Silence Kills

HDM: one shot I believe...unless I get any other reason not to be...um, this is in Stan's POV

We've past through life never knowing what we want until it's far beyond our reach. I've past life knowing only black and white and right and wrong. I've grown up with the notion of having a wife, kids, a dog, and a house with a white picket fence. I've grown up knowing that I will go through life with these crude but useful basics and I will be happy. When I got to the point of adolescence, black and white merged into gray and there's no more right or wrong. There are only choices, and I never knew what choice I should make.

:-:Grade School:-:

We were all at Stark's Pond after school...it was a long day and it felt good to get out of the classroom. Cartman and Kyle are fighting yet again and Kenny was watching lazily. "Go suck your circumcised cock Jew!" Cartman spat. "Did you think of that one by yourself, fat fuck, or did you look off a cereal box?" Kyle sneered.

"Aye! Don't call me fat! I'm just big boned..." Cartman replied hotly. "Cartman, you were mistaken for an obese midget last week..." I said with a grin. "Screw you guys I'm going home!" Cartman yelled. He kicked the trunk of a tree hotly.

The tree then fell ontop of Kenny, squishing his skull into the snow. The blood ran through the snow, making the snow a horrible red. "Oh my god, you killed Kenny!" I yelled. "You bastard!" Kyle yelled on cue. Cartman just stared at the dead body, not feeling sorry one bit.

We all know he'll come back either tomorrow or the next day. Why do we say those overused lines over and over again? Do we really feel anything for Kenny? I mean, he is our friend, but what would happen if he never came back? I always wondered...will we even care?

That night I asked my mom why Kenny dies everyday. "Why would you want to know that, Stanley?" she asked in a sweet tone. "I'm just asking, Mom..." I say while shrugging. "That Kenny is cursed, I don't like you hanging around him..." she said in a cold tone. "What? Mom, he's my friend!" I rebutted. "You're a sweet boy, Stanely, but I just don't want you catching it..." she said nothing more after that. I wasn't hungry after that.

The next morning I got the phone and dialed Kenny's number. "Hello?" I hear a woman with a southern twang on the other end. "Uh hi, Mrs. McCormick, is Kenny there?" I ask the woman. "Sure...KENNY GET YOUR ASS OVER HEAR!" my ears are bleeding from her shriek. I can hear a boy's voice cursing under his breath.

"Hello?"

I almost lose my voice when I hear him. "Um, hey Kenny, it's Stan..." I say stupidly. "Hey...what's up?" he said in a perked up tone. "I just wanted to tell you...I would feel really really lousy if you...you know...never came back..." I fumbled with my words. God, I sound like such a fag. "Thanks dude...that means a lot..." he said in an awed tone. "Okay, that's all I wanted to say, bye!" I hung up the phone quickly and panted a bit.

Why do I act so...weird when it comes to Kenny?

:-:High School:-:

It's Junior year of High School and I'm having the time of my life. I'm captain and quaterback, Wendy is my girlfriend for a year and I still have all my friends. Kyle has been my best friend through and through. Cartman is still an asshole and Kenny...well he's still Kenny. He hasn't died since that tree incident so many years ago. We never talk about that phone call I made, I think he's forgotten about it. I don't know why I haven't forgotten...it just stuck with me all these years.

It seems my life plan is coming together...I mean I have the perfect girl every guy dreams of having and it's been a blast. I know that life isn't black and white but maybe it'll be different in my case...maybe...

We were invited to Craig's house for a Homecoming party with a ton of keggers coming in...it's supposed to be a blast. Wendy and I went together and we met up with the guys there. Everyone I knew was there and a couple I failed to make their acquaintence. Every kind of beer was at the house including weed, cocaine, and even some herione. I didn't have any of the drugs but I had a couple drinks.

"Stan, where's Wendy?" Kyle asked me. I shrugged my shoulders, I haven't seen her for about an hour. "I hope she's okay..." I thought aloud. I walked upstairs to see Craig's door closed. 'No...please god...' I mused in horror. I hear banging and a girl's scream.

'Please, let it be Bebe or some other chick...' I thought again. "Wendy?" I yelled outside the door. I could've sworn I heard her say 'Stan?'. I open the door (it was stupidly unlocked) to see Wendy in her bra and her panties down to her ankles...and Craig right on top. Rage and Anguish flood through me, blinding me.

"Stan! I...can explain!" she yells. "Dude, Stan, I didn't want it to be like this..." Craig tried halfheartedly to explain as he pulled up his jeans. At first I didn't say anything, I just stared at her. Her eyes weren't full of guilt...they were enjoying it. Craig put his hand on my shoulder and looked at me...like he's comforting me when HE'S the one fucking my girl!

I turn to him and I give him my best right hook. He fell like a sack of brick. I start punching him and stomping down on his fucking head and chest. Wendy starts shrieking, telling me to stop. I finally stop and I ran out of the house.

It took me weeks to tell anyone what I felt, even longer to get over it. Kyle tried to get me to talk to him but I just can't bear to tell anyone. Cartman, surprisingly enough, didn't even take a crack at me about it. He even started on about Wendy-being-a-whore jokes. Kenny...didn't really do anything to try to make me happy or upset. For some reason, it just makes me trust him though. Something about him just makes me trust him...something beyond the hoodie.

I think I developed feelings for Kenny...

It didn't happen all at once; I think it started from that phone call and it progressed into actual feelings. I don't know if I could bear being with him, though. He isn't the biggest relationship person I know. There's just something about him that is so alluring that I cannot help but fall for him.

His blonde hair highlights his clear blue eyes in a way I cannot explain. I just cannot put my finger on it. He makes me quiver in my skin but I know he can rip my heart into a million pieces. I wouldn't care, because maybe it's all worth it.

Kyle had a party a couple weeks later and I mustered up the energy to go. Maybe I can go to Kenny and profess my feelings for him. Whether he feels the same way or not, I just want to tell him, just like I told him I would feel bad if he died for real. The party was pretty good, there was good music and some good food. "Stan, can I talk to you?" Kyle asked me. I nodded and we went to his room to talk.

"Stan...I donno how to put this..."Kyle fumbled with his words, "I think I've fallin for you..." I feel so cold, Kyle feels something for me? I never considered it...even though he has gotten weirder around me. What am I to do? He wants something more but I don't know if I could do that for him...since I feel something more for Kenny.

"Kyle...that's great you feel this way about me and I'm flattered but I don't know if I could do this..." I tried to explain. His green eyes darken a bit and he pushed away a bang of red hair. "Hear, let me show you how I feel..." Before I can say otherwise he placed his lips upon mine.

His lips were so gentle, it was so lovely I cannot believe it. No, I can't do this, I don't feel this way...but why don't I stop it? I hear the door open slowly. I try to break the kiss before anyone saw us but Kyle pressed on more. The door open to see...Kenny.

He doesn't say a word...he just stares at me...like he can't believe it. I break off of Kyle and look at him. "Kenny...I can..." but it was too late...he ran off. "He'll understand Stan, they'll all get used to us..." Kyle whispered in my ear. I look at him...maybe this is a safer option. Kyle is safe, I won't get hurt...maybe I can still achieve that happy ending I've dreamt having since I was young...just with a guy. Yeah, I'll be safe and happy...I hope...

:-:College:-:

I'm living with Kyle in our dorm for about three years out in Denver. I haven't heard from Kenny since graduation...I really stopped talking to him after that party. Sure, Kyle is a very good boyfriend and I do admit that the sex is good but there's still something missing. He looks at me and he gives me a sad look. "Are you alright, Stan, you look distant..." Kyle coos in my ear.

"Nothing, babe, I'm just thinking..." I reply robotically. It's the same answer I've given him for awhile now, I feel kind of guilty but I don't think he'd understand. I found out a week ago from Mrs. McCormick he lives in Denver...about a ten minute drive off campus. "I'm going to take a ride..." I told my Jew lover. He looks at me and gives me a caring smile. "Be careful..." he warned me. I give me a peck on the cheek and he flinches in a cute way.

"Don't worry, Kyle, I'll be fine..."

I parked my car right outfront of the apartment. It's not in the most residential of areas of Denver, that's for sure. I take a deep breath and get out of my car. I go into the "lobby" to see K.McCormick in room thirteen on the second floor. I walk upstairs and I can hear people screaming in their rooms and a baby's cries.

A cockroach scittered arcoss the hallway to join its million and one cousins down below. The smell is of old cheese, cheap beer, and weed. I knock three times on the old door labeled 13 with chipping gold numbers. The 3 slid to make a weird 'e'. "HOLD ON I'M COMING!" I can hear a male's voice from the other side.

The door opens and I see him. He looks dirtier than he did in high school. The natural blond locks of hair looks long and strangly; his crystal blue eyes are darker and colder. "St-an?" he stammers. I nodded and bit my lower lip. "Um, I just wanted to see you and..." I struggle to place the correct words. "Come in...oh- don't mind the shit all over..." he says monotonously. There's boxes of pizza and cartons of raman thrown around the room and empty carton of Trojan condoms. I don't think I want to sit on anything...in fear it'll move.

"So...with Kyle still or what?" he said with little passion. "Yeah, we're still together...I guess..." I replied with the same apathetic tone. "What, the sex stopped?" he asks with an attempt of a smile. I let out a small laugh. "No, it just...I feel a little hollow right now..." I tried to explain. "That's the only reason why you're here after three years?" Kenny asked coldly. I flinch...that was harsh. "No, I meant, I just wanted to get back in touch with you..." I explain.

"Fuck it, Stan, that's not the reason. It's Misery Loves Company ploy you always pull! Every time with a relationship you always say 'I feel empty, there's nothing there anymore' whether it was Wendy or Kyle. What do you want me to do, make it go away so you can have a happy life? Fuck that, dude..." Kenny rants.

"Dude, what's the matter with you?" I ask the blond. "You never cared about us, even when we were friends. You said you would cry but you wouldn't, you say a lot and don't mean it!" he continues. I look at him with a confused look. "What's your problem?"

"I LOVED YOU!"

I look at him, my pupils must have been pinpricks. "Wh-what?" I stuttered. "You heard me, I loved you, you bastard! I thought you would come around after Wendy broke up with you! You showed the signs, quite obviously, because I know when a chick or a guy likes me. But noooo, that night you were sucking face with the Jew! I couldn't believe you would do that to me...to us! I thought, for a fucking moment, that you really did care...but no..."

I look at him in horror and confusion. I can't believe what he's saying to me. "I'm sorry Stan, I'm sorry that I'm too dangerous or unsafe to fit in your happy plan. I thought you would come around, that maybe that you would see things beyond black and white...but I guess I was never going to fit in with you..." he starts choking on his tears. "Kenny, I felt the same way but I thought you didn't like me...you never gave me any hints and Kyle was a mistake but..." I try to explain. He looks at me with those hateful eyes.

Bang!

A split second I could feel nothing. Then, pain surged through my body in a wave of multiple magnitudes. Without thought I look down to see my chest a deep red. I fall back on the ground- hitting the floor hard. I let out a gasp of pain. The warm liquid leaks out on my shirt and I can feel it running through my hands. I look up to see my murderer, he's crying. He placed his lips upon mine and gave me a soft kiss. "Sorry my love..." I hear him whisper. Everything feels so cold...why is it? I hear another bang and Kenny falls to the floor. His left side of his face is bloody and he ceased to move. I can feel Death pulling me closer and closer.

So much for my happy ending...

HDM: well, what did you think? huh huh huh!