Indifference
Author's Note: This is inspired by the song "The Last Song I'm Wasting on You" by Evanescence. Just to give you guys a heads up, this little one-shot fic isn't going to be a happy one. I thought I'd make it from a perspective as to why Shockwave remains cold before the events of Prime. So hold on. This emotional rollercoaster is going to be a bumpy one.
Dear God, why am I writing this?
"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things."
- Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
"But that afternoon he asked himself, with his infinite capacity for illusion, if such pitiless indifference might not be a subterfuge for hiding the torments of love."
- Gabriel Garcí a Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera
By: VampireQueenAkasha
~O~
Cybertron
She had known him before the war.
Red Alert had seen Shockwave from afar and when it had come time to speak with him, she had learned much about who he was as a Cybertronian. She had felt a moment of pleasure in his company, though he was a bit peculiar at most times. She would dare call him a friend, but no more.
Now he was the enemy.
Her friend was no longer such.
But she had to accept that sad fact of their lives. War was here and Cybertron was ravaged by it. There would be no going back. She knew that.
Taking refuge in the abandoned tower proved to work temporarily until she could reach her superior officers. It was quiet, overall.
The sound of rubble alerted her to another hiding with her.
Red Alert quickly stood up and aimed her hand-cannon directly into a familiar face. And she was met with a cannon in her own face as well.
Shockwave.
Neither one had lowered their weapons. They stared at one another in silence. Red Alert was concerned that if she faltered the slightest, she would be dead.
"I see you've chosen a side." Shockwave said, coldly.
Red Alert nodded her head sadly. "As have you."
Shockwave did not lower his weapon.
"We were friends, Shockwave." Red Alert said; calmly, though cautiously, "What happened to that? Is it all over because Megatron says it is?"
Shockwave still didn't answer. He remembered the days of peace when he did associate with the femme during their work hours. But it was only when his experiments caused physical damage to him. Shortly after that, she seemed to value his opinion as a scientist and spoke with him much more than most would.
But that was past.
"Megatron's will is above all." Shockwave told her, "His dreams are for a just, equal Cybertron. A Cybertron free of the vices of the Council. You should have seen that as well as I."
"I didn't want this as the outcome!"
"It was coming regardless of your wants."
Red Alert lowered her weapon. She stared at him sternly. "Then I guess this is it."
"It is."
She turned, her vocals filled with sadness and anger. "When you see me again, don't hesitate this time."
Her words did not sound as convincing as she wanted, but it didn't matter. She was already transforming and riding away.
O
Cybertron
Pre-War
Red Alert tended to Shockwave's hand; he had informed her of a few broken joints that needed replacing after an explosion in his laboratory nearly took it off.
"Working with Starscream again?" she guessed.
"Yes." he replied, sitting there while she worked. "The bot never fails to blow something up."
Red Alert laughed and patted his hand when she finished. "That's why they have you to pick everyone up when they fall." she remarked. "Or in this case, pick up your limbs."
Shockwave flexed his fingers a bit, testing them. "Thank you." he said, hesitantly.
"You're welcome."
Red Alert turned and set her tools down onto a counter top before returning her gaze to Shockwave. He didn't look at her and almost seemed...out of sorts.
"So...how's that formula for the sparkeater cure coming along?"
Talking of his scientific exploits seemed to interest him. "It is a slow process," he replied, "Much like science itself. But patience will yield the perfect results."
She smiled. "That's true."
Shockwave rose. "Perhaps we can speak after our duties are completed for the day." he told her. "The Archives would be the most suitable."
"I'd like that."
Red Alert snapped out of her daze. Seeing Shockwave again after so many cycles brought back those memories. How strange that she would think so strongly on them. Some would think that she yearned to have a relationship with the other Cybertronian. Of course, that was foolish. Well...now anyway.
She remained hidden at the top of the tower, observing two shapes below. It had been close, but she had been able to avoid the creatures.
Other than Decepticons, there were things that she feared above all.
Sparkeaters.
She had never seen one alive. Most of the specimens had been fossilized remains displayed in museums, but Shockwave had desired to create a formula for a cure to their "disease" should an infection spread among them. What she did know was that all life on Cybertron had the ability to become one.
Those two below her...
The hisses they emitted were terrible, warbling sounds that echoed through the dark, dead air around her. Red Alert was lucky that they did not seem to sense her presence. The two scuttled away back into the darkness and down below into the sewers.
Red Alert let out a huff of relief and leaned back against the wall.
"Magnificent, aren't they?"
Red Alert whirled and found Shockwave crouched there, watching the same sight. She frowned at him, a little surprised to see the larger bot there.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"I was tracking them." he replied. "Lord Megatron has found interest in their murderous ways. He believes they can be of use."
"But you don't honestly think they can be controlled."
"Perhaps with the right motivation..."
Red Alert frowned at him. "You were seeking a cure and now you want to tame them?"
"A cure has been created. It is the will of Lord Megatron."
Red Alert looked disappointed by those words. "So that's how you will live?" she asked, sadly, "Taking the commands of a maniacal tyrant?"
Shockwave looked at her. "So you wish for things to go back to the way they were?" he said, an edge in his vocals, "Playing servant to archaic methods of life? You are blind, Red Alert. Your weakness will never allow you to succeed. Lord Megatron saw the truth of these things. He longs to create a free and just Cybertron."
"According to his desires."
"And that is different from Autobots?"
Red Alert opened her mouth to argue his words, but found that she couldn't. In truth, Shockwave's words made sense...in a way. Decepticons and Autobots fought for one thing - control. What was to say their ways were any different.
"You are questioning it now, I can tell." Shockwave told her. "Given our history together, I spare you from death. But should you stand in my way or fight me, I will kill you."
Red Alert closed her optics, not even wanting to fight him.
"Farewell."
She looked over and noticed that he was already departing.
O
"Do you like him?"
"Like him how?"
"Come on, Red. You know what I mean."
"Well...I mean, maybe."
"But Shockwave. This is Shockwave. Not like any other Cybertronian. He's...well, a little creepy. What do you see in him?"
"I see a lot, really."
Red Alert rode down the streets, thinking on the conversation that she had once with her friends. How long ago it truly felt...
A snarling sound filled the air.
She stopped, listening to cannon fire, followed by a chorus of unholy hisses that were all-too familiar. Red Alert transformed and readied her weapon, slowly approaching a building corner. She peered around it, spotting Shockwave not too far ahead, kept safe by a sonic resonator in his good hand...
...that kept two sparkeaters at bay.
Her optics widened and she leaned back against the wall, breathing heavily through her intakes. She contemplated just leaving and hated herself for it.
"Okay...what do I do?" she stammered, "Primus...help me..."
She pursed her lips and struggled with herself for several moments before looking back.
Moment of truth.
Shockwave stared the creatures down, his cannon raised. They had not infected his Energon, which would have proven to be much worse than he needed.
The sparkeaters paced on all fours around the shield of sound he had kept up, but he knew it would only last for so long. The life battery of his sonic resonator had just enough power to lead them into a trap.
He backed away slowly, leading them toward a Cybermesh net.
The slavering creatures snarled at him, tendrils waving menacingly. Shockwave looked down at the sonic resonator and noticed that its light flickered on and off. It would not be long.
Suddenly, Red Alert flew into the scene, slamming her weight into one of the sparkeaters. Shockwave couldn't believe what he was seeing.
"NO!" he shouted.
Both Autobot and sparkeater tumbled across the street in a flurry of limbs and tendrils. Red Alert had withdrawn a wrist blade and stabbed the sparkeater in the throat several times, but the beast stabbed and slashed, sending her Energon spraying everywhere.
Shockwave looked over and noticed the other sparkeater shrieking with fury and hunger. It lunged in to join the meal and was promptly shot in the chest by Shockwave's cannon. It shrieked at him and spun, disoriented before several more shots ripped through its tough, thick armor.
Red Alert continued to slash at the sparkeater squirming on top of her. Its thick, coagulated Energon splashed across her face and chest and its claws continued digging into her, even though she was slowly killing it.
Shockwave took a shot at it, blasting it from her several yards away. Though it was missing half of its head, it still climbed to its feet, snarling sounds reduced to horrible gurgles. Several more shots from his cannon obliterated its helm into nothing more than a sparking stem.
Shockwave turned to Red Alert, noticing that she wasn't moving. Her body was soaked in Energon and he slipped an arm beneath her. He used his cannon - arm as leverage and carried her down the street.
Red Alert's pained moans and gasps were the only sounds for miles as he made his way into a building. Certain no others were near, he slid to the floor where he could study her wounds properly. Red Alert's optics rolled, her denta clenched in pain.
She swallowed thickly. "It's...bad isn't it?"
"You have been infected," Shockwave said, lowly. He looked at his hand and noticed that her Energon was already beginning to coagulate; a mere beginning of the change. "Your body is already beginning to decay."
She laughed, but it was in fear and despair.
"Why have you done this?" Shockwave asked, staring down at her in genuine confusion. "Why have you stepped in their path for me?"
"Shockwave...is it really that hard to see?" Red Alert laughed, shaking her head.
He said nothing.
Red Alert's left hand stiffened against her chest plates and Shockwave pulled it away, catching the faint glow of her slashed casing.
"I'm sorry..." Red Alert moaned.
He looked at her. Lubricant tears filled her optics.
"I screwed it all up. wasn't strong enough. I was too weak to fight. I was too weak to - "
"Stop." Shockwave ordered, though his vocals lacked their usual coldness. "You are strong. Stronger than most Autobots I've come to know."
"But...you said - "
"I know what I said," Shockwave continued, the harshness returning momentarily. He looked up briefly before returning his gaze to Red Alert. "I should go to the ship. If I were to explain to Lord Megatron - "
"No!" Red Alert begged, "Please stay with me. Don't go!"
"Red Alert, if I do not do something, you will become one of them." Shockwave argued, his vocals growing softer.
"It's already done..." Red Alert groaned, "I can...already feel myself changing. It...feels like I'm dying. Is this what happens?"
Shockwave stared down at her silently for a moment.
"Yes..." he said, quietly. "This is what happens."
Red Alert closed her optics, her cycles of breath wheezing out of her now. "I don't want to become one of those things. Hunting sparks for all eternity. Prowling on my friends..." She looked up at him. "Do what you need to do. Don't let me live."
Shockwave raised his claws and they lingered there in the air momentarily before coming to rest at the side of her face. Red Alert closed her optics.
"I want my last sensation and sight to be of you..." she whispered. "Please."
"I will stay." Shockwave said, still quiet.
"Thank you."
O
Minutes ticked by to hours.
Hours felt like days.
Red Alert's optics had closed and she rested against Shockwave's chest with his arm around her. She seemed peaceful...for the moment.
"Do you remember when we first met?" she asked.
"I do." Shockwave replied. "You had been there to help me clean up Wheeljack's mess after Perceptor visited the Infirmary."
She chuckled weakly.
When her optics opened, Shockwave could see ribbons of green dancing along the corners. Her helm began to crack along the sides of her face.
"I can hear your spark..." she whispered, her vocals rasping out of her.
Her mouth opened with a groan and Shockwave could see faint traces of fangs emerging.
O
Shockwave watched her.
He had taken a seat just close by, his cannon ready. Red Alert was lying on the floor with her arms crossed over her chest. Her optics were closed and she hadn't moved in a while.
Flashes of memory filled his head; sights of Cybertronians transforming into the monstrous sparkeater. It was often gruesome in itself as some had been known to mutilate their own bodies in their madness. But she was quiet.
Do it now.
I will not.
Why? Kill her and put her out of her misery.
Suddenly, Shockwave rose when he heard the approach of jet engines. There was a sound of a transformation and Starscream stepped into the building. He looked frantic and exhausted.
"Shockwave!" he snapped. "Lord Megatron has been looking everywhere for you!"
Shockwave turned his attention to him. "I have been here."
"I can see that, but - " Starscream cut himself off when he saw Red Alert. His optics widened and he produced his wrist missile, pointing it at her.
Immediately, Shockwave pointed his cannon at him.
"What are you doing, Shockwave?" Starscream demanded. "That Autobot must be terminated!"
"We will wait." Shockwave said. "She has been infected by a sparkeater's venom."
Starscream stared at him in disbelief, wavering several times. "W-What?!" he exclaimed. "She's been infected by a sparkeater and you want to wait until she's STRONGER AND HARDER TO KILL?!"
They didn't see Red Alert slowly sitting up behind them.
"We wait." Shockwave told him, as if his words were of no consequence.
"But this is foolish!" Starscream cried, throwing his hands in the air, "She's not worth it!"
Shockwave looked beyond Starscream and saw Red Alert rising. Her movements were painful; each twitch of her legs looked as though it required a lot of strength to stand.
Those fingers curled into claws and a hiss reminiscent of the sparkeater escaped her. Starscream backed away with a sound of fright.
Red Alert lifted her head; her blue optics were cracked and almost completely green. Energon and lubricant dripped from her mouth.
She stared at Shockwave and Starscream, optics empty of emotion.
Except hunger.
Shockwave took a step forward, raising his cannon to her. Red Alert stared at him, hissing lowly. He did not fire and Starscream's shouts to kill her seemed to fade into the back of his central processor.
He saw her now. Then he saw her in the past; she was bright, shining and happy.
Red Alert stared at him as she continued advancing; those claws were close to reaching him and he thought he could see something of herself in this creature.
But he did not.
"Farewell..." he said.
And with that, he fired his cannon.
O
Several cycles later.
It was quiet that morning.
Shockwave worked silently in his laboratory.
The sounds of laughter seemed to come and go for him; the laughter of the young femme who had once visited him in his laboratory felt like nothing more than a simple ghost of the past.
"I never thanked you, Shockwave."
"What would you need to thank me for?"
"That gift you gave me."
"...That was a simple offering in gratitude for your assistance."
"Haha. Okay."
Shockwave would not feel again. Never again.
And so the silence continued.
For many cycles to pass.
O
Note - I wanted their relationship to be a little more ambiguous this time. This is just a sad little one-shot. I haven't written a feels-worthy fic in a while. So there you go.