AN: The day I wrote the beginning of this was the first day I got off my antidepressant. After my brain threw it out through my fingers, I started taking the medicine again because it appears that I need it. Then I wrote the happy bits at the end. Because I'm strange, I used a number generator for the number of days Cas stays alive after Dean dies.

Also, if you want to cry, listen to Forever and Always by Parachute during or after reading this story.

She finishes the vows but the beeps are getting too slow

His voice is almost too low

As he says, I love you forever, forever and always

Please just remember even if I'm not there

I'll always love you, forever and always

—Parachute, Forever and Always

Some say grief is a cold numb emptiness that rips you from reality. Others believe it is a whirlpool of raw pain and woe. Castiel's grief burned. He was on fire and the only thing he could do was allow sobs to wreck his body. His sobs were for a life that never was; for a man who left before him when it should have been the other way around.

During a hunt, a vampire snuck up behind Dean and attacked him. Castiel killed the monster but looked to see his lover bleeding on the floor of the abandoned warehouse. In a flash, he had Dean in his arms. With eyes half-lidded, Dean gazed up at the man holding him and wheezed in his final blood-filled breath, "I love you, Cas."

That was the moment Castiel was set aflame. The burn was worse than his mission in Hell to save the man who was now at rest. This burn, he couldn't stop. This burn could only be quenched when he held an alive-and-well Dean in his arms; when he kissed the man he had kissed so many times before, but would never again in his lifetime.

It was Sam who confronted Castiel when the ex-angel's body shook soundlessly over the personage of his fallen lover. And to think, Castiel always believed that he was the fallen one.

Sam, with pink swollen eyes, spoke in a hoarse voice, "We need to lay him to rest."

Castiel, whose tears had been drained of him during the immeasurable period of time after his love had perished, shook his head but kept his eyes locked on the corpse in his arms. "No, Sam, you do not understand. I was going to ask Dean to marry me. I was going to spend every day of my life loving him and being incredibly grateful that he loved me back."

Cas finally looked up at Sam, sincerity and intent openly flooding his eyes.

"Dean saved me in every possible way. I am nothing without him; I have no purpose. He taught me how to love, how to enjoy simple things, how to be human. He is my reason to live. So no, Sam, I cannot lay him to rest," Cas' voice was deadly calm and Sam was reminded of how unnerving the Angel of The Lord used to be. "I will help you burn him, if that's what you want to do, and I will see to it that you live a life in which you are content, because that's what Dean would want. After that, I am gone. I will join him in Paradise and I will love him for all of eternity."

Sam nodded his head and looked Cas in the eye. "He would have said yes, you know. He needed you just as much as you need him. Every time he looked at you or talked about you, he got this little smile on his face and he would just glow with happiness. He would have loved to be your husband." Sam now had fresh tears flowing down his face, and he moved to handle his brother's body.

It was 247 days later that Sam went back to school. Hunting had never been the same without his brother, so he stopped. He took the Impala and left for Stanford. After endless hours of studying, Sam was able to get back into his dream school.

It was in this moment that Cas knew Sam would make it through everything that had happened, just like he had always done.

During Sam's first week back at Stanford, Cas, staying at a typical run-down hotel, called and asked to meet Sam. When Sam arrived at Castiel's motel room and was invited in, he noticed all of Cas's belongings were packed into two duffel bags.

"You goin' somewhere?" Sam asked, amused.

"Yes. I'm going to go see Dean." Sam's smile disappeared instantly like it always did at the mention of his late brother.

"He made us promise not to bring him back." Sam reasoned.

"I'm not bringing him here, I'm going to him. I decided this soon after Dean's death and there is nothing you can do to talk me out of it." Cas stated matter-of-factly.

"You told me that so long ago. I thought you had moved on." Sam said. Castiel looked at him as if explaining something obvious to a child.

"I'm going to give him a ring and be happy in my home with him. You are adjusting effectively, and I needed to make sure of that for Dean. Now that I know you are doing well, it is time for me to go."

Sam nodded his head, accepting defeat, and pulled Cas in for a hug. "Give him my best." Sam whispered into Castiel's ear.

"Of course," the shorter man replied.

With that, Sam left the motel room, leaving behind him the familiar roar of the Impala's engine. Castiel sat down on the bed and grabbed a set of pills he had bought the day Dean died and the ring box he had kept in his pocket since he first bought it.

"I'm coming, Dean," Castiel whispered to the velvet ring box then swallowed the pills that held the ticket to his next life.

The next thing Castiel was aware of was waking in the Roadhouse surrounded by his slain companions. Bobby, Jo, Ash, Ellen, Pamela, and many others were smiling at him with everything from big toothy grins to twitches at the corner of their mouths.

Cas sat up from where he had appeared on the worn wooden floor. Just as he was about to ask where Dean was, the man himself emerged from behind the many faces of his friends. Cas wasted no time in running into the strong arms of his hunter, weeping into his shoulder.

"I missed you...so...much...I was...so alone...and you were...gone!" Castiel spoke between sobs. Dean murmured reassuring words and rubbed soothing circles into Cas' back.

"I know, I know," Dean whispered as a reply. "Shh, shh, shh. It's alright, I'm here now. Let me take you back to the bunker."

When the two men arrived at the familiar headquarters, they headed straight for the pair's shared bedroom with a king-sized mattress. Dean laid out upon the bed with his back against the headboard and cradled Cas who had abandoned his crying for soft whimpering. Dean, intelligent as he was, refrained from asking the man curled up in his arms how he had died. He figured that would be a topic for a later date.

After a timeless expanse of Castiel basking in the warmth his lover provided, he sat up, wiping his tears, and turned towards Dean, straddling the other man's hips.

"Dean," he began. "I have been planning on asking you this for a while but I never got the chance to. I've only been here for a short amount of time, but I have been waiting to do this for so long. Dean Winchester," Cas began as he pulled the ring box from the pocket of his familiar trench coat. "will you marry me?" Castiel opened the ring box for Dean to see what was inside.

Dean looked at the box and the silver ring it held in awe then attacked Cas' mouth. "Yes," he whispered between kisses. "I will be," another kiss. "your husband." At this, Castiel pushed Dean back down into the bed and proceeded to rid the two of their bothersome clothes. Castiel smiled into his fiancé's mouth and let every worry and doubt he had ever had in his long lifespan fly away as the burn inside of him was finally quenched.

Thoughts? Corrections? Sam probably accepted Cas' decision too well, but that's just what I'm giving you at 2 in the morning. :-)