Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory franchise or any characters associated with the franchise. All rights belong to Roald Dahl, Tim Burton, and Warner Bros. Pictures. This is not my intellectual property, and no financial gain is made from this nor will be sought.

Disclaimer # 2 (because one is not enough): The intent of this story is for comedy and entertainment purposes only. With this in mind, you should know that my feelings towards Charlie and the Chocolate Factory will NOT be accurately reflected here. I have no intention of offending anyone involved with the creation of CatCF, its franchise, the movie itself, or anyone who likes the movie. Also, significant portions of the original story will be altered to add comedy. Please, DO NOT take this story seriously under any circumstances! Enjoy!

Chapter 1 - Introduction

This is the story of an ordinary little boy named Harry Pot—I mean, Chuck Basket. You'd think this was a Harry Potter movie during the first few seconds of that snow-filled introduction. Chuck's family lived in a poorly-constructed house (which was designed by Dr. Seuss) just down the street from the biggest military fortress—er, chocolate factory, in the world! Seriously, if it was a chocolate factory owned by an extraordinary chocolatier, why did it look as inviting as the AT&T Long Lines Building in New York City?

Everything was calm inside the Basket residence. Chuck was quietly doing his homework, his mother was tending to the stove, and Chuck's four (yes, four!) grandparents, all in their nineties, were snoring away in bed. That is, until a scream of excitement was heard from outside, followed by the crunch-crunch-crunching sound of boots frantically running through the snow, and then...

SMASH!

The door suddenly swung clean off its hinges, and with a deafening crash, it fell flat onto the floor. The four grandparents were so startled by the sound that they all jumped out of bed for the first time in twenty years, only to land flat on their backs as a masked man sauntered into the house. He promptly removed the mask from his head, revealing himself to be none other than... drumroll please!... Mr. Basket.

Grandpa Gorge sprung back up, made a fist, and angrily shouted, "You jerk! You almost gave me a heart attack!" before falling back onto the bed.

"You ruined my beauty sleep!" Grandma Schmosephine screeched, scratching her head.

"Well, I'm sorry," Mr. Basket said, looking away in embarrassment as he lifted the door back up and used a few tools to secure it back onto its hinges. He then saw Chuck out of the corner of his eye. "Chuck! Chuck!" he cried as he dropped a pile of white toothpaste caps on top of Chuck's homework, "I just know you'll like this!"

For those who didn't know, Mr. Basket worked at the Smilex toothpaste factory. It was a top-secret organization that made toothpaste for the Joker. As a result, Mr. Basket became enemies with Bruce Wayne ever since he got the job, but he still had to pay the bills, hence the reason why he was working there. We'll never know why Mr. Basket didn't just choose to apply somewhere else.

Chuck excitedly ran towards the kitchen and retrieved a model of the factory from one of the cupboards. He grabbed one of the toothpaste caps, and he carefully placed it onto the head of a man standing in front of the factory.

"It's the hat for Billy Bonga," Chuck said, and Grandpa Schmoe's face lit up in excitement. He proceeded to tell his grandson about the story of Billy Bonga for the one-hundred millionth time, and Chuck still pretended as if he had never heard it before in his entire life. Mr. Bonga flew to India to build a chocolate palace (complete with billions of pink, heart-shaped sprinkles) for Princess Pondiberry, forgetting to bring along the recipe for Never-Melting Chocolate. Therefore, he had to resort to using regular chocolate, and the entire palace melted in the hot sun after a day or two. At least Princess Pondiberry got to eat all the chocolate she wanted, just in a sticky, liquid form. Unfortunately, she began to suffer from diabetes soon after, so things did not go well at all for her.

Meanwhile, security at the factory must have been nonexistent, since three teams of spies managed to steal Mr. Bonga's secret recipes more easily than entering an unsecured bank vault. The reason why everyone knew this was because the envelopes literally said "SECRET RECIPE" right on the front. Fickelgruber (what a terrible name), Prodnose (absolutely disgusting), and Slugworth (now that's just revolting) quickly became more popular than Mr. Bonga, who was forced to close his factory in a feeble attempt to protect himself from Slugworth's secret squadron of bombers. Chuck fell asleep in his grandpa's arms out of total boredom before he finished the story, and Mrs. Basket had to carry him to bed. Even the person watching this movie was starting to fall asleep, that is, until the person noticed there was a GIANT FREAKING HOLE in the roof! The person drowsily said, "How on Earth is Chuck not dead from hypothermia by now?"

Apparently, Siri or Google Now or Alexa or whoever resides in the person's phone must have been listening, because it replied with, "it's a movie about Billy Bonga. Logic does not apply in these kinds of movies." Then, the person watching the movie grabbed the phone and threw it straight at the TV, breaking it just two days after the warranty had expired.

"NOOOOOOOO!"

Author's note: I hope you're enjoying this parody so far. Again, PLEASE do not take this story seriously, because I am normally a much better author than this. Go read my other stories (such as "Where All the Bad Nuts Go") if you want some high-quality material. :)

I'll upload the next chapter once I'm done writing "Next in Line", and that's when the parody shall truly begin! Stay tuned!

Edit: I received a review from Turrislucidus not long after I published this story, and she pointed out that aside from the Baskets, the other characters' names haven't been changed. I decided to change Willy Wonka to Silly Bonka, but as for his competitors, their names are ridiculous enough that I kept them as is. Now I need to think about what to rename Prince Pondicherry, as well as the grandparents' names. :P

Another edit: I changed Prince Pondicherry to Princess Pondiberry.

Yet another edit: I changed Silly Bonka to Billy Bonga.