we'd do with each other sometime later in the future.

I haven't seen her in weeks because she's not on set anymore. We don't hang out like we used to, we don't talk like we used to. I know it may seem cheesy, but I can't live without her. Well I don't think I can go on another day knowing she's with someone else, knowing that there's a guy out there kissing her, hugging her, and doing things to her that I used to do.

My life since she walked out on me has been a spiraling mess. I am currently in a relationship with a man, who really doesn't give two fucks about me, against my will and my friends seem to all hate me. So again, do you know how it feels like to live such a lonely life? Who knew how much of an impact one person can do to your life.

I am writing this because I want whoever is reading this to tell Heather that even though these past couple of months without her has been a torturing hell, there wasn't really a time when I stopped loving her.

I want Heather to know that I'll always love her no matter what, whether she is pregnant and in love with someone else or if she hates me and doesn't want to see me ever again, and I want her to know that I'll always cherish the time we had together. All those memories I had with her will never be forgotten, like those times we used to spend in my bed just staring at each other and talking about anything and everything.

I can actually feel myself slipping away now. I know I don't have much time left. Sooner or later I will be non-existent and I don't really feel that sad about it, because it had been a great life I was living (it may be because of a certain blue-eyed blonde, who always managed to cheer me up in the mornings –and God knows I'm not a morning person).

I've told all my families that I love them and how much they mean to me, you know, just in case. I also want my friends (they know who they are) to know that even though they hate me, the feeling was never mutual and I still love them because they are like my second family, for that I am truly grateful. Dianna especially, who is like my second sister, thank you for never doubting me and always being there for me.

Just, thank you to everyone who has been a part of my life, because without you all, I would never be the person I am today. I love you all.

Love,

Naya

Ps: Heather, I'm sorry I won't be there for you anymore. I know I promised that I'll never leave you, but I did. There's nothing I can do about this though. Just know that whenever you're feeling sad or lonely, I'll be up there watching over you with the biggest smile on my face because you are and will always be the only love of my life, my soulmate, my other half, and even though we didn't end up with each other, we are somehow, in a way, meant to be. Keep that in mind, cupcake.

A/N: it's vague, I know. I was just in a heya mood and voila? oh and this is not a suicide. :-)