Seconds
Emma neatly lined the pencils into rows next to the color-coordinated folders that were splayed across her desk (splayed exactly one inch apart, of course). The second hand on the clock ticked off the time she had to wait until she'd see Carl's smiling face in her doorway, and she tapped her purple Mary Jane against the floor in an effort to speed it along.
Feeling butterflies in her stomach for someone other than one particularly curly-haired Spanish teacher was a new experience for Emma, not that she minded. Even Sue had commented that she looked less like a wounded puppy than she had before. Of course, Sue followed it up by saying she dressed like one of those marshmallow Peep treats, but Emma learned early on to pick her battles.
She propped her elbow on the desk and let her cheek rest against her palm. Wednesday. She hated Wednesdays. So preoccupied was she with daydreaming about Carl that she nearly fell out of her chair when Rachel Berry skidded to a halt outside her door.
"Miss Pillsbury!" Rachel panted in an effort to catch her breath and Emma's inner alarm bells went off.
"Rachel, what's wrong?" She was up and out her chair before Rachel had time to spit out her next sentence.
"Come quick. It's Mr. Schuester."
Emma wished she had stayed seated.
The fear that gripped her was so palpable that she didn't even flinch when Rachel grabbed her hand and dragged her down the hall, babbling all the way. Emma only caught every other word as her heart drummed a rapid beat against her chest.
"Phone… Dad… awful…" Rachel paused before they reached the choir room and made sure Emma heard what she had to say next. "He won't speak."
"What…" Emma trailed off as Rachel yanked the door open letting Finn's voice filter through.
"Dude, back off. Give him room."
Emma entered in time to see Puck backing away from Finn who crouched in front of his seated teacher. Will was facing away from her, but the looks on the kids' faces told her all she needed to know.
"Thank God, Miss P," Mercedes uttered. Finn looked towards the door at her words and stood, placing a hand on his teacher's shoulder as he passed.
"Finn, what happened?" she asked, her eyes never leaving the back of Will's head.
"I don't know. His phone rang, it was his Dad, and then he just sort of froze. He hasn't spoken since. We got a chair under him right before he collapsed. He's been staring at the floor ever since."
Emma nodded and placed a calming hand on his arm. "Thanks, Finn."
He turned and made a motion to his fellow glee clubbers to follow him out of the room. She remained by the door until they all stood and filed out, throwing her scared, worried, and sympathetic glances as they left. The door clicked shut as she made her way to him, circling around in a wide arc so as to not startle him and letting his name fall from her lips.
"Will?"
It was as if her voice jolted him out of whatever stupor he had fallen into and the look on his face was enough to make Emma want to burst into tears.
"Em?" He looked at her in wonder, making a feeble attempt to reach out for her, but his hand dropped back to his lap and she rushed forward to take it again.
"Will, what happened?" She spared a glance for the phone that lay on the ground, its battery resting a few feet away from where it crashed and skittered across the floor.
"I, uh…" He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I have to go." He stood and swayed and she wrapped her arms around his waist and guided him back into the chair before he fell down. She heard the door open and looked up to see Finn, ready to jump in if she needed him. She smiled and shook her head, hoping to convey that she was all right for now. Finn closed the door but kept watch through the window.
The clear love that Finn had for his teacher was overwhelming and Emma bit her lip in an effort to remain calm.
"Will," she tried again, running her fingertips through his hair and feeling his pulse thump against his temple.
"I don't get it," he whispered. "I just… we just…" he inhaled a shaky breath as his voice wavered. "She asked me about glee and wanted to know if I tried the recipe she emailed. I told her I hadn't yet. I didn't have time to. But she knew I blew it off…"
"Your Mom?"
At her question, Will crumbled. "Oh God, Em, she's gone," he sobbed.
And finally Emma understood. She cupped his cheek and guided him to her shoulder, not caring that his tears soaked through her cardigan or that he gripped her so hard, he'd probably leave bruises. She pressed the back of his head into the crook of her neck as he held onto her like a life raft. Her heart broke and she didn't know if the tears that fell to her collarbone were hers or his.
She could offer no words of comfort. His name fell from her lips softly, over and over again like a lullaby. His sobs quieted to hiccups and she ran her hands up and down his back until he loosened his grip on her. She could see the apology in his eyes and the thanks. Not needing either, she pressed a kiss to his forehead and let it linger.
"Come on." She held out her hand and attempted to hoist him up. He was far too pale and she knew he wouldn't last long on his own, but Finn was at her side before she even registered the sound of the door opening again.
"I gotcha, Mr. Schue." The student put Will's arm across his shoulders and his other wrapped around his teacher's waist. Emma kept her hand pressed to Will's back as Finn led him to the door.
Stepping out into the hallway, she saw the rest of the glee clubbers loitering at the other end, far enough away to give Will some privacy. Finn probably had something to do with that and her admiration for the clumsy teen grew tenfold.
The walk toward the exit was slow and, though she couldn't see his face, Emma knew that silent tears tracked down Will's cheeks from the way his shoulders shook. Finn halted when they reached the parking lot and looked questioningly at Emma.
"My car," she pointed. "Over there."
Finn nodded and headed in that direction.
"Miss P!"
Emma turned around and saw Kurt jogging up to her, Will's bag in his arms.
"He probably needs this."
She took it from him with a warm smile, "Thank you, Kurt."
"Not that it's his top priority, but tell him that he doesn't have to worry about glee. We've got it covered."
"You guys are always one of his top priorities."
Kurt smiled and looked over her shoulder as Finn guided their teacher to the car.
"If there's anything we can do…"
Emma placed her hand on his arm, "I'll let you know."
Kurt nodded and returned to the school where the rest of the club watched from the doorway. Emma unlocked her car from afar to let Finn open the passenger door and ease Will into the seat. She watched as he leaned down and said something only his teacher could hear. Will reached around and patted Finn on the back of the head, like one would to a young boy.
Emma smiled at the gesture and placed a hand on Finn's back. "Thanks."
"Let me know if…" Finn sniffed and cleared his throat, "… you know."
The bond between the two made Emma's heart break. "I will."
Finn backed away as Emma got into the driver's seat, sliding her hand into Will's as easily as a habit. She only let go to put the car in 'reverse' and then 'drive' again. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Will's head pressed against the window, eyes closed against the cool glass. The fog from his breath marred her perfectly clean car, but Emma didn't give it a second thought as she sped home.
His forehead creased in confusion as Emma put the car into park outside her condo.
"Stay here for a second. I'll be right back."
Will made a noise of protest but did as she asked. She shut the door and jogged up the walk as fast as she could in heels.
Normally, it took Emma at least a full day to pack. And that was only for a long weekend. She managed to throw her things together in ten minutes, a new record she made a mental note to tell her therapist about.
She jogged back down the walkway and threw the bag in the back. Will stared at it and the confusion on his face would have been amusing had it not broken Emma's heart first.
"Here." She handed him a ginger ale and a straw. "It'll help with the nausea."
"How do you know I'm…" His voice was hoarse and he didn't bother completing his thought.
"When my grandmother died, I spent a whole day throwing up." She pulled away from the curb and headed in the direction of his apartment. "Plus you look a little green."
He nodded and popped open the can, sticking the straw in and taking a little sip. "What's with the bag?"
"I'm coming with you." She glanced in the rearview mirror as she made a left turn and she felt his gaze boring a hole through her heart. She expected him to protest and she had her rebuttal at the ready, but it wasn't needed. The only response he gave her was his hand reaching blindly for hers and holding on for dear life.
She pulled up outside his apartment complex and unbuckled her seatbelt. He did the same and trudged up the walkway. It took him a few tries to get the key in the lock. His body was trembling and she saw the grateful look he gave her when she gently took the keys from his hand and ushered him inside.
"What's your parents' address?"
He gasped out a sob when she asked the question and it was only after he scribbled it down for her did she realize her mistake. She had asked for his parents' address. It was now only his parent's address. One.
Emma sat at his computer and pulled up Mapquest, letting her head fall into her hands as her tears splashed onto the keyboard.
She had dried her eyes by the time Will stumbled back into the living room, a duffle bag slung haphazardly over his shoulder.
"Did you get everything?"
He shrugged. "I think so."
She hated how hollow his voice sounded, hated the emptiness in his eyes.
"It's weird." He glanced around his apartment.
"What's weird?"
"When something like this happens, you always wonder which one you're gonna be: the one who keeps it together or the one who falls apart." He let out a bitter laugh. "I guess I know which one I am."
Emma stood and took a step towards him, trying to keep her voice steady for his sake. "No one expects you to keep it together, Will."
"It's just…" he looked so helpless as his bag dropped to the ground, "I should have tried the recipe."
And Emma couldn't keep the tremble from her voice as she whispered his name and threw her arms around his neck. He collapsed into her arms, slumping against her small frame, as he shouldered the weight of the day and the emotion of a life lost. His breath was hot against her skin and she gently ran her fingers through the curls at the base of his neck, a trick her mother had always used on her to calm her down during thunderstorms.
"Come on," she whispered, pulling away and cupping his face in her hands. "Let's get you home."
The ride was short, 30 minutes in traffic, and Will passed out five minutes in, his head resting against the window, hands clenched into fists. Emma glanced over every few minutes as he tossed in a fitful sleep. Even his mind wouldn't give him a moment's peace.
Emma had seen Will that morning. He looked so happy as he greeted students in the hall. She knew his schedule by heart, had memorized it when their "accidental" encounters were part of her daily routine, but now their meetings were few and far between. The schedule remained, though, burned on her brain to taunt her when she wanted so badly to forget.
First he would get his coffee and the lunch lady would slip him an orange juice before classes would start. Then he'd teach the freshman, followed by the juniors. Rachel would corner him after class and he would hide his exasperation as she talked his ear off. He would place a calming hand on her shoulder and Emma could almost hear the words tumble out of his mouth, even though she watched from thirty feet away: "All right, Rachel, I'll think about it."
The routine had been the same, but then he turned and met her stare from where she stood outside the office he no longer visited. And there it was: the smile he reserved only for her. It caused Emma's breath to hitch every time. The butterflies Emma felt while waiting for Carl were nothing compared to the back flips her stomach did whenever Will looked at her like that.
He had been happy that morning. All it took was a phone call to shatter that happiness to pieces.
He mumbled something in his sleep and she reached over to brush a curl off his forehead. His hand closed around her wrist and he unconsciously brought it to his face.
"Em." He burrowed his face into her palm and inhaled the smell. Emma let him told tight for the remaining 23 minutes.
It look months to fool herself into thinking she had fallen out of love with him.
It took seconds to realize she hadn't.