The bottle was already half-empty, and they were done with a news exchange (Po fights against another military reform, Finn and Rose's youngest starts reading) and went deeper. Finn tries to encourage her to lead a life he defines as 'normal'. Heart-sob Rose wants her to go on a date with another of her divorced friends.
Rey read about this before. After any war members of society start procreating quicker than rabbits to compensate the losses. It's a beautiful decade of courtship, affairs, and sweet nothings whispered under the moonlight. Rey knew she was an eligible bachelorette for wrong reasons, so she completely avoided any of that nonsense, hiding beneath an asexual Jedi robe in her temple. But this shield of moral and abstinence was just as fake as all dogmas held in the Old Republic.
- I have a place in this world, - explains she. - The Academy is my life, all kids coming here are my dear children. I won't stand a man in my routine.
- You've told me so many times, that the whole Jedi code is nonsense, a boundary made for children to behave. You don't teach this old-fashioned shit to the children, I know Seb is dating a girl from his group and you allow them to do that.
- Finn, I don't want your son to spy on me, - Rey clenched her teeth. - I'm thirty-nine, I can handle myself.
He smashed the velvet pillow resting on his knees – Rey felt Force around them getting as disturbed as Finn was.
- You're turning into a cat lady without any pets. You have a depression, face it! - hissed Finn.
- How a dinner with this guy will help with my depression?! - demanded she.
Finn emptied his glass in one sip.
- I've got it. But the amount of mommy porn literature you order through your holopad is distressing.
Now she was angry.
- Stop spying on me! I mean it!
Five minutes of soothing small talk later Finn left her shack to see Seb. Rey decided to second-thought drinking Andoan wine with her best friend any time ahead. At least, not in her 'Bachelorette Temple' (once Rey heard Rose was calling her house like that).
It's not like she disliked her small nest. She had everything she needed. Rey filled giant wooden shelves with little souvenirs from all over the galaxy, top of the tea table was crowned with a bowl of blooming Ruusan flowers, her bed and sofa were full of colorful plush pillows and delicate blankets were hanging on each armchair (she had four of them). Well… Maybe she really was hiding all empty spaces for a purpose?
Rey took a coil pill to absorb some alcohol and covered herself in an itchy woolen duvet, quickly sliding into a deep dream on the couch.
It happens again.
For half a year in her dreams she feels a well-known push to turn her head, to find a silhouette in the corner of her vision, to throw her hand a little further and touch... his hair?
She's already tried this after the battle. For months she was trying to search for a hint of their connection or, at least, to summon his force-ghost. Luke found her pretty quickly, and now occasionally visited the Academy to impress Rey's students with a little performance in a role of an all-knowing legend, which he obviously enjoyed now. There also were other force-ghosts, probably attracted by a bunch of Jedi artifacts Rey collected. But the shadow of Ben Solo's spirit had no plans to come and see how Rey was doing.
Sometimes she woke up in the middle of a night because of a sudden memory of his face, usually blurred to being unrecognizable. But she always had a clear vision of his sight minutes before he died; it was frightening, and she hated the image. Nevertheless, it was his decision to blow the First Order base which saved them all - Po, Finn, Rose, Rey... She's witnessed it through their connection, feeling every bit of a short pain he suffered during the blast, confronting his attempts to block her from his head. She's known his last thoughts...
Rey felt goosebumps because of a tender touch on her wrist. She shivered and jumped on her bed, half-awake. No one was around, and the remnants of the bond were silent.
Next night someone softly plays with her hair, but she stays still, trying to hear any breath or capture a familiar Force footprint. For another week Rey convinces herself that she only imagines what she wishes to feel. A fortnight of nonexistent touches later she presses her mind into the Force: "Ben?"
It is silent for a minute. Then she hears the low crackling of matter and feels the long dead bond reawakening.
He keeps silent, but she hears or rather feels his presence.
- Ben!
Her eyes are filled with tears, she experimentally stretches her hand and tries to capture the invisible shadow radiating with hollowness. Eventually, she feels a broad palm sliding on her hand. There is no sight, voice, smell of him or anybody else. Even the touch is uneven, foggy, and she usually doubts her interpretation of the Force. What if it's just a mind trick? What if this is a temptation of the Darkness?
Another couple of months and her spiritual sessions outstretch the awkward dreams about spooning with the transparent creature. He becomes solid, texture of his hair and skin is more vibrant and tickles her fingertips every time she tries to touch his face. One day the invisible man interrupts her classes, daring to correct her elbow line during the demonstration of saber fight to younglings. She flushes a little, and spends all evening giving him a grumpy lecture on sub-ordinance. But now she's sure, more than ever, it is the annoying brat Ben Solo himself.
Rey talks to him. She needs to be careful, because a couple of little girls have already decided she has an imaginary friend, and an older boy obviously considered a premature dementia in her. Rey decided talking aloud with air was a step closer to a crazy cat-lady image, so she tried to cease her monologues to her time off.
Rey assumes that her attention empowers him. At least, after months of commenting her students, dinners, friends, politics, and unsolved pages from Jedi texts aloud, she finds out Ben can push some small objects around her. They test pencils, pens, holopads, and come to the only writing utensil requiring little pressure - a brush. She buys him a calligraphy set and it immediately makes their relationships less peaceful, as their communication finally turns into a dialogue.
- What does it look like? The place you're in? - asks she.
He thinks for a couple of minutes, before scrapping light "empty" in the corner of ink-filled paper.
- You miss food? - puns she, chewing her steak.
"Shut up".
- Why can't I see you? I see Luke... and others, - whispers she in his ear.
He touches an inner side of her hand and slowly spells letters on the soft surface of her skin: "I'm not like the other dead".
After that he relaxes his posture, giving a cue that it's time to sleep. They never cross the line, stopping on hugs and chaste cheek or forehead kisses, so his unstable form won't dissolve in the air because of pressure. For another hour Rey plays with his hair, trying to hold her unwelcome tears back.
- Wow, Rey, that's amazing! - tells Finn, while she's pouring some mudleaf tea in two cups on the kitchen. She rushes back to find out he evaluates Ben's watercolors. There were too much now to hide them all, so in the first place she secured his letters.
- That's... - she's not sure how to lie properly on that case. - A gift.
Finn whistles, skipping colorful landscapes and sea storms to find a portrait of Rey calmly reading a book in the garden hammock.
- Somebody got a sweetheart! - announces he joyfully. - Finally! Well done. How do you hide him? I'm pretty sure no one new came to the academy recently and sloppy teenagers are not your type.
- Finn, it's not... argh, - snaps Rey, grabbing Ben's drawings from Finn's hands. - Stop spying on me, for God's sake!
Finn looks concerned and she realizes the reason only a moment later, when her vision is covered with sudden tears.
"I should had never come back to you".
She hates to argue with Ben, but she sees from his pace, how hard it was for him to wait until Finn would left.
- No! Why are you saying that?
"I'm useless".
- False. I need you. Without you my live was a boring set of lectures, ceremonies, and annual victory celebrations.
"I hate being a non-present platonic friend, a plush toy in your bed".
- What? Ben, you're more than that!
"What am I for you? A pet?"
Sometimes he's making it so hard. How should she define relationships balancing on the edge of madness?
- I'm not sure, - finally whispers Rey.
After that he avoids writing to her for four days, but still comes to cuddle in the night. His unexpected silence tortures her more than she would thought.
- That's a very bad idea, - says Luke behind Rey's back. - A terrible one, to be honest.
Rey doesn't pay attention, concentrating on ancient words and schemes, rereading them for a tenth time in last hour. Maybe it was a terrible idea. And maybe it was her test, which she wouldn't pass due to the push of the Darkness.
- Can I have a word as your master? - adds Luke.
- You never were a good master, - hums Rey, turning her head to face the Force ghost standing beneath her chair. - Have you ever wondered, how come, I've learned most Jedi tricks you'd ever taught before I came to Anch-To?
She could see the answer in his eyes: Luke knew it from the beginning. But they never discussed it before.
- When we've opened this bond for the first time, I've sucked all his knowledge in seconds, like a dry sponge, - said Rey. - It never was my legacy. I had potential, but not an appropriate training. I owe him every... chance to survive I had.
- What if you won't survive this time? - hesitated anxious Luke. - I didn't. Remember, saving Ben never ends happily for the savior.
- I'll try to break the pattern, - exhaled Rey. - It's not a life to live, if I will think that I never used my chance.
Worried Luke shattered his robe.
- Does Ben want you to try? He never became one with the Force, but at least he's closer to piece now.
- He was, - disagreed Rey. - He was in peace before I called him, until I wanted him to be with me in this world. I've already shuttered his peace, and it's no time to stop now.
She asks the department about vacation, then gets a ship old enough for her outdated piloting skills. During the flight Ben is silent, though he draws some nonsensical wookie doodles pretending to be a toddler. Rey doesn't try to speak to him either, too worried she will hesitate again. Occasionally she pets his head and shoulders in soothing circles, trying to relax both him and herself.
She lands on the unpleasant planet Ossus near the burned temple. She's staged everything for 10 attempts - she will start with harmless meditation and, if needed, it will be followed by sacrifices.
"It won't work", - insists the wet ink on the paper above her. She couldn't be less agree. Rey's studied it enough to get a principle. There is a chance.
The trick with unintelligent animal's bowels doesn't work, but at least she has tons of meat to fry before further research next morning. Rey ignores letters from Ben until he writes "I don't want it".
- Oh, liar, - smiles she. - You do, silly.
"I DON'T".
- Ok. I'll put it another way, - agreed Rey. - I do. I need it... you. I need to hear your silly voice and smell your stupid hair. I need to eat with you - share the meal, not just swallow it in your presence. I miss your eyes. Most of all, I miss them. Yes, maybe for the exchange the Force will take your quirky wits... or my life. But it doesn't matter. I need it, Ben. Please, let me do it. I know it's greedy, but I don't want to live without you anymore. Help me, please?
After a moment, the brush levitated over a paper, swinging for some time before there slowly appeared opaque writing "I love you too".
Rey smiled. Now they could return to the ritual.
- Twenty years and counting, uh? What the challenge, - cheered she and placed the kiss somewhere on the inexistent face of Ben.
This time it wasn't as soft as in previous attempts. Through their bond Rey concentrated all her attention on a spot of light radiating from his essence. In half an hour her energy started shifting, flowing, her body emerged a visible white glow.
That wasn't in the books.
Her spine was pulsing with excruciating pain, she barely held herself in the place, making her energy fuel the spot of light. It felt like her body was broken in thousands of pieces and then held in place by an unstable magnet powered by electricity. She felt affixation and a lump coming up in her throat, her powers leaving her in a speed of light. A second before her eyes shut from the pain and she lost her consciousness, an arch of arms grabbed her shoulders tightly, holding her steady against a warm flat chest. Her energy returned and circulated like a whirlpool pressed between two bodies, which surprisingly only held them closer.
Another eternity later, the glow behind Rey's eyelids stopped being so blinding. When it decreased to zero, the whirlpool stopped too, so Rey finally could inhale the full chest of air before falling in a deserved deep sleep.
She woke up alone.
It took her ten minutes to make herself wake up, sit down (her every muscle was screaming with soreness), and find another man on his back a couple of meters away. Ben was naked, and visibly struggled with muscle pain too. When Rey tried to crawl to him, he slightly opened one eye (to immediately close it back) and tried to clear his throat. It squeaked like an ancient machine, which craved oil, but hasn't got any in a century. Finally, he nearly broke his voice whispering:
- You did...
- Oh, yes, - whispered Rey back and only then realized that the strand of white hair hanging over her face originated from her scalp.
They needed another eight hours before Rey could transport Ben to the ship. His limbs were soft, much thinner than she remembered or felt recently. Basically, Ben was a newborn baby in a body of a 30-years old man, same age as the last time she's seen him.
For a couple of days, she fed him milk with melted butter. First night, after some hesitation, she left him alone sleeping on her unpillowed bed, and took a separate couch for herself. Now it would take some time for both of them.
When she returned with Ben, authorities of the Republic tried to jail them both. Finn wasn't thrilled about a new host of Rey's house either. He constantly reminded her about Kylo Ren and was very skeptical about Ben's letters she showed him. Finn was sure the resurrected man would be empty inside, and maybe will shift to diet of raw bowels of virgin padavans.
Despite those predictions, the only problem Rey had with Ben for a first month of his new life was his grumpiness. He despised food, disliked her new, white-gray hair, joked that now she was 10 years older than him, and demanded to get rid of the flowers (he, of all people in the Galaxy, wasn't vaccinated from obtaining allergies). He disliked every duvet and pillow she offered, but it was nothing compared to his hate on an inability to walk. The latter wasn't permanent: all doctors promised this was a reversible case.
His identity was quickly discovered by gossipers all around the galaxy. Rey has already forgot how annoying paparazzi can be, so she was somewhat shocked to start her morning with a headline "WAR HERO JEDI HAS AN AFFAIR WITH A CLONE OF KYLO REN".
- Cool photo, - commented grumpy Ben.
- Are you joking? I've gained a stone since the last photo they published! And because of my hair I look like a granny!
Ben watched at the photo again.
- I like you as a granny. After all, I'm in my fifties now, despite how I look. Dating someone younger would be very tricky do me.
- Are we dating? - asked Rey, trying to mock him.
- I don't know. Would you like to? - asked intrigued Kylo. - We can marry and grab a mortgage for some shack on Suliana.
- Nah, - protested Rey. I don't need a marriage. I need a pack of hair-dye and some medication for your muscles.
Ben looked confused.
- You don't need to dye your hair, sorry for mocking you, - asked he.
Rey laughed and kissed his cheekbone.
- I've wished to paint my hair teal since I was five, but never got a chance.
- Actually, white suits you. You are the embodiment of Light. You were the only point in the Force bright enough to attract my attention.
Rey felt her chicks were getting warmer with the flow of blood inspired by his compliment. She'll be brave. No matter how long she was a nun, she will spin his head.
- Get well soon, because next week I won't take any of your apologies without a nice training session for your muscles, - whispered Rey in his ear-shell and playfully bit it.
- Ohh, I'd love to, - murmured Ben, catching her lips in a kiss.
- Just one more thing, Ben, - added she between kisses.
- What is it?
- Are you sure you're not Kylo Ren's clone?! - smiled Rey, watching how Ben rolled his eyes.
And then Rey decided that one can make a use of mommy porn, criticized by Finn. It doesn't substitute warmth of another creature's chest or gives any clues on the issues you might face in bed or outside of it. But it made Rey brave to fight for her hopeless love again. After all, she read about it before.