A/N: Hey, long time no see! I realize I haven't updated in a while, but that's because it's been a busy year. I thought senior year would be easier... what a joke. Anyway, I felt I should at least get something out for Christmas, so here it is. Since college applications are pretty much wrapped up, I think I'll be able to work some more on my other stories. I'll at least have some time over Christmas break. Which reminds me...
Merry Christmas! ... now go cry yer li'l eyeballs out.
Hospital for Souls
Part I:
Deathbed Gifts
White and red.
The two colors haunted Falco unceasingly for the past several years, but especially now in December. Everywhere he went, it was the same two colors. In a way, he was sick of them, but at the same time, he could not imagine a world without them. They had become a part of him.
At the moment, the falcon was trudging down a well-forested path covered in five or so inches of snow. His flight boots scrapped up little mounds of the stuff, the same boots he had worn when he was part of the Star Fox team. If he had a little more money, perhaps he would buy himself a new pair. Falco smirked as he stared down at his feet. Yeah, right. If I get more money, it ain't going towards a little pair of shoes.
Clasping his hands tighter around the bouquet of flowers he was carrying, he looked up in time to catch the last few branches of trees pass by him. Stepping out of the forest, his boots began to scrape against a more well-shoveled path that normally experienced a larger amount of traffic. The black asphalt beneath his feet was cleared of snow, but a certain sheen reflected by puddles of melted ice was still present.
It wasn't long before the trail lead him to his destination; Roswell County Hospital. Stopping in front of the road that lead to the main entrance, he sighed. There it was again.
The white and red.
His eyes immediately found their way to the crimson poppies in the sea of pale snow, then to the scarlet cross on the side of the white hospital building. And on the inside, Falco knew, he would find more of the same.
Shaking his head, Falco once again walked forwards to enter the hospital.
Stopping at room 118, Falco knocked on the door. He didn't even have to look up at the room number to know it was the right one. He could walk the same path blindfolded.
"Come in," a muffled voice replied.
Falco pushed the door open, then let it slowly close behind him. The bright hospital room was mostly bare. A large glass window was set in the wall opposite the door, and a bed ran along the wall adjacent to it. In the bed lay a small, white kitten whose fur matched the snow outside and the pure white of the hospital walls. But, whereas the snow and hospital were a cold sort of white, hers was warmer, like an angel's, Falco always said. Standing over the young cat was an otter nurse in the process of taking a blood sample.
Falco didn't even grimace at the sight of the syringe in the young girl's arm, nor at the small trickle of blood filling the tube. Once again, he was used to it. Still, his heart stung at the sight of the small cat experiencing the pain, and he couldn't help but give a sad smile.
The otter delicately removed the needle with the same care due to a baby and dabbed the small incision with gauze, quickly absorbing the excess blood. "Thank you, sweetie, you've been so brave through this."
"It's alright," the girl's quiet voice replied. "I don't mind."
Setting the syringe and gauze on a medical tray, the nurse stood up and went to leave the room. On her way out, she stopped to smile and nod at Falco, then slipped out the door.
Finally left alone with the girl, Falco sat down on the medical stool and slid it over to the cat's bedside, while at the same time expertly hiding the flowers beneath the bed.
"Falco!" the girl exclaimed with a gleeful smile across her mouth.
"How're you doing, Kitty?" Falco answered, resting an elbow on her bed.
Throwing the white hospital sheets off herself and crawling closer to Falco, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. A shiver went down Falco's spine; it couldn't have been more than a ghost that was hugging him, not with the strength left in those arms.
Falco carefully hugged back as she answered, "A lot better... now that you're here. I'm so glad you came! Can you visit Kitty more often?"
"Of course I can," Falco said as he drew back and ruffled up the fur on her head. "I'll be able to see you all through the week, and I'll spend the entire day with you. How's that sound?"
"Great!" but Kitty's smile fell into a worried frown. "But... don't you have to work anymore?"
"Oh, don't worry about it," Falco assured here as he leaned back and crossed his arms. "I've just dropped one job that took up too much time."
Falco's answer didn't alleviate her serious expression. He knew what was coming next.
"How much longer does Kitty live?" she said in a lowered voice.
Falco sat for a second, merely staring at the child.
Perhaps it had been a mistake to tell her in the first place. It was just one of those things that you avoid telling your kids for as long as possible, an innocence that had to be preserved. Never tell them about death, never tell them about the birds and the bees, never tell them that Santa doesn't exist. One day, eventually, they will find out. But Kitty never had that childhood innocence. Not when her mom was missing. Not when she lived in a hospital. Not when she saw her own blood on a daily basis.
Looking at her now, Falco's heart was once again wrenched. Kitty was small, even for a child of six. The hospital gown hung loosely from her weak frame, and her lily white fur did little to conceal the thinness of her arms. As an albino, her pure white coat was only broken by a pair of ruby eyes, yet another reminder of the pain and suffering that was ever-present. But all of that, when put together, added up to Kitty, and Kitty was still able to smile. How could something so frail, so near death, be beautiful?
Falco lied. "The doctors still don't know. It could be another month, it could be a few years. You could even get better." He smiled, rising from the medical stool to sit beside her on the bed. "That's the way it is sometimes. The doctors always assume the worst and give you a couple days to live, but days stretch into weeks, weeks turn into months, months into years, and before you know it, you're all better."
Kitty pulled her knees close to her chest and wrapped her arms around one of her pillows. "That's what you always say..."
I guess now's the perfect time to change the mood, Falco thought. Reaching down underneath the bed, he pulled out the bouquet of flowers and presented it to the girl. "Tadaa! For you."
Once again, the smile returned to Kitty's face, the same smile that had been his reason for living the past six years. Dropping her pillow, she eagerly accepted the bouquet and placed it between her knees, admiring the bright red colors and beautiful petals.
But, while the kitten's heart had risen, Falco's sank.
Red.
Why did I ever pick that damn color? he cursed himself. If it was actually up to him, he would have eagerly decorated the bouquet with the most exotic and brightest yellows, blues, purples, and oranges, without a single drop of red or white. He saw enough of that at the hospital on a frequent basis. But he couldn't help it. Red was her favorite color. It was by no means the only color she was ever exposed to; the multicolored feathers and fur of her visitor and nurses brought an array of different colors into her life, no matter how small. Perhaps it was her strange fascination with the color. I guess it's just another paradox, Falco mused. He would never understand how anyone could spend their entire life in a hospital and still find pleasure in that revolting color, but, somehow, Kitty managed to do it. Perhaps that was the difference between a child and an adult. Through all that pain, the small kitten was able to find something beautiful; she was able to make a heaven out of her hell.
Falco's train of thought was interrupted by a disappointed "Awww."
While Falco was lost in thought, Kitty had attempted to smell the flowers. Finding that they were scentless, she felt the petals and leaves with her paw only to confirm her theory.
"They're not real."
"What – what do you mean?"
"They're not real flowers. They're fake. They're plastic."
"But, they'll last longer!" Falco argued, confused. "These won't wither or die. I... I wanted you to have something that you could always look at and remember me by. They're better than real flowers."
"They're not the same," Kitty pouted. To Falco's relief, she was only playfully disappointed. "They don't smell like anything, and their petals aren't soft!"
"Well... what if I got you scented flowers that smelled nice, felt real, and lasted forever?"
"It's still not the same," Kitty said as she rotated the bouquet in her hands.
"But real flowers will eventually die," Falco pressed on.
"I know, but they're worth it. They're... there's something about..." It was at this moment that Kitty's six-year-old vocabulary failed her. "I don't know why they're better. But... fake ones are fake, and real ones are real. A flower isn't supposed to live forever. They... they just can't be pretty unless they're real. Unless they're able to... able to..."
Die, Falco finished inwardly.
As promised, the next time Falco came to visit, he brought her a bouquet of real flowers, once again an assortment of red. What else could he do?
Halting outside of room 118, Falco took a moment to lean against the wall and clear his head. Gripping the bouquet underneath his arm, he fished a check out of his pocket and stared at it in his hands. Am I making the right decision? Falco asked himself. He would never tell Kitty, but what remained of his life savings had gone into that check. The medical expenses were another problem, though no amount of money could save her at this point. The physicians were just at a loss. No, this was all of the extra money he had saved up for one last Christmas present.
He didn't care about his own future. Spending this much money would leave him completely broke; years in debt, even. He was making a gamble, a gamble based on a truth that never failed to bring tears to his eyes when it came to mind. The other secret he withheld from Kitty was the true amount of time the doctors had predicted she would live: only three more months in this icy hell.
While the doctors had made a little progress in understanding her disease, all they could do was estimate the day it would overtake her completely. In all likelihood, she would die sooner. It was now or never. He had to make her wishes come true, before it was too late.
After taking a deep breath, Falco pushed himself off the wall and knocked on the door. Kitty's quiet voice beckoned him in. Smiling sheepishly, Falco entered and handed her the new bouquet of flowers. Grasping them eagerly with her weak hands, Kitty drew them closer to her nose and sniffed with satisfaction. "See! I told you real flowers are better."
"Yeah, I guess you're right," Falco consented as he produced the check from his pocket and fidgeted with it. "Hey, uh, I've got another gift for you."
"Really!?" Kitty exclaimed, momentarily forgetting the flowers.
Falco smiled and handed her the check. Kitty accepted it, examining it from different angles.
"What is it?" she finally asked.
Falco blushed beneath his plumage; he should have known she wouldn't understand what a check was.
"It's a check," he explained, "for about eight thousand dollars."
"Huh?"
"It's a slip of paper that you can take to the bank and trade it in for money from my account. It's like paper bills, but you can write whatever amount you want on it."
"Wow..." Kitty murmured as she held the check more gingerly. "If that's the case, I've never seen so much money before!"
"It's all yours," Falco concluded.
"But... this is your money."
"No, I'm giving it to you. Think of it as an early Christmas present."
"But you've been working so hard to earn this! That's why you had so many jobs, isn't it?"
"Well, yeah – "
"Then I can't let you give it to me!" Kitty exclaimed. By the strain in her voice, the tremor in her hands, and the increased struggle for breath, Falco could tell she was getting dangerously excited.
To calm her down, he slowly sat down beside Kitty and put an arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer. "I know you feel that way, Kitty, but all the time I've been working, I've been saving it for you. I don't want any of it for myself."
"But..." Kitty began, in a quieter voice, "Won't you need it more than I do? Since... since you'll be here even when I'm not?"
"Don't you see, that's why I have to give you everything you want while we're still together!"
"But won't I go to heaven when I die?"
Falco halted, unable to predict the direction of her new line of thought.
"You told me heaven is a place where you have everything you want. Won't I have it all then?"
"But you'd... you'd..." Falco faltered, struggling to find the words. "You'd have to die first."
"Don't you want to go to heaven too?" Kitty asked.
"Of course, to be with you – "
"Then how come everyone's so afraid of dying?" she pressed on. "It doesn't seem that bad if you'll be so happy afterwards... if you get everything you want, and are able to see everyone you like. It's okay, I can wait to have everything."
And with that, she handed back the check.
At that moment, Falco was feeling pretty down for having messed up another gift. But when he saw the glimmer of happiness and love in Kitty's eyes, he knew that everything was still fine.
Of course you'll have everything you want, Falco thought. I just won't be there to share it with you.
The next week, Falco was surprised to find the girl seated by the window upon entering the hospital room. Hiding the new gift behind his back, he approached Kitty's side while following her gaze out the window.
It was a cold December afternoon, a cold that Falco felt seeping in through the windows. Though it was only 4:30, all of the scenery outside the window was nearly pitch black, only broken by the glowing golden lights of Roswell city. Falco lived in the city so he could be as close to Kitty as possible. He would be happy to sleep under the eaves of the hospital if the staff would let him.
At that moment, most of the town's citizens, civil servants, and booth operators were preparing for the Christmas Eve fair, probably the most momentous event of the year in Roswell. The streets flowed with joyous people stopping to taste hot cocoa, cookies, and candy canes at the various booths, do a little last-minute Christmas shopping, and enjoy some of the fair rides entertainers had set up. The Ferris wheel, the most noticeable of all the rides, rose above the majority of the buildings and stood like a sparkling, skeletal sun on the dark horizon.
Looking back at Kitty, Falco quickly understood the look of longing in her eyes, which reflected the glittering lights of the distant city. He would love to take her to the festival, but, in her frail condition, she couldn't make the trip. Her health simply wouldn't allow it.
"Hey, I got you another present," Falco spoke up, finally breaking the silence.
Kitty's mood immediately brightened, and she giggled. "Why so many presents?"
"Well, this time it's for Christmas."
Falco produced the gift from behind his back and held it in front of Kitty; this time he had bought her a blue morpho butterfly contained in a simple white cage.
Leaning forward in her chair, Kitty gasped and stared at the insect. The butterfly flew erratically about the cage for a minute, its metallic blue wings flashing in the incandescent light of the hospital room. Finally, it alighted on the side of the cage closest to Kitty and slowed down, opening and closing its wings a few times.
"Can I take it out?" Kitty asked, cocking her head and looking up at Falco.
He stuttered. "Um, well, I don't know if – "
"It'll be okay," Kitty reassured him. Before Falco could stop her, she had removed the top of the cage and was holding the butterfly in her gentle paws. Falco was surprised that the creature hadn't immediately flown away; instead, it was quite content to stare back at the strange girl holding it.
A determined look came across Kitty's face, and she bit her tongue in resolve. Placing the butterfly on top of its cage, she climbed back onto her chair and tried to open the window. Her frail arms trembled as she struggled to open the glass pane, but it was no use.
"Whoa, what are you trying to do, kitten?"
"I'm... letting him... go free!" Kitty panted.
"But you can't do that!" Falco exclaimed as he stood up and took a hold of her hands with his own.
"Why not?" Kitty whimpered.
"Because it will die if you let it go; it's too cold out there."
Kitty pouted and glanced back at the butterfly, sitting attentively on its cage. "But he wants to be free..."
"It'll live longer in it's cage. It's much better than immediately freezing out there in the cold."
Kitty had to think hard to form her next thought. "But... wouldn't he rather spend just a moment outside than weeks in his cage?"
Falco opened his mouth to respond to Kitty, but he suddenly froze. In that moment, a haunting realization dawned on him; the living and the soon to be dead both see life in different ways. For so many years he had never understood this fact; not even the Lost New Year's incident drove the concept home for him. But, now that it was staring him in the face once again, he had no choice but to accept it.
"You're sure you don't want to keep him?" he finally asked.
"Of course."
"Alright then," Falco sighed. "Let's set him free."
Once again, Kitty's spirits lifted, and the smile he was prepared to pay so dearly for returned to her face.
Falco set to work opening the window while Kitty coaxed the butterfly into her hands. Carefully lifting her up, Falco set Kitty back on the chair next to the open window, from which a freezing draft began to suck the warmth out of the room. Stretching her arms out into the dark, Kitty released the butterfly, which immediately fluttered into the frigid air.
As the draft cast a blanket of cold over the room, Falco held Kitty closer to his chest and wrapped his jacket around her. The two watched as the insect glided down into the patch of poinsettias and poppies at the base of the hospital wall, where it flew from flower to flower in search of food.
Once again, the look of longing in Kitty's eyes was unmistakable.
Part II:
Infinite Moment
Later that night, Falco once again found himself in front of room 118. Visiting hours had ended long ago, requiring the former mercenary to bring out his old infiltration skills to cautiously sneak through the hospital's halls.
Reaching for the doorknob, he slowly cracked the door open to let a beam of light pour into the dark room. Quietly slipping in, he closed the door behind himself, and stepped over to Kitty's bedside. Gently laying a hand on her shoulder, he whispered in her ear, "Kitty? Wake up."
Groggily sitting up, the albino cat rubbed her eyes and yawned. "Huh? You're not supposed to be here."
Falco shushed her and laid a plastic bag on the hospital bed. "Here, I brought you some warm clothes. I'll help you put them on."
As Kitty raised her arms for Falco to slip a sweater on over her hospital gown, her muffled voice asked, "Why? Am I going somewhere?"
Falco tugged the rest of the sweater down to her waist and reached for a winter coat. "Yeah, we're going to see the festival."
Squealing with joy, Kitty hopped up and down on her bed and clapped her paws together. "Really, Falco?! Am I really going?!"
Falco shushed her once again and lowered his own voice as he slipped the coat over her shoulders. "Of course. But you have to stay quiet; we don't want to get caught by the people at the hospital."
"Why not?" Kitty asked, lowering her own voice.
"Because they don't want you going outside," Falco whispered back, "It's bad for your health. But you have to go at least once, right?"
"Right!" Kitty exclaimed again.
Falco shushed her for the third time and raised a finger to his beak, only to have Kitty mimic him and raise a finger to her own lips, uncontrollably giggling.
The festival was everything Kitty had imagined.
Strands of golden lights were strung over the streets, between lampposts, and across the fronts of the numerous stores, more like rows of fireflies on a warm summer's night than anything else.
In the hours that followed, Falco made sure to visit as many stores, booths, and rides as the pair could. With Kitty seated atop his shoulders, she was able to see above the heads of the crowd and direct him to whatever destination she wanted to visit. At bakeries, confectioneries, and booths, they tasted an impossible amount of sweets ranging from gingerbread men to hot cocoa to peppermint sticks. At one clothing booth, Falco stopped and let Kitty choose a warm, fluffy hat and red-and-white scarf to add to her winter attire.
As the crowning event of their adventure, they road the Ferris wheel to the top of the city, from which they could survey the entirety of Roswell County; the glowing city below them, the residential area spotted with multicolored Christmas lights, the memorial bridge spanning the iced-over river on the west, and the distant white lights of the hospital on the other side of the forest to the east.
Tearing his gaze away from the scenery, Falco once again searched the expression on Kitty's face.
It was by far the happiest he had ever seen.
It must have been around midnight by the time Falco stood with Kitty seated on his shoulders at the edge of the city. Before them stretched the path that lead into the dark forest back to the hospital, the last leg of their little odyssey. The yellow lights of the city behind them cast the pair's shadow alongside those of the leafless trees.
It had been a joyous adventure, but now that was over. With a twinge of sorrow, Falco was awakened from the happy dream they shared together to the cold reality of what little future they had left.
Atop his shoulders, Kitty somehow felt lighter with each step he took. Maybe it was because Falco himself had more energy, a side effect of the brisk winter air and the bright, rushing lights of the festival. But he knew the real reason. Over the past several minutes, Kitty had gotten quieter and quieter. The knees that gripped his neck loosened, and she no longer sat up straight, instead resting her head atop Falco's. She was paying the price of an active night out.
For an indiscernible amount of time, the pair trudged on in silence along the wooded path. There was something somber and dark about the forest around them. It wasn't a frightening or even ominous darkness; it was a peaceful, quiet, restful darkness. The snow underneath his flight boots softly crunched while the trees created a canopy overhead with groping branches.
Finally, after a long period of dread, Falco heard Kitty whisper in a faint voice, "Falco... you can put me down now."
The distant lights of the hospital complex illuminated a thin cloud of swirling snow that still had yet to settle, in addition to casting ghostly shadows of trees across the white ground. In the faint light provided, Falco was able to make out a small overhang that created a dry bed beneath it, devoid of snow yet made soft by fallen leaves. Continuing on a few more steps, he sat down beneath the overhang and took Kitty from his shoulders. He nearly dropped her when he first lifted her, as she was as limp and lifeless as a rag doll. Lying down in the dry alcove, he pulled her tightly against himself and wrapped his coat around her. He felt the small creature in his arms slowly drain the warmth from his chest, a gift he would gladly give, as it would be one of the last.
Finally, her weak breath tickled his neck as she said, "Falco... can you tell me a story?"
"What about?" Falco returned in a voice as quiet as the falling snow.
"About your friends... and your ships... and how you flew through the stars... and fought off all the bad guys. Tell me one of those stories."
Falco's throat nearly choked before he answered. "Okay. You... you remember Slippy?"
"Was he the green one?"
"Yeah, the frog. The shortest, fattest, most loveable frog you've ever seen."
"I... I kinda forget..." Kitty's voice trailed off into the darkness.
"Slippy was the mechanic of the team, the one who repaired our ships after they got all banged up in a battle." At first, Falco was awkwardly struggling to find the right words, but, the more he talked and the more he reached down into his past, the more it came naturally to him. Searching amid the deep memories locked away in his mind seemed to awaken an ancient creature, a creature he had not run into for a long time. It raised its proud head, preened its feathers, and fanned its tail as it always did.
"He was always getting into trouble, that frog," Falco continued. "Me and Fox – you remember Fox?"
He thought he could make out a faint "yes", but he felt it whispered against his neck more than he heard it.
"Anyways, me and Fox were always saving his hide. We couldn't turn our backs for more than a second, or else poof! He'd suddenly have an enemy trailing him that he couldn't take care of himself. Why, it wasn't more than thirty seconds into our first mission on Corneria, when we heard, "Help! I can't shake this guy!" or something like that. Wait... what was I going tell you about again?"
He paused for a second, but Kitty didn't answer. The only reassurance Falco had that she was still with him was from the small amount of warmth she had left pressed against him, and the barely perceptible rise and fall of her chest.
Falco continued, unabated. "Oh, right, Titania. Anyway, it was a trend that continued for the rest of our missions. But he always persisted, even though he nearly got shot down, time after time. There was this one time in particular that was nearly the last straw for the rest of us, the crowning jewel of everything Slippy. Remember the giant robot I told you about? The one near the stars that looked like a big X? Well, right before we blew it up, Slippy plucks up the courage to attack it himself. Boy, what a dimwit. Needless to say, he lasted about two seconds. The robot batted hit him so hard he flew into a nearby planet, and me and the rest of the team were forced to go after him. Man, we were so pissed at him after that, but, what could we do? He was a friend."
Falco continued to ramble on, the words and story flowing naturally into the surrounding darkness. It became something more involuntary, like breathing, or the beat of a heart. In reality, he was afraid to stop. He was afraid that, at any minute, he would loose his train of thought and find a cold, lifeless form in his arms. It was inevitable. It could be minutes, seconds, or perhaps it had already happened. But in that moment, he was so scared of stopping and finding her gone that he just had to continue. He had to make the last few moments he had with Kitty stretch on. He would learn how to do it, to turn a moment into infinity. It was impossible, but he would do it.
And so he continued. "So, me, Fox, and good ol' Peppy, bless the old coot, had to go and save him. Now Titania you see wasn't the most ideal place to get lost at, especially for the people looking for you. For one, the amount of dust and sand clouding the airwaves and the ion storms rendering any form of communication impossible made it all the more difficult to find where the heck the little green guy was. To make things worse, Andross had his whole freakin' army there! At the time, we had no idea why, but latter we realized he had some sort of cloning facility there. Anyway, it was just pure chaos down there. And Fox was like, 'I'm gonna go all Rambo on there hides with my tank!' which is probably the stupidest idea I've ever heard. I told him to stick to the air, but he said, 'No, I've gotta use the tank.' Probably because he was disappointed he wouldn't be able to use it on Macbeth..."