"Okay, they're both locked up, safe and sound, the innocent humans will be perfectly safe from now on. Let's go, Elena."
I shook my head, not even looking at Damon. I kept looking at Stefan, locked up in the basement, in the same cell he had been locked up before. The same cell I had been locked up in once, too. "I don't want to go."
"Elena… we'll help him, okay? We will. I promise you we will. But right now, there's nothing we can do for him."
He was wrong about that, what he should have said was that there was nothing he could do. I, however, could do a lot of things. It wasn't a coincidence that Stefan had asked me to bring him back. I did it before and I would do it again, because Stefan would always be my first love, the boy who taught me so much about life and love and grief and happiness. We would always share a connection, something that Damon would never understand. "I'm staying right here."
I could almost hear him roll his eyes. "Fine," he muttered. "Then come find me as soon as you're done here."
He waited around for an answer for a few seconds, but then he left. As soon as I couldn't hear his footsteps anymore, I relaxed, and I took one step closer to the door. I still vividly remembered the first time I had seen him locked up in here. He had lost control after I gave him my blood to pull him through and he left us no choice. He got better then. He got better the second time, too, after Klaus compelled him to flip his humanity switch. And he would get better now, too. I knew he would.
A soft sigh escaped his lips and I tilted my head. "Stefan?"
"Yeah," he murmured. "That's my name."
I smiled. "How are you feeling?"
He jumped up and in a heartbeat he was standing right in front of the door, staring at me, the look in his beautiful green eyes hard and cold. Unrecognizable. "Like someone just snapped my neck."
"Well, I'm sorry about that, but it was the only way to get you in here."
"You're forgiven, now let me out."
"No can do," I grinned, "you asked me something, remember?"
"Yes, I remember," he groaned. "I just don't know why I ever cared. I'm fine, okay? I won't go off the rails again."
"You and I both know that's not a promise you can make, Stefan. You asked me to bring you back," well, actually, he asked me to remember to bring him back, which hurt me a lot more than I was willing to admit, "and you're staying in here until I did. No bargaining."
He threw himself against the door, almost growling. "Dammit, Elena, let me out!"
"I'll bring you something to drink later," was the only thing I said, before I turned around and left, forever grateful that we had been able to snap his neck before he could drink human blood. This would make bringing him back so much easier, because when he did come back, he wouldn't have to deal with hurting anyone or with his ripper tendencies. All I had to do was get him to flip the switch again and then he'd be fine.
I filled a bottle with animal blood and I took it with me to the basement, wrinkling my nose a little bit because of the smell. I was glad I didn't have Stefan's problem, because forcing animal blood down my throat was torture – I tried it once and I knew I would never try it again. The only thing I had liked about it, was that it was something I could share with Stefan. Something he understood.
I had been thinking about things I shared with Stefan a lot, these past few days. Me being the only one who could bring him back, meant that I had to tap into the love he still felt for me – and the love I still felt for him. I remembered the first time I had to get him to flip his switch again like it was yesterday. The horrible things he said to me but that never got to me, because I knew that the person saying those things wasn't the real Stefan. He wasn't my Stefan. And eventually, I managed to drag him back to me. I still remembered the pain, the fear, and the relief when he came back to me. That last perfect kiss we shared before I was turned into a vampire…
I shook my head. No. I couldn't be thinking about that right now. Too much had changed, I moved on, Stefan moved on, there was no 'us' anymore. All I had to do now was bring him back, so he could get Caroline back, the girl he was in love with. He never said the actual words, but I figured he was, and why wouldn't he be? Caroline was a great girl.
"Elena."
His voice startled me, though it shouldn't have. I had known he was here, after all. "I brought blood."
He smiled at me, a dark smile, one that would've scared me if there hadn't been a door between us. If he hadn't looked so tired and weak. "I'd prefer it if you'd bring a girl down here. Someone to keep me company. Someone with a death wish, perhaps."
I rolled my eyes. "You're not funny, Stefan, and this is all you're going to get. Take it or leave it." I handed him the bottle through the bars, making sure I pulled my hand back before he could grab me.
"Animal blood? Ugh, gross," he moaned. "Worst decision of my life."
"Oh, will you stop that, you're not fooling anyone. As soon as I get the real you back, you'll be back to drinking animal blood because that's who you are."
"Who I am?" He jumped up and in a flash, he was standing right in front of me, staring me dead in the eye, his fingers in a tight grip around the bars. "You don't know the first thing about who I am, Elena. The guy I was, the one you know, he's pathetic. Letting the girl of his dreams get taken by his brother without so much as putting up a fight. Giving them relationship advice. Allowing them to rub it in his face like he's some lost puppy who has nowhere else to go. But I suppose I do see why you want him back. Who else is going to make sure you'll stay Damon's girlfriend? If it wasn't for that guy, you two would've crashed and burned years ago. I should've ran for the hills as soon as I got the chance, but no, I decided to stay around. Because I'm the good guy, right? I help everyone, I don't eat innocent people, I'm the hero, I always sacrifice everything and everyone loves me for it. But look at me now, huh? Tell me, Elena, what did being the good guy get me? What did it get me?"
I fought back the tears, knowing deep in my heart that every word he said was true. I betrayed him, I betrayed his trust, and I never even thought about how me being with Damon made Stefan feel. I always just figured he was fine with it, because he acted like he was. I should've known better. I should've seen it… "Stefan, I'm…"
"Sorry?" he said mockingly. "Yeah, I heard that before. You can shove that sorry up your ass."
I bit my lower lip and stared at the ground, lost for words.
Of course he immediately smelled my weakness and he let out a bitter laugh. "Am I upsetting you? Are poor little Elena's delicate feelings hurt?" He brought his face closer to the bars, looking at me. "Face it, you are never getting me back. I'm better off this way. Because of you," he growled.
That did it, that was too much. I turned around and fled back upstairs, back to Damon, knowing he'd make me forget the pain, like he always did.
Another week had passed and I still got nowhere with Stefan. It was really upsetting me, it was all I could think of, it kept me up all night and I knew it was worrying Damon, but his ways of offering help were all wrong. No, I didn't want him to torture Stefan to get him to turn it back on. It didn't work on him the first time and it didn't work on me, so it wouldn't work this time. And no, I didn't want him to force Stefan to deal with break-up again to drive him insane until he caved, because… well, because I couldn't shake what he said to me. We had been horrible to Stefan and I couldn't do that anymore, it was wrong. If me finally understanding that was the only good thing that would come out of this, then I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
But something had to happen. It was breaking my heart to see the former love of my life locked up in there and I owed it to him to get him back, so he could get back to leading his life. I knew he was going to leave Mystic Falls, the truth was finally out in the open, but I couldn't be selfish with him again. He deserved to live his life the way he saw fit and if it meant I'd never get to see him again, then that was how it was going to be.
"Damon?"
"Yes, my sweet little angel?" he said mockingly, without looking away from the book he was reading.
I rolled my eyes. "Damon, look at me."
He groaned something, but did what I asked, narrowing his eyes ever so slightly. "What is it?"
"I need you to let me into Stefan's cell and lock the door behind me."
He smiled. "No."
"But Damon, I…"
He got up, clenching his hands into a fist and when he answered, his voice was sharp. "I said no, Elena. it's not going to happen."
I walked up to him, without looking away. "I know how I can get him back, but in order for that to work, I need to be in there with him. I'm not asking for your opinion, Damon, I'm telling you how this is going to go down."
He grasped my arms, although he was careful not to hurt me, and brought his face closer to mine. "And I'm telling you that I will rip your heart out myself before I will let you in there with a humanity-free Stefan. It is not going to happen, do you hear me? Figure something else out."
The look in his eyes told me everything I needed to know. He was not going to let me do this, because he thought it was a bad idea and to him, it simply didn't matter what I thought of it. I was used to that by now, though the pure thought of that pained me, and I knew there was no point in arguing with him. I shook my head, turned around and left. Time for a plan B.
"Thank you so much for doing this, Bonnie," I said softly. "I really appreciate it."
She nodded. "I know, Elena, it's okay."
No, it wasn't. I had gotten so swept up in everything else that I had barely had time for my best friend, who overcame death again, but I was going to better from now on. I was starting to see things more and more clearly and my relationship with Bonnie was one of those things. Now was not the time to start with that, though, and I knew Bonnie understood that. Now was the time to start my plan to get Stefan back and after that, I would fix things with Bonnie. And with Matt. And with Caroline. And with Jeremy. And with everyone.
She held still when we reached Stefan's cell and looked at me. "Are you sure that this is what you want to do?"
I simply nodded, not saying anything.
"Alright." She took one step towards to door, locking her eyes with Stefan's. "I'm going to open the door," she said calmly. "If you try to run, I will take you down."
"Now why would you open it?" he asked mockingly. "Aren't I the perfect little prisoner down here, not chewing off people's heads or anything?"
She didn't respond to that, she just smiled. "I will let Elena in and then I will lock the door again."
Something changed in his expression, though it only happened for a split second, it was gone again so fast that I might as well have imagined it. "What if I kill her?"
"Oh, come on, let's be real here, Stefan. Humanity or not, there's not a bone in your body that's capable of actually hurting Elena. Now step away from the door or prepare for a brain aneurysm."
Three seconds later he backed away and I opened the door, quickly entering his cell. Stefan just stood there, not doing anything, and Bonnie immediately closed the door again. I listened, but I didn't hear the lock click, exactly like we discussed. She obviously had a lot more faith in me than Damon did.
"Thank you, Bonnie," I said again.
"I will come back for you in an hour," she promised, and then she walked away.
I let out a deep sigh. "So."
"So," Stefan repeated warily. "What is this new plan of yours all about?"
I walked up to him and smiled. "I'm going to get you back. I'm going to make you remember what it's like to feel."
"Good luck," he sneered.
But there it was again. That change in his face, in his voice, and I knew I made the right choice. I knew this was going to work – all that was left to worry about was what it was going to do to me, to Damon, to Stefan. It was a risky plan and it could end up ruining everything, but it would get Stefan's life back on track so no matter the outcome, it was going to be worth it. I took a deep breath and then I leapt at him, pushing him against the wall, pressed up against him, his face only inches away from mine. "I don't need luck, Stefan Salvatore, I got you in the palm of my hand and you and I both know it. You love me. You've always loved me and you will always love me, that's who you are, that's who we are. Don't deny it."
He swallowed, but didn't say anything.
I continued. "So remember it, Stefan. Remember what it was like when we kissed. When we made love. When we hugged. When I held your hand, when I ran into your arms, when I saved you and you saved me and you felt like you could take down the world if it meant keeping me safe. Remember it. Feel it."
His muscles tensed and in a heartbeat, the roles were reversed, because now I was the one with my back against the wall and he had his hands around my neck. "I should rip your heart out," he hissed, his gorgeous green eyes dark with rage.
"You probably should," I admitted, "but you won't."
"Why not?"
"Because. You. Love. Me."
He slammed his fist into the wall. "I don't!" he growled.
"Yes, you do!" I yelled back. "Look at yourself, Stefan! Fucking look at yourself! All I did was talk about what we had and look how worked up it got you! Are you honestly going to tell me that you don't feel anything right now? Are you really going to keep up this charade about how you don't give a flying crap? Because you're not fooling anyone, you care. You care that I left you for your brother, you care that I ripped your heart out, you care that you lost me. It's breaking your goddamn heart and let me tell you this, Stefan, that's emotion. I don't need to get you the flip the switch again, because you already did!"
He was paler than ever when I was done talking and he let go of me as if my skin was suddenly flaming hot. "Get out."
"No."
He pressed his hands against his temples and shut his eyes, his body suddenly crippled with agony. "Get you! You got what you wanted, you broke me, Elena, again! Get out, get out, get out!"
"No!" I repeated. "We need to work through this, because if we don't, we'll never be free of each other. You'll never be free of me if we don't face this now and I need you to be free, Stefan. I need you to be happy. I need you to find someone who will give you all the things that I once gave you and more."
"Like you found Damon?" he asked, his voice flat and empty, even though his eyes were filled with tears. "Is this another one of those speeches where you tell me you want me to be happy so you can stop feeling guilty over screwing my brother?"
I shook my head. "No, Stefan, it's not about that. It's about closure, for both of us, because we never actually had that and we need that. We both do."
He walked up to me, looking me straight in the eye. "You can leave now."
My breathing stopped for a few seconds and then I suddenly wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my lips on his. I didn't even know what I was doing, all I knew was that I had to get him to stop avoiding the subject, avoiding the pain and the heartache. He was pushing it all away but it came back to bite him in the ass every time and I couldn't stand it anymore. He needed to face this.
At first, he didn't respond, but then I could feel his lips curl up into a smile and he kissed me back, with his fingers running through my hair and his body pressed against mine. His grip on me was so tight I was having trouble breathing, but I didn't complain.
I didn't know how long we kissed, all I knew was that when we finally let go of each other, everything felt like it shifted and I knew now, I knew with absolute certainty that I was going to be fine, I was going to make up for everything I did wrong. I was going to fix the mess I made of my life and it was not a coincidence that it was Stefan who helped me see it.
"Now tell me," he whispered softly in my ear, "that that kiss didn't do anything for you. Tell me that we grew apart, tell me that we're not the perfect fit anymore, tell me that I didn't take your breath away. Tell me that there's not a doubt in your mind about who you want to be with. I'm only saying this once, Elena, because I will go back to keeping my distance. I will not pursue you, I will not try to confuse you, you know I won't do any of that. I just need to hear the truth, just this once."
I pulled my head back and I smiled at him. "You already know the truth, but the truth isn't good enough anymore. I messed up, Stefan. With you, with Damon, with my brother, with everyone, but I realize it now. I hurt everyone time and again, but not anymore."
"So now what, Elena? What do you want?"
I laid one hand on his cheek, stroking his cheek with my thumb. "I will break up with Damon and then I will fix my life. It's about damn time I do that. it's time that I start to focus on school, my friends and my little brother, all of the things I've been neglecting for so long."
He smiled. "And?"
I slowly pulled my hand back. "And when I finally feel like Elena Gilbert again, when I finally feel like I'm someone I can be proud of, I will come to find you and if you will still want me then, then I will make you the happiest man on earth for as long as we both shall live," I answered firmly.
He pressed his lips on my forehead for a second and then he pulled away. "Until then, miss Gilbert."
"Until then, mister Salvatore," I nodded, and I left the cell. This one, and the one I used to lock myself up in my heart. I was finally free.