Running shadows
A shadow walked through the streets in the outskirts of Val Royeaux. He hid in the shadows and was barely noticed even by the stray felines. He had become one with the shadows. His actions and loss had turned him into a shadow of a man. He was unsure if light had denied him or if it was him who had pushed it away, but one thing he knew with absolute certainty; he was drowning in this sea of shadows. He walked into the back alley next to a tavern and knocked on the backdoor. The door opened and a large scruffy looking man opened the door. A simple nod was all that was needed for him to pass. He was known here. In fact he was known everywhere, which in part was why the shadows had become his home. His eternal solitary confinement. Walking through the back of the tavern, he took the steps down to the larder. The wall furthest away was filled with barrels of wine. Some of the barrels were empty however. Hiding places should things turn for the worse. He pulled the torch at the end and the brick wall opened. He walked inside to his fellow accomplices. Some admired him and others feared him, he had long since stopped caring for one or the other. They greeted him with a simple nod, knowing that he did no longer care for companionship. Little did they know how wrong they were.
This room was like their own little tavern. The owner had a daughter who was a mage and was now harbouring enough apostates to get him executed several times over. Then again, every mage was an apostate now. They had all rebelled and turned their backs on the Chantry. They were one and had one purpose. Just as he and his only companion was. Inseparable, but not by choice. They could not turn away from each other even if they wanted to. He went to the table in the corner. The one in the shadows. The one that would blend in with his black robes and feathers. Without him having to request it, a mug of wine was handed to him. Sometimes he wanted to drown himself in it, but this was one of the few pleasures that penetrated the shadows and it was only one of moderation.
"Why are you glowering? We helped undo two cases of tranquillity today. We brought them Justice."His companion whispered.
It was sternly expressed and both a concern and an order to stop. He did not reply. Instead he took a sip of his wine and let the flavour caress his tongue. This was the only colour in his life and the only thing that reminded him, that he was more than a ghost and a corpse. He did not regret the path he had taken. What he had accomplished that day was proof of it, but the sacrifice had left a hole inside him and his soul had poured freely from him and was now lost. Now he was nothing but a shell and the shadows acknowledged him as being a part of them. The music from upstairs only just made its way down stairs. A faint whisper of joy and cheerfulness, from which he and his people were still isolated. There was still a long way to go. With the music came memories that were pleasant and heart wrenching at the same time.
Being stuck at the wounded coast for the night was not safe, but nothing about their lives was safe. The moon and stars shined brightly and were mirrored upon the water, making the sky seem unending. In the sand he prepared the fire, as his companions readied the camp. He looked up and stole a glace of her as she removed the armour hiding her figure. Any shyness about her was hidden away with practicality and it was torture for him. As she dressed down, she was now only in a linen tunic reaching to the middle of her legs. The sides were not sewed together until her waist. It gave him a far better view than was good for his sanity, as his eyes wandered up the milky skin of her thighs. Yet she did not notice this. In front it was slightly open down to below her breasts, the string meant to hold it together loose and unbound. He swallowed as his eyes caressed the cavern between her breasts. This too went unnoticed by her. His torment did not end as she released her hair from its usual confinement. The black hair ran down her back like a waterfall as she released it and reached all the way down to her waist. Even after being confined for so long it showed none of it. It was straight, smooth and glistening and in his mind it was just as soft as silk. The red glow from the fire reflected in her hair and white skin, as it magnified her amber eyes. With a smile that radiated both coyness and shyness at once, she sat down a few feet away. He could not turn and look at her without seeing the full expanse of her legs, as the tunic fell in between her legs as she sat down. He envied that piece of cloth. Thinking his torment could get no worse was a mistake.
In the boredom of the evening Varric began playing the lute. A skill Anders had never mastered, but wished he could. Isabella reached for Marian's hands and dragged her to stand, while urging Merrill and Bethany to join them. Around the fire they danced, but he saw only her. She moved like a Chasind, seductive and primal movements of the barbarians. Untamed and beautiful as the wilds themselves were. Her bare feet twirling in the sand, the fire and moonlight reflecting on her skin and hair, she looked like nothing short of a witch. A terrifying goddess that could bend nature to her will and bewitch the heart of any man, only to slowly devour it. And yet that was what he desired. Something dangerous and disastrous. She had no magic to speak of flowing in her veins and yet her presence made it feel as if she had. And knowingly or not, she was consuming him.
It was a pleasant memory, but such thoughts always came with strings attached. Fragments of an event that completed her consummation of his heart and left him as the hollow being he was now.
"And if I pay for that with my life, I pay." He had so boldly said, thinking it the worst outcome.
He had been wrong.
"Just go!" She had hissed.
She sent him away, but like a lost puppy he returned to the only source that would feed him. Hoping that his bite had not been to severe and had left no grudge. He had been an idiot.
"You decided to join the mages after all. Will it lesson your victory to have me here?" He had said allowing himself to hope she would forgive him.
He showed her that he would always return to her. Not abandon her even as she pushed him away. Like she had done for him times beyond counting. It was a fool's notion.
"If you want to help the mages be gone from here! They cannot win with a murderer at their head!" She had hissed with all the resentment her heart possessed.
Exile. That had been his punishment. So he had left with a gaping hole in his chest, where his heart once resided. In the shadows he had fled the Gallows and in the shadows he had remained ever since.
Two years had passed since that day and still the emptiness consumed him. He cursed the music for its beauty, as it taunted him with things that he could never have. How he wished he could drink his pain away. He took another sip of wine and found that it was also taunting him. Like a promise of a lovers kiss and yet never giving into it. He found himself wondering once again, where Marian was now. Had she and the elf decided to travel the seas or rid the world of slavers? For surely hestill remained at her side. Abandoning his own believes in loyalty and devotion to her. Something he himself had never done.
He once heard a saying "talking of the Crows summons them". He should have remembered that saying earlier, before his mind wandered. Through the door came the object of his dire thoughts and the core of every desire that still remained in the shell of his being. Even Justice was left paralyzed. Taking of her cloak, he realised that her long black hair was lose and looking as soft as ever. She smiled around the room, but did not notice him. He made himself as small as possible, praying that the shadows would claim him completely. That smile would have melted his heart, if she had not absorbed it long ago. After everything that had happened how could she still hold on to that? How could that smile, which was both cocky and shy, accompanied by the mischief that never left her eyes, remain in this dark world? He would have thought he had destroyed her, but there she was. Still as vibrant and strong as she ever was. And there he was, still he loved her at a distance terrified that she would shatter, should he expose her to everything he felt. But alas he had forgotten something important. She resided in the shadows as well and despite his efforts her eyes caught his. In panic he rose up from his chair, nearly knocking it over in the process. Her expression was unreadable, as she stared at him.
"Anders...?" She breathed and no one heard.
Only he noticed as he was watching her closely. Then suddenly her expression changed, as her breathing became heavy and a bright smile formed on her lips.
"Anders!" She exclaimed with happiness.
She ran towards him and threw her arms around his neck and he found himself instinctively wrapping his around her. Her felt her fingers in his hair as she was laughing from joy. He had forgotten how her laugh sounded and it felt as if a shimmer of life returned to his cold limbs. He felt her soft lips ghost his stubbled cheek as she pulled away. Holding her waist he felt the silken treads of her hair caress his hands. Her soft palms rested on his cheeks as she was studying him. Making sure that he was more than a mirage.
"I was so afraid that you had been killed." She said with true worry as she embraced him again.
He found himself shocked. He had not thought that it would have mattered to her. He was exiled from her and with good reason. He had never thought his absence would have been missed. When she pulled away tears were falling from her eyes. Instantly he realised, a small piece of his heart had returned, because it was aching for her. Gently he removed her tears.
"Don't cry." He begged.
"Not for me." He was not worthy of her tears.
"I only cry for you. I have been looking for you for so long. I thought I would never find you, that you had been killed." She said softly with a smile.
"But you sent me away..." He said with surprise, as he took in the beauty of her smile.
"So I did. Anders, you are the most hunted man in Thedas. I hadto send you away. It was the only way you would get away from the templars in time, while they were occupied at the Gallows. It broke my heart to do it, but it would have shattered if you had died." She explained, her hands running down his neck and resting on his chest.
His world stopped for a moment, as he felt life rush back into his veins. The light, that was her, had searched through the shadows to find him. The shadows in which she had hidden him, to keep him safe.
"Please let me kiss you." He pleaded.
Her smile was her answer and he pulled her close, as he drank from her sweet lips. The wine, which had been a poor substitution for lips, still dominated his own taste, but her sweetness overcame the faint aroma of the grapes. Her lips felt like rose petals as his tongue gently caressed them. Her tongue searched out his and he couldn't suppress the moan forcing its way up his throat and passed her lips. His hand went up her back and he knitted his fingers into the smooth midnight black hair. His other hand held onto her waist desperately, terrified that she would vanish before him. Distantly the catcalls and sounds of people whistling brought them back to the present and reluctantly he pulled away breathing heavily. He looked down at her, as she was hiding her face in his chest from embarrassment. He lifted her chin gently taking in the flush on her cheeks and reddened lips, as her eyes were glistening.
"Perhaps we should take this upstairs." She suggested with a small smile.
"Yes..." He breathed, fearing should he speak to loudly this fantasy would disappear.
Taking his hand she guided him out the room and up the backstairs to the room she had rented. His mind was half convinced this was a trick and at any moment the beast, that was Fenris, would maul him and reveal if his heart was in fact already devoured. She pulled him inside the room and locked the door. She leaned her back against the door for a moment before jumping forward and claiming his lips. He kissed her deeply before his lips travelled along her jawline.
"I love you." He declared in an almost broken voice.
"I love you too." She uttered with a sigh.
He pulled away and looked down at her, his eyes filled with pain.
"What is it my love?" She asked concerned.
"I thought... Fenris stood by you in the end..." He said softly.
The look she gave him was one of amused disbelief.
"I was never with Fenris... before or after you. I gave my heart and bedside to you, remember?" She smiled with adoration.
Heatedly he claimed her lips again, before leading her to the bed. The shadows of the night claimed their bodies, but even in the shadows, life and love can exist.