I Hate That You're Always On My Mind

It's okay if I forget.

A touch to his cheek

Maybe we'll never see each other again.

The warmth of her hand. So soft, melting into his skin with a molten touch.

But this may be the only way that you won't be hurt. Don't be hurt because of me. Don't suffer in pain because of me.

The smell of her—intoxicating—a drug to his weak, submissive addiction.

I'm glad to have met you—to know you better than I already do. It makes me so happy to talk to you, laugh with you, smile with you. There would probably be nothing in the world that makes me happier. Even when I forget everything, I will never experience this same feeling.

Don't go. Stay here.

It's fine with me if this place will disappear with my memories. If the things that I have seen make will be gone from my mind, it's okay. I will simply be forgotten, after all.

That won't be true. I'll remember you.

That smile of hers—so electrifying. But it tears his heart apart to see that it so sad.

Then it will be fine. All I need is for you to remember me. That is good enough.

But it won't be enough.

Good bye, Lord Zuko.

But I need you.

Those were the words that he should have said. Those resisting sentences might have forced his bride to stay here. There would be no questioning the demands of Fire God. He would burn anyone who did. Xiaozhi should have understood that especially, being his mortal bride and all.

"Very well," he had said, turning away from the young girl's touch. "If you wish to go back to your village then that will be fine with me."

And like the arrogant fool he was, Zuko let her go. It was only when he saw her drink the potion that would make her forget, he regretted everything.

The Fire Lord sat in his quarters, simply drawing out of boredom. But in that quiet task, he found himself in a burning rage. It took him great strength to resist the temptation to burn the brush he held, let it bring flames to the paper, the table, and then the whole room.

He drew a complicated drawing, purposely making it difficult. Zuko concentrated on every single detail. One mistake, and an angry beastly Fire Lord would break out of his carefully made cage. The ink-dipped brush glided across the delicate paper, giving birth to a pond of lotus. The picture formed and morphed, suddenly turning into the exact mirror image of the lotus pond that resided at the Far East end of his kingdom.

Zuko mutely heard footsteps enter his open doors. When a shadow engulfed him, he ignored that too, hoping in vain that the visitor would understand and walk away. But it was Advisor Iroh. The persistence of the visitor practically screamed out to Zuko, Iroh is here.

"Why," the elderly advisor rumbled, "That is a very beautiful painting that you have created, Fire God Zuko. If I am not mistaken, it looks very much like the Lotus Spring east of the Fire Country."

"Yes," Zuko replied. "It is."

"I must say, you took very much care of the art. A beautiful painting indeed."

"Yes," Go away.

"And might I add," Iroh continued, deliberately disregarding the Fire Lord's tone. "The girl in the picture resembles Lady Xiaozhi very much. Although, I cannot imagine her bathing in such a place."

"Wha-?" Zuko looked down at his brush, realizing that his head had been somewhere else at the moment. The advisor was right. Zuko thoughtlessly drew Xiaozhi in the picture, with her bare back only showing as her head turned for a dreamy, seductive look. Bathing of all things.

With a frustrated cry, Zuko threw the table to the wall. Ink spewed across the wooden floors. The smell of burning wood rose to the air as his flaming hand thrust a slight stream of fire at the broken table. He abruptly stood. Zuko's breath became hot steam as smoke rose from his lips.

Iroh, who stood beside Zuko, sighed and waved a hand to extinguish the flames before they touched the wall. The other hand rested on the Fire Lord's shoulder.

"Is everything all right, my lord?"

"What a stupid question to ask," growled Zuko, glaring at Iroh's dazed face. "Of course I'm not alright! Not with everyone mentioning the girl at every day, every hour, every second! Everywhere! I hear her name. No matter where I go! What the hell do I have to do to get some peace around here?!"

"May I ask why you are so upset with the mentioning of Lady Xiaozhi?"

"Because!" Zuko exclaimed, waiting for a string of reasons to come forward. "Because…"

But there were none.

"Could it be that you did not wish for her to go back to the human world?"

Zuko turned away. Now came the hard part: denying.

"Not at all. She had to go back to her village. I'm happy to get rid of her. Xiaozhi was only a distraction."

"You are lying, Lord Zuko." Iroh smiled.

"How would you know that?" Zuko snapped and he jerked away from the hand on his shoulder. Damn old coot, always thinking that he knew everything.

"Your voice," the advisor grinned, "You are in love with her."

"Ha!" the Fire God scoffed, "In love? With her? Ridiculous. She was only sacrificed as a bride to me. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm glad she's gone."

Iroh sighed, the smile disappearing and replaced with a disturbed frown. "There you go lying again. It's not good to deny your emotions. It would only create turmoil in your heart. You will not digest well, I tell you."

"Who are you to tell me that?" the heat in the room was suddenly rising. Becoming hot from his anger, his frustration, his regret. Zuko was ready to burn everything. It was the only thing that he looked forward to. Better than telling Iroh everything that was bothering him, like a crying tiger cub.

"You think that I have not noticed the changes?" an aged eyebrow rose. "Ever since Lady Xiaozhi entered your life, your heart has become lighter. The air in the Fire Country has become clearer and more breathable. The aura around you is not as threatening as it once was. You are not as short-tempered as you once were. You have learned restraint from Lady Xiaozhi."

Memories surfaced to the Fire God's mind.

"What is wrong with you?" the young girl's hair whipped around her body as she turned to glare at Zuko with opaque eyes.

"'Wrong with me'? What's wrong with you?" the Fire God retorted. "How dare you disrespect me with such impudence!"

"I have seriously never met such a spoiled, unforgiving god such as you!" Xiaozhi screamed, her hair moved with an angry wind making her look like a witch with frightening power. "All that girl did was spill some tea on me. You didn't have to threaten her with your fire."

"My servants can never be that clumsy. What use will they be if they spill everything all over the place? I don't get it! Why are you so mad? I'm the only one who has the right to be angry! You didn't even show up for dinner. What makes you think you have the right to deny an invitation from the Fire God? Would you like me to starve you?"

The glaring opaque eyes suddenly grew wide. Zuko almost smirked in satisfaction. The surprise from her was surely a sign that he had won.

"Spoiled…" an incoherent mumble stumbled from her lips. Suddenly she stomped towards him. Her hair flew behind her and glided at the same angry pace as she did. The human girl was suddenly just an inch away from his face. Her dark eyes were stormy. Zuko was so stunned by the suddenly intrusion of his space that he couldn't even find the time to become overcome with rage.

"How do you expect anyone to respect you with that attitude?" she hissed. "Learn to restrain yourself; learn to forgive other's mistakes."

Her breath grazed his lips. The growing anger within was the only thing that kept him from being hopelessly speechless. "Why should I do that?"

"Then you will make a good god."

Zuko laughed, but not as strongly as he wished it to be. "So? And that means I'm in love with her?"

"Yes," came the simple answer.

"Tell me why, Advisor Iroh," Zuko turned to face the doorway, opposite of the elderly man beside him. "Tell me why I'm in love with her. It should be amusing to hear."

The old man said in a tired, weary voice, "I cannot answer that. You are the only one who knows why." And with a soft chuckle, Iroh added, "I am not you, Lord Zuko."

Old geezer. Only Iroh could mock the Fire God like that. Zuko simply ignored the remark. Instead he concentrated on the lush green grass surrounding his red palace, the delicate blossoms on the verge of blooming among the tree, the glistening small ponds that were sprinkled across the courtyard. Zuko felt his hands flicker into a smoldering heat. The strong urge to burn everything in sight was tempting. Everything should have felt the way he felt—furious, hopeless, maybe even a little confused.

He almost jumped with Iroh put a hand on his shoulder once again. But he didn't dare to turn to face the advisor. The feelings raging through him were too raw. One move and everything would be revealed. The Fire God couldn't have that. He had to remain firm. How could a god be so moved by a human? It was ludicrous to think so. She was nothing but a sacrifice to him—something that the humans stupidly thought would bring an end to the wildfires and sudden eruptions from the volcanoes in the Fire Nation.

"I will have the Mortal Gate ready for you," said Iroh softly. "Please take the time to visit Lady Xiaozhi. Check up on her to make sure that she is alright. After all, what kind of husband would you be if you didn't look for your wife once in a while?"

He then walked away—walked on his merry way to his usual spot, the kitchen. Iroh held his hands behind his back and whistled a tune about peking duck. Zuko watched his Advisor turn a corner and finally, the Lord exhaled deeply, surprised that he had held his breathe for so long. He then looked up to the azure sky. His domain was very beautiful and bright, probably the brightest in all the realm of gods. It was because Zuko was ruler of the Sun, giving the firebenders energy for their bending, and therefore dubbed the Fire God. The Sun was his palace and transformed into the perfect paradise that would make any god and mortal oozing with envy. But it was incomplete.

A certain ebony-haired woman was missing from the puzzle.

Zuko scowled. Why did she remain a constant figure embedded in his mind? The young woman was a human, a mere bug and therefore nothing of the importance to the great Fire God. Zuko frowned. Why was he always thinking about her?

Xiaozhi was actually a nuisance to him. For a mere human, she was annoying, stubborn, and naïve. She had the audacity to defy him. She dared to yell at him and scold him like a little child. The girl never obeyed his orders. Instead she made her own and that irritated Zuko to the death. If it was anyone else, they would have been burned to ashes at the very spot they stood and he wouldn't give it a second thought.

And yet, Zuko could never bring himself to harm Xiaozhi.

Aside from the fact that she was his bride, her stubbornness was what had allured him. Her carefree soul seemed foreign to him and he foolishly became captivated. Despite the cold reality that her own people had sacrificed her, Xiaozhi's opaque eyes were never forlorn around him. She didn't show fear in her eyes when they saw each other for the first time. And Zuko could remember thinking what a brave girl she was.

He knew many things in the human world. The gossip about him in the Fire Nation was almost unavoidable. They called him a hideous monster who had no ounce in his demon soul. One look in the Fire God's eyes would send any mortal burning to agonizing ashes. And this was due to his birth from the Twelve Flames of Hell. He resembled the face of death and was a cruel, cruel god.

Zuko supposed that the rumors were true to a certain extent. He was born with an ugly scar sprawled acrss his left eye. It resembled a burn, signifying that he was to be the next god of fire after the death of his predecessor, who had been an evil god in his fighting days during the Imperial War. Zuko was naturally expected to be the same.

And regardless of the horrible rumors, Xiaozhi touched his scar. That was the first time Zuko felt the flesh of a human. It was particularly warm to him despite that he was the god of fire. Zuko thoughtlessly reached up to touch the spot that her finger had brushed against, the burnt skin under his eye. He had been so caught off-guard at the time he practically stumbled into a puddle on the way back to the throne room.

Zuko's forehead collapsed in his hand. A quiet smile curved from his frown. "The old man is right," he mumbled to himself. He raised his head and snapped his fingers. In that instant a nearby servant appeared like the flicker of a flame. "Yes, Zhu Rong?"

"Tell Iroh to take care of things here while I'm away," Zuko waved the servant off as quickly as he had summoned him. "I'm going to the Mortal Gate."

Without question, the servant bowed low and walked off without hesitation. At the same time, Zuko walked over to a different room at the end of the open corridor. He then walked over to a drawer at the edge of the room and took out the faded red fabric of the simple Fire Nation clothes that he sometimes used to disguise himself when he was bored. Zuko sighed and stalked over to the twin swords that were laid idly on their wooden thrones. With a ginger hand, he lifted one twin up to the glinting sunlight perched outside the door. The silver steel seemed to burn in his hand.

It was time to pay a visit to his unexpected bride.

A/N:

Hello! Mo here!

This is basically the starting process of my rewrite on this story. I don't know why I made everything so complicated...so I'll make it simple. I wrote this almost six years ago...wow it's amazing to see how much time has passed. However, I do like my style of writing here. It brings back a time when things were a lot...simpler to write about. I only hope that I can continue with this writing style.

Zuko (Fire Lord) = Zhu Rong

Mo