A Missed Opportunity
I started writing this with a completely different idea in mind than what it ended up being. Sometimes stories just run away from you…but please review and tell me if you like it. I'm not sure if this will be a one-shot or a WIP yet…what do you think?
This takes place after the most recent episode.
Disclaimer: I do not own VM or any of the characters.
Putting that necklace back on my neck cured the burn left there since it was harshly torn off. I need this necklace; I need to feel the connection to Lily. To a past life. I need it to remind me of who I am, and why I am the way I am. My introduction to college hasn't been smooth, and it hasn't gone according to plan. Not that anything does…but the necklace reminds me that I'm living this experience for someone else as well. For someone who will never get the chance.
What's it like to lose your best friend? Some say it's a great ache that eases with time. Others say it's a pain that never leaves you. For me, it's an agony that comes in waves, waves as inconsistent as the ocean of memories and experiences she came from. Over the past couple years there have been days and the occasional weeks at a time where she rarely crossed my mind; and likewise days and weeks where she consumed my every thought. I don't think that Lily will be an ache that eases with time. I feel the same stabbing feeling in my chest now when I think of her that I felt when I first saw her laying on the deck. I understand now that that feeling isn't just a pining for a lost best friend, it's a longing for days I lost long ago. For a person named Veronica who doesn't exist anymore, and a carefree life that was moments away from cracking open regardless of a bubbly, self-absorbed blonde. Lily's death wasn't the catalyst to shatter my life. The tangled strands leading to today's Veronica had already begun to weave into a complicated web of lies and deceit. I try not to let myself think about it often, I try to remember the good times I had with Lily and the adoration I felt for her; but I know now that had she not died that night, our friendship was on rocky ground.
But she did die and my life did change, irrevocably. Not all for the bad. I'm proud of who I am today. Of the strength I possess and the ability to take care of myself. I miss her though. I wish more than anything that she could be here at Hearst with me as I venture into "the best four years of my life". My first month here has not been a time where Lily rarely crossed my mind. I think of her every morning, on my way to every class and driving home every night. Lily was made for college. This was an experience that she was talking about from the time she was 10 years old…her chance to escape her overbearing parents and go wild. It's not fair that she's not here, and I think about that every day.
Playing with the necklace around my neck reminds me once again that I'm getting an experience that someone else should have as well. It reminds me to live life to the fullest. If not for me, than for Lily.
What's it like to lose your best friend? It feels like you'll never be understood again. It feels like you've lost yourself and your purpose. It feels like losing your dreams and crushing your well-plotted future, where you become sister-in-laws and live in neighboring mansions with white picket fences and glittering swimming pools.
I think sometimes even those closest to me forget why I am the way I am. They don't understand why I have a difficult time trusting those around me, why it takes months for me to open up and why I have a hard time making friends. Why I run away before I get too connected or when I sense danger ahead.
I wish they knew that I'm barely keeping my head above the waves already crashing around me.
Review.