Display Of Colour

Chapter 1: Thursday

She stared at image of herself in the mirror. Her fragile almost more white than golden hair was pulled on a tight bun in her neck and brought out the elegant side of her, a side she hadn't know was within her. Only her simple pearl earrings and the matching pearl necklace laying against the black fabric of her dress were whiter than her skin or her hair.
"That can't be me."

Her thoughts were clear but there was no denying it, she had changed even more than she cared to admit to herself. The image in the mirror reminded her of someone her parents and the rest of her family had wanted to see for so long. It was the image of a perfection. But it wasn't quite right. She pulled her lips into a crooked grin and reached for that sly shimmer that had used to fill her eyes once upon time.

"That's better." She thought again and stepped into the stilettos waiting in front of her. Quickly she rushed to the corridor and past the children's empty bedrooms. She reached the stairs and climbed them down carefully. Her eyes darted around the vestibule and reached his coat.

"He's home." She thought silently again and ran to his study with feathery steps. Through the ajar door she saw him sorting through the mail and stopping to gaze upon an envelope. A wave of jealousy rushed through her veins and she inhaled abruptly. Try as she might she could never quite get rid of this irrational fear she had of losing him, her bright beacon of light, her husband. Even after spending five years happily married to him, she feared that her past would come back to haunt her. And if that were to happen, he wouldn't be alone. She would stand next to him supporting him and ultimately stealing him away. It didn't matter what he said, it didn't matter that she finally knew he had accepted her, all of her and it didn't matter that she knew he loved her. Nothing mattered because deep down she knew this life of hers was too good to be true. She knew it, because everything she had was based on a lie.

"Samantha", she heard him call out her name with that soft almost mocking tone of his. But he wasn't mocking her or scolding her. He was teasing her attempt of hiding from him. He could feel her presence, he had said once and a part of her wanted to believe him.
"I can see you", he said inviting her in, "I know I'm late but I think we can make it to your sisters house if we leave now." She opened the door and sauntered into the room. She tilted her head just enough to remind him of a heroine in an old black and white movie they had watched together on the previous night. She reached for that seductive tone and failed miserably:
"Maybe I want to be late." He exhaled a hearty laugh.
"Samantha, you have been talking about this dinner for a week. I'm not going to let you miss some quality time with your sister without the rugrats. I know what's best for my sanity", he said shuffling the envelopes in his hands and hiding them in a drawer of his desk, "Besides."

That was all it took. Just one word from him to bring back those awful memories she had been trying to avoid all day. Seeing her mother fighting against the restraints like a mad animal at first only to give up and slumber under the influence of drugs. The inhumane, fragile creature in her vision wasn't her mother but a ghost of a person she had used to be. The death of Sami's stepfather, the true love of her mothers live had derailed the esteemed doctor Evans and after several attempts on her own life as well as on others, she had been finally stopped. Sami only visited her mother in the facility few times a year and each time it took days for her to forget what she had seen. She forced her eyes open and met his understanding and loving gaze and she wanted to drown herself in his warmth. He read the silent plea in her eyes and walked to her wrapping his strong arms around her and pulling her closer to his tall frame. Shivers ran up and down her spine as she had never quite got used to his touch. That brought up another emotion she hadn't felt that day. The overwhelming guilt almost ripped her apart as she carefully analysed his every move and word. She couldn't quite trust in him, in his love, not even now. He had walked out on her before, what would stop him from doing it again. Once again she could feel the softened edges of a carving, an old declaration of his love for her under her fingers without even touching the wood he had wounded years ago.

Alone with her doubts she pulled back and looked up into his eyes. She could see the quiet resignation on his face and she realised that deep down in his heart he all ready knew her secret even though he wasn't willing to admit it to her or to himself. Panic rose it's ugly head within her but she fought it and won, for now.
"Shall we?" She asked stepping back and giving him the space he needed only reaching out her hand and waiting. Of course he took it in his and nodded.
"Let's go", he said and walked her out of the room, out of the house he had built for her. She felt like he was leading her away from their home never intending to return.