Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy The Vampire Slayer or any of the characters and/or situations brought to life (or unlife) by Joss Whedon in said show.
Rating: I've rated this story R because of its explicit sexual references towards the end.
Author's Note: This is my first fanfic, so don't be too hard on me in your reviews…
***********************************************************************
Who do you think would emerge victorious if the most evil and treacherous villains the Buffyverse has known decided to go at it in a royal rumble?
Here's my vision of the story…
NOTE: Each baddy appears as they were at the end of
the season in which they were the "big bad", because frankly, there wouldn't be
much of a contest if they were fighting in their current state, now would they?
Without further adieu, here are our contestants:
the Master
Spike
Druscilla
Angelus
Faith
the Mayor (in snake form)
Adam
Glory
the geek trio
Uber Willow
All right, this battle is going to be pretty intense. Everyone realizes a general
melee would be suicide and decide to form fast alliances. Spike, Dru and Angelus decide to relive the "good old
days" and team up. Faith and the Mayor do the same thing. The Master strikes
a deal with Glory to form an alliance; in exchange for his loyal servitude,
Glory will grant the Master rulership over a dominion
once she has acquired Earth. Finally, the geeks team up with Adam, because as
they say, robots are cool. Willow
has absolutely no desire of allying herself with anyone and still has Tara's
death on her conscience. Since she doesn't want to be robbed of her vengeance,
she strikes the geek trio dead with but a wave of her hand. Adam, who is quite
unhappy with having lost potential allies, fires a volley of missiles towards Willow
who dodges them easily. However, the Mayor is so freaking huge in snake form
that he manages to get hit by a stray shot. Furious, he swallows Adam whole. A
demon's digestive acid proves to be more than Adam's frame can handle, so he is
left to slowly dissolve in the Mayor's stomach.
Meanwhile, Spike, Dru and Angelus decide to strike
down the Master for the good and simple reason they consider him to be too weak
to take any further the evolution of vampires. The Master calls Glory for help,
but Glory has a more ingenious plan. She decides to leave her newfound
companion as cannon fodder to the vampires to instead face Willow;
her only opponent that is powerful enough to stop her. At least she considers
her more powerful than a group of vampires. Against three definitely above-average
vampires, the Master meets his demise fairly quick. Faith takes advantage of
the vampires' feasting on the Master to sneak by quietly and stake Dru, because she wants to have Angelus for herself. Seeing
his beloved get dusted, Spike enters a berserker rage and jumps on Faith, while
Angelus laughs of the whole situation and continues sucking the Master dry. Spike,
being blinded by rage and all, has lost a great deal of finesse in his attacks (who
could be described as trying to rip open Faith's neck with his fangs) and so
finishes his existence at the end of Faith's stake.
Going over to Glory's and Willow's
side, the conflict soon grows into a fantastic battle. Rays of energy, fire and
electricity are fired from everywhere and crash against purple and acid yellow
shields. But, unfortunately for Glory, Ben manifests himself for a couple of
seconds; more than enough time for Willow
to say "Bye bye Ben…" and to disintegrate
him, killing Glory at the same time.
Unfortunately, the big snake of a Mayor not far behind realizes that Adam was
more of a hors-d'oeuvre than anything else and decides to go for the main
course. He swallows Willow
whole, taking advantage of the fact she has just let an exhausting battle
against Glory. Willow tries to last the demon's digestive acid for a while, but
a demon's digestive acid is one of the most powerful solvents in this dimension
or any other, so she is fighting a uphill battle to say the least. Willow
soon faces the fact she is losing and can't seem to find a way to emerge on top
victorious. Knowing she will die, she tries to make the most damage before that
happens. She uses her last ounces of energy to fission Adam's uranium core, provoking
nothing short of a nuclear detonation inside the Mayor's body, disintegrating
herself in the process. Fortunately, demon hide is one of the toughest things
in this dimension or any other, so the explosion is contained within the
Mayor's body. The sad thing is even demons need internal organs to live and the
nuclear blast kind of liquefied them (at the very least). So a colossal
lifeless husk that used to be the Mayor collapses on the floor.
Faith and Angelus see that. (hear that and feel that,
have you seen the size of the bloody thing?!?) They look each other in the eyes
for a good minute, hoping one of the two will crack down and make a stupid move
the other will exploit. All this time, only winks and half-grins are seen in
their eyes, as it is clear sexual tension between the two is rising. Faith finally
breaks the silence and says "So the Mayor's dead huh? Well shit... On the
other hand I inherit all his fortune..." Angelus answers with an evil grin
on his face "So you really want to do this?" Faith smiles and taunts
him "Bring it on, tough boy!" And the two start
making wild love, practically ripping each other's clothes off. Just after Faith
comes and Angelus is on the verge of coming, Faith stakes him. She gets back up
on her feet, gets dressed and looks at the pile of ashes that remains of Angelus
with disdain. "You may be a good fuck and I may have fallen from grace,
but I'm still a Slayer, you moron..." she says, walking away, having had
what she wanted.
Faith wins.