Peachy
By Simahoyo
(Jane wakes up to discover she is in bed with Maura, and her clothes are on the floor. She can't remember last night. Obviously Rizziles. Title is an oblique reference to a certain Aussie Movie. If you have food allergies, this will be extra fun for you.)
Jane suddenly opened her eyes. The room was light, and she noticed it was Maura's room. She
was in Maura's bed, under the covers, but something seemed off. She opened the covers, then pulled them closed again when she noticed she was nude. Yikes! She slowly turned her head to the right. Maura was sound asleep next to her.
"What the Hell?", she thought. She took another peek at Maura, and noticed a bare arm and shoulder flung over the covers. "NO!", she thought. She turned to the left and noticed a pile of her clothes on the floor, and Maura's neatly folded on a chair. She also noticed that her head ached.
Jane was reaching for her clothes when she felt Maura moving. Her stomach lurched for more than one reason. Her memory of the night before was a blank.
Maura leaned on one elbow, looking puzzled.
"Why are you in my bed?"
"I don't remember. Do you?"
"No", as Maura moved the covers down she looked curious. "I seem to be undressed.."
"Great, just great. So am I."
Maura's face paled. "Uh oh. This calls for a dispassionate examination of the evidence."
She smelled her fingers. "Well, I know what I did. I'm sorry."
Jane jumped a little, still under the covers She smelled her own fingers. Proof positive.
"Oh my God. We both did."
"Ummm, now what do we do?"
Jane pulled clothing to herself and started to dress under the covers. At the bottom of the pile was her cell phone, with a text message on it.
"I found Maura's car. How much did U 2 have to drink? I'm not speaking to either of U"
The text was from Tommy.
She showed Maura. Maura had that puzzled look again.
"Tommy is mad because we embarrassed him? We obviously got very drunk. Would you please hand me my clothes?"
"But you almost never get drunk. And I try not to, especially if one of us is driving. The only time
I forget what happened is if...oh God, I must have had tequila. Why the hell didn't I check what was in my drink?" And Jane handed over Maura's clothing.
As Maura dressed, she mused." I don't seem to have a bad reaction to what I drink as much as what I eat. Food allergies, you know. And , oh, I wonder if... I somehow..no,...I would never be that careless. I know what it does to me."
Jane turned to glare at Maura."What does what to you?"
Maura's voice was small, as her face turned pink. "Peaches, and nectarines and apricots."
"Do what to you, Maura?"
"Increase my libido, and decrease my inhibitions." Maura pulled the covers over her head.
"If I had any idea where we went, I would call and apologize, because I'm pretty sure we left a trail of unhappy people."
From under the covers, Maura added..."I'm certain I did at least."
"Are you dressed yet? Because I think if you text Tommy to ask where your car is, we could find out where we went and who we offended."
Maura's head re-appeared. "If you weren't so modest... The hell with it." She popped up and drew on her turtle neck. "That's hard to do under there."
Jane suppressed a giggle. "Your hair is messed up. That's a first."
Maura was searching for her cell phone, found it, and started to text.
"What are you texting?"
"Thks T, where is car? Where were we? What did we do?"
The answer was immediate. "Car in front of Riley's. They remember U! Ejits!"
Maura showed Jane the text.
"We went to Riley's. Apparently made an impression. What is Ejits?"
"It's Irish slang for monumentally stupid. It means we are both idiots times 10."
"And that is coming from my screw up brother? We must have really done it. What time is it?"
Maura leaned over and looked at her clock. "Noon."
"I'll drive us over there, and you can get your car."
"And make our apologies."
"Yes. That too."
By the time they found Maura's car, there was a ticket on the windshield. They left it there after parking Jane's car, and walked into Riley's. The bartender looked up and scowled.
"You! You're not allowed back here. I told you that last night."
Maura looked at the floor, took a breath, blew it out...
"We came to say how sorry we are for what we did."
Jane chimed in quickly, "Yes. Both of us. Really sorry."
"You don't even remember, do you?" he asked.
Maura hung her head. Jane felt her face getting hot.
"Uhhhh, too much alcohol. Care to help us out?" Jane couldn't risk letting Maura try to lie their way out of it, and the truth sounded idiotic.
He pointed at Maura, "You couldn't keep your hands off me–and my wife is really mad..You", he pointed at Jane, "couldn't keep your hands off her. You are both sick women." He turned toward the swinging door. "Millie. Come in here."
A short, dark-haired woman with a waitress uniform on came in. She took one look at Maura, and glared. "You dare to come back in here?"
Maura, to her credit, slowly walked over to Millie.
"I'm so sorry about what I did. I was, ummm, under the influence, and I promise never to come in here again."
After a few minutes, Millie spoke. "Seeing as how you said you're sorry, I'll forgive you if you promise to stay away from here."
"I do."
Jane knew it was her turn. "Tequila and I don't get along very well. I really am sorry I was a jerk. And I promise to stay out too."
When they had returned to Maura's home, they conferred again.
"So, I guess we both need to find out what we did to Tommy."
Jane rolled her eyes. "After all the embarrassing crap he's done to me? No way."
"You don't know what we did. There could have been property damage or...something."
"Then you text him. I won't do it." Jane crossed her arms, daring Maura to make her behave.
"Honestly, the things I'm learning about family dynamics from you."
Maura took out her cell phone and texted. In a few seconds she smiled and called Tommy.
"Hi Tommy. I really am sorry for last night. I don't remember anything, but if it was enough to
rate as an Ejit, I'm truly sorry. Oh, and thank you for finding my car. Did you bring us home last night?"
Jane watched closely. Sometimes Maura's face was on open book. This was not one of those times. After a few minutes, Maura took a deep breath, and said, "Jane wants to talk to you."
Jane frowned, and waved her arms at Maura, shaking her head. Somehow the phone landed in her hands. Glaring, she picked up the phone.
"Hi Tommy. What exactly happened last night? I kinda don't remember any of it."
Tommy's voice was loud with anger.
"God Janie, I'm glad you don't have to remember. Next time you get that drunk, don't try to undress each other on the street while I'm trying to shove you in my car."
"You're exaggerating?"
"I wish."
"You got an abandoned mine I could hide in?"
"Better yet, if you do it again, I'm sending Ma to drive you home."
"Yeah, and I'll hear all about what a Brutta Figura I am. Guess I was last night, huh?"
"Shkeef, actually. At least neither of you tossed your cookies.."
"So, thanks for getting us home, and finding Maura's car. And all that."
Jane hung up, feeling small and a little dirty. She wrapped her arms around her legs, eyes down. The last thing she wanted to be was a Brutta Figura. This was a moment of shame. And now, oh hell, she was crying. Could it get any worse? Maura had gone to take a shower, so Jane just sat there, feeling stupid and alone.
After a minute, Jane wiped her eyes. Maybe after a shower, she would feel cleaner. She was an Ejit, she guessed. When Maura came back in, Jane looked away from her. Maura really could read her.
"Any hot water left?"
"Lots. I washed your clothes from last week, and I put them on my bed. What would you like to eat?"
Jane thought about it, and shrugged. "I dunno. Whatever you have, I guess."
The hot water helped. Being clean, washing off the feeling of being covered with something awful, and helping Jane think. There was the one big thing they still hadn't talked about.
Jane wondered if Maura was holding back. They'd had some monumental fights in the past, but Maura was really forgiving–eventually. But would this be the one final time?
Jane turned off the water, dried herself off and got dressed. She tossed her hair into an elastic, and wandered into the kitchen. Maura was making an omelet. She could actually make them right, and Jane loved to watch. Maura moved the egg mixture around the pan, tossed it into the air and caught it just right, then added the filling, folding it perfectly. She put half on each of two plates and added a salad. They sat down and ate without a word.
"This a really good, Maur' thanks."
"My pleasure." Maura waited, then looked at Jane with that serious look she often got.
"What?"
"How do you feel about last night?"
"I feel like I should never drink again. I feel like an out of control teenager."
"That's not what I mean. We had sexual intercourse. How do you feel about it?"
"God, Maura, tell me what you really think."
"I'm sorry I don't remember. It was probably nice."
Jane sat back. This was unexpected.
"I though you were straight."
"I am. What's that got to do with it?"
"In case you haven't noticed, we are both women. Straight women don't, well, you know.." Jane felt her face heat up.
"I have a theory. If homosexual is one end of a spectrum, and heterosexual is the other, wouldn't there be a middle someplace? And if there is a middle, wouldn't there be a place for less than 50%? Please, Jane, why are you so frightened of the, "L" word?"
"Lesbian?"
"No, love. As in I love you and I have for a long time."
"I though you loved me like a friend. Just like that."
"I did, but it grew." Maura illustrated by putting both hands close together, then pulling them apart. "And now..."and her hands were at arm's length.
"You love me?"
Maura nodded like an eager kid.
"But I've been mean and hot tempered, and bossy and..."
As Jane spoke, Maura got up, and placed her fingers on Jane's mouth.
"Stop talking about Jane Rizzoli like that. She means a lot to me."
Then Maura leaned over and kissed Jane on the lips. All doubt was gone. This felt right and Jane didn't care about anything else. Maura took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom.