Could a simple word really change something so unbearable? Could a simple smile make a life a little happier? I'm not sure. My heart breaks into a million pieces when you tell me not to cry.
"Please don't be sad."
That's a promise that I could never make. It's all too hard. All too much to bear.
Please leave me alone for a moment to think. To speak to myself. To hold my knees to my chest and do the one thing that I know I will do. Leave me alone so that the tears can fall in peace. So that you won't see my bloodshot eyes, the terror and pain frozen on my face.
Please leave me alone so that I may remind myself that I am worthless. No one could ever love me, not again.
The ring slips from my finger as I allow myself to wallow in my own sorrow.
A lie had thrown me off guard. His lies of love, of a life together. Even the engagement meant nothing. It was stupid of him to have ever proposed. It was stupid of me to have ever thought this could be real.
But all I can do now is remember how it felt to have him hold me. To have him whisper to me. Because it was true love to me. Even if he never felt the same.
I wish I could change his mind, turn back time somehow and erase everything. Maybe I could have avoided him completely. But you and I both know that this will never happen.
This is the second time that I will be alone. The second time that I will fall to pieces for a man that I was so in love with.
It's stupid of me to ever think that anything could work right for me.
Nothing is ever perfect and nothing lasts forever.
But you were perfect. You were absolutely perfect.
The final "Aishiteru" escapes my lips as I cry, watching him walk away. I know this had to have been difficult for him as well as for me, and I saw this coming. I knew it would happen eventually.
Nothing can be happy when it enters my life.
Maybe I should have proposed an open relationship, but would he have accepted it? Probably not... I feel as though I mean nothing to him now, and I'm beginning to wonder if I ever did.
It's just another night that I will cry myself to sleep thinking about what could have been. I will look beside me and miss the man whom I used to be able to hold so close.
He has chosen the other man, and it breaks my heart to know that he could never love me as much as he loves him.
Ludwig... I love you, and I always will.
He says that he loves me as well, but that this isn't working. He says the he could never handle being married. Never.
And so I will cry, and I will cry some more. He said he couldn't think of any other options and that this was for the best. And I know, deep within this heart of mine, that what he says is the truth.
I'm sorry for making this so difficult for you. I wish that things could have been different. I wish that I could fix this all. But I know that I can't.
All that I can do is all that I could ever do. I can love you. Ludwig, I love you. And nothing will ever change that. Not time, not fate, not the end of the world could change my feelings for you. Not even when you tell me that you don't love me. Not even then will I be able to stop loving you.
He takes the final steps out of my life and I can't see him anymore. I drop to my knees on the ground and cry into my shaking hands, but I know that if he is happy, then I will be too. Because I love him more than anything.
Because I love him more than I love life.
Because he was the one man in the world who ever made me smile the way that I did.
He was perfect, but I was not.