Episode One

He awakened in the morgue of Pregnancy Hospital. He felt stupider than usual although he was still hideously ugly and his same ole wicked self. His hair was a puffy and grey, but he realized that there was nothing inside the skull below it. "My brain is missing!" he cried out as he jumped up off the metal slab in the morgue with anger seething inside him. "I decided to return from the dead like all those soap opera people do, only to find out that some jerk has STOLEN my brain."

He started searching around and found a large plastic bag that was sealed and had his name on it - CESAR FAISON. Without his brain, he was struggling to function, but he managed to pull out his clothing and dress himself. The song from the Wizard of Oz was haunting him at that moment - If I Only Had a Brain.

Suddenly he realized it wasn't just his brain he was missing. Where the hell was his lighter?! It was his favorite one! Someone TOOK his lighter. They must pay. He swore he'd make the thieves suffer - the ones who stole both his lighter and his ridiculously evil brain. First he would find Leisel O., his main squeeze. He was sure she could help him pull off his diabolical plot. He had to find Dr. O or maybe even Anna so he could harass her like a creepy stalker. He realized in that moment that he was thinking with his other head, the one that was big, hard, and throbbing. He had to find a woman soon!

~*~o~*~

Brad had babies on the brain. He had concocted a plan with a wicked woman. Her name was Janelle Benson (also known as Nelle). Everyone hated her, because she was such a nasty bitch, but Brad was a no-good bastard, so they got along just great.

"I need to make Michael love me, so I want to get pregnant ASAP," Nelle stated. "Brad, will you help make me pregnant?"

"Sorry, I don't swing that way," Brad replied. "I have a husband... or have you forgotten?"

"No, you idiot, I just need you to go into the hospital lab and steal me a cup of sperm!" Nelle commanded.

Brad stared at Nelle as the little wheels were turning in his ever-so-shady head. "I have an even better plan," he told Nelle with a grin.

~*~o~*~

She was so hungry! Her vagina was throbbing with excessive juices and she knew from experience the only thing that could ease that particular ache was fresh, hot, fertile sperm!

Elizabeth had a longing to get pregnant ASAP, but her fiancee had stated he didn't want to have any children, because he didn't want to pass on his evil DNA. She already had three wonderful boys, from three different daddies.

Cameron had came downstairs one day and all the sudden he was a teenager. Puberty had hit, so with one of her kids almost grown, Elizabeth's womb was aching to be filled up again.

*Whatever will I do?* she was thinking. *I want to have a baby so bad, but Franco doesn't want to knock me up like all the other guys did. I don't want to make him mad. Ohhhh I know, I will just go out and fuck a whole LOT of guys and then when I have a little bun baking in my oven, I will tell Franco I got pregnant by a sperm donor!*

Elizabeth got a pad and paper and started writing down a list of potential guys who might help her do the dirty deed. So far on her list she had written- Sonny Corinthos (because that guy was as fertile as FUCK), Coleman (because he always was practically BEGGING to get laid), Drew (because he was cute and hot, but ever-so-lonely after his break-up with Sam), and Griffin (just because he had a to-die-for sexy body).
She wasn't going to let the fact that Griffin was an ex-priest stand in her way.

Franco came up behind Elizabeth and stared down at her list. "What's that?"

"Ohhh nothing, honey. I am just...uhhhh ...thinking of people we could invite to our wedding," Elizabeth lied.

"Well, then don't forget my dad Scotty and Kevin, my shrink," Franco suggested.

"Sure, why not..." said Elizabeth as she added Scott and Kevin's names to her list. "Ooooo this is going to be so much FUN! I can't wait to get started!"

~*~o~*~

Sam and her cousin Kiki were having a girl's day out. "How's everything going, Kiki? Is that horrible Dr. Benshe still stalking you?" questioned Sam.

"YES!" Kiki gasped with annoyance. "He's been sending me pictures of his dick ALL day long!"

She showed Sam her phone. Sam viewed the photos that the creepy doc had sent to Kiki. "Ohhh my God!" Sam exclaimed. "It is so small and wrinkly!"

"His penis reminds me of shriveled up chicken drumstick, before it's been cooked! I mean, seriously, who sends out a picture of their puny, ugly dick? Griffin's is so much bigger and it's fun to fuck and suck!"

"WHAT?" Sam gasped. "What do you mean? Did you fuck Griffin, your mother's boyfriend?"

"Well, she fucked Morgan, so I guess we are even now. He said my vagina is cozy and tight."

"Ohhhh my God, Kiki, you didn't?!"

"Don't look so shocked. I heard you did the wild mamba with your mother's ex, the father of your own sister! It's not like your vagina hasn't been regularly plundered!"

Sam let out a little giggle. "Ohhh yeah, I had me some fun with naughty Ric, Sonny's brother. My mom walked in on us when we were humping and pumping. Boy, was she ever mad!"

"Do you have any dick pics of him?" Kiki asked eagerly.

"No, but I have some of Sonny...Jax... Jason...and Drew."

"What? You didn't snap a photo of Ric's dick?"

"Did you snap any of Griffin's? You said his cock was big and fun to fuck and suck," Sam reminded.

Not far away, behind a curtain, Dr. Benshe was listening and recording the conversation. He planned to use it later in a blackmail scheme to get Kiki into his bed. He let out an evil chuckle. He was certain with this delicate information, Kiki wouldn't want it getting out, so she'd spread her legs wide for him instead. Hell, he could probably use it to get Sam into bed as well.

*Two for the price of one!* thought the perverted doctor.

~*~o~*~

Drew was at Pregnancy Hospital, about to get his infusion. Kim, his ex was beside him, holding his hand. "Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked. "Oscar and I would be devastated if anything happened..."

Drew cut her off. "Why? Is there something about my past that you don't want me to know?" Drew asked her suspiciously.

"No...NO...of course not!" Kim insisted. "I am just worried about you. That's ALL."

Drew shook his head. He knew she was lying. Kim looked as though she was horrified of the truth getting out. Whatever the truth might be, he would soon be finding out. Then all the secrets would be exposed.

"Dr. Collins, inject me with the infusion so I can get my memories back," Drew instructed.

Kevin picked up a really huge syringe and rammed it deep into Drew's brain stem. Drew screamed out in terrible pain which seemed to excite the doctor. Dr. Collins was ramming the sharp needle in and out of Drew's flesh relentlessly.

"Ohhh God, Kim... do something to help me with... the pain..." Drew said while in agony.

"Would a blow job be of any help?" Kim offered.

~*~o~*~

In a sleazy little cabin in the woods, Dr O and her niece Nina were torturing their captive. Dr, O rubbed ben-gay on his nuts while Nina filed and painted his nails. "Stop! Ohhh please. It hurts," Peter whined.

Leisel whipped out a man-sized diaper. "Hold still," she hissed as worked the diaper under Peter's hips. "I am so tired of cleaning PEE and POOP off this bed!"

"I tried to hold it in - honestly, I swear! I kept it in as long as possible, fearing I may explode. And finally... I did," Peter spoke with shame.

"Stop talking," Dr.O insisted as she was trying to close the tabs on the giant diaper. Unfortunately, Peter's penis was too big and she wasn't able to properly close the extra-large Pamper.

"Nina, run and get me the hammer," Leisel said, an evil gleam in her eyes.